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Why so many women stay unmarried

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  • Why so many women stay unmarried

    05-09-2003

    By Safinaz Zakariya Murshid

    RIYADH, Arab News: A local newspaper has reported that the number of unmarried Saudi women would reach as many as four million in the next five years. It also reported that there are currently about 1.5 million women who are too old to marry.

    In a country where the latest statistics indicate that female citizens represent 49.4 percent of the population, single women may become a major problem.

    There are many reasons for the phenomenon. Some have to do with the complex nature of Saudi society, where tribal prejudice still plays an important part. The origins of a person are still a decisive factor in whether their marriage proposal is accepted or not.

    A single woman says that such beliefs can only be damaging to womens chances of marrying. Many parents fail to understand that rejecting suitors whose background is considered unsuitable may severely limit the chances of the woman getting married at all. Turning an eligible man down only because of his nationality or origin is absurd. Our religion provides clear guidance for marriage. I wish our parents followed them.

    In a society that is almost completely segregated, the limited opportunities for the sexes to meet are another reason for the isolation of many women. I find it hard to accept the idea of marrying a man whose mother or sister chose me for him, says a single woman in her late 20s. The idea of traditional marriage is totally unacceptable to me. I would hate to think of myself as a thing that can be disposed of by others. Even if I was lucky and allowed to meet the guy, I would still feel like being examined by a buyer.

    Even in cases where women are able to meet the man first, it is still very difficult for them to make the first move. The fear that such initiative could be misunderstood remains a huge barrier that prevents women from taking the risk.

    Our men are used to taking the lead in everything. It is their call or not at all, says a single girl. What if I was rejected? What if he used it against me? These are questions I always ask myself before I even think of trying.

    This means that matchmaking plays a very significant role and professional matchmakers have become a huge success. Roaming around every conceivable spot where women meet and with purses full of bachelors pictures, they offer their services to help women find the perfect partner.

    The Internet may offer another solution. Numerous chatrooms allow people from around the world to meet, and matchmaking websites are dedicated to introducing the two sexes to each other, displaying the profiles of men and women. But they are an option many Saudis are hesitant to use. Whether it is a matchmaker, the Internet or any other way of meeting people, the circumstances in which people meet are always questionable. Gossip is also a worry, says a young woman.

    So is age. In the West they say that the bell rings at 40, but in Saudi Arabia it rings way before then. Most Saudi men tend to marry younger women, usually without worrying about what is sometimes a huge age gap. Because of this, many women fall through the net. As women get older, their chances of getting married diminish and eventually disappear completely. Often the only option they have is to become a second wife or marry a widower or divorcee.

    The older the woman gets the slimmer her chances. With every year we add to our lives, the pressure increases. Add to that the pressure you get from the people around. If you get to a certain age and you are still single, they make you feel as if your are doomed, regardless of your achievements and no matter how content you otherwise are. You unintentionally develop a feeling that youre deprived, says a woman in her 40s.

    The pressure that many women experience may lead to quick and possibly unethical solutions. Certain types of marriage like the weekend marriage, the summer marriage and others are on the rise, and they all add to the problems our society has to deal with.

    http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1ion=...d=5&m=9&y=2003
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  • #2
    this is so sad. we had a brother in our community from saudi who married an american woman, and his family refused to accept her, because she is american. now, he has to marry a saudi woman too. what a shame. what happened to marrying a sister for her deen? so many brothers are looking for wives here in this country, they need to hook up with these sisters. May Allah grant them ease. Ameen.

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    • #3
      saudi has high mahrs

      the prophet said if you have expensive mahrs, it creates a major fitnah

      the prophet spoke the truth

      we muslim make marriage so complicated, like tahiyah says, whats wrong with just following quran and sunnah?
      .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
      نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
      دولة الإسلامية باقية





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      • #4
        telll you one thing, if i were a woman i probably would choose to remain unmarried for the lack of 'real men' these days.

        (this does not preclude the view of myself as a 'real man' per se)

        i would be really picky on character, and not care about money necessarily. but it doesnt seem to be the problem of the single women rather the wali. i dont buy this. many women refuse to marry men based purely on economic bases. and the culture has always been such in Arabia that status and power mean a lot. you have the hadith of Rasulullah, SAWS; sitting by with some companions, RA. when the rich man passes by, Rasulullah, SAWS; asks them about the rich mans intercession and eligibility for marrying their daughter, they all reply that his intercession would be accepted and the daughter would be offered for marriage. when the poor man passes by, they say that his intercession would not be accepted and the daughters would not be offered for marriage to him. Rasulullah, SAWS; tells them that the poor man is the equivalent to 100 of the types like the rich man and that the poor man if he gave his word would hold to it more so, and so on.

        the same problems that plagued the older nations plague the current ones, technology and nuances aside.

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        • #5
          you also have the hadith about Rasulullah, SAWS; saying that if a righteous man is denied by a wali that fitnah will spread.

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          • #6
            the other problem in the Arabian peninsula is that the government there prohibits the marriage of a saudi woman to a non saudi muslim man, even though both the party of the bride and the bridegroom agree and reach upon a mahr. There is alot of racial discrimination set up and established as well as promoted by the pirate kingdom of saud.
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            • #7
              As salaamu alaykum,


              Narrated Abu Huraira:

              The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.


              I think this hadith has been forgotten by the males as well as the females. Marriage based on deen are the only marriages that will truly be successful.

              They will still survive when the money is gone because the couple will call on Allah more and not bicker over what they do not have.

              After age has set in, they will be grateful to Allah that He has allowed them the ability to live that long together.


              After family status no longer matters, this is after the head of the family with the old traditions have all died and taken there cultural beliefs with them.

              Inshaallah we the young will not make the same mistakes with our children as our parents did with us. We will stand up and accept marriage proposals for our children based on deen first and everything else second.


              When are we going to live islam in all aspects of our lives and leave off our cultural beliefs?
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              • #8
                salaams

                being from Leeds I can tell you how much some British Muslim men make me sick. They ignore us and go for white girls because they reckon that white girls are loose and easy. A lot of British Asian women can't find husbands because of that. And then there's the fact that Asian and muslim parents refuse to let their sons marry British-born and raised women, and rather look to India or Pakistan. I am Asian myself, British born and raised and I was supposed to marry this bloke but his parents wanted him to marry 'a nice Indian girl in Hyderabad.' I can't tell you how angry I was and how I felt crushed. Do they really think that its acceptable?

                thirdly a lot of selfish Asian men in England go off to India or Pakistan for their own motive: to marry village women, ask for dowry, dump them and fly back to England to their own little safe world and pretend that they never married anyone at all.

                and that, mates, is how I see marriage!
                >=[

                -CCR
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                • #9
                  Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #5198, Narrated AbuDharr (Ahmad transmitted it)
                  Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa salaam) said to him, "You are not better than people with red or black skins unless you excel them in piety."


                  Hadith - Sahih Muslim, Book 8, Number 3465. Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As, r.a.

                  Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa salaam) said: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.


                  Hadith - Mishkat Al-Masabih, Vol. 2, p. 1021

                  The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa salaam) said on the authority of Ubayy Bin Ka'b: "If anyone proudly asserts his descent in the manner of the pre-Islamic people, tell him to bite his father's penis, and do not use a euphemism".

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by AbuNajm
                    telll you one thing, if i were a woman i probably would choose to remain unmarried for the lack of 'real men' these days.

                    (this does not preclude the view of myself as a 'real man' per se)

                    i would be really picky on character, and not care about money necessarily. but it doesnt seem to be the problem of the single women rather the wali. i dont buy this. many women refuse to marry men based purely on economic bases. and the culture has always been such in Arabia that status and power mean a lot. .
                    Sobhan Allah AbuNajm u just touched on a serious problem in our Middle East world today. If only we were not commanded not to disclose and spread bad news I could have actually made posts equal to hunderd pages making all of you bored reading them. However, I just always tell my younger co workers, the Messenger said if a man that u accept his religion and manners proposed, he did not say that u accept his ring, appartment, positon or else. just for the record
                    May Allah allow us to change so that He changes us
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                    • #11
                      What ever happened to love?The first thing I would look for in a marriage partner is love...I must initially feel 'something', a connection, chemistry..this is by far the most important thing..
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                      • #12
                        MeenS, try reading this thread
                        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...+sake+of+Allah
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Atiyah
                          As salaamu alaykum,




                          I think this hadith has been forgotten by the males as well as the females. Marriage based on deen are the only marriages that will truly be successful.

                          as salam alykom
                          Just exactly as Atiyah is saying here, a 15 year old girl said the same thing on another forum, I was really happy to see someone in her age say that, thought to share the relevant part of her post to this thread.
                          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                          but i tell u one thing. The best marriage that will survive if the 2 of them lived 4ever is the marriage that the 2 of them r working for the sake of Allah only and they r trying there best to serve him and 2 go to his paradise with his mercy.
                          Hope everyone will end up with the marriage.
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                          One more important point, love is essential yes, but if Allah does not put it between the couple after marriage, whatever was before marriage will be a mirage. We must be very careful not to base our marriage on any form of sin, for the couple usually pay for it after marriage. It is never blessed or successul even if they don't divorce, they seem just to suffer.
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