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A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhlaaq)

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  • A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhlaaq)

    Sometimes I feel very peaceful within myself, but then I realise that in order to get a MacDonald's (from Halal McDonalds in Egypt :)), I must break out of this peace in order for my voice to be loud enough for the cashier to hear my order...so then I start to think that I can't just be worried about walking around in sakinah all the time. Secondly, sometimes, when I am trying to purify my heart, and struggling etc, my external appearance eg my facial expressions and my voice become less refined and visible and audible discomfort on my part comes through, due to my struggle, and my friends/companions may think this is because of them, or is due to my feeling about what they are saying to me, or my occasional frowns may be my evaluations of them, and so on, so then I have a problem in this regard. I'm sorry if my writing is quite disjointed and unclear but this is the best I can do. Also, sometimes i'm in a state where my mind is completely blank, or at least quiet, and sometimes I think that's good because in this state I'm much more gentle and easy going, and there is a hadith about the one deprived of gentleness is deprived of good, and smiles come easily to my face, but that's pretty much all that comes easily, I can barely solve a maths equation without taking ages, and it would take a miracle for you to hear my voice when there is background noise, which comes back to the McDonalds problem. Then other times I am swift in reckoning etc, but I don't pay attention to my facial expressions or adab as much, so I'm unaware of whether or not I'm harming people by my expressions and such. Also, when people ask me how I'm doing, I just stare out into space, raise my eyebrows, say I'm fine, and sometimes say Alhamdulilah. But when i think i'm having good character sometimes i just get a sheepish smile on my face and nod my head, sometimes saying alhamdulilah. Also, I know that in order to do Tawbah one often has to have a broken and humble heart (towards Allah), but surely if someone's heart is broken, they are always going to look sad/in distress and thereby grieve their family members, which is a big problem I have, because when I'm talking to someone on the phone and they ask me how I am I can't always say stuff like, I'm ok, suffering because of my sins but inshallah Allah will have mercy on me, *starts reciting ''qul yaa ibaadi allatheena asrafoo 'alaa anfusihim...''

    I'm not really sure what my question is, but can someone please cite any relevant hadiths, or ayaat, to give me glad tidings or put my heart at ease or give some input if they sense what I may be trying to get at. Jazaakallah Khair
    Last edited by كمال جالكس; 07-11-11, 03:19 PM. Reason: to improve clarity and coherence of post

  • #2
    Re: A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhl

    Originally posted by كمال جالكس View Post
    Sometimes I feel very peaceful within myself, but then I realise that in order to get a MacDonald's (from Halal McDonalds in Egypt :)), I must break out of this peace in order for my voice to be loud enough for the cashier to hear my order...so then I start to think that I can't just be worried about walking around in sakinah all the time.
    I know exactly what you mean here. And not everyone can walk around with Sakeen(a) all the time. Unfortunately there'll be situations, as you've stated, where you have to break out of that and act loud and aggressive. That's just the way it is. But look at it this way: after the situation has passed, you can always go back to the way you were feeling before, insha'Allah.

    I also remember reading a Hadith where some of the Companions (ra) were so spiritually aware when the Messenger (saaw) was with them that when they went back to their families, most of that Sakeena left them. They referred this to the Messenger (saaw) and told him (saaw) their condition. He (saaw) replied that if they were in the same 'mode of mind' all the time, Angels would be walking amongst them and that it's normal for people to experience highs and lows in terms of spirituality (my words, btw).

    Insha'Allah someone could expand on that.

    Secondly, sometimes, when I am trying to purify my heart, and struggling etc, my external appearance eg my facial expressions and my voice become less refined and visible and audible discomfort on my part comes through, due to my struggle, and my friends/companions may think this is because of them, or is due to my feeling about what they are saying to me, or my occasional frowns may be my evaluations of them, and so on, so then I have a problem in this regard. I'm sorry if my writing is quite disjointed and unclear but this is the best I can do. Also, sometimes i'm in a state where my mind is completely blank, or at least quiet, and sometimes I think that's good because in this state I'm much more gentle and easy going, and there is a hadith about the one deprived of gentleness is deprived of good, and smiles come easily to my face, but that's pretty much all that comes easily, I can barely solve a maths equation without taking ages, and it would take a miracle for you to hear my voice when there is background noise, which comes back to the McDonalds problem. Then other times I am swift in reckoning etc, but I don't pay attention to my facial expressions or adab as much, so I'm unaware of whether or not I'm harming people by my expressions and such. Also, when people ask me how I'm doing, I just stare out into space, raise my eyebrows, say I'm fine, and sometimes say Alhamdulilah. But when i think i'm having good character sometimes i just get a sheepish smile on my face and nod my head, sometimes saying alhamdulilah. Also, I know that in order to do Tawbah one often has to have a broken and humble heart (towards Allah), but surely if someone's heart is broken, they are always going to look sad/in distress and thereby grieve their family members, which is a big problem I have, because when I'm talking to someone on the phone and they ask me how I am I can't always say stuff like, I'm ok, suffering because of my sins but inshallah Allah will have mercy on me, *starts reciting ''qul yaa ibaadi allatheena asrafoo 'alaa anfusihim...''

    I'm not really sure what my question is, but can someone please cite any relevant hadiths, or ayaat, to give me glad tidings or put my heart at ease or give some input if they sense what I may be trying to get at. Jazaakallah Khair
    You need to realise that when you're alone, your condition will be different, and when you're with others, it'll be different again.

    Nothing wrong with that; just be aware of your surroundings, that's all. :)
    'Nor say of anything,"I shall be sure to do so and so tomorrow" without adding, " if Allah (SWT) Wills" (18:23-24)

    QuranExplorer.com, where you can Listen to the Holy Recitation and Translation online in Arabic and English : http://www.quranexplorer.com/quran/ :)

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    • #3
      Re: A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhl

      Someone posted a hadith last week about someone who complained to the Prophet saws that when he was with him, he felt sakinah, and when he was away he didn't (I'm really paraphrasing and maybe screwing it up too). The Prophet saws said if he felt the sakinah all the time he would be taken up in to jannah. i.e. Basically, to be alive means to struggle sometimes. This is the dunya, not the akhria and you won't be perfect (which, when you think about it, is a bit of a relief).

      One non-religious advice I can give you: When you're in a state where you notice you're making a face you'd rather not at a friend, look them in the eyes, smile at them, and say, "I'm thinking deep thoughts" or something like that. Let them know it isn't them. It will help them feel better and relieve you of the stress of trying to keep a certain countenance all the time, inshallah.

      May Allah swt reward you in your struggles.
      "Do not let your hatred of a people incite you to aggression." Qur'an 5:2

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      • #4
        Re: A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhl

        thanks for both the replies, very nice, thanks.
        good luck and inshallah your husband will pray

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A question about how to behave (concerning the heart, thoughts, friendships, akhl

          Originally posted by كمال جالكس View Post
          Sometimes I feel very peaceful within myself, but then I realise that in order to get a MacDonald's (from Halal McDonalds in Egypt :)), I must break out of this peace in order for my voice to be loud enough for the cashier to hear my order...so then I start to think that I can't just be worried about walking around in sakinah all the time. Secondly, sometimes, when I am trying to purify my heart, and struggling etc, my external appearance eg my facial expressions and my voice become less refined and visible and audible discomfort on my part comes through, due to my struggle, and my friends/companions may think this is because of them, or is due to my feeling about what they are saying to me, or my occasional frowns may be my evaluations of them, and so on, so then I have a problem in this regard. I'm sorry if my writing is quite disjointed and unclear but this is the best I can do. Also, sometimes i'm in a state where my mind is completely blank, or at least quiet, and sometimes I think that's good because in this state I'm much more gentle and easy going, and there is a hadith about the one deprived of gentleness is deprived of good, and smiles come easily to my face, but that's pretty much all that comes easily, I can barely solve a maths equation without taking ages, and it would take a miracle for you to hear my voice when there is background noise, which comes back to the McDonalds problem. Then other times I am swift in reckoning etc, but I don't pay attention to my facial expressions or adab as much, so I'm unaware of whether or not I'm harming people by my expressions and such. Also, when people ask me how I'm doing, I just stare out into space, raise my eyebrows, say I'm fine, and sometimes say Alhamdulilah. But when i think i'm having good character sometimes i just get a sheepish smile on my face and nod my head, sometimes saying alhamdulilah. Also, I know that in order to do Tawbah one often has to have a broken and humble heart (towards Allah), but surely if someone's heart is broken, they are always going to look sad/in distress and thereby grieve their family members, which is a big problem I have, because when I'm talking to someone on the phone and they ask me how I am I can't always say stuff like, I'm ok, suffering because of my sins but inshallah Allah will have mercy on me, *starts reciting ''qul yaa ibaadi allatheena asrafoo 'alaa anfusihim...''

          I'm not really sure what my question is, but can someone please cite any relevant hadiths, or ayaat, to give me glad tidings or put my heart at ease or give some input if they sense what I may be trying to get at. Jazaakallah Khair
          Feels like someone just read my thoughts. Thats exactly whats going on with me most of the time. People say they need a microphone to hear me, my friends tell me Im lost in my own world, even my teacher in school used me as an example to describe how people become disconnected from reality. I was like huhhh? lol. He was joking...I think :scratch:.....its all good.

          you're so right about the fact that its hard to hide it when you are distressed from your sins and you can make your family members unhappy. I think of the same ayat too. I dont know how healthy this is but Ive adopted the theory of 'suffer in silence' because Id rather my family not be distressed because of me. The best thing about that is you share your problems only with Allah as only He can rid you of them.

          I find this very helpful, inshallah it might help you too. After prayer when you make dua you can just talk to Allah (swt) (or whenever you want) and let out all your problems and ask Him to help you. Sometimes I start crying and its actually a relief to let it all out. Its a one-way conversation but I know Allah (swt) is listening and that sort of increases your iman too because you believe in the Unseen, Allahualim.

          I like what others said here. Jazakallah khair, that helped me too.

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