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A new hijabi, in desperate need of support. (Sorry I've written so much)

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  • A new hijabi, in desperate need of support. (Sorry I've written so much)

    I am 20 Years old, British Asian. Hijab had been on my mind 2/3 years ago and I wanted to look into it but I was always talked out of it by family and friends. This year changed a lot for me, my sister got married to a ‘modern’ Muslim who actually works for MET police and has so much pride about it. This did it for me. My family are born Muslims but nobody wears hijab, only my mother prays 5 times daily, my brother would openly bring his girlfriend home and my sister also ended up marrying her ‘modern Muslim’ boyfriend who everyone respects because of his job and my mum can not stop talking about this guy who has no knowledge of his deen, he talks, walks and acts like a khuffar. THAT was it; at the end of the day we sat there and said we are ‘Muslims’. I knew there was more to it. I was always the outcast and always looked at things differently. This year when my sister got married, It was a typical expensive wedding with all latest music and designer outfits. During this wedding I observed the behaviour of my relatives. Everything was ‘normal’ and then it was Nikkah time, everyone covered their heads and started making dua and crying. Once that was over, the next day at the reception, It was all about the dancing. Everyone dancing, free mixing (Astaghfirrulla). I was pushed and pulled into dancing in front of males and females that I did not know. Trying to avoid them, a scene had started out and my best option at the time was just to do as they said. When I came home I cried my heart out, I never felt so out of place and so exposed. I wondered was this really Islam? I did my research and came to know the HUGE differences between religion and culture. Alhamdulillah, I know in my heart this was not Islam! Islam is beautiful. I was always the girl with nice long straight hair, fair skin and following the latest fashion trends but I was still 'modest in my own way' 8-) as I used to say. This Ramadan I wanted to change for the better and wanted to find my inner happiness and comfort. Then I read the Quran with translation as I am not Arabic and did not understand its meaning. I started to pray, give charity and also wear my hijab. Alhamdulillah. To me it’s the best decision I have made and whenever I think of something negative, I think of the positive that Allah SWT will reward me and that I’m listening to his command. My mother is growing closer to me now through Islam. This was only when I asked her ‘mum, what language did you read the Quran in?’ she said ‘Arabic’ and when I asked ‘so how do you know what is actually written in the Quran?’ She did not have an answer. Then I realised these people just follow what other people say and don’t really have a sense of islam because they are so caught up in this dunya.

    Now my problem-

    My sister, one uncle and a few cousins are constantly bullying me over my hijab. (It’s been 1 month since I started wearing it) They made rude comments such as ‘Oh that doesn’t mean you’re better than us now’ My uncle asked ‘So do you pray as well or Is that just for show?’ and questioning me on how many prayers there are and how many I pray, the rakats etc. (This uncle of mine actually recently baught a masjid) My sister also made remarks like ‘hijab isn’t going to send you to heaven, don’t think you’re better than anyone else now’ and ‘I’m not going out with you, people will think you’re my maid’. Cousins saying ‘Ergh what’s THAT thing on your head’ Bearing in mind that they are born Muslims, It hurts me so much I come in my room and burst into tears. I asked Allah SWT to make this easy for me and I still will never take my hijab off. Although I am feeling a sense of bond with Allah SWT and try so hard to follow everything that he has commanded. It is just creating difference between me and my sister/relatives; I don’t know what to do? When I try to share my knowledge of Islam with them hoping they might learn something for their better, they end up calling me a ‘granny’. Whenever my sister and brother in law come over I just say Salam and mind my own business unless I am asked something. Reason being that there is a lot of gossip, talk about latest music, movies and cars. This does not interest me so I do not take part. My sister however thinks that I am being disrespectful to her husband and her by not taking part. I like keeping distance with my brother in law as I felt he was getting too comfortable with me before my hijab, Stroking my hair and stuff. It’s disgusting. Astaghfirrula.

    I am a grown women now and I want to follow my religion, something that makes me happy and stay away from this haram way of life. How do I get this through to them? I’m not perfect, nobody is. Especially as someone who has spent 20 years being Muslim but only started practicing now. I have a long way to go. How do I get these people to leave me alone? How do I stop them from bullying me all the time?
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