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Appropriate Birthday Gift?

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  • CanuckGirl
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Thanks for all the replies. I will take them all into consideration :)

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    My husband is constantly giving our Qurans and tasbihs away....

    Leave a comment:


  • hij4eva
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Hello CanuckGirl,

    In simple answer to your question, which I think you have asked a couple of times now, a Qur'an is perfectly appropriate as a gift between friends. And, for those who say he probably already has a Qur'an because he's a Muslim.. do you know any Muslims who own only one Qur'an and do not wish for any more? There's nothing wrong with having more than one copy of Qur'an! And alhamdulillah that the first Muslim woman I met when I was investigating Islam had an extra copy to give to me, so I got a chance to read the words of Allah.

    I do agree however, that he as a Muslim should not be having a close relationship with any woman, and the relationship between you should be strictly as coworkers. I do not think it is inappropriate for coworkers to give gifts to each other, but you said he says he wants to be a better Muslim, and for him to keep a friendship with a woman (married or not), would be a distraction from that, so be prepared for him to cut back on your friendship. And if you do want to support him in becoming a better Muslim, it might help him to know that you will not be offended if he does so.

    I won't say any more about the friendship thing, since you started a different thread for that. By now you understand that Muslims should not celebrate birthdays, so the question of an appropriate birthday gift is a moot point. As I said, a Qur'an is an appropriate gift for any occasion, and if you decide you will give him a gift, it is up to you whether to give it as a birthday gift or not. Personally, I would not give a birthday gift, and certainly not any gift to a man, but I can't advise a non-Muslim who is not under the same obligations. Just be aware that he, as a Muslim, is under different obligations than you.

    Hope that helps :)

    Leave a comment:


  • IDK
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by CanuckGirl View Post
    Ok, I started a new thread for the whole "men and women as friends" topic. It can be found here: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ends&p=3734482

    So back on topic, let's assume my friend was another female....would this make a nice birthday gift, or should I go with something else?

    Leave a comment:


  • AlayhisSalaam
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by CanuckGirl View Post
    Ok, I started a new thread for the whole "men and women as friends" topic. It can be found here: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ends&p=3734482

    So back on topic, let's assume my friend was another female....would this make a nice birthday gift, or should I go with something else?
    We do not celebrate birthdays in Islam, it is haram (forbidden).

    The reason is because Allah (Al-Lah, how you say "God" in Arabic, literally meaning "The God") has created EVERY DAY and EVERY DAY is special, there is no one day more or less special than others. If we love someone and want to give them a gift, it doesn't have to be their birthday to do so.

    However, that Qur'an is a good gift only if the extremely expensive cost is really worth the work and effort that was required to make it and if the money is going to a good company for a good cause and not to some rich man who just wants to buy another Yacht to drink alcohol and fornicate with.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanuckGirl
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Ok, I started a new thread for the whole "men and women as friends" topic. It can be found here: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ends&p=3734482

    So back on topic, let's assume my friend was another female....would this make a nice birthday gift, or should I go with something else?

    Leave a comment:


  • AlayhisSalaam
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by CanuckGirl View Post
    Something I really don't understand is why men and women can't be friends. Can someone explain this to me? (maybe I should start a thread on this) He is an amazing guy...funny, good heart, intelligent.... I feel like I would be missing out if I DIDN'T encourage the friendship. As long as I come home to my husband each night does it really matter that I'm friends with a guy?
    Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.... I'm really amazed as I read your post, so please listen to me VERY carefully. I'm not going to say, "Stay away because Qur'an says so!" so don't worry, but just listen please.

    I am a man so take it from my honest, sincere perspective. I am happily married and I love only my wife thank god and I do not look at other women thank god, I sometimes glance but I always immediately catch myself god willing and look away and I am constantly thinking of God and trying to keep my focus on the important matters in life. That being said, I think it is considerably reasonable to say that by the "modern standards" I'm a pretty decent man, but by my own standards I feel that I am in need of always improving by God's mercy.

    I used to not be a Muslim and I told my wife how much I love her and I was not only in love but infatuated with her as well and I literally did not have any desire to look at any other women, it was easy for me! I told her how much I care and it was all true, and I told her I don't look at women and that was true too! But after a few months of this, I eventually was broken! Broken by the natural desire to procreate (male and female, it's natural and necessary for life) emphasised and magnified by the twisted perversions of our culture and society, it was virtually impossible for me to not eventually look! I looked and at first it was, "Oh it's just a glance" then it became "Oh it doesn't hurt if I look at a complete stranger on the street who doesn't see me" then it became "Oh it is okay if I look at a woman on the internet, afterall I don't even know who she is or anything!" Then it became...... you see the picture? We are not led into sin by going from white to black, we are led into sin by going from white to light grey to grey to dark grey to black! It is a gradual process, so CLEVER and so subtle that we do not even know it is happening until it is too late!

    This is why we Muslims are warned against even allowing the "light grey" from happening, so as to prevent from ever having even the slightest chance of reaching the black! It is only logical!

    So let me tell you, from an honest males perspective. Even though I have a beautifully romantic relationship with my wife, it wasn't until I embraced Islam whole-heartedly and practiced the rememberance of God (by reciting God's names in my heart for example while walking down the street) that I was able to defeat this evil, but it is a constant battle, I have to remind myself and it becomes easier by the will of God, and through my love of God, and thus my pure and godly love of my wife which is made stronger by my sincerity and devotion! But what went through my head when I was not a Muslim is disgusting, and I have never loved or had a relationship with anyone except my wife! So imagine the minds of men who actually have succumb to fornication! It is because this society is plagued with sex everywhere we look that it has been turned from a natural and romantic bond between husband and wife into a disgusting and vile perversion between any two objects (living or otherwise!)

    Trust me, I don't care what you say about this man, because I too have been described as "funny, good heart, intelligent..." by more people than just my mother! But TRUST ME, what is going through this man's head is sexual fantasy! And eventually your harmless relationship will end up just like so many of the millions of broken marriages before you! You think you're the first person to find a friend of the opposite sex and to think it was harmless? You're wrong. And you also will not be the first person to cry when their husband divorces them because they found out you were not loyal and did not respect them as a human!

    This man is not your brother! He is a stranger, and you are a female whom he can reproduce with! But in this modern society, even worst, you are just a female who he can get pleasure out of! He doesn't care if you have a husband! If he says he does, then he is just as ignorant as you, because eventually this "white" relationship is going to turn "grey" and then "black" reaaaal fast.

    So if you are a believer in God, a "Catholic" as you say you are, then you need to go love your husband and respect him whether you're in your husbands presence or not! But better yet! You need to LOVE GOD!

    PEACE

    (EDIT)

    Also, I'd just like to add, after looking at the gift.... LOL

    "HAND MADE BOXES. AVAILABLE IN LIMITED QUANTITIES ONLY. The perfect wedding gift."

    "Only $134.95, but on sale for $84.95" that price seems ungodly to me! Qur'an is a book of God, you can get it for free from the Mosque! But you should donate money in exchange (god willing) because that is returning kindness with kindness! But to charge for this and say its a wedding gift hahahaa..... astagfirullah

    And if it is "just a harmless relationship" with a co-worker, as you say, why not buy him a cheap pen or give him an apple? Come on lol you clearly like him.... You need to turn away from this evil relationship, it is bad for you, bad for your husband, bad for your co-worker, bad for your entire company you work at, bad for your children (or future children), bad for everyone.... Just don't.... DON'T....

    Wasalaam (peace)
    Last edited by AlayhisSalaam; 24-02-10, 01:56 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    The thing is when a man and a women enjoy each others company and spend time together,it is only natural that they will from an attraction and an emotional link, which leads to tempatation, so in Islam we avoid situations that could lead us to sin. I am sure you have probably experienced situations inwhich you didnt feel attracted to someone at first,then after a while you did?

    In Islamwe say that if a man and woman are together alone the third person present is satan.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanuckGirl
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
    just dont take it out of the box, because your supposed to be in a state of purity before you touch the arabic quran.

    you should also consider buying this one for yourself http://www.islamicity.com/bazar/acti...=feature&-find also because less then half of the book is Quranic verses (due to the ENglish transaltion and transliteration) you dont neccessarily need to be in a state of purity to handle it.
    You said you are undecided, so why not give it a go?
    Yes, I've read about the purity issue, so if it comes in a bag I'll just slide it out into the box without touching. Which will be hard for me because it looks so beautiful I'll want to flip through it :)

    Thanks for the link! The Qur'an is next on my list (making my way through the Bible at the moment). I've read parts of the Qur'an in university (I have a religious studies degree) but would like to read the whole book :)

    Originally posted by IDK View Post
    it would be more appropriate for you to read Qur'an for yourself and educate yourself with Islam and usually the muslim cutlure

    it is not acceptable for men and women to make friends in Islam. Genearally speaking in human terms, it is not good for you that you are married to make "good friends" with someone because I can assure you will most of the time lead to temptation and destruction

    opposite sex relationship should be kept to a surface level, or else it will lead to things you will regret, this is not being extreme, but is something that hapens all the time, so it is for your own good I am telling you this

    so...buying a Qur'an for a muslim is rather unnecessary because most muslims have a Qur'an at home, so is more appropriate you read one for yourself

    Muslims dont celebrate birthdays, and if he does because he is not practicing, again I dont see what are you trying to do wtih buying him a Quran? Are you trying to show you are sensitive to his culture? Please consider your intentions with God in mind since you believe in Him and be as sincere as you can

    p.s. dont give him any gifts, that is encouraging the relationship between you two which is immoral in the first place, and he thinks so too regardless that he is doing it, this is why i say educate yourself with the culture
    Something I really don't understand is why men and women can't be friends. Can someone explain this to me? (maybe I should start a thread on this) He is an amazing guy...funny, good heart, intelligent.... I feel like I would be missing out if I DIDN'T encourage the friendship. As long as I come home to my husband each night does it really matter that I'm friends with a guy?

    As to why I'd get him a Qur'an, it's not trying to show that I'm "sensitive to his culture" I just thought it looked beautiful and would be appreciated for many years. I wanted to get something that meant something to him, not a gift card or a movie he'll watch once and that's it. Something he'd like, and appreciate, and cherish and maybe pass on to his children one day. Something MEANINGFUL. :)

    ooo wow that gift looks beautiful, i might buy that for myself as a gift for being awesome.
    It is very beautiful, isn't it! I want one for myself, but I'm not Muslim and don't speak/read Arabic, and I respect the religion too much to buy something just because it looks pretty!

    I think I'm more confused now than when I started this thread.

    Leave a comment:


  • Phoenix CG
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    ooo wow that gift looks beautiful, i might buy that for myself as a gift :o for being awesome.
    Last edited by Phoenix CG; 23-02-10, 10:24 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • .: Anna :.
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by CanuckGirl View Post
    Thanks for your answers!

    He's never come out and said he doesn't celebrate. He is Arab, and he did get me something for my birthday (an awesome chess set), so I don't think that would be a huge deal.

    He told me two things a few weeks ago. 1) He wants to be a better Muslim and 2) he's upset that he's losing his Arabic since coming to Canada. So I thought this would be a nice gift that covers both basis. But is it a friend to friend gift, or is something this nice more of a parent to child or husband to wife type of gift?


    Do you think it's awkward because it's the Qur'an, or would any gift be awkward (keeping in mind we have exchanged gifts before...just nothing this nice).

    Thanks again for your help!
    i meant for any gifts, cos normally we dont mingle between men and women
    but as u said he got u something so maybe he doesnt think that way but i was thinking giving gifts 2 each other wd b too overly friendly between genders

    Leave a comment:


  • IDK
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    Originally posted by CanuckGirl View Post
    Hello,
    This is my first post to these forums. Glad to be here and hope I learn a lot!

    My question is whether the Qur'an is an appropriate birthday gift to give to someone?

    Some background: I've been with my current employer for about 2 years and have become good friends with one of my coworkers. He is a single, 26 year old practicing Muslim. I'm a 30 year old, married agnostic (raised Catholic, but now unsure). His birthday is in a few weeks and while looking for a gift for him I found this: http://www.islamicity.com/bazar/acti...=feature&-find

    I know his faith is very important to him, but am wondering if this is an appropriate gift from a friend, especially if that friend is a non-believer?

    Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
    Thanks!
    it would be more appropriate for you to read Qur'an for yourself and educate yourself with Islam and usually the muslim cutlure

    it is not acceptable for men and women to make friends in Islam. Genearally speaking in human terms, it is not good for you that you are married to make "good friends" with someone because I can assure you will most of the time lead to temptation and destruction

    opposite sex relationship should be kept to a surface level, or else it will lead to things you will regret, this is not being extreme, but is something that hapens all the time, so it is for your own good I am telling you this

    so...buying a Qur'an for a muslim is rather unnecessary because most muslims have a Qur'an at home, so is more appropriate you read one for yourself

    Muslims dont celebrate birthdays, and if he does because he is not practicing, again I dont see what are you trying to do wtih buying him a Quran? Are you trying to show you are sensitive to his culture? Please consider your intentions with God in mind since you believe in Him and be as sincere as you can

    p.s. dont give him any gifts, that is encouraging the relationship between you two which is immoral in the first place, and he thinks so too regardless that he is doing it, this is why i say educate yourself with the culture
    Last edited by IDK; 23-02-10, 04:55 PM. Reason: adding something

    Leave a comment:


  • Asma-SE
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    He's probably already got a Quran and shouldn't be celebrating his birthday. So i'd just allow it, I don't know why he got you a chess set but if he wants to be a better muslim you can encourage that by not helping him commit sins.

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    just dont take it out of the box, because your supposed to be in a state of purity before you touch the arabic quran.

    you should also consider buying this one for yourself http://www.islamicity.com/bazar/acti...=feature&-find also because less then half of the book is Quranic verses (due to the ENglish transaltion and transliteration) you dont neccessarily need to be in a state of purity to handle it.
    You said you are undecided, so why not give it a go?

    Leave a comment:


  • res novae
    replied
    Re: Appropriate Birthday Gift?

    the Quran is the best gift you can give to anyone........i would also give pie....

    Leave a comment:

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