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Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

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  • #16
    Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

    Originally posted by x--x View Post
    They may not know you very well because you haven't really interacted with them. Shyness can sometimes be mistaken for snobiness.
    or just being plain antisocial.

    Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

    "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

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    • #17
      Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

      I don't think you can grow out of aspergers and what you desribe sounds just like someone who is really shy. Aspergers and autism are more complicated my nephew has borderline autism its not the same being shy, not from what I have seen.
      [B][FONT=Georgia]Serve Allah, as you would if you could see Him; although you cannot see Him, He can see you.[/FONT][/B]

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      • #18
        Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

        What about social anxiety?
        Nothing is impossible with Allah

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        • #19
          Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

          I totally agree with X--X shyness is often seen as being snobbish than rather being rude

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          • #20
            Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

            I don't think people grow out of aspergers either and yes, it is a lot more than just being shy or avoiding eye contact. I'm fairly sure my mum's cousin has a mild form of it though as he was raised in Pakistan, he never got diagnosed and everyone assumes he "just has an attitude problem". Now his youngest son has grown up and is very very shy, barely responds to salam and practically hides in a corner. The son isn't a bad person, that's just the way he is but it's interpreted as being antisocial and difficult. I think the son has what fits in the other category; shyness and social anxiety as well as a fear of making a fool of himself as soon as he opens his mouth.
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            • #21
              Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

              Originally posted by -Shamil- View Post
              JZK. thats interesting - i think i must have had aspergers when i was younger - and then i grew out of it, if thats possible
              It's not possible, it's a lifelong condition, however people with Aspergers can learn how to socialise a bit better, but it's like they're having to learn how to do things that come naturally to others. If you have this it could be that the amount that it affects your life less now than in the past

              the symptoms you describe, i know how the people feel and it is a difficult situation - i think the problem is people with this syndrome over-analyse everything...they may have a conversation and then analyse every word and think theyve made a fool out of themselves when the other person isnt thinking that at all

              since i had the same problem, i feel like i can talk to people with extreme shyness and get them to talk to me - the trick is to ask them questions about something theyre interested in and passionabt about and not waste time on pointless small talk which they cant really do

              but i fear they will still come across as rude if they dont make an effort to keep in touch with elders in particular - its tough for such people but i think in many communities this notion of aspergers is not known and they see it as simply a cold and uncaring attitude

              PS I agree with Medi - for a man to have this problem is an even greater issue - as a man you are expected to speak up and make decisions, not hide behind shyness
              From what you describe, it's hard to distinguish this from social anxiety, which is different to aspergers (although an individual can have both!) - with asperger's there's a problem with understanding other people and non-verbal cues like body language, interpreting facial expressions etc, so they will miss cues in conversations, struggle to know how to maintain a conversation, what to say, how to tell if a person is interested in what they're saying or bored etc. With social anxiety (when that's all the person has) they know how to do all these things and understand other people's non verbal language, but are afraid to socialise (usually from fear of being rejected, or of making a fool of themselves, etc).
              Last edited by dhak1yya; 25-06-12, 12:15 AM.
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              • #22
                Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                its ok to be shy but can also become blameworthy in extremes just like anything, make effort with ties and dont come off anti social cuz no one likes a hermit, and Islam certainly doesnt encourage this
                All beauty is lost
                In God do we entrust,
                Hope is our haven
                for the joy of the garden of eden

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                • #23
                  Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                  blunt lol


                  it depends on the type of shy person i guess!
                  Raindrops.hail.ouch

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                  • #24
                    Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                    not all the time. for some its a calculating ploy to look innocent.

                    for some they are shy, like I get like that even now at times, but very seldom
                    DO NOT PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                      It is rude to not even give Salaam, but beyond that is sometimes difficult as there is really nothing to say. Sometimes I think the only thing we have in common is blood, and I'm quite sure they wouldn't give us the time of day if we weren't related.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                        Originally posted by x--x View Post
                        Strange I was thinking about this today. If you prefer to be alone and are anti-social, is it a sin or "bad" if you don't go and visit your extended family?
                        Some people are just Idk... predisposed to this type of behaviour? I often wonder if it is really wrong though.

                        I'm fine with interacting well with people enough to be polite in situations where that is required, but I find I have less and less to talk about the older I get and I don't seem to have that pull people have towards their extended families that they need to see them often. Is that what you're like? It's not that I don't want to see them, it's just that... Idk, I prefer being alone most of the time and don't see the point of talking about normal things?

                        Originally posted by -Shamil- View Post
                        JZK. thats interesting - i think i must have had aspergers when i was younger - and then i grew out of it, if thats possible

                        the symptoms you describe, i know how the people feel and it is a difficult situation - i think the problem is people with this syndrome over-analyse everything...they may have a conversation and then analyse every word and think theyve made a fool out of themselves when the other person isnt thinking that at all

                        since i had the same problem, i feel like i can talk to people with extreme shyness and get them to talk to me - the trick is to ask them questions about something theyre interested in and passionabt about and not waste time on pointless small talk which they cant really do

                        but i fear they will still come across as rude if they dont make an effort to keep in touch with elders in particular - its tough for such people but i think in many communities this notion of aspergers is not known and they see it as simply a cold and uncaring attitude

                        PS I agree with Medi - for a man to have this problem is an even greater issue - as a man you are expected to speak up and make decisions, not hide behind shyness
                        I doubt it was Asperger's, it doesn't seem like shyness either, more that the person is insecure and extremely anxious around people in regards to how they're perceived.

                        A friend of mine is very much like this, it used to be terrible for her when we first met - like you describe, she'd over-analyse everything, obsessing over how she's being perceived by the other person. I tried to get her to realise that people don't spend as much time worrying about what other people are saying and doing as much as they worry about themselves, as well as the fact that she should try to break down her thought-pattern and understand what the real problem is. It's often low-esteem, unsurprisingly, and you'll find it affects other parts of their lives.

                        The bold makes me wonder though: because that is a symptom of Aspergers, not being able to do the whole "small talk" people seem to care for and only opening up on things they're very passionate about. I guess you just have to weigh this in light of whatever other behaviour that is true for them.
                        Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                        O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                        We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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                        • #27
                          Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                          :salams

                          Be shy and have good manners. Two can go together.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                          • #28
                            Re: Is Shyness an Excuse to be Rude?

                            I don't know about the whole diagnosing thing, but other than close friends and family, I'm extremely anxious in social situations and can't for the life of me do small talk and body language. Even with family and friends my social skills can be less than usual. Sometimes I may not talk to someone for ages not because I don't like them but because I'm too scared of being perceived negatively. I'm really just not socially adept, I feel like I'm just following a sort of rigid set of behaviours when I'm around other people. Is this how you are Shamil?
                            Last edited by Younus1; 22-06-13, 10:54 PM.

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