sending daughters to islamic country??

[alam_biwi]

As salam aleikum ,

I just got a question and need some advice and opinions :) .

My family and me lives in Eastern Germany. My husband is from Pakistan. I have two daughters, they are nine and six years old. My husband is not the biological father of my daughters. But we all three converted to Islam some years ago.

Well in the past few weeks many bad things happened to my big daughter. So that my husbanded adjustet to bring her to his parents in Pakistan. I talked to his family and they promised me it is better and easier. So that she might become a good muslima.

We fear that she wont become a real muslima,she would do the wrong things.

What do you think about this? Is it better to raise kids in an islamic environment??

wa sal am AMina

[hen]

Wouldnt you have to get the biological fathers agreement to that first. ARe there some kind of laws governing this in Germany?

[abaleada]

Sister, this sounds like a serious and complicated situation, and I doubt that you want to publicise all of the information. Is there a scholar near to you whom you can consult? Do you have communication access to England?

[alam_biwi]

biological father

Salam,

thank s for your reply.

Her father is a non-muslim and a non-believer. Whenever she visited him, he gave her pork to eat etc.! Right now he is imprisoned in UK , not sentenced yet. I have the sole custody. Well he is one of the reasons why we want to bring them there.

[outlandish]

Well unless ur also living there,I wouldnt just send them off to live with ur inlaws. My mom sent us to pakistan when we were young as well,with the same thinking ur having. Not that we were doing anything wrong before,but just that she also wanted us to get to know our culture and thought it would be better growing up in an islamic environment etc,but than our mom also shifted to pakistan with us. But nowadays it isnt that islamic there,I mean in the city its very westernised,so be carefull. So u should also be there if u want to raise them properly. Plus she is a kid,so afcourse everyone gets into wrong stuff or whatever at that age,but its upto u both to help her and guide her,sending her off to live with strangers whom she doesnt even know well,wont be a good idea unless one of u is staying there as well.

[Ebony]

pakistan is not as 'islamic' as some ppl think it 2 be
the only thing tht maybe lets u reminds u of it is the azaan tht goes off 5 times a day..aprt from tht..u wouldnt know it

[outlandish]

Originally posted by Ebony
pakistan is not as 'islamic' as some ppl think it 2 be
the only thing tht maybe lets u reminds u of it is the azaan tht goes off 5 times a day..aprt from tht..u wouldnt know it

that is quite an exaggeration sis,maybe u have been only to the big cities,if u go to the smaller cities,lots of things other than the adhaan to remind u ,ur in an islamic country. And even if its only the adhaan,according to u,isnt that lots time better than not having it altogether dont u think?
Plus the textbooks,education etc as well.

[Ebony]

Originally posted by outlandish
that is quite an exaggeration sis,maybe u have been only to the big cities,if u go to the smaller cities,lots of things other than the adhaan to remind u ,ur in an islamic country. And even if its only the adhaan,according to u,isnt that lots time better than not having it altogether dont u think?
Plus the textbooks,education etc as well.

from wt iv seen there..and some ppls behaviour and attitudes, it puts me off living in pak altogether..iv been there often enough.
yes, i only go2 the big cities..and maybe the smaller cities arent as bad as the big ones. In some cases, some ppl follow a v distorted version of Islam..most of it is due to the cultural practices

nevertheless, my view is tht, living in a non-islamic country, and still being able to practise ur deen, amongst all the temptations, would improve ur character and probably mke u more determined to strive in maintaining ur deen and becoming a better Muslim.

yeh..the education in pak..well, if u hve the money in the 1st place to send ur children off to the decent schools...

[alam_biwi]

Salam there,

thanks for the answeres. Well, we would only let her live there if she likes it. We wont force her that's for sure. We would have the money to send her to the decent schools ;-))
By islamic environment I dont mean the country but the family. There they will grow up between a huge family where they can have friends. We muslims are told not to be friends with non-muslims. In our area are muslims rare.
My daughter has been kissed and touched by boys and she told it to the teachers. But they thought it was cute then these boys fell in love with this beeatiful girl. My daughter is 9!!! I dont want her to be abused in any way.

I cant go to Pakistan, not yet. I have to work because my husband is settled yet.

It is tough for all of us.

[Ebony]

ah..one thing i did like about Pak ws the family...extended family to b precise.

sis..hve u considered sending ur daughter to an Islamic school in ur country? (if u hve any islamic schools tht is)

[outlandish]

Originally posted by Ebony
from wt iv seen there..and some ppls behaviour and attitudes, it puts me off living in pak altogether..iv been there often enough.
yes, i only go2 the big cities..and maybe the smaller cities arent as bad as the big ones. In some cases, some ppl follow a v distorted version of Islam..most of it is due to the cultural practices

nevertheless, my view is tht, living in a non-islamic country, and still being able to practise ur deen, amongst all the temptations, would improve ur character and probably mke u more determined to strive in maintaining ur deen and becoming a better Muslim.

yeh..the education in pak..well, if u hve the money in the 1st place to send ur children off to the decent schools...

Ok as u say sis, I guess everyone sees things different than, but if u look only at bad, u will only see bad,no matter if there is lots good too.
Anyhows u have been there often, I have lived there for many years.
Living in a non muslim country is well and good,but arent muslims advised to live in muslim lands rather than darul kufr?
As for schools u have many descent ones with less fees as well,its not the end of the world there,plus u have things like fee concessions and half fees,for those whom couldnt afford it,I know it coz many of my friends used to pay half.

[Ebony]

i ws seriously considering living there one point in time..now no1 can convince me to! iv been put off altogether, unfortunately.

[alam_biwi]

@ebony:

In Germany you have only one islamic elementary school and that is in Berlin. There are no other real islamic schools, we dont even have a masjid in the near.

[Ebony]

hmm...
if u r seriously considering sending kids 2 pak, as sis Outlandish mentioned previously, it is best if the parents can go with them. they can perhaps stay with grandparents n so forth..bt parents shud still b there to guide them etc.

iv seen a few ppl who hve sent their kids2 pak,..in the wishful thinking tht they'l go on the 'right path' n send them off2 live with g'parents or uncles/aunts..

and most often, the ppl they reside with (gparents etc) are not as strict on the kids as parents may b...mayb in the fear tht they may b seen as harsh, hence kids may complain to their parents about their 'treatment' and as a result some kids seriously deviate and become worse.

Doesnt necessarily happen with evry1 though

Ws

[dour]

Sending children to a foreign country to live without the parents is not a good idea for anyone. Such a change could actually cause even more harm to the children. Hatred towards parents, abandonment issues, culture shock, and various other issues. If they have no desire to become Muslim, changing countries is not going to help the issue. A short visit maybe in the summer, but nothing more than that.