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I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

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  • Alovingheart121
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Bismillah

    I hope your welll and inshallah pray everything gets sorted out!

    To be honest I was in the same position as you.

    Firstly I believe your a convert....its going seem odd when I say this....dont worry about your career or marriage or anything just yet.

    People say job is important...it is not if you know Allah swt provides all no matter how rich or poor you are, your still going to enter in the mud like everyone else. So it really doesnt matter waht career do you if you know this.

    I would suggest your firstly decide what stage you are in your belief? Do you want to really dwell into the faith or just keep the basics.

    If you decided you want to jsut pray 5 times and day and only do what is neccessary then you can decide your job around it. Also then you need to decide what kidn of lifestyle will suit you and especially think how it will help your family. Will your children be ok with it?

    Then you can do any job at any time so I wouldnt suggest you worry exactly what job yet as in the west its easy to take any route at any age just takes longer thats all. For know try to go into something you would like to do and REALISTIC that is halaal to do so acting as you agreed would be a tough one. Everyjob pays money it depends what you are satisfied with.

    If you want to dwell in your religion alot then you have to rememebr career choice become limited this doesnt mean you cant do much i.e. in terms of careers on the contrary its the opposite it helps to make your mind up as it eliminates certain jobs so you dont need to worry about following that route less preassure! So if you want to dwell in religion alot then you need to understand being rich at the same will be difficult unless Allah swt wills as most of your time will be put towards religion! So you cant exactly work alot of over time and stuff. hence you need a job that you can survive on....remember this life is temporary so anything you do is good enough as long as you religious belief are correct and performing good deeds.

    Thats how you decide what jobs you want by deciding what life you want and accepting that in future you might chaneg your views on the job in the future and hence need to change your job prospectives ifso dont panick just have patients.......nothing worth having is easy!

    In terms of current job its lame......I understand why you want to leave in my opinion leave! I know its hard in the economy and what and you wanted free food when you converted but is it worth the mental strain ifso then stay ifnot leave and looking for something else. If it means you eat less then so what at least you wont have people shouting at you. If it means you range of food variety is limited so by the will fo Allah swt this can change later. Remeber everything you have to struggle for otherwise it wont be a test. And struggle in something you are determined to do is not heard as you are making an effort in something you want hence it doesnt seem that bad just a little time pass.

    Marriage....take it from deffinitely dont marry someone if are not on the same wavelength unless you are both are willing to compramise....otehrwise could be difficult. Also if you dont go ahead you have to remember your life style might not meet other womens need, it wont mean its the end marry later if you can. If you cant its better to stick to the truth then live a lie!
    Inshallah if you are to marry no matter what happens you will dont look into things so much. Just focus on being a good muslim and when there is a need for somethign pursue it with pure intentions and it will automatically will be sorted out for you. I.e. do it in the mind set that it will please Allah swt and then just go for it. Allah swt will give it you if you are meant to have ifnot you wont get it. Once again dont look into it soo much just live your life halaal and good let Allah swt worry about providing you we have no say just make sure you are doing good deeds! Hope it was some help!

    My Salaam

    Leave a comment:


  • IDK
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Salam alaykum Wolfn

    I am sorry to hear you are feeling down

    Dont worry if you feel alone because true believers are always alone. Dont think that all muslims are believers and that is probably why you are not finding closeness with them

    And the disbelievers from your high school especially with all the brainwashing that they have towards muslims, will feel different towards you now, but its not you as a person

    But eventually you will meet some true believers and be close friends with them inshallah

    I think its very nice that you want to make your customers day better by being kind to them, and believe me there were times when some rude waiter ruined my evening so its very good you are doing your job properly, the others are in the wrong, especially if they are lying or laughing and complaining about you, so again this is something that every good believer has to suffer with the ignorance and bad treatemnt of others, even prophets suffered the same, so just ignore it and dont let it affect you

    Marriage wise, pray to Allah to give you the best spouse, its ok to have preferences in your spouse, but also know that being open to new possibilities is good as what you think you want now, may not be what you always want, so ask Allah to guide you and give you watever is best and make you happy with such. Pray istikharah if you have a particual girl in mind

    Try to change your mindset and dont let these people bother you then you will be happy regardless, and try your hardest to finish your education, which will promise you a good job in the future, a more stable life and hopefully new friends

    Leave a comment:


  • tawheed_girl
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    I would say not to worry about not being 100% sure about your career choice at the moment, very few people know exactly what they want to do, at least you have a vague idea, which is a start.

    And as for your friends, i know how you feel, i lost many of my friends when i converted, but i saw it that if they didn't want to be my friends because of my conversion then they are not the kind of people that i need in my life.

    Leave a comment:


  • CloserThanVeins
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Don't take things so negatively.
    Most of us are confused about career, it's completely normal! Choose something you have some interest in or that you're good at. If you're no good at the theory side of things choose a career that is more practical based. If you have no idea yet but want to do something profitable then choose something diverse so that your options after are open. You don't have to plan and know everything, do your best and see where the wind takes you!

    Nobody likes their job, so don't worry about that - you're absolutely normal there.

    Friends... It's better to be alone than to be in bad company. It's probably better these people are becoming distant it at least saves you from having to deal with fake friends. Go to places like the mosque or your Isoc to find better company.

    Marriage... You seem young so relax, pray and let Allah lead you to her. Inshallah you will find the right woman for you, be patient & keep your trust in Allah.

    Leave a comment:


  • DZF
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
    Salaam everyone. 2011 is fast approaching and I plan to drastically redesign my life. However, I'm not sure what I want my future to be.

    1) My future career: I don't know what I want to be for my career....

    Welcome to the club, brother Wolfn.

    Believe it or not, knowing and planning your future isn't some awe inspiring necessity. If you don't have any serious obligations right NOW (kids, wife, dependent family, etc) in life, then take your time and decide. Other than the listed reasons - why rush? To please others? To make money and be happy? To have a slice of the American dream? Etc, and so on.

    Live your own life brother, and while your at it praise Allah.

    You seem to be an intelligent brother. A little strange at times but none the less well rounded. Don't be consumed with what you WANT to become in the future.

    If you do that, you run the risk of neglecting who you are today.






    2) My current job. I work in fast food (Subway), and my store is Muslim owned and largely Muslim-operated. I get free food and tip money. Personally this is a great part-time job for me, but I'm loosing patience with the people I deal with.
    I love Subway. I'd love free Subway. I will easily switch career's with you. Can I give you my digits? LOL.

    As for the co-workers... that's everyday, friend. That's how it's been since two guys started hitting stone thousands of years ago. Both of them went home to their old ladies and complained about one another... LOL.

    I really want to get a different job, but in today's economy I really want to keep my job with free food and Muslim workers (which is what I've always wanted since I converted).
    Sound logic, brother.


    3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.
    As you get older, brother wolfn, insh'allah, you will find that friends won't be a part of your life as closely as they once were like in middle school, high school, etc. That's just seems to be the way it goes. People move out, move on, get jobs, family, and become consumed by their duties and obligations elsewhere outside of the friendship.

    Next time i'm down in the Tampa area maybe we can get together and socialize. I'll try to cheer you up. We can go on a man-date. HA HA. LOL. Insh'allah.


    4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all.
    Though understandable, it's best not to stray so far in that line of thinking. Don't let yourself sink into that mentality. There's a zombie loving muslimah out there for you somewhere!



    but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.
    Yikes.

    Kids and families are wonderful. But woah, LOL, that's a lot of children.


    In short, my life is completely out of order right now and I don't even know what I want my life to be. I feel completely alone and I feel that the rest of my life will be like that.
    A lot of us wear that same t-shirt bro, so don't ever feel alone. As I said above - stop obsessing about the future and focus on improving the now. I think it was in Star Wars when it was said "I don't know who i'll be, or what i'll become. Only who I am."



    I might as well just take my car and drive someplace new and just start a new life like Witness Protection Program or something. But I know that won't change anything and will probably be worst off than before.
    You are absolutely right. The problems you face don't have geographical limits and boundaries.

    I hate my life and there's nothing I can do that will change it or could have changed it.
    Come on now bro. You gotta up the dosage a fair bit. Talk to the doctor and see if you can get the 500mg happy pills.

    In all seriousness - if that sentence really rings true then ultimately you've already decided to be now and to live forever miserable.

    As cheesy as it sounds, cheer up, tiger. You'll be alright. Keep plugging on and things will be alright.

    Things are never perfect. If you haven't come to realize that by now, at your age, then there's something wrong.

    Things are half decent a lot of the time. You should know that by now and be self aware enough to see that.

    Most importantly tho... Things can ALWAYS get worse.

    You choose which one is the best to go by.

    Leave a comment:


  • In The Skies
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by IbnulQayyim View Post
    hes not complaining. hes telling his choice, that the female is good but the idea of her marriage life is not what he wants in his mind
    If I want you to speak, I shall address you, otherwise remain silent.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Maybe she's exaggerating.
    Get 4 first, then see what she says. :D

    Leave a comment:


  • Wolfn
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post

    4) Well, don't get me wrong here, but how are you two discussing all this unless you're really considering marrying her. However, there's nothing wrong with her wanting 8 kids and staying at home. What's exactly don't you like about that?

    I would need to be rich in order to sustain a family of 8 children and a stay-at-home mom

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    :wswrwb:

    1) That's not so bad. I hear that a lot that many people in colleges don't know what they want to major in. So, it's not a big deal. My advice is to find an internship somewhere, so you'll get a taste of that field. See if you like it. There's nothing to lose that way. Also, car designing is probably not a bad choice. Big companies (Ford, Toyota, GM) can compensate you quite handsomely for it. And, it's a good halal job, too.

    2) Ignore thsese people, bro. You have a job with FREE food and Muslim workers in this economy! Plus, these part-time jobs won't last that long. These are just jobs for some extra cash, not careers. Don't stress it.

    3) If your friends ignored you because you reverted to Islam, then that's a good sign. They aren't really your friends. Find new muslims brothers to hangout with, maybe in your college.

    4) Well, don't get me wrong here, but how are you two discussing all this unless you're really considering marrying her. However, there's nothing wrong with her wanting 8 kids and staying at home. What's exactly don't you like about that?

    Leave a comment:


  • IbnulQayyim
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by In The Skies View Post
    '4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.'

    How can you complain about that brother,women like that are gems these days.
    hes not complaining. hes telling his choice, that the female is good but the idea of her marriage life is not what he wants in his mind

    Leave a comment:


  • In The Skies
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    '4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.'

    How can you complain about that brother,women like that are gems these days.

    Leave a comment:


  • IbnulQayyim
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post

    3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.

    4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.

    I hate my life and there's nothing I can do that will change it or could have changed it.
    Wa Salam Akh, do not think that because of your Imaan, your Muslim friends are ignoring you or non-muslim. maybe its teh change in behaviour they are not fond or compatible with.

    and as for the marriage, calm down, lets first think on tazkiyatul qalb and work and career now. and when you are settled in these aspects with more islami 'ilm and a good paying job then marriage might come [that is, if you want to get married].

    and the last sentence that is underlined in bold and italics, well i cant help u in that. its the same with me :'(

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    the problem is not your life, it's you (the way you look at things). the reason i say this, people find themselves in disastrous physical situations, whilst your problems appear to be of psychological nature, causing you discomfort and frustration. you sound like a sensitive person, but you're mind is thinking so negative. you pointed out different aspects of your life, not just one, and in all of them you express dislike/frustration. you can do two things, change the things you dislike (if it's within your ability), and leave what you can't to Allah, He decides and just accept it < this would make your life easier.

    Leave a comment:


  • PurpleMuslimah
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
    1) My future career: I don't know what I want to be for my career. I'm currently in college and about to get my AA degree in General Education. Once I get that in the summer, I transfer to a larger university to complete the rest of my education. The problem is, I don't know what I want to be for a career. Everyone says to pick something you love, but the things I want to do are not profitable careers (tornado chaser, owner of a carnivorous plant nursery, car designer, etc). During most of my time in elementary school, middle, and high school, I wanted to be an actor, but that career choice is way too risky, not to mention I have a speech impediment.
    You may not be able to get the career you want right after you graduate, but very few people do. I think your career choices sound awesome, and while there may not be specific degree programs for them, a degree in meteorology, botany/plant biology, or aerodynamic physics/engineering would put you in a good position to enter the field and eventually get the job you want, insha'Allah.

    If you're not sure what you want to do, then my advice is to take some time off and use it to intern or work at entry-level jobs in whatever field you're considering. Otherwise, you're likely to end up just wasting money.

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
    2) My current job. I work in fast food (Subway), and my store is Muslim owned and largely Muslim-operated. I get free food and tip money. Personally this is a great part-time job for me, but I'm loosing patience with the people I deal with. I dread coming into work every day because I'm basically the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong in the store. For example, I work really fast but the other employees tell the boss that I'm too slow. I was closing with a female co-worker and it was really busy so we were behind on our work. She then calls my manager to say that we're behind and it's my fault. Not to mention I deal with tons of customers who give me problems.

    With all these people causing problems for me, I must admit that there have been multiple customers who tell me I'm the best customer service they've ever had. I do my best to be funny, cheerful, and helpful to the customers, and sometimes it works, but I know the other employees don't like that. For example, they always make fun of my style of dealing with customers, even in front of the manager. I hope that I make a customer's day a little better, but I don't know if I'm appreciated.

    I really want to get a different job, but in today's economy I really want to keep my job with free food and Muslim workers (which is what I've always wanted since I converted).
    If you're not happy, start looking for other work, and see what's out there. If you find a job you like better, then take it, and if you don't, then you haven't lost anything by looking. You didn't mention Subway on your list of career choices, so I assume it's not a long-term plan, anyway.

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
    3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.
    I guess you need new friends. If you can't make friends with any of the people you work with, maybe that's one more reason to find another job. If there's more than one masjid in your area, maybe you should try attending a different one sometimes, just to expand your social circle. If you have time, you can also join clubs at your college (not just Muslim ones) to find people who share your hobbies.

    Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
    [B]4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.
    There's no rule that says you have to get married now, or at all. I'm sorry for the hurt that must have caused you, but this is why it's best to discuss expectations at the beginning, before becoming "good friends" with the hope of more. For all the complaining brothers do on here about how they can't find any sisters who want to stay at home and have a million kids, there must be quite a few women out there who are closer to what you want.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslimahadil
    replied
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Originally posted by Sam_87 View Post
    ok, you need to snap out of it, dont be ungrateful to Allah, millions of people would love to study and Allah has given you means to study, loads of people would love to have a job (esp in these times) and Allah SWT has given you one, etcc.
    I really don't like this. I hate school. Passionately. I don't see it as a blessing, I see it as a waste of life. Schooling has absolutely nothing to do with education. Schooling is not some great opportunity, it's compulsion and none of us had a choice. It prepares us to become working class machines, that is it. There is absolutely nothing to be grateful for about being forced to go to school.

    Leave a comment:

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