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  • Hypocrite?

    Salaam Everyone.

    Just wanted some advice..

    I have a older sister who is married and she comes over to stay at our parents house.. I'm not married and I wear hijab, pray and try to follow my religion to the best of my ability, I'm a alien hijabi in my family because they consider themselves as 'modern muslims', no1 wears hijab and they hardly pray.

    When my sister comes over she stays with me most of the time... so I try to share with her my knowledge of islam, hoping that it may benefit her. We stay up till 2am talking about islam, then we wake up to pray fajr, The following day we're all sitting down, my cousins will be over and she would say the most disrespectful things EVER! Things like Why is Allah doing this, he can make everyone rich, why are the arabs so rich for, Allah is unfair, Life is rubbish, I don't see the point of life (Astaghfirulla) ..Hearing these things boils my blood, hurt my heart and I feel like telling her off for saying such things.

    When everyone has gone and shes alone with me again she becomes interested in islam again and asks me how to wear hijab this and that... I show her how to and put it on her, the following day again when we are about to go out with cousins and I put my hijab on.. she's like omg I don't know how you wear that thing, I just can't do it, It's so hot.. I'm still modest this and that..

    The thing is I try to answer all her q's but I've only just started practising myself and It's been hard with a family like this. I'm totally on my own, I tell her sometimes when I don't know the answer that I will get back to her after I've learnt myself or that maybe she should research if she wants to know and she will say things like oh no it's easier from you because I cant be botherd researching.

    Why does someone act like that? What can I do to help her?:scratch:

  • #2
    Re: Hypocrite?

    Asalamu Alaikum,

    Masha'Allah for trying to spread this beautiful religion to your family. May Allah open their hearts.

    It seems she does this to impress her cousins/others. Though I am surprised an older individual who is married would do this. If your cousins are a bad influence on her I would suggest avoiding them, if possible.


    • #3
      Re: Hypocrite?

      Hmm there could be many many variable reasons as to why she'd behave like that. Maybe she has an interest in Islam which she asks you about but at the same time is very afraid of what other relatives will think so doesn't want it to show in front of your cousins but I actually doubt that is the issue. My hunch is that she is a "people pleaser"- she feels that she has to talk about things in a way which will cause people to like her. So when she is with you, she knows Islam is very important to you and you want to share your knowledge and bring her closer to the deen so she 'plays ball' when she's with you- then when she is amongst "modern Muslim" relatives she puts her modern face on and talks to them in those terms. You happen to see both sides of her so no doubt that must seem quite disturbing.

      I think next time you speak to her, you should not assume that she has any interest in Islam whatsoever and if she asks about Islam then don't answer her. Instead, ask her why she said those disrespectful things in front of your cousins and say that surely if she had such deep seated problems with the deen, then she should've approached you and discussed her doubts with you instead of pretending to be interested in hijab and that side of things. Don't discuss any other aspects of Islam with her until and unless you get to the bottom of what's sparking off these comments in front of your cousins.

      This sort of talk doesn't come from nowhere. It usually stems from some level of insecurity she has about her own life that she feels she has to put up a front whenever she talks to anyone. Has she always been like this? Was she like this before she got married? Was she like this before you started covering? Think about that for a while- is this a personality trait she's always had or something that developed after marriage? If this is a side of her that's emerged after marriage, then my guess is that something upsetting is going on within her marriage that she feels she can't discuss with anyone so when she comes to visit, she feels the need to put up a front, say the things she thinks people want to hear and pretend everything is okay. In fact, next time she visits you and you get time alone, don't mention Islam at all but rather ask her directly about herself; how is married life, what is her routine like, do her husband and in laws treat her well and before listening to what she SAYS in response to that, look at her eyes and facial expression as to whether they match up with what she's saying or not.
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