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What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

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  • What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

    :salams

    Initially it started off as a tease but now my very own family think I'm about to run away to Somalia any moment now and join ash-shabaab which is pretty ridiculous to say the very least.

    They know very well that I take Islam seriously but just recently a distant family friend from Sweden left the country under the pretence of pursuing knowledge but is now in the ghetto depths of Somalia apparently fighting a legitimate jihad, and my nan and aunties think I'm going to follow suit as I've recently delved deeper into Islamic circles and starting giving khutbahs and whatnot.

    How did you guys react when your family accused you of extremism? Do you have any tips to keep them cool?

    Any advice to quell my family's unfounded concerns and worries would be really really appreciated, insha'Allah.

    BarakAllah feek

    AQ
    What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

  • #2
    Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

    Happens all the time, family thinks you are extremist just cause you actually care about islam, be kind and gentle with your words, and do give them knowledge as well brother, inshAllah Allah swt will help you. I remember listening to Nauman Ali Khan's talk about teenagers, adn then how a lot of people cut off from their own brs and sis just cause their family thinks they are too religious, but he said soemthing so amazing. He said that have you guys ever thought why you weren't born in a family like Imam Abu Haneefa 's ? He said that this is cuase Allah swt has given us a task to try and help our family as well. SubhanAllah, imagine that. So don't take any negative action, be happy about this, and keep up with deen, never get discouraged, and make your parents feel really special, obey all their halal commands, and be very respectful inshAllah.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

      wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

      brother, subhan'Allah, most of us go through this at some point, it's not nice is it? My advice would be, do NOT lock off your family. I am usually in my room alone and my mum hates it because im usually on the net and she probably thinks i am being brainwashed, subhan'Allah, the reason why i do not like sitting with the rest of the fam is because they are usually watching MTV or some movie but i have come to realise that locking the fam off completely does not help. So, in your situation, i would suggest that you spend some more time with your family (if you are not doing so already) show them that yes, i am still AbuQ from the block! (you know what i mean, show them you are the same old kid, aint changed too much)
      http://www.deenulhuq.wordpress.com

      Don't depend on anyone too much in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness ~ibn taymiyyah

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

        "apparently fighting a legitimate jihad," some would call you a moderate sell out. Your family don't know what extream is is.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

          Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
          :salams

          Initially it started off as a tease but now my very own family think I'm about to run away to Somalia any moment now and join ash-shabaab which is pretty ridiculous to say the very least.

          They know very well that I take Islam seriously but just recently a distant family friend from Sweden left the country under the pretence of pursuing knowledge but is now in the ghetto depths of Somalia apparently fighting a legitimate jihad, and my nan and aunties think I'm going to follow suit as I've recently delved deeper into Islamic circles and starting giving khutbahs and whatnot.

          How did you guys react when your family accused you of extremism? Do you have any tips to keep them cool?

          Any advice to quell my family's unfounded concerns and worries would be really really appreciated, insha'Allah.

          BarakAllah feek

          AQ
          worrddd homie. They think I talk to those "bearded indian 'molvis' or sheikhs" all the time on the internet.
          LIKE WHAT THE FLICK MAN

          I gave up, we're to far now. I dont talk to my family much. wrong i know but whatever
          Reported by Ibn al-Salah:

          ولقد أحسن الحسن بن أبي زياد اللؤلؤي صاحب أبي حنيفة فيما بلغنا عنه أنه استفتي في مسألة فأخطأ فيها ولم يعرف الذي أفتاه فاكترى مناديا فنادى أن الحسن بن أبي زياد استفتي يوم كذا وكذا في مسألة فأخطأ فمن كان أفتاه الحسن بن أبي زياد بشيء فليرجع إليه
          فلبث أياما لا يفتي حتى وجد صاحب الفتوى فأعلمه أنه أخطأ وإن الصواب كذا وكذا والله أعلم

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

            Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

            Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
            :salams

            Initially it started off as a tease but now my very own family think I'm about to run away to Somalia any moment now and join ash-shabaab which is pretty ridiculous to say the very least.

            They know very well that I take Islam seriously but just recently a distant family friend from Sweden left the country under the pretence of pursuing knowledge but is now in the ghetto depths of Somalia apparently fighting a legitimate jihad, and my nan and aunties think I'm going to follow suit as I've recently delved deeper into Islamic circles and starting giving khutbahs and whatnot.

            How did you guys react when your family accused you of extremism? Do you have any tips to keep them cool?

            Any advice to quell my family's unfounded concerns and worries would be really really appreciated, insha'Allah.

            BarakAllah feek

            AQ
            Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Akhi!

            As sis_on_sunnah said, do not lock off your family. If you take a big step from them and are not very active and talkative with them, then they might think worse of you.

            My advice for you is to keep go deeper in your deen, but in the meantime be social with them. Obey your parents and serve your mother and father as Islam tells you to.

            I also suggest you Akhi, try to make Da'wah. Talk with them about Islam. And as you might know every Muslim has the duty to do Da'wah, even telling that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) is the One and only, is Da'wah!
            Tell them about the beauty of Islam, and that Harmony and Peace and Love you get in your soul for surrendering and submitting yourself in true obedience and in a sincere way, to the One and only Who is worthy of all worship!

            InshaAllah Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will guide them to Islam eventually, so keep making Da'wah, tell them what you have learned about Islam, tell them what makes you to read about Islam and submit yourself to your Lord!

            There is a story about a new muslim and his mother that I would like to share with you. Before this man was a Muslim, he lived with his mother until he was about 18 years old. Then he moved out of his home and lived in a different place on his own. During those days, he met some Muslims and became a very close friend of them. Eventually he himself became a Muslim after learning about the beautiful religion of Islam from them. He made an effort every day to learn more and more about Islam.
            One day, he came to learn about the benefits of being good to one's parents. He learned that a person who looks at his parents with the eyes of obedience gets the reward of one accepted Hajj! (The reward is mentioned in an authentic hadith of Sahih Muslim). After knowing this, he decided to visit his mother whom he did not visit for many years. He bought some flowers and fruits for her on his way. His mother was very pleased to see him after so long time. He started spending lots of time with his mother on a regular basis. During his visits, he would stare at his mother and tears would roll down from his eyes. The mother noticed this happening many times and asked him one day the reason why he all of a sudden visits her so much and why he cries.
            He told her about how he became a Muslim and that the position of a mother in Islam is very high. He also told her about the reward he gets for looking at her. But while looking at her, he cries because the mother is not a Muslim and would not be able to save herself if she dies in this state. The mother immediately recognized the beauty of Islam and the honoured status of a Mother and a woman, and then she became a Muslim.

            Do not misunderstand me, I am not saying you are not dutiful towards your parents. But I would like to mention that it is better if you make Da'wah and tell your parents, your mother, about Islam instead of just going deeper and keep all that knowledge for yourself.

            If you are not an extremist, then tell them that you aren't and explain why. Explain to them why you think Islam is so serious for you. Islam is a way of life. Tell them about the different aspects of Islam, what Islam tells you about life. How this life is like.

            InshaAllah, it will go very well for you, just don't take it hard on yourself. Look at it on the bright side, InshaAllah. There is surely something behind every hardship Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) sets on His slaves. Look at this as to make Da'wah for them, to keep praying for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and make du'a, go deeper into the deen etc.

            May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) guide your family and strengthen your emaan, Ameen!

            Take Care and Stay Blessed!
            As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
            Ukhti S.
            Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and Paradise is my Goal!

            You are the servant, He is the Master.
            Prayers come from you, answers come from Him.
            Abstinence comes from you, protection comes from Him.
            Repentance comes from you, acceptance comes from Him.
            Go towards him walking, He will come to you running.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

              :wswrwb:

              Allah make it easy for you and help your family to understand :up:

              I think, try and tell them a little more about your Islamic activities, and the great benefits of it.
              And that Allah does only what is best for us. Perhaps if they know more their'll be a bit more open to it.

              My mom once thought I was being really weird when kept speaking about jihad, and always getting so angry about the west.
              I even had a thread on here once, a long time ago. I don't know, I think she was just being paranoid.
              She's better now, alhamdulilah, because she started reading books about it.
              But when I just start a conversation about jihad to my cousins, they stare at me like I'm an alien.
              Freedom exists only in the hereafter

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                what's interesting is the different definitions some people have of 'extremism'.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                  Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
                  :salams

                  Initially it started off as a tease but now my very own family think I'm about to run away to Somalia any moment now and join ash-shabaab which is pretty ridiculous to say the very least.

                  They know very well that I take Islam seriously but just recently a distant family friend from Sweden left the country under the pretence of pursuing knowledge but is now in the ghetto depths of Somalia apparently fighting a legitimate jihad, and my nan and aunties think I'm going to follow suit as I've recently delved deeper into Islamic circles and starting giving khutbahs and whatnot.

                  How did you guys react when your family accused you of extremism? Do you have any tips to keep them cool?

                  Any advice to quell my family's unfounded concerns and worries would be really really appreciated, insha'Allah.

                  BarakAllah feek

                  AQ
                  Well when I went to see a spouse for marriage the elder brother made a comment "What are my religious veiws? Am I an extremeist" I thought that was a stupid thing to say. Then he started banging on whether I think the Cinema and Travelling abroad is Halal. This cultural pakistani modernist version of Islam has spread like a disease through the Ummah just because I have a beard, am I a terrorist? Just because he had a Zain Mavis Beaker style beard he thinks that is Sunnah and anything beyond that signifies extremeism? Muppets. Bloody Ali Baba watching idiots.

                  Sorry if I have de-railed your thread a little but I am ****ed off at the Stupid Muslims I meet every day and how they are indoctrinated by the media. Sometimes I feel like putting a bullet to their head, but then that is Haraam.

                  May Allah Guide me and us All to the Sunnah.
                  (Note to self- Be Patient, it's all a test)
                  Last edited by islam4u2; 01-06-10, 09:45 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                    No one, not even the most extreme extremists in the world, will ever describe himself as 'extremist'.

                    If your level of practicing Islam is a relatively recent change, it would probably make them feel better to see that you've kept many of the same interests and hobbies you had before, assuming they're halal. A guy I know went from completely non-practicing to growing a full beard and wearing a thobe, masha'Allah, but he still plays football with the guys every weekend, and his parents seem to be reassured by that.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                      Originally posted by PurpleMuslimah View Post
                      No one, not even the most extreme extremists in the world, will ever describe himself as 'extremist'.

                      If your level of practicing Islam is a relatively recent change, it would probably make them feel better to see that you've kept many of the same interests and hobbies you had before, assuming they're halal. A guy I know went from completely non-practicing to growing a full beard and wearing a thobe, masha'Allah, but he still plays football with the guys every weekend, and his parents seem to be reassured by that.
                      If you pray 5 times salaat you are an extremeist according to these liberal Muslims.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                        When you see elders/ family members doing things which are clearly far from islam, be careful in the way that you convey that to them. don't resort to calling them sinners/deviant/kaafir. alot of youth when they learn a few things about islaam they get all kinds of superiority complex symptoms directed towards their culturally inclined/non practising families, and that's definitely not gonna go down smooth with the people who taught you right from wrong

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                          BarakAllah feekum for all your sound replies.

                          My level of Islam hasn't changed dramatically as alhamdullah I've always been at least somewhat practising but you could say I've taken my deen to the next level over the past 7-8 months by ridding myself of bad company and giving more heed to the Qur'an and Sunnah. Their concerns was undoubtedly instigated by this other fellow who was supposedly super-pious and is now fighting in the ranks of ash-shabaab.

                          Alhamdullah my family for the most past are practising save one or two members. I guess they just fear that I'll be easily seduced by the thought of guaranteed ticket to jannah and a plethora of untouched virgins just as this other fellow was.

                          It was pretty funny getting asked primitive questions like "what do you think of killing innocent cilivians?" and the like. I wonder how they expected me to answer!

                          Ya Lateef!
                          What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                            as-Salaamu Alaykum.

                            Alhamdulillaah my Mother encouraged me to grow the beard even though my Father was initially against the idea citing the typical reason that growing a beard will limit my chances of finding a job. But alhamdulillaah my Mother explained to myself and my Father that what is written will happen, and Allaah 'azza wa jal is our sustainer. Though my Father jokes every now and then by asking me how Shaykh Osama (may Allaah 'azza wa jal protect him) is doing.

                            My advice to the OP would be talk to your parents and clarify your intentions so that the situation does not fall out your control. insha'Allaah your parents will be satisfied that you came to them rather than they to you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What to do (or not do) when your own family think you're an extremist

                              Originally posted by AbuQudamah View Post
                              :salams

                              Initially it started off as a tease but now my very own family think I'm about to run away to Somalia any moment now and join ash-shabaab which is pretty ridiculous to say the very least.

                              They know very well that I take Islam seriously but just recently a distant family friend from Sweden left the country under the pretence of pursuing knowledge but is now in the ghetto depths of Somalia apparently fighting a legitimate jihad, and my nan and aunties think I'm going to follow suit as I've recently delved deeper into Islamic circles and starting giving khutbahs and whatnot.

                              How did you guys react when your family accused you of extremism? Do you have any tips to keep them cool?

                              Any advice to quell my family's unfounded concerns and worries would be really really appreciated, insha'Allah.

                              BarakAllah feek

                              AQ
                              :wswrwb:

                              Exactly the same thing that was said to my brother. Started growing the beard and abstaining from things etc an yep, the suspicions arised that he'll go an join al-shabab. He also started going to classes and hanging around with other brothers (bearded) so suspicion grew more. But then as we all started following in the same footsteps, i guess who can really be suspicious of a group of people. But now its more jokey even though some tend to still sit behind that he will join them. I support my brother and back him up so if anyone does say anything silly anymore i'll defend him.

                              But don;t worry brother, it'll die down insha'Allah most definetly. As for advice just try to bite your tongue and not say anything back. I have found that if i do reply then its like talking to thin air or arguments will arise, an because i'm seen as 'a daughter' i have no stands in correcting the views of those older than me.

                              Wa iyyak!
                              (The hypocrites) will call the believers: "Were we not with you?" The believers will reply: "Yes! But you led yourselves into temptations, you looked forward for our destruction; you doubted (in Faith); and you were deceived by false desires, till the Command of Allah came to pass. And the chief deceiver (Satan) deceived you in respect of Allah."57:14

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