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What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

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  • What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

    salam Alaikom


    Definately having good manners is something great! it`s like you feel comfortable and humble just by practicing it. But , in our socities , people value harshness over kindness .....if you are harsh , rude at work then people seem to think twice about harming you or even putting you in a problem!If you are kind and polite then you are weak , a coward and everybody will try to bother you or take away what is yours!

    Honestly , having good manners is like saying to the world " I AM PASSIVE"

    Should one really be hard , loud , rude to gain respect ? Or does a person with good manners can still not be thought as stupid , weak and passive? Any idea ?

    Sounds like a silly thread , but i am serious!!!

    Tbh , it`s waaaaaaaaaaay easier to be rude than to have self discipline !

    Salam

    ~ Jumana ~


    Ps : it would be really helpful if you know a story of anyone who his/her good manners affected them positevely in life ! shokran every body !
    Last edited by ~ Jumana ~; 29-03-12, 06:08 PM.
    Jannah is my aim

  • #2
    Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

    i think you will get respect more by being polite, good manners etc but when necessary then you speak up firmly eg if people are trying to take advantage of you. being polite does not mean have to be passive or weak, stick up for yourself but without insults or swearing or anything like that, and that will still be polite but will get the job done? just be firm
    i dont think people really respect those who are shouting and swearing and acting harshly and bad manners, maybe they dont give too much trouble to them but probs just cos they cant be bothered dealing with them, its not respect cos inside they will be thinking that person is such a trouble maker
    middle path is best imo
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    • #3
      Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

      walaikum salam

      it is definitely better to have good manners, the ones that see someone as weak or passive with good manners, well they have something wrong with them dont they.

      a person can have good manners plus learning to be assertive so they're not a pushover, assertive doesnt mean being rude.

      in my opinion, people who are rude dont know how to talk and i lose my respect for them.

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      • #4
        Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

        "Don't be so sweet that people eat you up, nor so sour that people spit you out"
        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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        • #5
          Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

          Dont Expect People To Have the Same Views As You As their Is Ignorant People Out There ALOT So Sis Just Focus On Your Ownjn Manners :insha: And May Allaah Reward You Ameen

          I Sometimes Get Upset When I Always Say Excuse Me Please, I Smile At People. I Always Think People Spend All Day Shopping And Spending Money But yet They Dont Wanna Get Some Manners For Free
          And He found you lost and guided you,
          ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

          Salaah Reminders

          Guide us to the straight pain.
          " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
          ~ Quran 1:6 ~

          الله أعلم

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          • #6
            Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

            i dont think good manners makes u passive or weak.
            like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.
            [Al-Hadid, 20]

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            • #7
              Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

              Originally posted by Sandman View Post
              "Don't be so sweet that people eat you up, nor so sour that people spit you out"
              Great quote, masha'Allah.

              And re. the OP; having good manners makes one content; there's no negative emotions within you. Yes, you need to be firm and assertive at times, but it must be done with control (and not aggressiveness etc..).

              In short, it should make you feel good, insha'Allah :)
              'Nor say of anything,"I shall be sure to do so and so tomorrow" without adding, " if Allah (SWT) Wills" (18:23-24)

              QuranExplorer.com, where you can Listen to the Holy Recitation and Translation online in Arabic and English : http://www.quranexplorer.com/quran/ :)

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              • #8
                Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                Please Allaah No One Eles :love:
                And He found you lost and guided you,
                ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

                Salaah Reminders

                Guide us to the straight pain.
                " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
                ~ Quran 1:6 ~

                الله أعلم

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                  Originally posted by Leemar Tayem View Post
                  salam Alaikom


                  Definately having good manners is something great! it`s like you feel comfortable and humble just by sitiing to that person. But , in our socities , people value harshness over kinfdness .....if you are harsh , rude at work then people seem to think twice about harming you or even putting you in a problem!If you are kind and polite then you are weak , a coward and everybody will try to bother you or take away what is yours!

                  Honestly , having good manners is like saying to the world " I AM PASSIVE"

                  Should one really be hard , loud , rude to gain respect ? Or does a person with good manners can still not be thought as stupid , weak and passive? Any idea ?

                  Sounds like a silly thread , but i am serious!!!

                  Tbh , it`s waaaaaaaaaaay easier to be rude than to have self discplain !

                  Salam

                  ~ LT ~


                  Ps : it would be really helpful if you know a story of anyone who his/her good manners affected them positevely in life ! shokran every body !
                  If you look at the example of the prophet SAW he ALWAYS displayed good manners. He was kind, couteous, truthful, humble, never loud or abrupt or rude etc. If the Prophet SAW adopted this kind of lifestyle then no doubt it is Full of hikmah and a ni'mah in itself. Any kind of rudeness is bad as Prophet SAW never displayed it.

                  Not only that Allah commanded that people should be cautious of how they behave when with the Prophet SAW

                  49:2 O ye who believe! Raise not your voices above the voice of the Prophet, nor speak aloud to him in talk, as ye may speak aloud to one another, lest your deeds become vain and ye perceive not.
                  As you can see it is considered a grave sin.

                  It is easier to be rude because evil is easy and truth, haqq takes effort. That is a general principal when it comes to what is "good" and "bad". For haqq you always have to strive.

                  Good manner gives someone individual value. Makes someone special. Someone who is rude, loud and abrupt is just another nuissence you gotta deal with.

                  Also, relations between people, in particular religious people are very sensative things. The smallest of thing you do or say can cause problems in relationships. Its best to be good to everyone and always keep on good terms.


                  Edit: just came accross this verse aswell:


                  49:11 O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong.
                  Last edited by mundo; 16-08-11, 02:19 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                    I agree with Anna...be well mannered and polite ...but be firm when you need to be, to get your point across you don't have to swear and be abusive, but put it across in an assertive manner.

                    I think ppl (most ppl) respect you if you are well mannered...where I work they never swear in front of me and if they do they apologise, they also don't talk about dirty things...so alhamdulilah for good manners..(they also would never mess with me)..its also v.good dawwah

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                    • #11
                      Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                      ^ Exactly.

                      I think you also need to put the reason behind why you're being polite in the forefront of your mind.
                      You're essentially doing it for Allah(swt), not anyone else...so if people perceive that as weakness or what have you...so be it. You're not doing them a favour, you're doing yourself and your akhirah favour.
                      "The discovery of truth is prevented more effectively, not by the false appearance of things present and which mislead into error, not directly by weakness of the reasoning powers, but by preconceived notions, opinion, and by prejudice." - Arthur Schopenhauer

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                      • #12
                        Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                        Good manners definitely helps one achieve a more positive disposition. You'll only kill yourself if you walk around with a flaky temperament. After Islam, good manners, I feel is the best thing you can teach your children.

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                        • #13
                          Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                          Generally speaking people with good manners gain lot of respect in the society or atleast among the wiser ones in the society.However,in some places being too polite and kind can lead to people having a very negative opinion about you i.e you are too passive,not intelligent etc and people try to harm you as they think you aren't capable to retaliating.In such cases, you should still be good mannered i.e don't sound rude to people or utter bad words but be strong and assertive and reply back in a way that is neither too unpleasant nor is it in a very soft tone ...
                          I personally avoid talking to rude people as much as I can and atleast I don't try to smile at them just ignore them for good .If Talk only when extremely necessary and upto the point and leave..

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                          • #14
                            Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                            Originally posted by Leemar Tayem View Post
                            salam Alaikom


                            Definately having good manners is something great! it`s like you feel comfortable and humble just by sitiing to that person. But , in our socities , people value harshness over kinfdness .....if you are harsh , rude at work then people seem to think twice about harming you or even putting you in a problem!If you are kind and polite then you are weak , a coward and everybody will try to bother you or take away what is yours!

                            Honestly , having good manners is like saying to the world " I AM PASSIVE"

                            Should one really be hard , loud , rude to gain respect ? Or does a person with good manners can still not be thought as stupid , weak and passive? Any idea ?

                            Sounds like a silly thread , but i am serious!!!

                            Tbh , it`s waaaaaaaaaaay easier to be rude than to have self discplain !

                            Salam

                            ~ LT ~


                            Ps : it would be really helpful if you know a story of anyone who his/her good manners affected them positevely in life ! shokran every body !
                            Maybe most people don't think this like I do, but I think we already live in the times very close to the Day of Judgement. I wondered about the same thing as well. There is a hadith which says that there would come a time when people would respect someone out of fear of what they will do to them. I think this worry and attitude people have is just that. Meanness is rampant. But thats just my thought. In all seriousness I make this reply.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What is the benefit of having good manners ? serious replies plz !

                              the prophet :saw: was sent to perfect character.

                              Imām al-Ghazzālī [قدس الله تعالى روحه][إحيا علوم الدين]

                              إذا كنت في صلاة فأحفظ قلبك . وإذا كنت في مجلس الناس فأحفظ لسانك . وإذا كنت في بيوت الناس فأحفظ بصرك . وإذا كنت على الطعــام فأحفظ معدتك .[as mentioned by ibn al-Qayyim [rahimahullah] in al Jawab al Kafi]

                              Allah Almighty says, "Indeed you are truly vast in character," (68:4)

                              good character defines a person.

                              An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an said, "I asked the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, about piety and wrong action. He said, 'Piety is good character and wrong action is what is hatched up in your self and you do not want other people to know about." [Muslim]

                              have a read through shaykh al-islam, imam an-nawawi's riyadhus saliheen, chapter on good character:

                              http://www.sunnipath.com/library/Hadith/H0004P0073.aspx
                              Reported by Ibn al-Salah:

                              ولقد أحسن الحسن بن أبي زياد اللؤلؤي صاحب أبي حنيفة فيما بلغنا عنه أنه استفتي في مسألة فأخطأ فيها ولم يعرف الذي أفتاه فاكترى مناديا فنادى أن الحسن بن أبي زياد استفتي يوم كذا وكذا في مسألة فأخطأ فمن كان أفتاه الحسن بن أبي زياد بشيء فليرجع إليه
                              فلبث أياما لا يفتي حتى وجد صاحب الفتوى فأعلمه أنه أخطأ وإن الصواب كذا وكذا والله أعلم

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