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Adopting instead of having kids

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  • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

    I feel sorry for your husband then.
    ╰☆╮The Qu'ran is the Fuel of the Muslim's Heart.╰☆╮

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    • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

      Originally posted by cooldog View Post
      I dont think thats true, also there is no such thing as a conservative sheikh.
      Check IslamQA. And I've asked around to different sheikhs and they basically told me that so long as you're not expecting to permanently sterilize yourself, or you're not having children because you doubt Allan will provide for them...
      I asked because I told them about how I never wanted to have children and they said I'm just prohibited from taking extreme measures to prevent that.

      Comment


      • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

        Originally posted by HmInh View Post
        Check IslamQA. And I've asked around to different sheikhs and they basically told me that so long as you're not expecting to permanently sterilize yourself, or you're not having children because you doubt Allan will provide for them...
        I asked because I told them about how I never wanted to have children and they said I'm just prohibited from taking extreme measures to prevent that.
        Thats not entirely the case.the prophet :saw: told men to seek loving and fertile women, and told us as an ummah to seek to have many children insha Allah Allah ta ala also mentions in Quran the blessing of children . If u dont want children then what point is there in seeking marriage . Neither husband nor wife can refuse the other children, and if u found one who does not want children due to them being "inconvenient" one may find themselves married to someone who will find a "conservative shaikh" who says no problem u can abort before 80-120 days. This kind of thinking when entering into marriage can open the floodgates to a myriad of issues.
        "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

        The Prophet :saw: said:

        "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

        muslim

        Narrated 'Abdullah:

        The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


        "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

        By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

        [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

        Comment


        • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

          Originally posted by cooldog View Post
          :jkk:

          Can I delay kids for a year , the reason being I want to get to relax and not be swept up in taking care of children right after marriage?
          As mentioned in the Islam QA link above - as long as its not a permanent thing, both partners agree and nor is it harmful to the woman.
          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

            Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
            Thats not entirely the case.the prophet :saw: told men to seek loving and fertile women, and told us as an ummah to seek to have many children insha Allah Allah ta ala also mentions in Quran the blessing of children . If u dont want children then what point is there in seeking marriage . Neither husband nor wife can refuse the other children, and if u found one who does not want children due to them being "inconvenient" one may find themselves married to someone who will find a "conservative shaikh" who says no problem u can abort before 80-120 days. This kind of thinking when entering into marriage can open the floodgates to a myriad of issues.
            The entire point of marriage isn't JUST for children. There's a it of blessings in marriage by itself, and it's half our deen. Marriage doesn't become pointless if you don't want children.
            I have a proposal from a man who doesn't want children, and I'm happy about it. We both understand our rights and we understand what we expect from each other.
            You can get married just to be with someone, and to be with someone who helps you become a Muslim.

            Stop trying to generalize.

            Comment


            • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

              As the prophet :saw: said to the sahaba when he found them practising azl "why would any of u do that ! Dont u know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills ?" azl, pills or whatever, u have no control over it, and even if u agree no kids for x years what if u get pregnant anyway and the other says u agreed no kids, now its abort or talaq...i know more than a few this has happened to. The muslim seeks to have children to strengthen the ummah, to raise them on deen to make rasoolAllah :saw:lead the ummah with the greatest number on judgement day, life is not for dunya studies an chillin. People plan but Allah ta ala is the one in control of all matters,so be ready dont think u have any control over the matter- u may be blessed with children, and u may not, but if they come be greatful it is a blessing of marriage not a burden.
              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

              The Prophet :saw: said:

              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

              muslim

              Narrated 'Abdullah:

              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

              Comment


              • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                As the prophet :saw: said to the sahaba when he found them practising azl "why would any of u do that ! Dont u know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills ?" azl, pills or whatever, u have no control over it, and even if u agree no kids for x years what if u get pregnant anyway and the other says u agreed no kids, now its abort or talaq...i know more than a few this has happened to. The muslim seeks to have children to strengthen the ummah, to raise them on deen to make rasoolAllah :saw:lead the ummah with the greatest number on judgement day,we make duaa everytime a man is intimate with his wife seeking protection for any child granted by Allah by their union in marriage. life is not for dunya studies an chillin. People plan but Allah ta ala is the one in control of all matters,so be ready dont think u have any control over the matter- u may be blessed with children, and u may not, but if they come be greatful it is a blessing of marriage not a burden.
                "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                The Prophet :saw: said:

                "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                muslim

                Narrated 'Abdullah:

                The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                Comment


                • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                  If mariage is only about kids then what would you say to a convert who before joining islam tied her tubes a long time ago and cannot afford to get them put back to normal,,can she get married to a muslim man or should she stay single forever??

                  Comment


                  • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                    R.Aisha is there a reason why you don't want your own? I'm personally terrified of pregnancy/giving birth so I am a lil .

                    There are matters that isn't within our control, children are decreed by Allah so only Allah knows what is written for you.

                    What kind of children are you looking into adopting, a new born or a toddler, teenager? Maybe your scared of raising babies? No sleep, no long showers, life is over?

                    Just wondering, cause my sister has a baby and unless her husband is home she won't shower, because her baby is a light sleeper and will cry her eyes off demanding she holds her. Sometimes I visit her so she can take a long shower..

                    Comment


                    • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                      Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                      As the prophet :saw: said to the sahaba when he found them practising azl "why would any of u do that ! Dont u know Allah creates in the wombs whom he wills ?" azl, pills or whatever, u have no control over it, and even if u agree no kids for x years what if u get pregnant anyway and the other says u agreed no kids, now its abort or talaq...i know more than a few this has happened to. The muslim seeks to have children to strengthen the ummah, to raise them on deen to make rasoolAllah :saw:lead the ummah with the greatest number on judgement day,we make duaa everytime a man is intimate with his wife seeking protection for any child granted by Allah by their union in marriage. life is not for dunya studies an chillin. People plan but Allah ta ala is the one in control of all matters,so be ready dont think u have any control over the matter- u may be blessed with children, and u may not, but if they come be greatful it is a blessing of marriage not a burden.
                      I've said this so many times...
                      If I use birth control... And I STILL manage to get pregnant... Then I will raise the child. I'm not going to do anything haram.
                      Anyways. I'm sorry, I'm tired of having to explain something that is not haraam.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                        Originally posted by *Aisha View Post
                        If mariage is only about kids then what would you say to a convert who before joining islam tied her tubes a long time ago and cannot afford to get them put back to normal,,can she get married to a muslim man or should she stay single forever??
                        No one said its only about children but we seek to have them to please Allah ta ala and rasoolAllah :saw: tubes can be untied, Allah ta ala gave children to women who were past menses, that is easy for. Allah ta ala. men can marry other women, infertilie men may have issues to. A woman may not choose to stay with an infertile husband,and he may marry a woman in same situation there are many options. We leave it with Allah ta ala who is in control of what is created in the wombs.
                        "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                        The Prophet :saw: said:

                        "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                        muslim

                        Narrated 'Abdullah:

                        The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                        "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                        By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                        [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                        Comment


                        • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                          Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                          No one said its only about children but we seek to have them to please Allah ta ala and rasoolAllah :saw: tubes can be untied, Allah ta ala gave children to women who were past menses, that is easy for. Allah ta ala. men can marry other women, infertilie men may have issues to. A woman may not choose to stay with an infertile husband,and he may marry a woman in same situation there are many options. We leave it with Allah ta ala who is in control of what is created in the wombs.
                          So she can get married?

                          Comment


                          • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                            Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                            No one said its only about children but we seek to have them to please Allah ta ala and rasoolAllah :saw: tubes can be untied, Allah ta ala gave children to women who were past menses, that is easy for. Allah ta ala. men can marry other women, infertilie men may have issues to. A woman may not choose to stay with an infertile husband,and he may marry a woman in same situation there are many options. We leave it with Allah ta ala who is in control of what is created in the wombs.
                            Asiya, I want you to tell me where women can't stay with husbands who can't have children or vice versa.
                            Are you saying if a man finds out his wife can't have children, he has to leave her? Or if a woman finds out her husband can't give her children she needs o leave him?
                            Where's the sense in that?

                            Comment


                            • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                              There is nothing in my posts that insinuates any of those things.
                              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                              The Prophet :saw: said:

                              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                              muslim

                              Narrated 'Abdullah:

                              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                              Comment


                              • Re: Adopting instead of having kids

                                You said, "A woman may not choose to stay with an infertile husband."
                                I can't directly quote you because I'm on my phone.

                                Comment

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