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feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

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  • feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

    Salam to all my brothers and sisters,

    I feel myself very bad because I get a lot waswasa from shaytan.I tried to look into internet for fatwas but couldnt ease my heart.Please dont misunderstand me ,things that i am asking are not in my mind but they are coming to my heart,i feel like my heart having a stroke,i try to cry but i cant cry;i just cant bring myself to tears.I am also alone,no friends,no family,i have nowhere to go (i am in Germany right now for a short while for education) because i dont want to go to parties or pubs discos (which are all there is for young people),so i NEED to talk to someone.hope you can help me.

    first of all i am a young male Muslim,but i am extremely shy.i have a lot problems even going to market,because i terrified of making a mistake and embarrassing myself.i also feel uncomfortable because i feel like i am worthless,i feel myself humiliated in front of foreign people. I know i am better than non-Muslims,i am more important than unbelievers (i am not trying to offend non-Muslims in the forum,no misunderstandings please) but the problem is i cannot control my heart!i cannot make my heart at ease! i still feel like everybody is watching me,making fun of me,or trying to find my faults. i am not saying they do,beecause so far non.Muslims i met were really kind to me, but i have heard of prejudices against Turks in Germany so i feel like just because i am Turk with beard if i make a stupid mistake i am going to made fun of people here.i want to feel confident against foreign people:i am a male but sometimes my voice sounds like a child!its so depressing,i want to talk loud like an adult (i am 21 btw).i always believed that confidence is something people can feel;just like a dog smells you are afraid people can "smell2 that you are not-confident.how can i make myself stand up,be confidant.its a big issue for me here in Germany because i was raised and educated by many people who looked up on west as a role-model.in Turkey for many people its like "europeans are good at evewrything,we are bad,Turks and Arabs are bad,they are dirty,they are backwards,we must modernize ourselves,we must dress like europeans, talk like them,think like them and so on.....".the Turkish education system is even built upon the idea of looking up on the West!after i got closer to deen i of course shunned those stupid western-imitating ideas,they left my brain but they also left a scar in my heart!i still feel myself awkward in front of germans!i feel almost like i am a backward thinking barbarian or something!to make things better i try instead to be harsh on foreign people,i swear on my own language about them and their country but this is not a solution.I must be as a Muslim kind,just;i cant deal with foreigners unjustly just because i feel insecure.i am not very tall as a male (like 169 cm tall) so around those many tall germans i feel myself powerless,worthless.i dont want to feel like that.i feel intimitaded by all those handsome tall people around!especially around women ( i am not having affairs with non-mahram women dont get me wrong,but sometimes like in a market or school i see or talk with them) i feel like women look at me as an insect (this is just my feeling i dont say they do!)!!!i feel like i am not good enough for them, shaytan whispers that they beautiful and good and they are better than Muslim women;more educated,more beautiful etc...I dont want to feel that way!I know that faith in Islam is more beautiful,better than those worldly things;but i dont feel it very strong in my heart!i feel like i would choose a half naked unbelieving woman instead of a pious Muslimah!why do i feel like that?

    and there is another thing which bothers me a lot;shaytan whispers that everything beautiful is prohibited in Islam!!!i once read an article in which it said that the Messenger of Allaf (saw) didnt want to go through an ornamental door or something like that (i dont remember very well).it also said it is wrong to make building higher than 7 arms (as far as i remember,it didnt say arms but something in Arabic that is approximately a lenght of 70-100 cm),it is wrong to build domes,wrong to decorate mosques and things like that.i understand the prohibition behind drawing animate objects but shaytan says that there is no art in Islam,no decorations,no sport except sports that trains you for jihad,wife is allowed only because it is for reproduction, games are not allowed because they are waste of time;only jihad and making new soldiers for jihad!these are not what i believe (Allah protect my iman) but this kind of waswasas are so strong in my heart!provided that there are no other haram things like alcohol,extravagant spending,zina etc.,how much space is there for art,sport,laughter, joy in Islam according to trustwhorty scholars (not those modernists!)?i know that in the Muslim world there many old,beautiful,geometrically decorated yet humble abodes, mosques,places for caravans,bazaars;but what if they are frowned upon or even denounced by scholars?i am of course against spending a lot mony like gold decorations or gold and marmor toilettes;but is even making a lightly decorated mosque door a waste of money and time?i myself spend some time (not much!) by making small medieval armour and costume reproductions from cheap materials,i research different artistic styles and patterns (like those painted Turkish war bows of old or ornamental swords);now is it wrong?because i can get married (no job,no money only school;no one even the most pious Muslimahs today wouldnt consider me) and i have no friends,i am not close to my family because they guide me to harams,so i have a lot of time.i feel so lonely and depressed (using two strong antidepression btw,without my pills i am almost in a dangerous level to myself),what can i do? after reading many fatwas i feel like every entertainment is haram or makrooh!i know it isnt but i cant get those waswasas about Islam being too harsh,always sadness,thinking always about jahannam,etc...these kind of waswasas...i know that a lot of people go extreme about entertainment,spending money on useless things,gambling and so on,so ithink scholars try to (with little success) restrain Muslims.but i have ZERO joy in my heart,i am not going from this club to that club,or watching TV.I am seriosly depressed to the point that sometimes i feel like i should abandon Islam.i feel myself terrible, everybody knows the feeling when u get close to death in traffic or things like that; i am always,constantly,non-stop feel that feeling because i have panic attack!i always feel like there is something terribly wrong,or i fear jahannam,eternal fire without stop! and this is not something good i assure you,always worrying about jahannam,never being relaxed,always a bad feeling in your stomach,alwys sad but never can cry, always feeling worthless,depressed....

    i know that i wrote too long,and i dont expect everyone to read it but just writing it made fel better.i just want to feel that i am not alone,all the people i know are non-Muslims (probably even in my own country) or only Muslim by name;drinking,going to parties,having time with their girlfriends,seeming happy with their lives.... dont misunderstand me,i am not judging anyone because i am a revert;i have been like that. its just i need someone to talk,this is why i write to this forum.

    thanks in advance for your replies

  • #2
    Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

    The time for dwelling on Satanic whisperings is over. You state you are 21. The prayer is obligatory upon you. Establish the 5 daily prayers without fail- that is your priority. Thinking about this and that is all very well for a short time, but obsessing is wasting time. Your Lord has commanded you to ACT, and Your Prophet :saw: has shown you the example so get busy with salah and righteous actions and these will protect you from many satanic whisperings.

    Also ask your parents and teachers to make du'a for you. Humble yourself before them, especially your parents and consider serving them the greatest act you can do after religious acts of worship.
    Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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    • #3
      Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

      thanks for the reply but i am already praying 5 times a day and doing other fardhs,staying away from haram,making dhikr,readin Islamic lectures....

      because i stay away from harams I have no FRIENDS!i am not complaining,i am not saying "i want friends not Islam" i just thought maybe in this forum i could find some company...

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

        ahlan wa sahlan. marhaba.

        This is a great blessing and a sign that ALLAH Ta'ala has chosen you. The worship and submission to ALLAH Ta'ala is the life so congratulations on it and may ALLAH Ta'ala keep you and us steadfast on this. ameen

        On the forum you will find many great people so stick around. As for friends in ones day to day life then what of them? No company is better than bad company and if you are saved from bad company by solitude then appreciate this as a blessing and a mercy for you.

        Humans are social and we all need people around us in life without a doubt. I'm sure there are people you speak to and know - if you have few or no close friends then what is in that? Become ALLAH Ta'alas friend by emulating His Beloved Sayyiduna Muhammad Musatafa :saw: and His Khaleel Sayyiduna Ibraheem alayhis salaam.

        Brother izzat is with ALLAH, His Rasul :saw: and the Believers. In youth perhaps the righteous slave has few friends, but as the years pass you will see that the person who spent his youth in obedience to ALLAH Ta'ala with sincerity and devotion is given honour in eyes of even sinful people.
        Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

          Very troubling post.
          I wish you strength to face and overcome your fears...
          I'd say more, but it would be rude to get in the way of the refuge you seek among your religious peers. Maybe we'll talk yet.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

            Alhamdulillah was salatu wa salamu ala rasulillah

            Brother, wa alaikum salam wa rahamtullah.

            It is good that you have written down that annoys you. Writing down your feelings help ease the burdern from heart to a great extent. You have issue of emotional intelligence, you need to gain more faith in yourself and in Allah. You can refer more on emotional intelligence on this link

            http://eqi.org/eitoc.htm

            In sum, you need to understand your emotions and cause of the same. Next time you feel depressed, ask yourself, are you the saddest person on earth? What about the people who are terminally ill? What about the people who have lost their children? What about the ones who do not have food to eat? If somebody’s opinion about you is cause of your depression, you should ask yourself whether that person really matters in your life. Those who love you will not want to feel you down and those who do not, their opinions do not matter. So why bother about the opinions of the people who have no role in your life, they are not doing any good to you. Allah alone can cause you good or misfortune, so you should talk to Him alone, and seek His help alone. He promises in Surah Baqara that He is near when a slave calls upon Him. What can be better reward from Him that He made you a Muslim.

            You should not allow the opinion of others to change the way you look at yourself. It doesn’t matter whether other people think you to be incapable, aggressive or irrelevant. What matters is what you think about yourself. As a Muslim, you should consider yourself lucky that you are on faith and worship Allah alone and seek to be win this worldly life through your worship and win the reward of Jannah in the Hereafter. You are certainly better than millions who live this worldly life without knowing what is the purpose of this life. If Muslims start worrying about the hatred of non-Muslims towards Islam, they will all abandon Islam, but we know that we are on true path.

            You should have faith in yourself that you are a beautiful creation of Allah. Allah only creates beautiful things in the measurement that He wills. We only say subhannallah for Allah, meaning that He alone is free from imperfections. When the imam makes a mistake in reciting Quran, we say ‘subhanAllah’ because even in the imperfections of Allah’s creation, there is beauty and power of Allah.

            You have some misconceptions about Islam too such as beauty is not preferred in Islam, it is wrong to build multi-story buildings or wrong to build domes etc. You need to study religion through authentic sources to get rights perspective. There is no prohibition in decoration of mosques, but we are told that decoration of the mosques is one of the signs that Qiyama is near.

            You don’t have to worry about the misconceptions about Islam that non-Muslims have. There are many more people working to worry about that. You can only help Islam, if you are able to help yourself. Allah will not hold you accountable for what is beyond your limits. You should focus on your own belief and worship. If you do that, everything else will fall in place. Allah will give you sabr and hikmah and then the negative views about Islam will not depress you. If you need get answers to some of the questions, you can refer to Dr. Zakir Naik’s book on questions on Islam, which is available on this link:

            http://d1.islamhouse.com/data/en/ih_..._Questions.pdf

            Whenever you have waswasah of shaytan, you should recite ayatul kursi and the last three chapters of Quran. Remember that shaytan can cause no harm to you, he can only play with your mind and emotions. If you refuse him and any other person in your emotions, he will not be able to do anything. Besides our Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us dhikr to save us from Quran.

            If you are shy and do not like to mingle, it can work in your advantage because you will get more time to get close to Allah and worship him. According to hadith Allah loves Muslims who work secretly to please Him, without a desire to be known and also a Muslim who is weak.


            If you want to know more about jinn and shaytan, the following link can be useful for you. I will recommend that you fully read this link.

            http://muttaqun.com/jinn.html

            You can also recite Quranic duaa to seek protection from shaytan: allahuma inne audhubika min hamazatishayateen wa audhubika innyahduroon Oh Allah, I seek your protection against the whispering of shaytan and from their presence around me) I could not find the verse reference for this duaa. I hope someone can help you give you reference as well.
            [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

            My blog link: [url]http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/[/url]

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            • #7
              Re: feeling bad(attention very long ranting about my personal problems)

              Originally posted by cakirogluar View Post
              thanks for the reply but i am already praying 5 times a day and doing other fardhs,staying away from haram,making dhikr,readin Islamic lectures....

              because i stay away from harams I have no FRIENDS!i am not complaining,i am not saying "i want friends not Islam" i just thought maybe in this forum i could find some company...
              assalamu alaykum,

              alhumdu'lillah that you are praying 5x a day, insha'Allah ta'aala keep it up. Brother, do you pray in jamaat? is it possible for you to pray in jamaat? if you are not praying with jama'ah then insha'Allah start because maybe you can find some good brothers to keep in contact with?

              also, you mention about going into the market place, are you reciting the du'a for entering the market place? if not then you must try and implement this, also pray the morning and evening duas. Remember that nobody can harm you except with the permission of Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala, so ease up, relax a bit, chill out. Enjoy yourself, there's nothing wrong with doing sports, rather in islaam we are encouraged to take a good care of our health, so maybe enrol in some sporting classes(as long as they are within the limits of islam).

              brother, you need to know that the waswasa of the shaytaan will always be there, recite audho billahi min ash shaytaan ir rajeem when you get these waswasa and protect yourself by doing ruqya, this can be done by placing your right hand on your head and reciting surah fatiha, aytul kursi and the kuls.
              http://www.deenulhuq.wordpress.com

              Don't depend on anyone too much in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness ~ibn taymiyyah

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