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  • I need advice

    Salaam All,

    A friend of mine has a friend who is one minute very nice to her and the second a completely different person.
    She has always forgiven that person and helps her in anyway she can. This person is weakening her imaan. I can see how upset and stressful it gets for her. And she gets threatening and abusive messages from her. My friend has done nothing wrong in fact she always buys things for her and listens to her problems. Her friend tells her that she is not a good Muslim.
    She has broken many plans and promises at the last minute .

    Question here is should she carry on being friends with her?
    "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

  • #2
    Re: I need advice

    :wswrwb:

    I would say No.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I need advice

      Originally posted by Green786 View Post
      Salaam All,

      A friend of mine has a friend who is one minute very nice to her and the second a completely different person.
      She has always forgiven that person and helps her in anyway she can. This person is weakening her imaan. I can see how upset and stressful it gets for her. And she gets threatening and abusive messages from her. My friend has done nothing wrong in fact she always buys things for her and listens to her problems. Her friend tells her that she is not a good Muslim.
      She has broken many plans and promises at the last minute .

      Question here is should she carry on being friends with her?
      Short answer: YES. Why?... Your friend should maintain the friendship until it terminates on its own accord. Nevertheless, your friend needs to start speaking up for herself, she needs to address the other person confidently so that she may gradually come to her senses. Your friend has been tolerating the abuse probably because she is afraid or trying to avoid confrontation/conflict? She should not allow the threats and abuse to get to her they're usually empty.

      Once your friend confronts her she needs to tell her enough is enough it needs to end, or she will lose the friendship. The free gifts and buying things should stop immediately, the other person has obviously been using your friend for self gain and nothing else. Once the gifts stop and your friend gets heavy handed with her she will probably leave on her own accord as she has nothing left to gain and a more difficult person to bully.

      These aren't qualities of a true friend and she may well be better off without her. Life carries on with or without your friends. We should really reflect on the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wassaalams life, how kind, generous, polite, compassionate he was towards people. Please give this person the Biography of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassallam) to read it will help her reform her life Insha'Allah.
      Last edited by Green_Dome; 08-09-12, 07:38 AM.

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      • #4
        Re: I need advice

        It sounds like she may suffer from bipolar depression

        Originally posted by Green786 View Post
        Salaam All,

        A friend of mine has a friend who is one minute very nice to her and the second a completely different person.
        She has always forgiven that person and helps her in anyway she can. This person is weakening her imaan. I can see how upset and stressful it gets for her. And she gets threatening and abusive messages from her. My friend has done nothing wrong in fact she always buys things for her and listens to her problems. Her friend tells her that she is not a good Muslim.
        She has broken many plans and promises at the last minute .

        Question here is should she carry on being friends with her?

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I need advice

          I said yes she should. Because we shouldn't stop doing good to people despite how bad they treat us, we don't stoop to their level nor do we start frowning etc or cutting ties.

          People like this need the good influence and inshaAllah one day they'll change for the better. Of course, she should befriend her but with a cautious eye. People make mistakes and friends need eachother even when they wrong eachother. Perhaps she should keep a slight distance when her iman is being lowered, but other times once she's recharged herself then help her.

          We want Allah to do good to us and bail us out in the akhira so we should do the same to His creation. But be aware and more cautious as you don't want to be wronged again and again.

          Humans are humans, we make mistakes and we need guidance and help from our friends. Just make sure you don't get hurt in the process.

          لا تفكر كثيرا
          بل استغفر كثيرا

          -------------------------------------------------------
          The children need your prayers more than anyone else
          -------------------------------------------------------
          www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I need advice

            :salams

            i had a similar situation myself, and i put up with it for a while, often i would be in tears at how i would be treated but thought no i have to try and try, anyway, it got to a point where it was interferring with deen, so i had to lock her off, which i did, and it was a good decision alhamdulilah. i thought i would try and help her but there is only so much one can do, and in teh face of help, i would get blasted by her often lol anywya, i left her for a couple months because she would just argue with me over any point of islam and i couldnt cope with it, and then got in touch with her to see how she was, anyway, she was the same, but said she needs me in her life because i help her character and deen, i managed to convince her to come on a course with me, which she made fun of and had a go at me for constantly doing her head in about coming to it as i thought it really would change her life............. so i pushed on and on to the point i was willing to pay for her, just so she could experience it, anyway, she came after much fuss, and turns out it was the best thing she ever did, she realised that she was waylaid and this helped her get back in touch with Allah and helped her to change how she behaved as a person. we are not the best of friends, but i am alwasy tehre for her if she needs advice or anything, but i just dont meet up with her, its too much for me to handle, ill involve her in stuff like seminars, courses, send her notes if i am revising for something etc so she can benefit too and i feel as a muslim i am carrying out my duty towards her ...we will never be best of friends but she is my sister in islam and i love her for the sake of Allah

            we must never give up, maybe take a step back, but we should never give up on our peeps

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I need advice

              Originally posted by Green786 View Post
              Salaam All,

              A friend of mine has a friend who is one minute very nice to her and the second a completely different person.
              She has always forgiven that person and helps her in anyway she can. This person is weakening her imaan. I can see how upset and stressful it gets for her. And she gets threatening and abusive messages from her. My friend has done nothing wrong in fact she always buys things for her and listens to her problems. Her friend tells her that she is not a good Muslim.
              She has broken many plans and promises at the last minute .

              Question here is should she carry on being friends with her?
              Walaikum salam

              She should either try to speak to her first about how she feels and if that doesn't work then IMO I think it's best if your friend distances herself from her.

              I mean, who needs a 'friend' like that :/

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I need advice

                May Allah reward you all for your efforts and advice. Ameen
                Thank you
                "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

                Comment

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