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How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

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  • How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

    Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu!

    Well my problem is that my "local" masjid is 120 kilometers away so obviously I can't go there as often as I'd like to. Before I didn't bother myself with it because I had had bad experiences with muslim women grouping up together, and people in general (a lot of backbiting with muslims and a lot of hating from the nonmuslims). We used to live closer and go there often, but my parents made the decision that the environment wasn't good to grow up in so we moved. Then when I learned more about my religion I understood that I should still take part in islamic activities even though I have a terribly difficult time making friends.

    So back to the problem. The masjid is 120 kilometers away; I try to go as often when my dad does, which is Fridays, but that is for Friday prayer and that is over soon- and it is not meant for socializing anyway. Friday is a working day over here, so not many have the possibility to come to the masjid to pray - so there are only elderly women who are so mature and life experienced that they don't seem to want to think that they have anything in common with a rookie like me. I'd like to take part on islamic gatherings, lessons etc...Going there by transport is difficult, because it takes 2 hours to get there by commuter network, and the lessons and gatherings seem to be in the evening time. So I can't really go because it is dangerous.

    As much as I have gotten used to being alone and sharing my thoughts over the internet, the fact that I would really like to make muslim friends..I've had non muslim friends and it is really difficult being their friend because I can never take part in any of their activities (because of alcohol), they always want to bring their boyfriends(free mixing), and they always talk about stuff I don't want to hear (mostly partying and being drunk). The only muslims in my city are shiias, and we have such a huge difference in opinion that we hardly get along. Then there's the problem that women tend to start hating me for some reason. Maybe I'm just a nasty personality, I don't really know. I know I'm silent and awkward with people, and make people talk- and reveal- too much!


    My parents won't agree to move closer to the masjid because it is so expensive and has more trouble (with people) and because my brothers go to a special needs school. I work on saturdays and sundays. My mother can't go to the masjid.

    So the question is does anyone have any suggestions about how I should handle this...or what I should do...How and where should I socialize? With whom? In my school years there's only been 1 sunni muslim girl besides me! And she moved to the States!

    Blah...after reading this it just seems like the impossible situation :(
    6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

  • #2
    Seriously? It is that hopeless? :( :( :(
    6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

      Originally posted by Kalikatu View Post
      Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu!

      Well my problem is that my "local" masjid is 120 kilometers away so obviously I can't go there as often as I'd like to. Before I didn't bother myself with it because I had had bad experiences with muslim women grouping up together, and people in general (a lot of backbiting with muslims and a lot of hating from the nonmuslims). We used to live closer and go there often, but my parents made the decision that the environment wasn't good to grow up in so we moved. Then when I learned more about my religion I understood that I should still take part in islamic activities even though I have a terribly difficult time making friends.

      So back to the problem. The masjid is 120 kilometers away; I try to go as often when my dad does, which is Fridays, but that is for Friday prayer and that is over soon- and it is not meant for socializing anyway. Friday is a working day over here, so not many have the possibility to come to the masjid to pray - so there are only elderly women who are so mature and life experienced that they don't seem to want to think that they have anything in common with a rookie like me. I'd like to take part on islamic gatherings, lessons etc...Going there by transport is difficult, because it takes 2 hours to get there by commuter network, and the lessons and gatherings seem to be in the evening time. So I can't really go because it is dangerous.

      As much as I have gotten used to being alone and sharing my thoughts over the internet, the fact that I would really like to make muslim friends..I've had non muslim friends and it is really difficult being their friend because I can never take part in any of their activities (because of alcohol), they always want to bring their boyfriends(free mixing), and they always talk about stuff I don't want to hear (mostly partying and being drunk). The only muslims in my city are shiias, and we have such a huge difference in opinion that we hardly get along. Then there's the problem that women tend to start hating me for some reason. Maybe I'm just a nasty personality, I don't really know. I know I'm silent and awkward with people, and make people talk- and reveal- too much!


      My parents won't agree to move closer to the masjid because it is so expensive and has more trouble (with people) and because my brothers go to a special needs school. I work on saturdays and sundays. My mother can't go to the masjid.

      So the question is does anyone have any suggestions about how I should handle this...or what I should do...How and where should I socialize? With whom? In my school years there's only been 1 sunni muslim girl besides me! And she moved to the States!

      Blah...after reading this it just seems like the impossible situation :(
      Try to find other Muslims in your area if there is any. Use online or go somewhere, where Muslims might go daily, etc. If you cant find any Muslim women to socialize with then you are stuck to finding some Muslim women online to talk with. Until you are old enough to move to a different area.

      Or maybe try converting some of the women in your area to Islam.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

        try organising your own muslim gatherings, doesnt have to be in masjid

        Recipes for all the family :inlove:
        (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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        • #5
          Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

          hey, you could have social anxiety fixed it immediately

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

            Gather up a few muslims close to where you live and have your own prayers. Make it regular and voila! problem solved. Grow your group and you just might find yourself starting a new masjid, insha'Allah !

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

              Originally posted by John Muhammad View Post
              Gather up a few muslims close to where you live and have your own prayers. Make it regular and voila! problem solved. Grow your group and you just might find yourself starting a new masjid, insha'Allah !
              you would need to be able to meet muslims first in order to get together in the first place. OP i have the same problem have been in a new area for over a year and have no way to meet any Muslims, and even when i traveled to other masjids further away well the fact is some muslim women are not the friendliest, i talk to ppl leave my number with them, or make arrangements to meet but no one ever calls. Now i just accept that's the way it is, many people already have their groups of freinds, and they just dont have room for others, or they're just too busy. its just the days we live in. immerse yourself in islamic books and learning, you will find it easier insha Allah, there is no better company than the sahabbah and the prophet :saw: :love:
              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

              The Prophet :saw: said:

              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

              muslim

              Narrated 'Abdullah:

              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                Thank you all for replying! I think I should go with Asiyas suggestion, since it is really hard to meet people and she has experience of this problem...everyone live so far away or just can't get along with.

                Thank you all for your replies!
                6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                  Where do you live!? Are there any Muslims at all in your area? Sometimes you have to persist and makle extra effort sister, I know it's hard and you might feel awkward to begin with but atleast if you propose the idea to people you will feel as though you did something? Sister Asiya said that she atleast left her number with sisters etc, it's unfortunate that they didn't get in touch but atleast she did that from her side, so you see inshaAllah if there are Muslims in your area, go visit them and give them an invite of see if you can arrange something in your local community inshaAllah.
                  *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                    lol but zesty where do we meet these muslims in the first place if not at the masjid ? especially when u have no kids, with kids its much easier to meet other mums and get chatting at playgroups and playgrounds and thing, but without kids then u just dont have anywhere to go and mix with other ppl as a muslim.
                    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                    The Prophet :saw: said:

                    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                    muslim

                    Narrated 'Abdullah:

                    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                      Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                      lol but zesty where do we meet these muslims in the first place if not at the masjid ? especially when u have no kids, with kids its much easier to meet other mums and get chatting at playgroups and playgrounds and thing, but without kids then u just dont have anywhere to go and mix with other ppl as a muslim.
                      Dunno sis, that's why I'm asking her whether there are Muslims in the area? In her neighbour hood? I find your experience more sad because you live in London where the Muslim population is huge! I've noticed in the states it is so so hard to form friendships unless you're super lucky and live in predominantly Muslim areas, even then you have to be driving a car because everything and everyone is so so far that how would you even meet up? My sister has been in the states over 2 years and sometimes she feels so lonely! The few Muslim people she's met she just doesn't gel with and feels they have some funny ideas/like to gossip etc and as far as non Muslim people are concerned she says they're really stuck up where she lives lol. She's lucky that she lives with inlaws/sister in law/family in the area and they have a very very good social network amongst them but people her own age she just hasn't had the good fortune of coming across and yet she even goes to the masjid!!!

                      Something is seriously wrong with Muslims in some areas of the world :scratch: in south Africa its the opposite alhamdullilah lol it's awesome, you go to one meeting and even if half the people are snobs there, the other half will welcome you with open arms and you will quickly make friends!
                      Last edited by Zesty; 14-09-12, 10:29 AM.
                      *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                        Originally posted by Zesty View Post
                        Dunno sis, that's why I'm asking her whether there are Muslims in the area? In her neighbour hood? I find your experience more sad because you live in London where the Muslim population is huge! I've noticed in the states it is so so hard to form friendships unless you're super lucky and live in predominantly Muslim areas, even then you have to be driving a car because everything and everyone is so so far that how would you even meet up? My sister has been in the states over 2 years and sometimes she feels so lonely! The few Muslim people she's met she just doesn't gel with and feels they have some funny ideas/like to gossip etc and as far as non Muslim people are concerned she says they're really stuck up where she lives lol. She's lucky that she lives with inlaws/sister in law/family in the area and they have a very very good social network amongst them but people her own age she just hasn't had the good fortune of coming across and yet she even goes to the masjid!!!

                        Something is seriously wrong with Muslims in some areas of the world :scratch: in south Africa its the opposite alhamdullilah lol it's awesome, you go to one meeting and even if half the people are snobs there, the other half will welcome you with open arms and you will quickly make friends!
                        What do you mean by that ?

                        English is not my native language.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                          what about volunteering or getting involved in any islamic studies or arabic kinda courses maybe? as that puts you together with the same group of people each time you attend so easier to get to know people

                          i think like asiya mentioned it can be much easier when u have kids cos it gives u an "excuse" to organise a lot of meet ups and groups. however if u know of some groups which are mainly aimed at mums im sure u could still go and get to know people even without kids? im just thinking of my area we have a muslim mums group but if anyone wanted to come they would be welcome as its less about the kids and more about the friendship and chance to chat, as far as we are concerned - so why not?

                          i dont think mosque is normally that easy to make friends anyway, as like u said people come to pray or do jumuah and then go - so you hardly get chance and it can be very busy, so dont worry about that sis insha allah u will find other ways to meet people. but it does take persistance, and u might have to mke first move to talk to people, give out your number, suggest meeting up etc etc - sometimes people are shy and will be glad that u did that, and u end up as friends, sometimes they might brush u off but if u really want to meet people and get to know people then unfortunately u have 2 keep doing it!

                          it is difficult.. ive been in areas with not many muslims before and u feel isolated and its not nice. inshaallah u manage to find some good company not too far away from u, dont give up!
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                          • #14
                            Re: How to socialize if one can't go to the masjid?

                            I live in an area (with this I mean the area of the whole city) - this place has 20 000 ( ! )inhabitants, and I have done effort in trying to get to know EVERY muslim I've seen in this area - every muslim woman (with hijab, can't know if they are muslims in any other way) I've seen them, I've said salaam, and done my best to have a small chat with them - I've asked who they are and where they've come from and how long they've staid in the country etc. Many times I've given my number or taken their number and arranged meetings with them. I've met nearly all of them and get to know them more. For some reason ALL the sunnis here have moved away, and there's about 5 shia families here. I wouldn't mind that for ANY OTHER REASON, but I have had to hear and experience so many unislamic things, that it is just better that I stay away from them. I have done all that I know of and that's why I'm here to ask what more I can do. . (I don't want to be specific about the country, but it is in northern part of Europe, with very little muslims). Out of all the shias that are here there is 1 girl that I got along with and she had to move so far away that I never see her.

                            When I went to school for 14 years there was only 1 muslim girl around. She moved to the States. Everyone wants to move away from here. We are STUCK here.

                            I can't start a gathering when I don't know anyone. Everyone has moved away or "don't like the idea because I'm sunni".

                            I used to have hobbies and all where I met people in general, but I became very scared of people because I was one of the few dark colored kids at school (years of school bullying) and after 9/11 when I was 10 years old, not only kids where awful as they usually were, grownups became violent and so hateful. Grown ups threw bottles from moving cars at me, a couple of times some young men tried to stab me with a knife. So I pretty much isolated as much as I could. I am always afraid when I go out even just to take the books back to the library, because EVERY TIME, every single time someone has something bad to say, whether it is floorclothhead, ******, or anything. I know many people had it even worse and that I'm definitely not the only to face his problem. It just isn't helpful for todays situation. I have seriously done everything I could think about. This is why I'm afraid of taking part in any non-muslim gatherings or volunteer for anything.

                            After 9/11 which was the turning point for many, everyone moved away. There used to be an arabic school here, but they suddenly quit and all of them moved away. There used to be a lot of somalis here and we often got together, but they all moved away. There were many Iraki people who moved here and we got to know them, but they too moved away.

                            There's probably some muslims here, but they don't use the hijab so I can't know. At the last years of school I asked the school to arrange islamic education for us ( we had 4 muslims at school by then) but it couldn't work because there was so much dispute between the parents because they were from different islamic branches that they couldn't provide a teacher. According to the school it was not "4 ISLAM students" it was "1 sunni, 1 shia, 2 kurdi" instead of one religion, and they can't arrange schooling for just one student. My brothers who both go to different school, one out of town and the other in town, are the only muslim students in them.

                            I don't have a social network. I don't know what to do. Or didn't knew- I think I'll just stick to internet; ummah forum, read about Sunnah and read the Quran.
                            Last edited by Kalikatu; 14-09-12, 03:43 PM.
                            6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

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