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Friend/family fueds in Islam

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  • Friend/family fueds in Islam

    :salams

    We know that forgiveness and making amends (even though sometimes it's not our 'fault') is the Islamic etiquette that we should live by. It's very beautiful thing to claim.

    Unfortunately, sometimes people reject all approaches and attempts to salvage a relationship - and sadly muslims are not exempt from this.

    I have a childhood friend who turned; she now indulges in revealing my private matters and getting her mum to spin stories about me in our circle in the begining I tried to put up with her and let things slide, made numorous attempts at 'talking it out' (she's not a huge fan of confrontation tbh) but eventually had to remove myself from her presence. These days when we happen upon eachother, she doesn't even bother herself with replying salaam.

    Now that's my story, but here is my question. I'm sure there are those who have been in similar situations can answer; how have you dealt with such people in the past ?

    And to those with Islamic knowledge, how should we deal with them ?

    discuss :)
    Last edited by *Sarah; 15-10-10, 10:09 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

    wa 3laikum asalaam,

    Alhamdulilah I personally don't have someone who is acting that way. But it hurts when I see family members do this to eachother. Or even close friends. All of this just because of some stupid mistake in the past, which I always remind myself and others to avoid so that you can avoid future problems and the like.

    It's hard, but what I advise people to do is, be the better person (muslim), smile in their face and give them salaam even though they may not return it. Look happy when you see them coming, just make them feel loved. All this coldness won't profit anyone. And I'm sure in the akhira no one needs anything else to worry about. Follow the sunnah of Rasul ul Allah salaAllahu 3laiyhe wa salam. Just do it for Allah, have patience, hope for Jannah, and it will become easier. Just like Allah SWT mentioned to us in the Quraan, He SWT may make you the most beloved person to that person. Allah knows all. :D
    الحق لا يعرف بالرجال، اعرف الحق تعرف رجاله

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    • #3
      Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

      :wswrwb:

      So, this is the thread you put up that you were talking about? :masha: It's a good question.

      Like whisperofimaan said, I don't have personal experience. Alhamdulillah. However, she's obviously wrong by putting up that attitude. What you can do is probably keep trying and being patient with her. Also, make Dua'a to Allsh that he removes these misconceptions between you two.

      Do NOT start behaving like her. I know you won't after reading your other post, but still.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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      • #4
        Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

        Yes, i have had family members who things have gotten out of hand with. For the most part, we are good except for one person. I just keep my distance and don't speak much around that person.
        "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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        • #5
          Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

          I had feuds with my family and I realized I should handled somethings WAY better. I made a lot of mistakes with my family that I regret.

          Nouman Ali Khan's lectures do humble you a lot.
          "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

          Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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          • #6
            Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

            Originally posted by samin62 View Post
            I had feuds with my family and I realized I should handled somethings WAY better. I made a lot of mistakes with my family that I regret.

            Nouman Ali Khan's lectures do humble you a lot.
            He is a great speaker.
            "Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes"

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            • #7
              Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

              We all have these types of confrontations with others in our lifetime. Sometimes things are sorted out quickly, sometimes over an extended period and sometimes the distance remains for life.

              At the start, there is bitterness but our Islam teaches us to overcome this and that's the key. Make du'a for your enemies who are Muslims, make du'a for their families and the bitterness/hatred begins to recede and disappear.

              As for whether you make up with the person completely or not, that's a hard one. Sometimes people forgive and move on, sometimes not. You should try and make up or atleast apologise for any rights that you have neglected and seek forgiveness. Whether they accept or not is not your immediate concern; your concern is to seek forgiveness for your shortcomings and to make your necessary efforts.

              In regards time-scale. I know of a fall-out within a family and about 2 years after things are beginning to heal, slowly. So patience. But again main thing is to make your heart empty of any bad-feeling to a Muslim. They may never know you make du'a for them, but ALLAH Ta'ala knows and He's the Only who matters.

              Also thought I'd mention that matters need to be dealt with wisdom. If 2 people know that their personalities clash or that too much has happened for them to return to the close relationship they once shared then they should strive for what the Shari'ah demands which si honour and respect for the Muslim and maintaining familial ties. It doesn't require that you be the best of friends that you were once or that you return to an extreme closeness. Similarly if you fear fitnah from a relative or friend- eg someone is known to be overly sensitive and misinterpret every little thing you say or do - then you can keep your distance.

              Finally keeping distance for the sake of ALLAH Ta'ala and His Holy Shari'ah is permissible, recommended or obligatory depending on the situation. So if there is a conflict between the Pleasure of ALLAH Ta'ala and the pleasure of people strive to keep the Pleasure of ALLAH Ta'ala foremost. May ALLAH Ta'ala give me tawfeeq in this first and foremost and others also - ameen.
              Last edited by Medievalist; 16-10-10, 03:58 PM.
              Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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              • #8
                Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                lol in some cases whole families gonna misinterpret every thing you say or do

                Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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                • #9
                  Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                  Originally posted by whisperofimaan View Post
                  smile in their face and give them salaam even though they may not return it. Look happy when you see them coming, just make them feel loved.
                  Anyone who can do that is in for some maaaaajor rewards in the akhira :masha:!
                  :insha: we can all find it in ourselves to put aside our pride and arrogance act in such a way.

                  Originally posted by RashidD View Post
                  I just keep my distance and don't speak much around that person.
                  Yeah I think sometimes this is necessary for your emaan, so you're not caught up in the fitnah of it all.

                  Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
                  Make du'a for your enemies who are Muslims, make du'a for their families and the bitterness/hatred begins to recede and disappear.

                  You should try and make up or atleast apologise for any rights that you have neglected and seek forgiveness. Whether they accept or not is not your immediate concern; your concern is to seek forgiveness for your shortcomings and to make your necessary efforts.

                  But again main thing is to make your heart empty of any bad-feeling to a Muslim. They may never know you make du'a for them, but ALLAH Ta'ala knows and He's the Only who matters.
                  Good advice bro. Alhamdulilah I can say with complete satisfaction in myself that I tried all I could to sustain the relationship and seek forgiveness for anything I may have done. Unfortunately the advances were rejected but you're right that it doesn't matter, I'm not out for their approval because I did it all for the sake of Allah. Walhamdulilah.

                  Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
                  Also thought I'd mention that matters need to be dealt with wisdom. If 2 people know that their personalities clash or that too much has happened for them to return to the close relationship they once shared then they should strive for what the Shari'ah demands which si honour and respect for the Muslim and maintaining familial ties. It doesn't require that you be the best of friends that you were once or that you return to an extreme closeness. Similarly if you fear fitnah from a relative or friend- eg someone is known to be overly sensitive and misinterpret every little thing you say or do - then you can keep your distance.

                  Finally keeping distance for the sake of ALLAH Ta'ala and His Holy Shari'ah is permissible, recommended or obligatory depending on the situation. So if there is a conflict between the Pleasure of ALLAH Ta'ala and the pleasure of people strive to keep the Pleasure of ALLAH Ta'ala foremost. May ALLAH Ta'ala give me tawfeeq in this first and foremost and others also - ameen.
                  Very astute :masha: - are there any ahadith to back this up ? I'm not doubting the truth of it, Islamically speaking it's a very logical way of handling things, but it would be good to know if you can provide the necessary information.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                    I'm not on good terms with one sibling, and a small chunk of my extended family.

                    I don't hate them, I just choose not to speak to them.

                    Love moderately, for the person you love today may be the one you hate in future; and hate moderately, for the person you hate today may be your loved one in future.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                      Originally posted by SeekingIhsan View Post
                      Love moderately, for the person you love today may be the one you hate in future; and hate moderately, for the person you hate today may be your loved one in future.
                      Personally I disagree with this kind of attitude. I would always be anxious and suspicious of people hurting me in future if I thought like that.

                      They say it's better to love and lose, than never to have loved at all. That's what I believe in !

                      Even though things between me and this girl have turned sour, I still cherish our memories and look back at them with fondness rather than bitterness. Alhamdulilah.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                        Originally posted by *Sarah View Post
                        Personally I disagree with this kind of attitude. I would always be anxious and suspicious of people hurting me in future if I thought like that.

                        They say it's better to love and to lose, than never to have loved at all. That's what I believe in !

                        Even though things between me and this girl have turned sour, I still cherish our memories and look back at them with fondness rather than bitterness. Alhamdulilah.
                        It might be different with friends.

                        It applies to families, in my opinion - people love their wives excessively and hurt their families, others love their families excessively and hurt their wives.

                        Some people don't know how to balance.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                          Originally posted by SeekingIhsan View Post
                          Some people don't know how to balance.
                          truesay

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                          • #14
                            Re: Friend/family fueds in Islam

                            Originally posted by *Sarah View Post
                            Very astute :masha: - are there any ahadith to back this up ? I'm not doubting the truth of it, Islamically speaking it's a very logical way of handling things, but it would be good to know if you can provide the necessary information.
                            I don't know.

                            I asked an 'alim regarding this general topic and what I've posted is the general gist of what I was told.
                            Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

                            Comment

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