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Adopting instead of having kids

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  • #16
    R we as muslims allowed to do this?

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    • #17
      Re: Adopting instead of having kids

      Originally posted by MoMo. View Post
      What are you saying?
      Im saying it is tough to have this condition on the marriage contract. Single parents have trouble finding a spouse when they have their "own" children, so an adopted one i highly doubt although it can happen.

      I prefer to adopt first at all times
      My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername :o
      Ummah forum mentality depiction by BBC (warning) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

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      • #18
        Re: Adopting instead of having kids

        Originally posted by MoMo. View Post
        What are you saying?
        i think our sister means some men and women dont want to marry people with children from previous marriages, so convincing ppl to adopt is going to be even more difficult as they not only have to accept a child of other parents, but they have to open themselves to total scrutinisation from government authorities. One problem is in the uk that you can also be adopting children who have living parents and who were taken from them by social services, so thats a whole other can of worms.
        "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

        The Prophet :saw: said:

        "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

        muslim

        Narrated 'Abdullah:

        The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


        "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

        By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

        [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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        • #19
          Re: Adopting instead of having kids

          Originally posted by R.Aisha View Post
          Not everyone has those feelings or wants the experience of pregnancy and childbirth.
          If I somehow develop those feeling, I'll have kids (which I highhhhly doubt). I was asking if it was permissible to adopt.
          I agree with you and have often shared these feelings, but remember that our Prophet(saw) told us to birth many children, because he will be proud of our large numbers on al-Qiyama. There is nothing preventing you from birthing children and adopting them except money and the fear of pain, correct? Also remember that:

          Narrated 'Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Apostle said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn."

          Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."

          (Sahih bukhari, book#70#533 and #544)

          Originally posted by HmInh View Post
          What do you mean by your last statement? Who's kids would they be if you hadn't taken care of them because their biological parents didn't want them.
          Some people just don't want to go through the process of having children. I, myself, don't like the idea of having kids but I would definitively adopt. Some people just don't have the urge to have their own children. :P
          In Islam, you cannot call anyone else's child your own. It is strictly forbidden to call a child after anyone but his biological father. If you adopt a boy and do not breast feed him, then he is not related to you and is able to marry your biological daughters, or even yourself if you wanted to. This applies to female children too, of course. IF you adopt a child and you do breast feed them, the become "Milk children" and are your mahram and also mahram to your entire family... but you still cannot call them after your husband's name, because they are not from his lineage and never will be.

          Our Prophet(saw) was an orphan and encouraged believers to raise and marry orphans. Umm Sa'id bint Murra al-Fihri related from her father that the Prophet (saws) said: "I, and the guardian of an orphan, will be in the Garden like these two." (He then put His two fingers together, side by side) [bukhari 133]

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          • #20
            Re: Adopting instead of having kids

            Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
            i think our sister means some men and women dont want to marry people with children from previous marriages, so convincing ppl to adopt is going to be even more difficult as they not only have to accept a child of other parents, but they have to open themselves to total scrutinisation from government authorities. One problem is in the uk that you can also be adopting children who have living parents and who were taken from them by social services, so thats a whole other can of worms.
            Interesting point. I am beginning to consider fostering a child, but it did come into my mind that taking on another child will probably put off some people for marriage.

            I never really thought very much about the Islamic implications of eventually adopting a child who was taken away because their parents couldn't care for them. Is it acceptable to do that if they give up their children willingly, unwillingly?
            Last edited by inprogress; 10-11-12, 10:06 PM.
            Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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            • #21
              Re: Adopting instead of having kids

              islamically you cannot adopt, at least not the american way, the correct term is fostering- you can take care of a child's needs, provide him with shelter if you must, treat him with love and kindness and take good care of him until he is able to support himself

              Originally posted by HmInh View Post
              What do you mean by your last statement? Who's kids would they be if you hadn't taken care of them because their biological parents didn't want them.
              Some people just don't want to go through the process of having children. I, myself, don't like the idea of having kids but I would definitively adopt. Some people just don't have the urge to have their own children. :P
              but you can't claim to be his parent, he don't inherit your name or your wealth, etc.

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              • #22
                Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                Are you sure about that? No one is trying to claim to be their biological parent, but why wouldn't you treat them like your own children?
                I don't know. I wouldn't care about the name, or the wealth. Also, what if the child doesn't know who they're father was?

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                • #23
                  Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                  Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                  i think our sister means some men and women dont want to marry people with children from previous marriages, so convincing ppl to adopt is going to be even more difficult as they not only have to accept a child of other parents, but they have to open themselves to total scrutinisation from government authorities. One problem is in the uk that you can also be adopting children who have living parents and who were taken from them by social services, so thats a whole other can of worms.

                  Yes that is what i meant. :jkk:
                  Just a few weeks ago a sister explained she has accepted to be the new "mother" of a widower who has 4 children, but this guy said no because she has one daughter herself:wacko:

                  So yeah, fostering/adopting whatever, what counts is the affection; The rest is just administrative stuff, so it's not the end of the planet if the child doesn't take your name, it would'nt be fair actually. But breastfeeding is important.

                  Because "marrying" the child you raised, i mean even if it halal, there's a slight gross feeling....
                  Last edited by Massilia; 10-11-12, 10:33 PM.
                  My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername :o
                  Ummah forum mentality depiction by BBC (warning) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

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                  • #24
                    Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                    You can treat them like a son/daughter, but in America we have this weird habit of calling adoptive, foster, or step sons "my son" just like we would if was actually our own biological son, and they also call the adoptive/foster parents "mom" and "dad" as if it were their real parent. Islamically, we can't do that.
                    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                    • #25
                      Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                      Edit
                      Last edited by abubakarbristol; 10-11-12, 10:51 PM.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                        I dont think there is anything wrong with adopting infact the prophet had an adopted son..
                        But i think the underlining issue is really why you don't want to have your own child?
                        O you who have believed, if you obey those who disbelieve, they will turn you back on your heels, and you will [then] become losers.

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                        • #27
                          Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                          i did not say you cannot treat them like your own, i said- it does not make them your own i.e. biological [please see inprogress' post above]

                          Also, what if the child doesn't know who they're father was?
                          i don't know the islamic ruling on this, maybe someone knowledgeable can help

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                          • #28
                            Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                            If you like the idea of having children, but are put off by the idea of pregnancy and childbirth, then you simply don't understand that in a long, long, long slog of parenting, pregnancy and childbirth are nothing but a blip.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                              Originally posted by HmInh View Post
                              Are you sure about that? No one is trying to claim to be their biological parent, but why wouldn't you treat them like your own children?
                              I don't know. I wouldn't care about the name, or the wealth. Also, what if the child doesn't know who they're father was?
                              You could call them ibn/bint Abdullah, as all fathers are the slaves of Allah, so it would not be a lie.

                              "Call them after their fathers. That is most just in the sight of Allah. If you know not their fathers, then call them your brothers in faith and your patrons. There is no blame on you if you make a mistake but you are accountable for what is done intentionally. Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Qur'an 33:5]

                              Naming a child whose father’s identity is unknown
                              http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/in...waId&Id=102092

                              Ruling on giving one's name to a foundling whom one adopts
                              http://islamqa.info/en/ref/4696

                              --------------

                              As for the treatment of your adopted children,,, The Prophet (saw) ordered believers to treat even their slaves as their own sons, so what about orphans? All people living in a Muslim household are treated equally.
                              Last edited by |Sister|; 11-11-12, 12:31 AM.

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                              • #30
                                Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                                Adopted/fostered (that you've breastfed) children can be 'treated' as your own children in so far as looking after their needs, showing them love and affection etc but they cannot be treated as your own children as far as inheritance laws are concerned or taking on the adoptive parents name. If the child's father's name is unknown, he takes his mother's surname (assuming that her name is known) all that means is that you do not give the child your own surname and you do not deceive the child into thinking that you gave birth to him or her. If the father is unknown, you let the child know at an early age that we adopted/fostered you but we don't know who your birth father is.

                                I think when discussing fostering/adoption we also miss a big piece of the puzzle which is the fact that a lot of children in need of fostering/adopting are not babies or toddler but in fact children of school going age so this would make the mahram issue even more complex if there is no mahram to look after them. That is why I mentioned that people in other circumstances should consider fostering such as a divorced/widowed single parent who has the means and resources because that way it would be easier for a single mother with one or more daughters to foster/adopt a girl or for a single father with one or more boys to foster/adopt a boy. I realise it's not a straightforward process and very difficult to do but mentioned it because we shouldn't marginalise older children in need of good homes as well.

                                i really can't understand why someone would make the decision of wanting to adopt children without even attempting to have children of your own... unless there is a compelling medical reason that would make it dangerous or impossible to give birth. I personally think a person who already has his or her own children would have more experience in child rearing anyway than someone who doesn't so this should be considered an advantage.
                                The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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