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Some things I just cant get over

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  • Some things I just cant get over

    I am a muslim revert living in london, I reverted around 3 years ago alhamdulilah and just turnt 19.
    Since reverting I havent met any sisters, it has been hard for me to completely focus on my deen and there has been times where i have drifted back to my old non-islamic lifestyle.
    5months ago I ended a violent relationship with a muslim man...being so young and ofcourse him being the only muslim i knew led me to get attached. I used to stay with him and his family who i loved however they were drinkers and were fine with our 'relationship' which made me feel even more comfortable in doing haraam.
    5months later, I am struggling to come to terms with things and how I let him treat me, it got so bad that I left my home and country for a while.
    He now has a new girlfriend which I dont feel jealous about but I do miss him.

    During the relationship(while it was on and off) I met with my local imam(also my wali) and another muslim brother who is aware of some of my sins and is willing to take my hand in marriage, This boy is so calm and patient and so different from what I am used to to the point that it scares me but this is what i need in my life. I cant help but push him away because I think he deserves better but he insists he'll wait.
    I just feel so empty inside, I feel like I want to settle down and just live an Islamic lifestyle and have children inshAllah but there are just somethings holding me back

  • #2
    Re: Some things I just cant get over

    :salams

    Sister, you should ask for forgiveness from Allah for what has happened (if you haven't done so).

    As for this brother, have you spoken to your wali about him? Has he spoken to this brother? What does your wali say about him? Does he recommend him?

    If you think he's a good, pious brother who you can see yourself with in the future as his wife and mother of both of your kids, then :insha: pray isitkhara. Don't delay. You have him waiting, but it seems like there's really no reason, because you said you want to settle down and live a Islamic lifestyle. So, what's the wait for?

    If you've repented and regret what you did, then your sins are forgiven :insha: Don't hold yourself back for what you did in the past. Don't feel like you're taking advantage of the brother. He's accepting you as you are, so no point feeling guilty about it.

    May Allah guide you to what's best for you.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Some things I just cant get over

      Repent for the sins you did and if the man is pious, get married, it will help you a lot in your deen inshaAllah. Only shaytan is telling you not to - so you stay alone and end up doing more sins! And forget about the other guy, he dates women you shouldnt waste your time thinking about him :)
      So many sisters dont get married because no one ask them... 1Ask your wali about that brother inshaAllah
      The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)” (3:185)

      Avoid excessive laughter and useless arguments as they harden the heart and lead to heedlessness.

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      • #4
        Re: Some things I just cant get over

        I wouldn't just accept the brother right away. I think you need to figure some things out before jumping into marriage. Make tawbah and get closer to Allah. Also, talk to your wali about anything in the masjid that involves sisters. You need companionship, especially since humans are social creatures, so make sure you talk to the imam and get him more involved with you. Maybe even ask to talk to his wife, since that can be a great way for you to meet more sisters in shaa' Allah.

        May Allah protect you, guide you, and bring you happiness in this life and the next. Ameen.
        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
        Surah al-Baqarah
        [2:245]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        .:.
        ...said the spider to the fly...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Some things I just cant get over

          Originally posted by MissC View Post
          I am a muslim revert living in london, I reverted around 3 years ago alhamdulilah and just turnt 19.
          Since reverting I havent met any sisters, it has been hard for me to completely focus on my deen and there has been times where i have drifted back to my old non-islamic lifestyle.
          5months ago I ended a violent relationship with a muslim man...being so young and ofcourse him being the only muslim i knew led me to get attached. I used to stay with him and his family who i loved however they were drinkers and were fine with our 'relationship' which made me feel even more comfortable in doing haraam.
          5months later, I am struggling to come to terms with things and how I let him treat me, it got so bad that I left my home and country for a while.
          He now has a new girlfriend which I dont feel jealous about but I do miss him.

          During the relationship(while it was on and off) I met with my local imam(also my wali) and another muslim brother who is aware of some of my sins and is willing to take my hand in marriage, This boy is so calm and patient and so different from what I am used to to the point that it scares me but this is what i need in my life. I cant help but push him away because I think he deserves better but he insists he'll wait.
          I just feel so empty inside, I feel like I want to settle down and just live an Islamic lifestyle and have children inshAllah but there are just somethings holding me back
          if the brother wants to marry you and he is pious then accept his proposal because he'llcertainly treat you better than the loverboy you went out with. he'll also be a positive influence on your faith as he is practising himself.
          http://gift2shias.com/

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Some things I just cant get over

            Asalamu Alaikum,

            Like Pippin suggested I wouldn't necessarily suggest running into marriage with this other guy until you find out more about him. While in the meantime you should try to find ways to increase your faith by surrounding yourself with better Muslim sisters.

            Aren't majority of the people from this forum from London? Help the sister out in recommending any classes or halaqas going on for the sisters so she can find some good company, insha'Allah.

            May Allah keep you on the straight path.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Some things I just cant get over

              ^^ Ameen

              Subhana Allah, it seems like youve been through SO much, and you're only 19...Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illah billah

              I think you need to tell the brother to give you more time in sha Allah.. What you need right now is to get closer to Allah , If youre feeling empty, its because your heart is not filled with the Words and Dhikr of Allah and with the relief that everything is in His Power.

              At times when I feel empty and slightly down, I always feel better by reading Qur'an (in English) and just contemplating on the verses.

              There are many halaqas (sisters circles) in London. If youre from North, check out Masjids In Finsbury Park, Holloway Road, Stamford Hill (Masjid Cuba, they have classes for Reverts http://www.masjidequba.org.uk/sisters/ )

              Theres LOTS of classes and new Muslimahs at Lewisham Masjid. You may also check out Whitechapel Masjid for weekend classes (I know they do Arabic and Qur'an for sisters on Sundays). If you're from West, Masjid Daru-Sunnah runs classes for sisters (last time I checked), and I also think Masjid An-Noor in Acton has classes...but not too sure.

              Always remember that "Hasbunallahu wa ni`mal Wakil'' [Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).
              Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Some things I just cant get over

                Originally posted by MissC View Post
                I am a muslim revert living in london, I reverted around 3 years ago alhamdulilah and just turnt 19.
                Since reverting I havent met any sisters, it has been hard for me to completely focus on my deen and there has been times where i have drifted back to my old non-islamic lifestyle.
                5months ago I ended a violent relationship with a muslim man...being so young and ofcourse him being the only muslim i knew led me to get attached. I used to stay with him and his family who i loved however they were drinkers and were fine with our 'relationship' which made me feel even more comfortable in doing haraam.
                5months later, I am struggling to come to terms with things and how I let him treat me, it got so bad that I left my home and country for a while.
                He now has a new girlfriend which I dont feel jealous about but I do miss him.

                During the relationship(while it was on and off) I met with my local imam(also my wali) and another muslim brother who is aware of some of my sins and is willing to take my hand in marriage, This boy is so calm and patient and so different from what I am used to to the point that it scares me but this is what i need in my life. I cant help but push him away because I think he deserves better but he insists he'll wait.
                I just feel so empty inside, I feel like I want to settle down and just live an Islamic lifestyle and have children inshAllah but there are just somethings holding me back
                Salam,

                I understand full well how difficult being a revert can be without any Muslim friends, you have both my sympathy and empathy there. I have been Muslim for longer than you have, and I still don't have Muslim friends, the people I've met have been poison, and although I know I'm better off without them, it still hurts at times and I still fee lonely and vunerable every now and then.

                Even though you've done things that aren't Islamic, alhamdulilah you got out of the situation and alhamdulilah you stayed Muslim. These are two very very important things that need to be recognized.

                If this guy is the one, then he will understand that you need a little time to heal. I wouldn't suggest jumping into marriage and kids right away while having unresolved issues. You can live an Islamic life while not being married, there are many things you can do.

                Since you don't have any friends to talk to it would be a good idea to talk to someone like a counsellor who can help you sort out your feelings and help you heal from your experiences.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Some things I just cant get over

                  assalamalaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sis =D im a revert too ....feel free to pm if you ever wanna talk or keep in touch im like a couple hours from london =] regarding this proposal...............do istikhara ....ALlah subhano wa ta'ala will help you alhamdulilah =] may Allah make it easy on you always sis and bless you lots

                  Comment

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