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Adopting instead of having kids

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  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    As the prophet :saw: said to the sahaba when he found them practising azl "why would any of u do that ! Dont u know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills ?" azl, pills or whatever, u have no control over it, and even if u agree no kids for x years what if u get pregnant anyway and the other says u agreed no kids, now its abort or talaq...i know more than a few this has happened to. The muslim seeks to have children to strengthen the ummah, to raise them on deen to make rasoolAllah :saw:lead the ummah with the greatest number on judgement day,we make duaa everytime a man is intimate with his wife seeking protection for any child granted by Allah by their union in marriage. life is not for dunya studies an chillin. People plan but Allah ta ala is the one in control of all matters,so be ready dont think u have any control over the matter- u may be blessed with children, and u may not, but if they come be greatful it is a blessing of marriage not a burden.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    As the prophet :saw: said to the sahaba when he found them practising azl "why would any of u do that ! Dont u know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills ?" azl, pills or whatever, u have no control over it, and even if u agree no kids for x years what if u get pregnant anyway and the other says u agreed no kids, now its abort or talaq...i know more than a few this has happened to. The muslim seeks to have children to strengthen the ummah, to raise them on deen to make rasoolAllah :saw:lead the ummah with the greatest number on judgement day, life is not for dunya studies an chillin. People plan but Allah ta ala is the one in control of all matters,so be ready dont think u have any control over the matter- u may be blessed with children, and u may not, but if they come be greatful it is a blessing of marriage not a burden.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
    Thats not entirely the case.the prophet :saw: told men to seek loving and fertile women, and told us as an ummah to seek to have many children insha Allah Allah ta ala also mentions in Quran the blessing of children . If u dont want children then what point is there in seeking marriage . Neither husband nor wife can refuse the other children, and if u found one who does not want children due to them being "inconvenient" one may find themselves married to someone who will find a "conservative shaikh" who says no problem u can abort before 80-120 days. This kind of thinking when entering into marriage can open the floodgates to a myriad of issues.
    The entire point of marriage isn't JUST for children. There's a it of blessings in marriage by itself, and it's half our deen. Marriage doesn't become pointless if you don't want children.
    I have a proposal from a man who doesn't want children, and I'm happy about it. We both understand our rights and we understand what we expect from each other.
    You can get married just to be with someone, and to be with someone who helps you become a Muslim.

    Stop trying to generalize.

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by cooldog View Post
    :jkk:

    Can I delay kids for a year , the reason being I want to get to relax and not be swept up in taking care of children right after marriage?
    As mentioned in the Islam QA link above - as long as its not a permanent thing, both partners agree and nor is it harmful to the woman.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by HmInh View Post
    Check IslamQA. And I've asked around to different sheikhs and they basically told me that so long as you're not expecting to permanently sterilize yourself, or you're not having children because you doubt Allan will provide for them...
    I asked because I told them about how I never wanted to have children and they said I'm just prohibited from taking extreme measures to prevent that.
    Thats not entirely the case.the prophet :saw: told men to seek loving and fertile women, and told us as an ummah to seek to have many children insha Allah Allah ta ala also mentions in Quran the blessing of children . If u dont want children then what point is there in seeking marriage . Neither husband nor wife can refuse the other children, and if u found one who does not want children due to them being "inconvenient" one may find themselves married to someone who will find a "conservative shaikh" who says no problem u can abort before 80-120 days. This kind of thinking when entering into marriage can open the floodgates to a myriad of issues.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by cooldog View Post
    I dont think thats true, also there is no such thing as a conservative sheikh.
    Check IslamQA. And I've asked around to different sheikhs and they basically told me that so long as you're not expecting to permanently sterilize yourself, or you're not having children because you doubt Allan will provide for them...
    I asked because I told them about how I never wanted to have children and they said I'm just prohibited from taking extreme measures to prevent that.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Protein
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    I feel sorry for your husband then.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooldog
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by HmInh View Post
    Of course. Cooldog, from what I've learned from even the most conservative of sheikhs is that contraceptive is okay to use so long as it's not permanent and doesn't affect her health negatively. Also, so long as you don't prevent yourself from having children because you're scared that you won't be able to take care of them financially, you can put off having children for as long as you like.
    I dont think thats true, also there is no such thing as a conservative sheikh.

    Leave a comment:


  • HmInh
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by cooldog View Post
    :jkk:

    Can I delay kids for a year , the reason being I want to get to relax and not be swept up in taking care of children right after marriage?
    Of course. Cooldog, from what I've learned from even the most conservative of sheikhs is that contraceptive is okay to use so long as it's not permanent and doesn't affect her health negatively. Also, so long as you don't prevent yourself from having children because you're scared that you won't be able to take care of them financially, you can put off having children for as long as you like.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooldog
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    :jkk:

    Can I delay kids for a year , the reason being I want to get to relax and not be swept up in taking care of children right after marriage?

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    One reason is below...



    Is it permissible to practise ‘azl (withdrawal or coitus interruptus) or a similar method (of contraception) if that will go on for two years or more, so that the wife can finish her studies before she gets pregnant? Or does this go against one of the most important reasons for marriage in Islam?.


    Firstly:

    One of the purposes of marriage in Islam is to have children and increase the numbers of the ummah.

    Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the nations [i.e., on the Day of Resurrection].” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1805.

    Secondly:

    Practising ‘azl – which means ejaculating outside the vagina – is permissible, but that is subject to the condition that it be with the wife’s permission, because one of her rights is full enjoyment, and another of her rights is to have children, both of which are lost as a result of ‘azl.

    It was narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: We used to practise ‘azl at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when the Qur’aan was being revealed.

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4911; Muslim, 1440. Muslim added: Sufyaan said: If there had been anything wrong with it, the Qur’aan would have forbidden it.

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

    With regard to ‘azl, some of the scholars regarded it as haraam, but the view of the four imams is that it is permissible with the wife’s permission. And Allaah knows best.

    Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/110

    See also Question no. 11885.

    Thirdly:

    It is permissible for the spouses to agree on family planning so long as that is temporary and not a permanent thing – subject to the condition that the means used does not cause any harm to the woman.

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    With regard to using temporary means of preventing pregnancy, such as when a woman gets pregnant easily and pregnancy is exhausting for her, and she wants to space her pregnancies so they will be two years apart and so on, this is permissible so long as her husband gives his permission and so long as that will not cause her any harm.

    Risaalat al-Dimaa’ al-Tabee’iyyah li’l-Nisa’

    And Allaah knows best.


    http://islamqa.info/en/ref/20597

    Leave a comment:


  • cooldog
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
    No. Cos, no method of birth control is 100% fail proof. Many women can't actually identify those 2-3 days in the cycle.

    And regarding doing that, I follow the belief that birth control is allowed under a valid reason, as long as you dont practise permanent birth control.
    Other than the womens health being affected, what are the other reasons?

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by cooldog View Post
    So, doing that wantedly is not wrong islamically? I mean if it were that easy , wouldn't there be no unexpected pregnancies?
    No. Cos, no method of birth control is 100% fail proof. Many women can't actually identify those 2-3 days in the cycle.

    And regarding doing that, I follow the belief that birth control is allowed under a valid reason, as long as you dont practise permanent birth control.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooldog
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
    Charting the cycle - i.e. avoiding the fertile days. (there are only 2-3 days every month where a women can fall pregnant).

    There are others too, which you can look up.
    So, doing that wantedly is not wrong islamically? I mean if it were that easy , wouldn't there be no unexpected pregnancies?

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    Originally posted by cooldog View Post
    What are these halaal ways ?
    Charting the cycle - i.e. avoiding the fertile days. (there are only 2-3 days every month where a women can fall pregnant).

    There are others too, which you can look up.

    Leave a comment:

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