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"I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

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  • "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

    Once in class, our teacher mentioned how bad he felt about being bald. One of the students innocently tried to console him and said, "No problem sir, if you don't have upper hair, at least you have the lower ones" As there was an explosion of laughter in the class and the teacher (grining) grabbed that student's neck and ears and jolted him. The student and I were surprised of what has he said wrong. After the teacher left, that boy asked the class; whats so funny about complimenting ones beard, but when the class told him about their interpretation, he thought of saying sorry to sir and clarify his intentions, but was confused if the teacher actually thought of his comments in the way the class was saying. What if the teacher gets shocked by his explaination, and it might fire back as he might take it as an insult and fooling towards him planned by the class.

    --------------------------------------


    There is a senior person in our office who is among the most responsible and experienced members of the staff. He is always in a hurry and politely says to everyone, "I am really busy right now, I don't have time. Lets talk later"


    Today we were discussing about the beautiful manners of the prophet (saw) that he never used to turn only his head in order to answer anyone calling from his left or right. Instead he used to turn his whole body toward the person to face him as a sign of respect, even while he was siting. Also after shaking hands with anyone, he never used to pull back his hand unless the other person losen his grip and pulled back his hand.


    I felt tempted to share what I heard from scholars that despite being the most responsible and busiest person, the prophet (saw) never used to snub anyone no matter how low that person's rank and status was in the society. He used to keep listening to anyone who started talking to him and kept on listening till that person got tired and stopped talking. The prophet (saw) never used to say," I am really busy right now, I don't have time..." OOPS!! I realized my mistake when I saw the colour of his face changed, but as he asked for an excuse to leave, I didn't know how to clarify to him of what were my intentions. I never intended to mock or disgrace him, in fact it was never in my mind till I saw his embarrassed reaction. But I also can't tell him that I wasn't being sarcastic about him when I accidently used his typical sentence, then he would think that I actually was pointing towards his behavior...


    LIFE is Tough!!
    Last edited by Submit To Peace; 10-04-11, 10:44 AM.
    Read not to contradict and confute, not to believe and take for granted, not to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. Inhale positive, exhale negative

  • #2
    Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

    As In Regards To The upper Post - I Did That Recently And They Didnt Accept My Apology As I Didnt Mean It At All. But As Muslims If Some One Says Sorry And I Think We Should Accept It Dont Make them Feel Bad Over And Over And If You DO Accept Their Apology Let It go And Dont Bring It up !!!
    And He found you lost and guided you,
    ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

    Salaah Reminders

    Guide us to the straight pain.
    " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
    ~ Quran 1:6 ~

    الله أعلم

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

      This has happened to me soooo many times

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

        Originally posted by Submit To Peace View Post
        Once in class, our teacher mentioned how bad he felt about being bald. One of the students innocently tried to console him and said, "No problem sir, if you don't have upper hair, at least you have the lower ones" As there was an explosion of laughter in the class and the teacher (grining) grabbed that student's neck and ears and jolted him. The student and I were surprised of what has he said wrong. After the teacher left, that boy asked the class; whats so funny about complimenting ones beard, but when the class told him about their interpretation, he thought of saying sorry to sir and clarify his intentions, but was confused if the teacher actually thought of his comments in the way the class was saying. What if the teacher gets shocked by his explaination, and it might fire back as he might take it as an insult and fooling towards him planned by the class.

        --------------------------------------


        There is a senior person in our office who is among the most responsible and experienced members of the staff. He is always in a hurry and politely says to everyone, "I am really busy right now, I don't have time. Lets talk later"


        Today we were discussing about the beautiful manners of the prophet (saw) that he never used to turn only his head in order to answer anyone calling from his left or right. Instead he used to turn his whole body toward the person to face him as a sign of respect, even while he was siting. Also after shaking hands with anyone, he never used to pull back his hand unless the other person losen his grip and pulled back his hand.


        I felt tempted to share what I heard from scholars that despite being the most responsible and busiest person, the prophet (saw) never used to snub anyone no matter how low that person's rank and status was in the society. He used to keep listening to anyone who started talking to him and kept on listening till that person got tired and stopped talking. The prophet (saw) never used to say," I am really busy right now, I don't have time..." OOPS!! I realized my mistake when I saw the colour of his face changed, but as he asked for an excuse to leave, I didn't know how to clarify to him of what were my intentions. I never intended to mock or disgrace him, in fact it was never in my mind till I saw his embarrassed reaction. But I also can't tell him that I wasn't being sarcastic about him when I accidently used his typical sentence, then he would think that I actually was pointing towards his behavior...


        LIFE is Tough!!
        Can't see whats wrong with what you said,

        if he feels "attacked/insulted" with good nasiya then he needs rehab ..

        lol,

        I noticed a peculiar reaction from many Muslims though, they are easily offended and angered by what their Muslim brother/sister may say, but when the Kuffar/Mushriks etc rant of blatant Filth in front of them, they become thick skinned ...

        great example of brotherhood this is ...

        we are meant to forgive an overlook minor annoyances etc but instead we rear up and display our anger quickly upon our brothers and sisters, but to the Kuffar we are forgiving, no verbal retaliation ...

        it's little wonder why we lack Unity ...

        :jkk:
        Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 10-04-11, 01:42 PM.
        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

          I agree with the above poster. We are the loop-holes in the ummah, we need to fix ourselves and the ummah will be strong (and this is a reminder to myself firstly before anyone else) On the other hand, it would also be precious if we could consider other feelings like our own and be sensitive and clear all doubts and misconceptions...make the extra effort to explain, just in case, an ambiguous statement could be interpreted wrongly and sometimes you just get a feeling about things, so.. it would not hurt that much to take that extra step and rectify a minor slip or clarify accordingly what could otherwise result in a huge misunderstanding...and what not.

          In my own experience, if I had applied the above strategy immediately when dealing with others it would have saved me much heart-ache, but Alhamdulilah, better later than never.
          "Call unto thy Sustainer's path with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and argue with them in the most kindly manner-for, behold, thy Sustainer knows best as to who strays from His path, and best knows He as to who are the right-guided." [Al-Nahl, 16:125]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

            mashaALLAH.

            if you think you've hurt someone by the comments then the way to rectify it is to speak to the person alone and just say that you didn't mean anything by your comments and that you apologise if he/she was hurt by them.

            generally when a person talks about something and it may appear that the comments are directed at an individual then what you should do is to slip into the talk that this is a general comment and it applies to all present to some degree or other. In this way, the person who perhaps you did originally intend the comments for hears them but is not embarassed and similarly those who also needed to hear what was being said get the benefit of this. But if there is something that needs to be said to a person then it should be said one2one. Even you could be very straight-talking and to the point with a person and he will appreciate your advice as sincere if you give it to him in solitude, whereas if you gave the same advice in a gathering it would put his back up.
            Rajab is a month of cultivation

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

              :jkk: mashaallah, another thought provoking thread.

              Brother r temp, I agree somewhat but not entirely.

              Sometimes the intention of the one giving the naseeha is flawed, and this may manifest itself in the manner in which he gives his advice. It's one thing having clarity of vision in deen and a totally different thing when advising a brother or a sister and knowing how to say things rather than what to say.

              Subhanallah, these days everyone knows what to say, but few really know how to say things. This is the wisdom and the insight that we lack today.

              When our words come from our hearts they leave their mark on others, but sometimes our words are just words and come only from the tounge and reach only the ear.
              Last edited by Jenicca; 11-04-11, 04:32 AM.
              وَالْعَصْرِ

              إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

              إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ


              "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

              Khanqah Habibiyah

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

                Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                When our words come from our hearts they leave their mark on others, but sometimes our words are just words and come only from the tounge and reach only the ear.
                Wah Wah! kya philosophy!

                **outta**
                Rajab is a month of cultivation

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

                  Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
                  Wah Wah! kya philosophy!

                  **outta**

                  Masha'allah bolow!! ( say Masha'allah )
                  وَالْعَصْرِ

                  إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                  إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ


                  "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                  Khanqah Habibiyah

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

                    bolow? what language is that . . coconut language?

                    mashaALLAH.
                    Rajab is a month of cultivation

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

                      Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                      :jkk: mashaallah, another thought provoking thread.

                      Brother r temp, I agree somewhat but not entirely.

                      Sometimes the intention of the one giving the naseeha is flawed, and this may manifest itself in the manner in which he gives his advice. It's one thing having clarity of vision in deen and a totally different thing when advising a brother or a sister and knowing how to say things rather than what to say.

                      Subhanallah, these days everyone knows what to say, but few really know how to say things. This is the wisdom and the insight that we lack today.

                      When our words come from our hearts they leave their mark on others, but sometimes our words are just words and come only from the tounge and reach only the ear.

                      very true,
                      Ukthi my post was not concerned with the intentions of the one giving Nasiyah, but the fact that we should "forgive and overlook" our Muslim brothers and sisters, even if the person has dubious intentions, (and I know what you mean sis ) ... from my observations the majority us show visual anger or retaliate back verbally at the first opportunity they get, instead of forgiving our Muslim brothers and sisters ...

                      True many people do lack the Wisdom and insight to on how say the Haque ... and this essentially a lack of Wisdom, but again sis, if we follow the Sunnah of the Nabiyeen and more precisely Rasulullah :saw: we are have to expect retaliation, feelings hurt etc ...

                      sometimes the Truth hurts but it's gotta be said ...

                      Rasulullah :saw: wasn't concerned with wether someone may feel offended or not when he stated various stern Ayah's of the Quran.

                      :jkk:
                      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: "I didn't mean to say this, I wasn't talking about you" SITUATIONS

                        ... double post sorry ...

                        :jkk:
                        Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 12-04-11, 07:52 PM.
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        Comment

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