Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Complainy young muslim mothers

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

    Originally posted by BelalPalestine View Post
    Cant talk about all mums but from my experience my mum is always really negative and says everything is hard work when all she does is cook and put the clothes in the washing machine. We do all the washing and cleaning and if we miss a day for example for exams we get this sort of indirect lecture that goes on all day that even if you close the door you still cant revise
    You need to wake up and see everything that your mum does for you, and that includes all the emotional side of everything, not just practical things. IMO your mum should take a weeks break at a spa and see how you cope without her. I think you'd change your tune in a few hours. No wonder she gets fed up with you and lectures you if that's your attitude and level of gratitude for her.

    Heaven is at the feet of mothers. YOUR mother.

    If you have a genuine problem, e.g. she's not enabling you to revise for exams, then you need to talk to her about that like a mature adult and show her you appreciate everything she does for you, and explain (like an adult) what the problem is and ask her to help you find a solution to this problem. Parents are not perfect, but there's a way to deal with problems with them, and this is honestly minor stuff. They're not forcing you to marry against your will, and they're not abusing you.

    Before you become a parent, you don't have any real comprehension of how much your parents do and have done for you. It didn't dawn on me until I started getting morning sickness during my first pregnancy. And I know my mum got much worse morning sickness than I did. And that made me realise just how much my mum had gone through *for me* and morning sickness is honestly just the beginning of it. Anyway it's really quite normal for non-parents to not realise and not understand just how much parents to and go through for their kids.... then when you become a parent it's a HUGE wake-up call!!!
    [CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
    [CENTER]
    [/CENTER]

    [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
    [/COLOR][/SIZE]

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

      This thread has given me an idea which I think would be quite funny. We should find a way of archiving posts single people make about marriage and kids and then reopen it after they marry and become parents. Even for me, I'd want to know if I'd live up to my own advice or discard it once I've crossed that threshold myself.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

        What's even more scary than old posts coming back to haunt you, is the fact that future generations will likely be trawling internet archives for historical research :/ looking at life in the early 21st century through all our email conversations....
        [CENTER]
        [/CENTER]
        [CENTER]
        [/CENTER]

        [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
        [/COLOR][/SIZE]

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

          I've personally found a difference between women who got married and pretty much got knocked up straight away and then had a baby after another.

          And those who may have wanted a child for many years, went through years of waiting and perhaps fertility treatment and conceived after many, many years. etc.

          The latter tend to enjoy motherhood more and complain less .
          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

            Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
            You need to wake up and see everything that your mum does for you, and that includes all the emotional side of everything, not just practical things. IMO your mum should take a weeks break at a spa and see how you cope without her. I think you'd change your tune in a few hours. No wonder she gets fed up with you and lectures you if that's your attitude and level of gratitude for her.

            Heaven is at the feet of mothers. YOUR mother.

            If you have a genuine problem, e.g. she's not enabling you to revise for exams, then you need to talk to her about that like a mature adult and show her you appreciate everything she does for you, and explain (like an adult) what the problem is and ask her to help you find a solution to this problem. Parents are not perfect, but there's a way to deal with problems with them, and this is honestly minor stuff. They're not forcing you to marry against your will, and they're not abusing you.

            Before you become a parent, you don't have any real comprehension of how much your parents do and have done for you. It didn't dawn on me until I started getting morning sickness during my first pregnancy. And I know my mum got much worse morning sickness than I did. And that made me realise just how much my mum had gone through *for me* and morning sickness is honestly just the beginning of it. Anyway it's really quite normal for non-parents to not realise and not understand just how much parents to and go through for their kids.... then when you become a parent it's a HUGE wake-up call!!!
            Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
            belal that is not a nice way to speak about your mum

            as for the inlaws and extended family thing i find it does not always help, its sometimes easier to get on with things without outside interference! but we r all different.
            WOOAAAHHHH :embar: I didn't mean to say that post in a really bad way I was just replying to the OP/Title of the thread. I know heaven is at the feet of your mother and I know she does a lot of things but she does tend to take advantage of me a lot but I dont complain to her after all she is my mum :up:




            Bread is a staple diet in Syria just like rice is for us, and the government is bombing bread factories so that the people can die from hunger! Many of our brothers and sisters have already died.Imagine we were in this situation, where we don't have anything on our plate to eat? Even a piece of bread?

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

              salaams to all

              my experience is that girls who are raised in a home where they have responsibilities at home & are used to doing household chores regularly are generally able to cope with the responsibilities of being a mother.

              those who have been given too much freedom from a young age are the ones who find motherhood overwhelming.
              they cant take care of themselves properly-since they are used to mom doing everything for them
              how can they now suddenly handle the responsibilities of motherhood?

              for some of them, forget the kids, just looking after their husband is too much!

              and Allah ta'ala knows best
              jazakallah
              Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
              very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                I've personally found a difference between women who got married and pretty much got knocked up straight away and then had a baby after another.

                And those who may have wanted a child for many years, went through years of waiting and perhaps fertility treatment and conceived after many, many years. etc.

                The latter tend to enjoy motherhood more and complain less .
                Originally posted by msmoorad View Post
                salaams to all

                my experience is that girls who are raised in a home where they have responsibilities at home & are used to doing household chores regularly are generally able to cope with the responsibilities of being a mother.

                those who have been given too much freedom from a young age are the ones who find motherhood overwhelming.
                they cant take care of themselves properly-since they are used to mom doing everything for them
                how can they now suddenly handle the responsibilities of motherhood?

                for some of them, forget the kids, just looking after their husband is too much!

                and Allah ta'ala knows best
                jazakallah
                How many mothers of small children have either of you actually met to be able to make such sweeping statements as these? How do *you* know how many chores etc mothers had to do as children? Where you there when they were being raised? Did you ask each one individually this and then evaluate how well they were coping as mothers?

                You can't make statements like these if you've only met a handful of people. And to be honest I'm sick of non-parents making such sweeping statements and evaluations of parents based on no evidence and no experience and no idea what's going on behind closed doors that you don't see. It's beyond belief how people can be so judgemental anyway, never mind without anything to base that judgement on....

                I've met complainy older mums (yes who tried for years to get pregnant) and no I don't judge them for being complainy, because I don't know how it is for them, they have a right to let off steam if they're feeling down. I've met a lot of young mums who had babies young and early into marriage who seem to be coping just fine (but how can you judge from the outside who's coping well and who isn't or how much someone is enjoying motherhood - you're not with them 24/7) - and I have no idea about the other assumption because I don't generally quiz other mums on how many chores they had to do as children. But I do know of mums who as children had to help out around the house as much as anyone else who still got PND, so that kind of blows that theory out of the water....
                Last edited by dhak1yya; 26-03-12, 10:49 PM.
                [CENTER]
                [/CENTER]
                [CENTER]
                [/CENTER]

                [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
                [/COLOR][/SIZE]

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                  Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                  I've personally found a difference between women who got married and pretty much got knocked up straight away and then had a baby after another.

                  And those who may have wanted a child for many years, went through years of waiting and perhaps fertility treatment and conceived after many, many years. etc.

                  The latter tend to enjoy motherhood more and complain less .
                  I recently read about a study that discovered the opposite. That women who struggle to get pregnant, and go through years trying to concieve find it more difficult to cope with the realities of motherhood when they don`t live up to their expectations. They spend years planning for motherhood but when they experience the natural difficulties that come with a baby, especially a new born they find it difficult to cope because it is not how they planned it etc.. and they have greater feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

                  Whereas for women who get pregnant quickly or in a short space of time generally don`t have as great plans or expectations and so cope with the reality of motherhood, overall much better.

                  I will see if I can find a link about it because I am not sure I explained it very well.

                  Obviously every body is different and we all handle situations in different ways so it`s not correct to generalise but reading your post reminded me of this study.

                  "How often we cry over Fate, but abundant good lies just behind it. O soul, it is goodness, even if it arrives after a while."




                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                    Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                    How many mothers of small children have either of you actually met to be able to make such sweeping statements as these? How do *you* know how many chores etc mothers had to do as children? Where you there when they were being raised? Did you ask each one individually this and then evaluate how well they were coping as mothers?

                    You can't make statements like these if you've only met a handful of people. And to be honest I'm sick of non-parents making such sweeping statements and evaluations of parents based on no evidence and no experience and no idea what's going on behind closed doors that you don't see. It's beyond belief how people can be so judgemental anyway, never mind without anything to base that judgement on....
                    salaams to all

                    i did say, right at the beginning, that im talking about whatever ive experienced.
                    im talking about all those young mothers who i know about

                    who they are
                    which family they come from
                    what kind of home environment is present
                    what kind of upbringing they had
                    then you look at how they cope with their kids
                    etc

                    ive many relatives who have have been raised differently & you can see how it has an effect on them as far as being mothers is concerned.

                    those that i dont know about-i cant comment on.
                    same as you-your views are based on whatever experience you have

                    and Allah ta'ala knows best
                    jazakallah
                    Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                    very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                      In general we should have JOY in fulfilling our God-given role as Mother. It is not easy, but such is life. Complaining about life is not right. Noticing a hardship and seeking to resolve it, yes. But just complaining for the sake of complaining. Unfortunately, most of us women do it, but we need to honour what God has given us in the beauty of parental responsibility and stop moaning. Ask your husband or family for more help if your are struggling, and don't let worrying overtake your life, do the best you can and leave the rest in the hands of God. If your seeking him he won't run away from you, or abandon you.

                      Also I think we should help each other more as sisters in the raising of children. With the breakdown of close family living in the West Mothers often feel too alone. There is not a grandmother in the house to take the children once a week to give her a rest. If you have time consider helping those Mothers who are struggling by looking after them while she goes to pray/read/rest - maybe you could be an answer to prayer :) That is the greatest blessing of all! :)
                      Last edited by CarysUK; 26-03-12, 11:00 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                        Originally posted by Foulana View Post
                        I recently read about a study that discovered the opposite. That women who struggle to get pregnant, and go through years trying to concieve find it more difficult to cope with the realities of motherhood when they don`t live up to their expectations. They spend years planning for motherhood but when they experience the natural difficulties that come with a baby, especially a new born they find it difficult to cope because it is not how they planned it etc.. and they have greater feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

                        Whereas for women who get pregnant quickly or in a short space of time generally don`t have as great plans or expectations and so cope with the reality of motherhood, overall much better.

                        I will see if I can find a link about it because I am not sure I explained it very well.

                        Obviously every body is different and we all handle situations in different ways so it`s not correct to generalise but reading your post reminded me of this study.
                        That's a good point sis, and also older mums (in general, there are exceptions) have less energy. IMO it's better (when you have a choice) to have kids younger. But not every woman has a choice.

                        IMO my main issue is all the judging, i.e. people (especially non-parents) looking in from the outside and making judgements like "she's coping" "she's not coping" etc. Don't know what you can base that on unless you live with someone, or visit them very very regularly. Like my husband would be able to tell if either me or my co-wife were not coping with our kids, but the next door neighbours wouldn't. Kids crying at all hours (for example) means you have a fussy baby, perhaps with colic, or a tantrummy toddler, it doesn't mean the mother isn't coping, and a quiet child doesn't mean the mother is coping. So I just don't know what people base this on....

                        I guess the GP or health visitor would know if the mother's being honest with them, but many mothers put on a brave face to the world when they're not coping well at all, because they fear being judged. Another may be saying "I can't cope with this!" when she's actually coping quite well but is just letting off steam.
                        [CENTER]
                        [/CENTER]
                        [CENTER]
                        [/CENTER]

                        [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
                        [/COLOR][/SIZE]

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                          Originally posted by CarysUK View Post
                          In general we should have JOY in fulfilling our God-given role as Mother. It is not easy, but such is life. Complaining about life is not right. Noticing a hardship and seeking to resolve it, yes. But just complaining for the sake of complaining. Unfortunately, most of us women do it, but we need to honour what God has given us in the beauty of parental responsibility and stop moaning. Ask your husband or family for more help if your are struggling, and don't let worrying overtake your life, do the best you can and leave the rest in the hands of God. If your seeking him he won't run away from you, or abandon you.
                          I disagree about not complaining, bottling things up and not telling people how you're (not) coping, because it's very bad for the mental health. It is important to speak to people you trust about how you feel, get stuff off your chest, have a shoulder to cry on and ask for help if you need help. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful or don't appreciate the beauty of parenthood. Sometimes the test in life is to be able to reach out and get help that's on offer. No-one said that human beings have to exist in isolation, with only Allah knowing their troubles. Bottling things up or just pretending to cope when your not will make mental health issues worse in the long term, and new mums are already vulnerable to PND just because of the hormones, so no point adding extra risk factors. If you bottle things up, then worrying *will* overtake your life, as it's got nowhere else to go but around and around in your head. It's better to complain and get it off your chest.

                          Parenting is a joy, but it can also be extremely hard work, and when you have a newborn you can end up so sleep deprived you don't know if you're coming or going and can't think straight at all. Some babies sleep better than others. Some get colic. Some mothers are worse affected by hormones etc.

                          Also I think we should help each other more as sisters in the raising of children. With the breakdown of close family living in the West Mothers often feel too alone. There is not a grandmother in the house to take the children once a week to give her a rest. If you have time consider helping those Mothers who are struggling by looking after them while she goes to pray/read/rest - maybe you could be an answer to prayer :) That is the greatest blessing of all! :)
                          I totally agree with this. Women are not made to raise children alone, but alongside other sisters. MashaAllah I have a co-wife and just the fact that someone else can take your baby sometimes while you have a rest (and you doing the same for her when she really needs a rest) and simply having another woman to talk to during the day, makes a huge difference compared to being alone with the baby all day while hubby's at work. And it doesn't have to be a co-wife, can be female friends, sisters, cousins etc.
                          [CENTER]
                          [/CENTER]
                          [CENTER]
                          [/CENTER]

                          [SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]
                          [/COLOR][/SIZE]

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                            Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                            How many mothers of small children have either of you actually met to be able to make such sweeping statements as these? How do *you* know how many chores etc mothers had to do as children? Where you there when they were being raised? Did you ask each one individually this and then evaluate how well they were coping as mothers?

                            You can't make statements like these if you've only met a handful of people. And to be honest I'm sick of non-parents making such sweeping statements and evaluations of parents based on no evidence and no experience and no idea what's going on behind closed doors that you don't see. It's beyond belief how people can be so judgemental anyway, never mind without anything to base that judgement on....

                            I clearly mentioned. "In my experience..."

                            It wasnt a sweeping generalization of all/every mother who may have got pregnant straight away/concieved after many years.

                            It was a reference to those that I personally knew - most of them being relatives, some being close friends. And yes, I spoke to all and was brought up in a large family amongst my extended family. So, I also witnessed first hand the relatives who may have conceived young, immediately and had baby after baby and also the fertility struggles that most of my friends and few members of family went through.

                            I'm also tired of people stating that I have no experience or evidence to say what I'm saying. When I clearly stated that, what I have found is in my PERSONAL experience. Not on what I ASSUMED was going on behind closed doors. But based on what I HEARD and what they SAID and what I SAW.

                            It was no way a sweeping generalization of each and every mother out there in that category. If you have had different experiences. Than I respect that, I wouldnt dismiss it, just cos I havent seen or experienced what you have seen.
                            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Complainy young muslim mothers

                              Originally posted by msmoorad View Post
                              salaams to all

                              i did say, right at the beginning, that im talking about whatever ive experienced.

                              those that i dont know about-i cant comment on.
                              same as you-your views are based on whatever experience you have

                              and Allah ta'ala knows best
                              jazakallah
                              Agreed.

                              It's wrong to dismiss other peoples experiences just because it may not be line with their own. That's judgmental.

                              We all come from a wide variety or backgrounds, cultures, families, countries etc etc so, naturally we will all have different points of view/different things we've encountered/experienced.

                              People can be dismissive of other peoples 'assumptions/guesses or statements based on one or two people they know'.

                              But thats not where I'm coming from when I say the things I say.
                              https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                              Comment


                              • #45

                                Comment

                                Collapse

                                Edit this module to specify a template to display.

                                Working...
                                X