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Need Some Advice - for husband and wife

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  • Need Some Advice - for husband and wife

    This is a classic one of those where the husband and wife argue and it's about asserting control over each other:

    Background:
    Husband (me) mentions to wife that his sister was thinking of visiting for a few days so that his sister to attend a muslim event when she was in town (the event is being coordinated by the wife, as she works part time for the muslim group). The sister wants to sell products in the bazaar at the event. This created a very bad reaction from the wife. The wife tells him that she is not welcome and she does not want the sister's business in this area. The husband is taken aback by the reaction. He gets angry with the wife and feels that after all the support he has given his wife (he often does her work for her (so she can look good at work), he allowed his wife's mother stay in his home for three months last summer, he encouraged her to go for the job last year and has given moral support). He feels she is being unfair and unreasonable towards his sister.
    Voices are raised, she tells him that she does not like his sister and she causes trouble. He tells her that she is being unreasobale...The kids hear the argument and the husband makes sure that they know that their mother does not want their Aunt and cousins visting. This makes the wife even angrier because it portrays her badly in front of the young kids.
    The stubborn wife then completely ignores the husband and no more communication is made. The husband makes a point that the wife takes everything for granted. Even though she has a job, she spends freely only from the husbands money. THe husbands income is used to pay for everything. The wife only saves her own money. Ever since she started work the and got a new smart mobile phone, the bill jumped from $40 to $100 per month and everything gets paid for by the husband. She even uses his old laptop to work on. The husband in his anger then takes the laptop and phone away (I know it was not a wise move and it must have infuriated her even more, but honestly, all she does is text, make calls, check/write emails and post on social sites all day and that is why the bill has jumped up). I would be happy to give her back a phone but prefer it to be a older basic model so that she can't rack up all these large bills.
    It's been a week now and she still shows no sign of wanting to discuss things. She still does not have a cell phone or laptop. She is still ignoring the husband and makes cutting remarks in front of the kids, trying to get a reaction. She is still sleeping in the kids rooms. Wife still thinks she is right and husband can not talk to her to but still thinks he is right.
    Please advise.
    Jzk Allah Khair
    (ps - The wife was brought up in a household where her mother and father never got on and would only attend social gathering as a false image for the public. Am I destined to live a life like this too? It's like she is following in her mother's footsteps. It seems her mother has taught her to always be stubborn and make sure she is the boss in the home. Her mother is her role model)
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