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  • I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    Salaam everyone. 2011 is fast approaching and I plan to drastically redesign my life. However, I'm not sure what I want my future to be.

    1) My future career: I don't know what I want to be for my career. I'm currently in college and about to get my AA degree in General Education. Once I get that in the summer, I transfer to a larger university to complete the rest of my education. The problem is, I don't know what I want to be for a career. Everyone says to pick something you love, but the things I want to do are not profitable careers (tornado chaser, owner of a carnivorous plant nursery, car designer, etc). During most of my time in elementary school, middle, and high school, I wanted to be an actor, but that career choice is way too risky, not to mention I have a speech impediment.

    Further, I struggle with school work. I can study all I want but when it comes time for a test, I almost instantly forget everything and I end up bombing most of my tests. Because of all the classes I've had to repeat or drop, I'm now several years behind my education schedule.


    2) My current job. I work in fast food (Subway), and my store is Muslim owned and largely Muslim-operated. I get free food and tip money. Personally this is a great part-time job for me, but I'm loosing patience with the people I deal with. I dread coming into work every day because I'm basically the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong in the store. For example, I work really fast but the other employees tell the boss that I'm too slow. I was closing with a female co-worker and it was really busy so we were behind on our work. She then calls my manager to say that we're behind and it's my fault. Not to mention I deal with tons of customers who give me problems.

    With all these people causing problems for me, I must admit that there have been multiple customers who tell me I'm the best customer service they've ever had. I do my best to be funny, cheerful, and helpful to the customers, and sometimes it works, but I know the other employees don't like that. For example, they always make fun of my style of dealing with customers, even in front of the manager. I hope that I make a customer's day a little better, but I don't know if I'm appreciated.

    I really want to get a different job, but in today's economy I really want to keep my job with free food and Muslim workers (which is what I've always wanted since I converted).

    3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.

    4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.





    In short, my life is completely out of order right now and I don't even know what I want my life to be. I feel completely alone and I feel that the rest of my life will be like that. I might as well just take my car and drive someplace new and just start a new life like Witness Protection Program or something. But I know that won't change anything and will probably be worst off than before.

    I hate my life and there's nothing I can do that will change it or could have changed it.
    Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up do we realize something was actually strange.

  • #2
    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

    ok, you need to snap out of it, dont be ungrateful to Allah, millions of people would love to study and Allah has given you means to study, loads of people would love to have a job (esp in these times) and Allah SWT has given you one, etcc. What im trying to say is look to the people below you and then you will realise how much better off you are. Do not be the people that Allah Ta`aala has descbribed as being ungrateful when bad times befall them, jus say Alhamdullilah ala kulli haal. You hate your life now, wallahi if you were to visit some places or speak to people going thru major hardships you will enjoy every aspect of your current life. Im not having a go akhi, but honestly say Alhamdullilah you're able to walk, see, hear, where i work a woman has short term memory loss, she calls my workplace 10 times a day asking me the same question, subhaAllah imagine being stricken with such a test.

    1)Regarding your career, you're not the only one confused about career, just finish your degree and do some work experience or jus teach abroad.

    2) Who doesnt hate their job?

    3) Friends, well you'll get to an age or stage in life where you will be happier with less friends, as they can take time away from the remembrance of Allah Ta`aala (unless they r good for your deen). Try and attend halaqas in your masjid n meet up with those brothers

    4) Dont stress over marriage, it will happen when Allah SWT has decreed
    Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

      If you have plan to make hijrah to a Muslim environment - Muslim country, I would advice you to take up teaching diploma in English after your degree. I heard Arab countries are more welcoming especially if you are revert from US and UK with teaching diploma in English.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

        Originally posted by Sam_87 View Post
        ok, you need to snap out of it, dont be ungrateful to Allah, millions of people would love to study and Allah has given you means to study, loads of people would love to have a job (esp in these times) and Allah SWT has given you one, etcc.
        I really don't like this. I hate school. Passionately. I don't see it as a blessing, I see it as a waste of life. Schooling has absolutely nothing to do with education. Schooling is not some great opportunity, it's compulsion and none of us had a choice. It prepares us to become working class machines, that is it. There is absolutely nothing to be grateful for about being forced to go to school.
        Understanding is key. Look behind the words and see the meaning. Search for the person's values, biases, goals, desires; the unstated, the underlining, the unknown.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

          Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
          1) My future career: I don't know what I want to be for my career. I'm currently in college and about to get my AA degree in General Education. Once I get that in the summer, I transfer to a larger university to complete the rest of my education. The problem is, I don't know what I want to be for a career. Everyone says to pick something you love, but the things I want to do are not profitable careers (tornado chaser, owner of a carnivorous plant nursery, car designer, etc). During most of my time in elementary school, middle, and high school, I wanted to be an actor, but that career choice is way too risky, not to mention I have a speech impediment.
          You may not be able to get the career you want right after you graduate, but very few people do. I think your career choices sound awesome, and while there may not be specific degree programs for them, a degree in meteorology, botany/plant biology, or aerodynamic physics/engineering would put you in a good position to enter the field and eventually get the job you want, insha'Allah.

          If you're not sure what you want to do, then my advice is to take some time off and use it to intern or work at entry-level jobs in whatever field you're considering. Otherwise, you're likely to end up just wasting money.

          Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
          2) My current job. I work in fast food (Subway), and my store is Muslim owned and largely Muslim-operated. I get free food and tip money. Personally this is a great part-time job for me, but I'm loosing patience with the people I deal with. I dread coming into work every day because I'm basically the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong in the store. For example, I work really fast but the other employees tell the boss that I'm too slow. I was closing with a female co-worker and it was really busy so we were behind on our work. She then calls my manager to say that we're behind and it's my fault. Not to mention I deal with tons of customers who give me problems.

          With all these people causing problems for me, I must admit that there have been multiple customers who tell me I'm the best customer service they've ever had. I do my best to be funny, cheerful, and helpful to the customers, and sometimes it works, but I know the other employees don't like that. For example, they always make fun of my style of dealing with customers, even in front of the manager. I hope that I make a customer's day a little better, but I don't know if I'm appreciated.

          I really want to get a different job, but in today's economy I really want to keep my job with free food and Muslim workers (which is what I've always wanted since I converted).
          If you're not happy, start looking for other work, and see what's out there. If you find a job you like better, then take it, and if you don't, then you haven't lost anything by looking. You didn't mention Subway on your list of career choices, so I assume it's not a long-term plan, anyway.

          Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
          3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.
          I guess you need new friends. If you can't make friends with any of the people you work with, maybe that's one more reason to find another job. If there's more than one masjid in your area, maybe you should try attending a different one sometimes, just to expand your social circle. If you have time, you can also join clubs at your college (not just Muslim ones) to find people who share your hobbies.

          Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
          [B]4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.
          There's no rule that says you have to get married now, or at all. I'm sorry for the hurt that must have caused you, but this is why it's best to discuss expectations at the beginning, before becoming "good friends" with the hope of more. For all the complaining brothers do on here about how they can't find any sisters who want to stay at home and have a million kids, there must be quite a few women out there who are closer to what you want.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

            the problem is not your life, it's you (the way you look at things). the reason i say this, people find themselves in disastrous physical situations, whilst your problems appear to be of psychological nature, causing you discomfort and frustration. you sound like a sensitive person, but you're mind is thinking so negative. you pointed out different aspects of your life, not just one, and in all of them you express dislike/frustration. you can do two things, change the things you dislike (if it's within your ability), and leave what you can't to Allah, He decides and just accept it < this would make your life easier.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

              Originally posted by Wolfn View Post

              3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.

              4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.

              I hate my life and there's nothing I can do that will change it or could have changed it.
              Wa Salam Akh, do not think that because of your Imaan, your Muslim friends are ignoring you or non-muslim. maybe its teh change in behaviour they are not fond or compatible with.

              and as for the marriage, calm down, lets first think on tazkiyatul qalb and work and career now. and when you are settled in these aspects with more islami 'ilm and a good paying job then marriage might come [that is, if you want to get married].

              and the last sentence that is underlined in bold and italics, well i cant help u in that. its the same with me :'(

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                '4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.'

                How can you complain about that brother,women like that are gems these days.
                O son of Adam! -Your mother gave birth to you while you were weeping,
                while those around you were laughing in joy.
                Work for the day, the day you die,
                that you may be laughing in joy then,
                while they will be weeping for you.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                  Originally posted by In The Skies View Post
                  '4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all. There's a new convert sister and we've been becoming good friends and I've thought about marriage with her, but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.'

                  How can you complain about that brother,women like that are gems these days.
                  hes not complaining. hes telling his choice, that the female is good but the idea of her marriage life is not what he wants in his mind

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                    :wswrwb:

                    1) That's not so bad. I hear that a lot that many people in colleges don't know what they want to major in. So, it's not a big deal. My advice is to find an internship somewhere, so you'll get a taste of that field. See if you like it. There's nothing to lose that way. Also, car designing is probably not a bad choice. Big companies (Ford, Toyota, GM) can compensate you quite handsomely for it. And, it's a good halal job, too.

                    2) Ignore thsese people, bro. You have a job with FREE food and Muslim workers in this economy! Plus, these part-time jobs won't last that long. These are just jobs for some extra cash, not careers. Don't stress it.

                    3) If your friends ignored you because you reverted to Islam, then that's a good sign. They aren't really your friends. Find new muslims brothers to hangout with, maybe in your college.

                    4) Well, don't get me wrong here, but how are you two discussing all this unless you're really considering marrying her. However, there's nothing wrong with her wanting 8 kids and staying at home. What's exactly don't you like about that?
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post

                      4) Well, don't get me wrong here, but how are you two discussing all this unless you're really considering marrying her. However, there's nothing wrong with her wanting 8 kids and staying at home. What's exactly don't you like about that?

                      I would need to be rich in order to sustain a family of 8 children and a stay-at-home mom
                      Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up do we realize something was actually strange.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                        Maybe she's exaggerating.
                        Get 4 first, then see what she says. :D
                        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                          Originally posted by IbnulQayyim View Post
                          hes not complaining. hes telling his choice, that the female is good but the idea of her marriage life is not what he wants in his mind
                          If I want you to speak, I shall address you, otherwise remain silent.
                          O son of Adam! -Your mother gave birth to you while you were weeping,
                          while those around you were laughing in joy.
                          Work for the day, the day you die,
                          that you may be laughing in joy then,
                          while they will be weeping for you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                            Originally posted by Wolfn View Post
                            Salaam everyone. 2011 is fast approaching and I plan to drastically redesign my life. However, I'm not sure what I want my future to be.

                            1) My future career: I don't know what I want to be for my career....

                            Welcome to the club, brother Wolfn.

                            Believe it or not, knowing and planning your future isn't some awe inspiring necessity. If you don't have any serious obligations right NOW (kids, wife, dependent family, etc) in life, then take your time and decide. Other than the listed reasons - why rush? To please others? To make money and be happy? To have a slice of the American dream? Etc, and so on.

                            Live your own life brother, and while your at it praise Allah.

                            You seem to be an intelligent brother. A little strange at times but none the less well rounded. Don't be consumed with what you WANT to become in the future.

                            If you do that, you run the risk of neglecting who you are today.






                            2) My current job. I work in fast food (Subway), and my store is Muslim owned and largely Muslim-operated. I get free food and tip money. Personally this is a great part-time job for me, but I'm loosing patience with the people I deal with.
                            I love Subway. I'd love free Subway. I will easily switch career's with you. Can I give you my digits? LOL.

                            As for the co-workers... that's everyday, friend. That's how it's been since two guys started hitting stone thousands of years ago. Both of them went home to their old ladies and complained about one another... LOL.

                            I really want to get a different job, but in today's economy I really want to keep my job with free food and Muslim workers (which is what I've always wanted since I converted).
                            Sound logic, brother.


                            3) Friends: I have discovered that many of my "friends" ignore me. For example, after I converted to Islam, I lost almost all my high school friends. The ones I did manage to keep on Facebook ignore me. Further, I've noticed my Muslim friends doing this too. None of them want to hang out with me or anything. Every week, I try to plan something with friends for the weekend, but at the last minute, they say they have other plans and every weekend I'm stuck in my house by myself.
                            As you get older, brother wolfn, insh'allah, you will find that friends won't be a part of your life as closely as they once were like in middle school, high school, etc. That's just seems to be the way it goes. People move out, move on, get jobs, family, and become consumed by their duties and obligations elsewhere outside of the friendship.

                            Next time i'm down in the Tampa area maybe we can get together and socialize. I'll try to cheer you up. We can go on a man-date. HA HA. LOL. Insh'allah.


                            4) Marriage: I don't even know if I want to get married at all.
                            Though understandable, it's best not to stray so far in that line of thinking. Don't let yourself sink into that mentality. There's a zombie loving muslimah out there for you somewhere!



                            but we were discussing our future lives and she says that she wants to be a stay-home mom (like a traditional Muslim woman) with at least 8 children while the husband works and provides for the family. I don't want that, so that throws the idea of marriage out the window.
                            Yikes.

                            Kids and families are wonderful. But woah, LOL, that's a lot of children.


                            In short, my life is completely out of order right now and I don't even know what I want my life to be. I feel completely alone and I feel that the rest of my life will be like that.
                            A lot of us wear that same t-shirt bro, so don't ever feel alone. As I said above - stop obsessing about the future and focus on improving the now. I think it was in Star Wars when it was said "I don't know who i'll be, or what i'll become. Only who I am."



                            I might as well just take my car and drive someplace new and just start a new life like Witness Protection Program or something. But I know that won't change anything and will probably be worst off than before.
                            You are absolutely right. The problems you face don't have geographical limits and boundaries.

                            I hate my life and there's nothing I can do that will change it or could have changed it.
                            Come on now bro. You gotta up the dosage a fair bit. Talk to the doctor and see if you can get the 500mg happy pills.

                            In all seriousness - if that sentence really rings true then ultimately you've already decided to be now and to live forever miserable.

                            As cheesy as it sounds, cheer up, tiger. You'll be alright. Keep plugging on and things will be alright.

                            Things are never perfect. If you haven't come to realize that by now, at your age, then there's something wrong.

                            Things are half decent a lot of the time. You should know that by now and be self aware enough to see that.

                            Most importantly tho... Things can ALWAYS get worse.

                            You choose which one is the best to go by.
                            "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."

                            Martin Luther King, Jr.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I don't know what I want from life (career, marriage, etc)

                              Don't take things so negatively.
                              Most of us are confused about career, it's completely normal! Choose something you have some interest in or that you're good at. If you're no good at the theory side of things choose a career that is more practical based. If you have no idea yet but want to do something profitable then choose something diverse so that your options after are open. You don't have to plan and know everything, do your best and see where the wind takes you!

                              Nobody likes their job, so don't worry about that - you're absolutely normal there.

                              Friends... It's better to be alone than to be in bad company. It's probably better these people are becoming distant it at least saves you from having to deal with fake friends. Go to places like the mosque or your Isoc to find better company.

                              Marriage... You seem young so relax, pray and let Allah lead you to her. Inshallah you will find the right woman for you, be patient & keep your trust in Allah.
                              Allah is 'closer to him than (his) jugular vein' (Quran - 50:16)
                              ♥.. Any given time - I do my best to strive - In Your name I rise - The apple of my eyes ..♥

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