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sending daughters to islamic country??

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  • #31
    sending your children away hoping that some other land is going to be their salvation is wishful thinking

    spending quality time with them, whereever you may be is a much better gamble to assuring that they will grow up in a manner pleasing to you
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية





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    • #32
      Originally posted by AbuMubarak
      sending your children away hoping that some other land is going to be their salvation is wishful thinking

      spending quality time with them, whereever you may be is a much better gamble to assuring that they will grow up in a manner pleasing to you
      bro she is trying to keep her daughter away from abusive class mates. would u want your daughter grown up in an enviroment where boys touch her and try to kiss her? i dont think so.
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      • #33
        ali, maybe you misunderstood me

        i wasnt saying its ok to leave them there, i was saying sending your children off to some land, is not always an answer
        .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
        نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
        دولة الإسلامية باقية





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        • #34
          Heh, I know that things like that happen and the drinking and partying and all that.

          And so what if mostly everyone around me is doing that.
          But so what, I dont do any of it, I just ignore and reject, it isnt that hard to refuse and stay away from it.

          Actually the best comment ive had from one of those was: "I admire you greatly, for being not drinking at all, being able to control yourself, like you do"

          And you know well, that if youve been teached good manners and told to stay away from it, you can.

          And its easy as that.
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          • #35
            @ Hacer: thanks for your support :-) Where have u lived in Eastern Germany?

            My daughter is 9 and she doesnt understand all what is happening around her. How could she, she is still a child but is confronted with things like kisses and nudity. When 9 years old are touching her and kissing -- this is unusal even for Germany. It is not about drinking or going to mixed parties. I know she would stay away from it. But she couldnt protect herself from being abused in school.
            Im sorry if it sounds confusing.
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            • #36
              I'm not going to say that sending your daughter to Pakistan is either a bad idea, or a good idea. If when your daughter goes to pakistan, she feels comfortable with the people their, and they are able to understand your daughter, and there are other kids around her age their she can play with, she may like it and won't mind staying. Or she may not like it there, and she'll tell you.

              1. I would arrange to have a meeting with the headteacher of the school your daughter attends, and make sure he/she does something about protecting your duaghter and other girls at that school.

              Try to encourage your daughter to make friends with some of the good girls, and during break/lunch times, stay with them, so if a boy does come towards her, her friends can back her up.

              Try to teach your daughter to push them away if any boy tries to touch her or anything, and to

              If the school still does not do anything, then put in a complaint (send a complaint to the council also, and Local Education Authority). Also in America they have organisations like CAIR (which help fight for muslim rights etc), and I think their is one in uk which is similar. If there is a similar organisation in germany, try to contact them, and they should be able to put some pressure on that school.

              2. As Islamic school is out of the question, if you can afford it, send her to a 'All Girls School' if their is one in the area.

              As there are few muslims in your area, it is vital to spend as much time as you are able to with your daughters. I know it is hard as you work long hours. As to husband saying its your duty and not his to teach the kids about Islam, he should do all he can to also teach them and spend quality time with them. And should try his best to work towards a job, which will allow him to support you all without you having to work, which in turn will allow you to spend much more time with your daughters and allow more time for your studies.

              Get your daughter islamic kids books, and such, inshallah that will help her in learning a bit of her deen.

              I hope that helps, Inshallah your daughter will grow up to be a great muslimah.
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              • #37
                Salam alaikum,
                @alam-biwi: 90 km north of the Alexander Platz ;-).

                @Sorrow: lots of good ideas. In Germany, no anti-discrimination-law, no CAIR, no all-girls-school, no permission for home-schooling.

                German schools - and teachers: co-ed swimming, sports - and no idea that touching might be disagreable to somebody. Try talking to the head, and you can have a problem, because raising your kid like this might be depriving her of freedom, so you are a bad parent and your child should be taken away.
                No, I am not kidding. A point in the actual discussion about a teacher's headscarf is, the girls might be hindered of taking theirs off at school, and it is the aim to make them all do so.
                I know about muslim girls living in childrens' homes, because they complained against their parents for not having the same "rights" like the german girls and instead of being told that it is their parents' duty to educate them, they now live with some girls their own age and are allowed to run wild.
                Visit Germany, and you learn a lot of a secular society.
                Hacer
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                • #38
                  Difficult situation. I do believe that Pakistan would provide a better Islamic enviroment. But just to ship them off doesn't seem wise to me. You should perhaps try to move your whole family to Pakistan, if that is possible. My best advice would be to seek the advice of a scholar or other learn person.

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                  • #39
                    as salam alykom
                    one important point is that the in laws they are going to live with are not blood relatives, thus male members are non mahram, to the best of my knowledge, this would be haram.
                    Take this in consideration, try to solve the problem according to what Allah pleases. I think Mash aAllah the rest of the replies covers the situation as much as possible.
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                    • #40
                      assalaam alaikum,

                      Why not move to a place where there are more muslims? Even if its another country? Come to the UK sister. :) That way you get to stay together as a family. Don't send her to Pakistan all alone, I fear you'll regret it in the future.
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                      • #41
                        salaam

                        Why not move to a place where there are more muslims? Even if its another country? Come to the UK sister. That way you get to stay together as a family. Don't send her to Pakistan all alone, I fear you'll regret it in the future.

                        this sounds like the best idea to me, if possible of course
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                        • #42
                          Salam aleikum,

                          thanks for your support. The things are still not solved. I had lots of trouble lately.
                          I cannot send the girls to Pakistan. My husband left our marriage, he went to his brother. So Im alone now with my kids. Dont know what to do....

                          wa salam
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                          • #43
                            as salam alykom sister
                            la hawla wala qowata ila billah, u hang on sister to the rope of Allah, make much dua and dhikr, use astaghfer Allah alzeem a lot, also la hawla wala qowata ila billah al`alyee al azeem, la ilaha ila anta subhanak ini kuntu mina zalemeen.
                            Insh a Allah Allah will find u a way out soon from sources that u dont expect.
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                            • #44
                              Dear Concerned,

                              Due to dire necessity and over-emphasized importance of the following topic,
                              we've dedicated a special program for our fellows examining this matter. We
                              share the gist of our findings for everyone's benefit.

                              [With respect to political correctness in gender, "girls" were mentioned due to
                              the perspective of "boys," who participated in the program. It's understood
                              that the reverse is true for girls also.]


                              TITLE: "Analysis of Our Temptations Toward Girls and Its Solution"


                              1. PROBLEM/REALITY:

                              - It's a natural tendency to be attracted; it's an undeniable fact
                              - it's always bad, but specially in summer, it's worse
                              - going back to homeland won't help because the same problem exists there too
                              - the most difficult thing to control is "imagination"
                              - exposing dress is a problem everywhere: billboards, ads etc.
                              - peer pressure is tough to resist
                              - married ones are also susceptible to fall short


                              2. POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

                              2.1 GENERAL

                              - lower your gaze (everytime, everywhere)
                              - always remember Allaah--consciously; remember death and the life after it
                              - busy yourself with good activities/learning
                              - increase Islamic knowledge, thereby have stronger conviction
                              - know the proper etiquettes and limits of communication with opposite gender
                              - know about this friend-like enemy of yours: shaytaan
                              you've gotta fight him till the last breath
                              - keep in mind that in order to find someone with piety/good character,
                              you must be the same
                              - openly discuss with parents/trusted elders regarding these issues
                              - watch out for friends who are crossing the line (be bold and firm)
                              - avoid all songs/dramas/movies/novels that MAY provoke such feelings
                              - avoid TV totally if possible, otherwise watch together with good folks
                              - use the internet cautiously: block pop-ups, stay focused,
                              place the computer where others can see
                              - perform the 5 daily prayers: on time, with full concentration
                              - perform extra fasting if needed
                              - don't put yourself in a test: simply avoid any testing of your character


                              2.2 IN SCHOOLS/COLLEGES

                              - from the very first day, present yourself as a good Muslim
                              - sit in the first row; sit besides boys
                              - try hard to have a lab/study partner of the same gender
                              - have the contact info. of a boy in case you miss a class
                              - if missing notes, ask from boys; if not, ask directly from the instructor
                              - with educational interest, you may look at your teacher of opposite gender,
                              but in case any other feelings arise, you must lower your gaze
                              - don't make a negative impression of Islam
                              if you wear a cap, for God's sake, don't hang around with girls


                              2.3 MARRIAGE

                              - plan what kind of girl to marry (to have a fixed vision/concentration)
                              - engagement is NOT marriage, both parties are still strangers until
                              actual marriage
                              - getting engaged earlier may help, but it may create even more problems,
                              making it difficult for both parties to stay within the limit
                              - marry at the earliest possible age--whenever one is ready in all aspects
                              - physical + mental + financial abilities are necessary in order to marry
                              - don't fantasize about love, think about RESPONSIBILITY as well
                              - if two spouses are in two different places, unite as soon as possible
                              - don't let often-seen dramatic movies/stories blind you, life is real,
                              so face it with courage, wisdom and conviction

                              - Last but not least, always ask Allaah to guide you to the right path!



                              please also visit our other group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/islam_...anding_4_teens if u like :). Meet Teens and youth, exchange your views about Islam and discuss various issues releted to Teens and Youth in Islam.
                              .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
                              نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
                              دولة الإسلامية باقية





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                              • #45
                                @ egyptianmuslima

                                al hamdu lillah thank u
                                i will do it inshallah....

                                wa salam
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