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How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

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  • How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

    Asalamualaikum Ummahaties

    How would you help someone or advise someone who generally takes things personally and to heart, to develop thicker skin?

    For example, when a comment is said or a joke is made about that individual, despite them knowing it's not meant in any harmful way, they still end up taking it to heart which causes them to be upset an to reflect on it all day.
    (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

  • #2
    Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

    I always thought that it was the issue of the one who misunderstood the joke, but how wrong i was. Joking even between friends, has its shariah limits and as muslims we need to stick within them. If the person does not like the joke or the people know it will hurt the person or they will take it personally, they should not joke, and they are in the wrong.

    O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one’s brother after having Faith”

    [al-Hujuraat 49:11]

    A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”

    Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”

    Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The kind of joking which is forbidden is that which is excessive and persistent, for it leads to too much laughter and hardening of the heart, it distracts from remembrance of Allaah, and it often leads to hurt feelings, generates hatred and causes people to lose respect and dignity. But whoever is safe from such dangers, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is permissible for him.”

    taken from http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/22170/...with%20friends
    A little off topic but personally i don't think someone should be developing thicker thin to handle jokes which they obviously don't seem to be able to handle. The friends should understand this and stop. This is what I've found with friends, some are very well hearted and simple and they should not be taken advantage of even out of jest, with a good intention because it creates illness in the heart and leads to harm. Some people can handle it, others can't.

    *scratch* hopefully theres some on topic benefit in this post.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

      Stop worrying about what people may or may not think of you.

      Every individual's comments are based on their personal relationship and personal opinion. If you do something bad someone who is close to you will say "oh it was an accident" dont worry about it. Someone who doesnt like you will say or you are such a hypocrite and you are this and that etc.

      Some people like to crack jokes with hidden jags. Some people dont mean to be rude but the words come out as it was a dig at you. Dont pay any attention to what they say or think about it. Went in one ear and out the other.

      We are all human beings have our own habits and mannerisms so dont pay heed to what people say. As long as we endevour to stay within the limits of shariah and put our faith in Allah you will be ok.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

        An what if they don't stop or they do it knowingly (friends and family)?

        Surely then the individual should develop thicker skin coz otherwise they''ll end up feeling upset/hurt etc practically all the time as it's unavoidable?
        (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

          I hate having to be so careful around such people, i am considerate, i do try to avoid joking infront of them but it's hard man.
          Everyone's different eh?
          Doubt anything can be done tbh, that's the way they are, can't change it.
          "Treat people in such a way and live amongst them in such a manner that if you die they weep over you, and when you are alive, they crave for your company"

          [Hadhrat Ali R.A]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

            If friends do it then they are not really your friends. No need to get too close to them. Keep it on a formal level.

            Family is a more sensative issue. Depends who it is. Close family, try and talk to them about it. Give them the silent treatment for a bit those sort of things I guess.

            If its distant like uncles or aunts then I think you just need to know where to draw the line. Be formal with them rather than jokey.

            Things close friends and family say cuts deeper. I have my own family issues so I know what you mean

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

              :wswrwb:

              is that person young'ish? some people learn as they grow older and go thru life's experiences..life's the biggest teacher you know

              your telling them to desensitize it a bit may fall on deaf ears..
              sigpic

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                @ [email protected] well....yeah they're young-ish, late teens/early twenties.
                (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                  Originally posted by 1MuslimByChoice View Post
                  @ [email protected] well....yeah they're young-ish, late teens/early twenties.
                  It bet it sounds bare lame to you eh? lol when they get upset.
                  "Treat people in such a way and live amongst them in such a manner that if you die they weep over you, and when you are alive, they crave for your company"

                  [Hadhrat Ali R.A]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                    n/m
                    Last edited by badr_; 26-02-11, 07:38 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                      n/m

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                        Aisha91-no i mean, when they get upset i don't mean they go off in a sulk or show that it's hurt them. I mean, they take whatever's been said/joked about personally an it hurts them inside.
                        (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                          I refrain from making sarcastic jokes about people in general, ynless, of course, I'm sure that person is "cool" and won't mind. But, if someone jokes with me like that, I'll just smile it off.
                          I'm too good to worry for these little things. No boast.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                            If you can dish it then learn how to take it!

                            Thicker skin comes with experience and as you grow older you stop caring.
                            "Verily Allah does not look to your appearance or wealth, but he looks to your hearts and your deeds." [Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4, #6221]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How to develop thicker skin (not literally)?

                              ↑Could be. Whoever else said experience, that's probably true.
                              People who ususally don't deal with people alot (introverts) might be more prone to get hurt by these jokes.

                              Speaking of introvert, someone should make a thread on are you introvert of extrovert?
                              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                              Comment

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