Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

    Salaam Aleykum.

    Im convert I have choose Islam few years ago, and since then Im trying to follow Sunnah and be a good Muslim.
    Currently im working and studying in UK.

    My problem is that im shy AND I'm stammering (stuttering) AND I dont speak english very well AND I dont speak Arabic/Urdu AND I dont have any Muslims in family AND i have only few (very few) Muslim friends [I wish to have more!!]. :(

    Im afraid that I will never meet a MUSLIM girl because all of this :( I didint even ever directly speak with any Muslim girl, and I always hide me look to the floor :( I KNOW that its good to not look at girls etc, but im REALLY afraid that even when I will be able to marry someone - I will simply will not know enyone :(

    Im very afraid because of this hadith:

    Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik:

    A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."


    I know that Inshallah I will get great reward in life after - but what about this life? :| I dont really want to marry some non-muslim wife, and spend my all life with kafairs (bad influence) :(

    PLZ help and advise !

  • #2
    Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

    Wa'alaikum assalaam brother.

    Masha'Allah congratulations on finding your way to Islaam. Your English seems perfectly fine, so I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is =)

    Languages can always be learned and improved over time, so don't let that worry you. Insha'Allah Allah will send a good, pious girl your way when the time is right. There are many different Muslims everywhere, so you won't have to wory or think that you won't find any.
    قال بعض السلف :
    خلق الله الملائكة عقولاً بلا شهوة ، وخلق البهائم شهوة بلا عقول، وخلق ابن آدم وركب فيه العقل والشهوة ، فمن غلب عقله شهوته التحق بالملائكة ، ومن غلبت شهوته عقله التحق بالبهائم .

    http://saaid.net/



    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

      Alsm alkm brother,

      It's very well that ou are trying to live according to sunnah. and keeping your head down and not trying to mess with any sisters. do not worry abour your being shy. it is a sign of faith. keep that up.

      About getting married, don't worry, when you feel like it's time to get married, talk to your imam at the mosque, or your muslim friends, and ask them to point out a pious muslimah that you can marry, talk to her wali's-if you feel like you an not talk to them, get the imam or some elderly pious muslim to represent you, talk to the family, and then get to meet the girl. keep everything they way it is. trust me, if they are good muslims, they will love you even more for your shyness. if not, well, it's their loss.

      Once you are satisfied with her, adn think that she is the one for you, you do the nikah, and that's it.

      whatever you do, don't try to change. thats how a good muslim should be.

      Inshallah it will be khayr and easy for you. Amin

      [Alhamdulillahi rabbil3aalamyin

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

        Thank you for answers.

        Originally posted by AvenueToPeace
        if your shyness isnt makin you coward or dumb then its ok to be shy, pray to ALLAH, HE will open the doors for you...
        And what if im acting cowardy or dumb because of this?

        In example I rather die than spoke in front of all class (coz im stammering).
        And I usually dont speak if Im not asked to. :|
        And only thing that I speak with my Muslims friends is Islam.

        I know how to be good Muslim - following sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him!), but somekhow I lost my ability to be human and to speak openly. :(

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

          You talk about yourself in a negative light, maybe thats whats excerbating the situation. Work on things one step at a time, think about, and write down even, the times where you HAVENT stuttered. Seeing what you have written will hopefully make you realise your not as bad as your mind tells you, you are. make sense?

          You have probably built a comfort zone and when you try or even think about going out of this zone, you freak out. so do things in small steps. Islam is something you are strong in, so use that to build on your personality etc... Dont expect overnight results and do continue to make dua that your shyness doesnt affect your lifestyle.

          Hope that helped.
          "Verily Allah does not look to your appearance or wealth, but he looks to your hearts and your deeds." [Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4, #6221]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

            Don't feel like that.. May Allah make it easy for you.

            You know, you need to build your confidence and self esteem up, don't let people tell you what to think or what to feel. Don't care about them, know that Allah will always be there for you to turn to. Forget people who try and hurt you and make you feel low. It doesn't matter that you have a stutter or that you can't speak proper English, that makes you, you, that's something special about you, don't hide it, you can find ways to cure it I'm sure, but that doesn't mean you don't talk. You'd be surprised that there's considerate people out there, that aren't all mean and harsh. Is there any good brothers out there you can talk to? Stick with them, and don't worry about marriage or anything, who is the One in control of all our affairs? Allah! We have Allah, so leave all your worries behind, and trust that Allah will find you someone to marry.

            Make plenty of duaa to Allah.

            Shaytaan makes you feel low, trust me, he sometimes makes me feel lower that the gum that's on the back of someone's shoe, ignore the fool he just wants to make you upset. Allah gave you imaan, you're someone who Allah loves. Think of it like that, and think positively from now on.
            Last edited by scribble; 15-02-10, 03:22 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

              Originally posted by sunnah-follower View Post
              Thank you for answers.


              And what if im acting cowardy or dumb because of this?

              In example I rather die than spoke in front of all class (coz im stammering).
              And I usually dont speak if Im not asked to. :|
              And only thing that I speak with my Muslims friends is Islam.

              I know how to be good Muslim - following sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him!), but somekhow I lost my ability to be human and to speak openly. :(

              That's not being a coward! Alot of people don't like speaking in front of a class, or even a small group, and that includes men!! It doesn't have anything to do with you being a coward, and Scwibble, above, gave some nice advice :masha: =)
              قال بعض السلف :
              خلق الله الملائكة عقولاً بلا شهوة ، وخلق البهائم شهوة بلا عقول، وخلق ابن آدم وركب فيه العقل والشهوة ، فمن غلب عقله شهوته التحق بالملائكة ، ومن غلبت شهوته عقله التحق بالبهائم .

              http://saaid.net/



              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                Originally posted by sunnah-follower View Post
                Salaam Aleykum.
                Currently im working and studying in UK.

                My problem is that im shy AND I'm stammering (stuttering) AND I dont speak english very well AND I dont speak Arabic/Urdu AND I dont have any Muslims in family AND i have only few (very few) Muslim friends [I wish to have more!!]. :(

                Im afraid that I will never meet a MUSLIM girl because all of this :( I didint even ever directly speak with any Muslim girl, and I always hide me look to the floor :( I KNOW that its good to not look at girls etc, but im REALLY afraid that even when I will be able to marry someone - I will simply will not know enyone :(
                W'salaam,

                First you need to find out if you're shy by nature or shy by circumstances. Are you shy in your native language or are you shy because you are in surroundings that make you feel "not good enough"?
                Being shy is not something you should be ashamed of; it's beautiful but note that having low selfesteem is not equal to shyness hmm
                Don't be worried about not being able to find a muslim woman to marry-leave that in the hands of Allah swt-he will send you someone you feel comfortable around inshaAllah.


                Originally posted by sunnah-follower View Post
                Thank you for answers.


                And what if im acting cowardy or dumb because of this?

                In example I rather die than spoke in front of all class (coz im stammering).
                And I usually dont speak if Im not asked to. :|
                And only thing that I speak with my Muslims friends is Islam.

                I know how to be good Muslim - following sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him!), but somekhow I lost my ability to be human and to speak openly. :(
                I have good news for you and bad news:

                Bad news: you will have to challenge yourself by putting yourself out there:
                speak up in class etc.. You need to reach out in order to get friends. Get involved or participate in social gatherings etc. in your local mosque, ask the other brothers where they work out/play sports and join them stuff like that brings people closer.

                Good news: your language will improve the more you practice it. So the more you speak english with natives the better you will get and that is just a fact. Also you will get more friends.
                Last edited by Reflection09; 15-02-10, 03:43 PM. Reason: spelllllllllling
                "Qui desiderat pacem, bellum praeparat; nemo provocare ne offendere audet quem intelliget superiorem esse pugnaturem"
                Whosoever desires peace prepares for war; no one provokes, nor dares to offend, those who they know to be superior in battle-Flavius Vegetius Renatus

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                  Try to practice, for example you can try to recite a text in front of your mirror first, or a small group of friends to start.
                  I did practice i am not terrified that much to speak in front of a class now.
                  You are entitled to speak what you think, what you want, some will speak at your place if they are led with wrong intentions.
                  I don't know if this is permissible but theatre is a very good way to overcome shyness.
                  My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername :o
                  Ummah forum mentality depiction by BBC (warning) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                    Originally posted by sunnah-follower View Post
                    Salaam Aleykum.

                    Im convert I have choose Islam few years ago, and since then Im trying to follow Sunnah and be a good Muslim.
                    Currently im working and studying in UK.

                    My problem is that im shy AND I'm stammering (stuttering) AND I dont speak english very well AND I dont speak Arabic/Urdu AND I dont have any Muslims in family AND i have only few (very few) Muslim friends [I wish to have more!!]. :(

                    Im afraid that I will never meet a MUSLIM girl because all of this :( I didint even ever directly speak with any Muslim girl, and I always hide me look to the floor :( I KNOW that its good to not look at girls etc, but im REALLY afraid that even when I will be able to marry someone - I will simply will not know enyone :(

                    Im very afraid because of this hadith:

                    Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik:

                    A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."


                    I know that Inshallah I will get great reward in life after - but what about this life? :| I dont really want to marry some non-muslim wife, and spend my all life with kafairs (bad influence) :(

                    PLZ help and advise !
                    W/Salaam WRB

                    Best thing is to meet some Brothers from the Masjid and start talking about important matters. Build up a relationship with your Imam aswell and with the entire congregation. They are and we are all your Brothers in Islam and regardless of age, ethnicity we are all here to help. Where are you from in the NorthWest? If you are from near Manchester then I would consider attending Didsbury Masjid or Makki Masjid as a place to meet some great brothers. There are many reverts there too and support groups set up on Sundays especially for Revert Muslims. BTW Nothing wrong with your English ;-)

                    http://www.didsburymosque.com/
                    http://www.makkimasjid.org.uk/

                    May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                      Shyness is the best Prophet Muhammad :saw: was a shy man. Also, it's good that you look at the floor when talking to girls since you're meant to lower your gaze anyway.


                      Modesty in the Hadith

                      A number of narrated prophetic traditions (ahadith) illustrate the significance of modesty. The following hadith suggests that modesty is so important that the absence of it could lead a person to sinful behavior and disbelief: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘If you have no shame, do as you wish.’" (al-Bukhari)

                      Another hadith links modesty to faith: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘Faith consists of more than seventy branches. And haya (modesty) is a part of faith.’” (al-Bukhari)
                      A more comprehensive example of haya can be found in the following hadith:

                      "Abdullah ibn Mas'ud relates that one day the Prophet said, 'Be shy of Allah (God) Most High as much as is His due.' The companions present said, 'All praise to Allah, we are shy of Him.' The Prophet said, 'That is not the point. Whoever is shy of Allah as much as is His due, he should protect his head and that which it comprises (i.e. mind, mouth, ears), his stomach and that which is adjoining it (i.e. preserve it from unlawful wealth and protect the private parts from the unlawful), and he should remember death and that which is to come after it; and whoever desires the Hereafter should abandon the adornments of this world. Whoever fulfills these duties has been shy of Allah as much as is His due.'" (Musnad Ahmad)

                      Modesty for Muslim Men and Women
                      While modest behavior varies from person to person, guidelines do exist in the Qur’an and the Sunnah. The code of modesty for both men and women includes:

                      •Lowering the gaze and avoiding flirtatious speech and conduct;
                      •Avoiding close physical contact with unrelated members of the opposite sex;
                      •Observing modest or Islamic dress according to the Qur’an and Sunnah;
                      •Not drawing unnecessary attention to oneself.
                      In addition, women should:

                      •Avoid wearing perfume or cosmetics in front of unrelated men (and related men who are eligible for a woman to marry);
                      •Avoid drawing attention to jewelry and other hidden adornments.
                      Modesty Is Part of a Broader Spirituality
                      The inner and outer modesty of haya are just two aspects of a Muslim’s spirituality, which focuses on worship and obedience to One God. Muslims should also strive to be truthful, sincere, humble, patient, forgiving, charitable, moderate, kind, and considerate.



                      Read more at Suite101: Modesty (Haya) in Islam: Shyness and Modest Behavior According to Qur’an and Hadith http://quran-hadith-studies.suite101...#ixzz0fcNTNfXz
                      Abu Malik at-Ash'ari reported:

                      The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith

                      and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)

                      and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light,

                      and charity is proof (of one's faith)

                      and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you.

                      All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.



                      حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ - أَوْ تَمْلأُ - مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

                      Reference : Sahih Muslim 223
                      In-book reference : Book 2, Hadith 1
                      USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 2, Hadith 432
                      (deprecated numbering scheme)

                      أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                      Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                      Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                        Originally posted by Al-Aql As-Salim
                        Abu Hurariyah was never married. And he is among the greatest of the Companions of Rasululah. He narrated more hadith than anyone else.
                        Why is he named Abu, then?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                          Originally posted by sunnah-follower View Post

                          And I usually dont speak if Im not asked to. :|
                          and so do i... brother i told you abot me to make you feel better, there are people who are shy just dont feel sad evrything will be ok, deosnt matter if you're shy or somethin just be strong n dont take your shyness negatively...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                            Originally posted by Rocky Balboa View Post
                            Why is he named Abu, then?
                            abu rocky balboa!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Im very shy and worthless(in this world).

                              Salaam Aleykum.

                              Thank you all for replies!
                              Good to know that shyness is not that bad :) But inshallah I will work on it to be more open.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X