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  • Brothers and sisters

    I may have done a thread like this before but I really want to make it clear this time. I am really struggling with my internet addiction. I really want to finish my degree and I can't help myself to get off the net. I always use forums and this is basically my life. I am taking courses yet am being unable to study for them. Furthermore, my parents are so strict that I have lost a lot of friends, I am basically alone at University most of the times. Today I tried to play some sports but none of the few friends that I got left were there, they didn't know I was coming. I think that my health is also going to mess up. I feel that my life is such a sacrifice for I don't even know who. I love my parents too much but I don't want this type of life anymore. I know you guys would probably say that pray and all but when I am at Uni trying to study I have no one who can possibly motivate me. I live in Canada and I still want to follow the religion and I just feel like crying at times. I don't know what to do.

    I used to be such a good student and I still am right now but I just don't get to study due to the internet. I really need some real life and not only e-life.

  • #2
    Re: Brothers and sisters

    I am afraid this is not the best place to be if INTERNET is causing you this problem

    My advice is to get married as it will give you a partner who will take you out etc then you wont need the net

    imagine you are at the time when the net was not invented, i am sure you would still of had a life

    Dont cry, do this..... i am tired its late time for bed...Internet OFF go bed

    Wasalam... thats what i am doing... got to be strong and have willpower
    Last edited by shukr99; 14-01-09, 01:43 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Brothers and sisters

      Originally posted by shukr99 View Post
      I am afraid this is not the best place to be if INTERNET is causing you this problem

      My advice is to get married as it will give you a partner who will take you out etc then you wont need the net

      imagine you are at the time when the net was not invented, i am sure you would still of had a life

      Dont cry, do this..... i am tired its late time for bed...Internet OFF go bed

      Wasalam... thats what i am doing... got to be strong and have willpower
      Thanks but I don't want to marry right now and I want to complete my studies. I don't really have a willpower either.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Brothers and sisters

        Originally posted by warmheartedgirl View Post
        I used to be such a good student and I still am right now but I just don't get to study due to the internet. I really need some real life and not only e-life.
        Write post it notes and stick it to the computer. Each post it note will have something that you need to accomplish. Then, try your best to get it accomplished. Once all the post it notes are gone, then come to the computer and work. Try reading a book and each time you want to go on the computer, try to busy yourself with other things.

        It's hard, but you need to try. Make sure you make du'a for Allah to help you, because it is hard to get yourself motivated.

        May Allah help you. Ameen.
        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
        Surah al-Baqarah
        [2:245]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        .:.
        ...said the spider to the fly...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Brothers and sisters

          Originally posted by warmheartedgirl View Post
          I may have done a thread like this before but I really want to make it clear this time. I am really struggling with my internet addiction. I really want to finish my degree and I can't help myself to get off the net. I always use forums and this is basically my life. I am taking courses yet am being unable to study for them. Furthermore, my parents are so strict that I have lost a lot of friends, I am basically alone at University most of the times. Today I tried to play some sports but none of the few friends that I got left were there, they didn't know I was coming. I think that my health is also going to mess up. I feel that my life is such a sacrifice for I don't even know who. I love my parents too much but I don't want this type of life anymore. I know you guys would probably say that pray and all but when I am at Uni trying to study I have no one who can possibly motivate me. I live in Canada and I still want to follow the religion and I just feel like crying at times. I don't know what to do.

          I used to be such a good student and I still am right now but I just don't get to study due to the internet. I really need some real life and not only e-life.
          that sounds 100% like me. well yes sometimes i feel down too but then i think i actually get more work done when i am not hanging around with my mates. coz they like to sit in the library and waste time. i dont really know how to motivate coz everyone is different so i'll just say what works for me and maybe you could see if that might work for u too?

          i feel lonely sometimes at uni coz most times i am on my own but in a way i see it as better for myself than being in the company of my mates ( i dont mean it in a bad way, they r not bad). if u hav good practising muslim mates that help u to stay on ur deen then thats good, stay with them. if not then keep your focus on your studies and not on trying to spend time with mates. i find it hard to motivate myself too. but i study best when i am at home in a room where the computer or laptop is out of my sight so i dont remember it. so if u studied sumwhere where u cant see the computer, getting started is the hardest but once u get into it, it becomes easier that u just wanna finish the work. at uni, i kinda hate it and become depressed goin to uni because of the surrounding, well its not all bad but i find i cant focus on 2 things at once. so in a way it could be good you're not spending so much time with friends coz u hav more time to focus on your studies (well i see it as a good way 4 me). i can focus more when im on my own. and ur never really alone, u've always got Allah with u. keep that thought with u.

          seriously this mite sound crazy to some people coz i dunno if people could see me doing this but i talk to myself in my head but i'm not talking to myself, i'm talking to Allah, so sometimes i seem a bit absent minded lol. i dont think any1 at uni has noticed that yet but remember that Allah is your best friend. I find that He motivates me. coz in the end whatever ur studying and whatever u gain out of it, u will use that knowledge so that u can use yourself for the sake of Islam rite? like i remember u said in a previous post, ur thinkin of doin nursing, so if thats your goal, then ur studies is a means to achieve that goal and in the end you'll be helping people, which also means you'll be doing your bit for the muslim ummah hopefully. in that case Allah wil surely help you. i dont know if i am making any sense? it is 1 am here :zzz:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Brothers and sisters

            Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
            Write post it notes and stick it to the computer. Each post it note will have something that you need to accomplish. Then, try your best to get it accomplished. Once all the post it notes are gone, then come to the computer and work. Try reading a book and each time you want to go on the computer, try to busy yourself with other things.

            It's hard, but you need to try. Make sure you make du'a for Allah to help you, because it is hard to get yourself motivated.

            May Allah help you. Ameen.
            Thank you. I did read some nafls especially for this but it didn't work. I guess I will sleep then.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Brothers and sisters

              Originally posted by muslimah10 View Post
              that sounds 100% like me. well yes sometimes i feel down too but then i think i actually get more work done when i am not hanging around with my mates. coz they like to sit in the library and waste time. i dont really know how to motivate coz everyone is different so i'll just say what works for me and maybe you could see if that might work for u too?

              i feel lonely sometimes at uni coz most times i am on my own but in a way i see it as better for myself than being in the company of my mates ( i dont mean it in a bad way, they r not bad). if u hav good practising muslim mates that help u to stay on ur deen then thats good, stay with them. if not then keep your focus on your studies and not on trying to spend time with mates. i find it hard to motivate myself too. but i study best when i am at home in a room where the computer or laptop is out of my sight so i dont remember it. so if u studied sumwhere where u cant see the computer, getting started is the hardest but once u get into it, it becomes easier that u just wanna finish the work. at uni, i kinda hate it and become depressed goin to uni because of the surrounding, well its not all bad but i find i cant focus on 2 things at once. so in a way it could be good you're not spending so much time with friends coz u hav more time to focus on your studies (well i see it as a good way 4 me). i can focus more when im on my own. and ur never really alone, u've always got Allah with u. keep that thought with u.

              seriously this mite sound crazy to some people coz i dunno if people could see me doing this but i talk to myself in my head but i'm not talking to myself, i'm talking to Allah, so sometimes i seem a bit absent minded lol. i dont think any1 at uni has noticed that yet but remember that Allah is your best friend. I find that He motivates me. coz in the end whatever ur studying and whatever u gain out of it, u will use that knowledge so that u can use yourself for the sake of Islam rite? like i remember u said in a previous post, ur thinkin of doin nursing, so if thats your goal, then ur studies is a means to achieve that goal and in the end you'll be helping people, which also means you'll be doing your bit for the muslim ummah hopefully. in that case Allah wil surely help you. i dont know if i am making any sense? it is 1 am here :zzz:

              Thanks sis. Yes you totally make sense to me but I have been addicted to it for more than a year now so it is really hard to quit it all of a sudden. Also, yes I am doing nursing and I don't want to fail like I have already done once. :S I was trying to think about playing some sports instead of using the net, I'll see how that works.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Brothers and sisters

                Originally posted by warmheartedgirl View Post
                I may have done a thread like this before but I really want to make it clear this time. I am really struggling with my internet addiction. I really want to finish my degree and I can't help myself to get off the net. I always use forums and this is basically my life. I am taking courses yet am being unable to study for them. Furthermore, my parents are so strict that I have lost a lot of friends, I am basically alone at University most of the times. Today I tried to play some sports but none of the few friends that I got left were there, they didn't know I was coming. I think that my health is also going to mess up. I feel that my life is such a sacrifice for I don't even know who. I love my parents too much but I don't want this type of life anymore. I know you guys would probably say that pray and all but when I am at Uni trying to study I have no one who can possibly motivate me. I live in Canada and I still want to follow the religion and I just feel like crying at times. I don't know what to do.

                I used to be such a good student and I still am right now but I just don't get to study due to the internet. I really need some real life and not only e-life.
                Assalamu `alaykum sis,

                Would your parents allow you to stay on campus more and study with other sisters? Would your parents allow you to study at another sister's house? Does your uni have an MSA?

                If you answered yes to any of this, maybe you could:

                a. Tell your parents that you are having a hard time conentrating and that you fear your grades my suffer and that you think it would help if you studied with other people who would keep you on check, and that if not also studying at the university's library would help because there are less distractions

                b. If your uni has an MSA, does it have an email list? If it does have an email list, then you can just send a general email saying that you're having problems studying and asking sisters if someone would be willing to study together. You don't need to study the same thing... you just sit together and make sure you don't get distracted. If your parents allow you to go to campus or to someone else's house, then do so, and if not ask the sisters if they can come to your house.

                c. IF your uni has no email list, then send an email to the MSA prez (who prolly has lots of Muslim friends/acquainatances) and ask if he/she could forward and email to sisters who could study with you

                d. If you uni has no MSA, just send an email to your friends and ask that they forward it to their friends.

                Would any of this work?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Brothers and sisters

                  Bahhhhh, i dono why people write like 100lines advising something. Look, theres nothing wrong with you, e-life is nothing wrong, its probably more fun.


                  As far as you'r uni study stuff is concerned, you'll have to take it easy too, it'll work out, dont take stress about anything. Do what you feel like, whats on the internet which keeps you addicted? You can keep using internet every 1 hour or so.

                  Jus chill, relax. Enjoy the life, the way you want.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Brothers and sisters

                    Originally posted by Noorksa View Post
                    Assalamu `alaykum sis,

                    Would your parents allow you to stay on campus more and study with other sisters? Would your parents allow you to study at another sister's house? Does your uni have an MSA?

                    If you answered yes to any of this, maybe you could:

                    a. Tell your parents that you are having a hard time conentrating and that you fear your grades my suffer and that you think it would help if you studied with other people who would keep you on check, and that if not also studying at the university's library would help because there are less distractions

                    b. If your uni has an MSA, does it have an email list? If it does have an email list, then you can just send a general email saying that you're having problems studying and asking sisters if someone would be willing to study together. You don't need to study the same thing... you just sit together and make sure you don't get distracted. If your parents allow you to go to campus or to someone else's house, then do so, and if not ask the sisters if they can come to your house.

                    c. IF your uni has no email list, then send an email to the MSA prez (who prolly has lots of Muslim friends/acquainatances) and ask if he/she could forward and email to sisters who could study with you

                    d. If you uni has no MSA, just send an email to your friends and ask that they forward it to their friends.



                    Would any of this work?
                    My parents can be very strict, but yes I can study at the campus at times. Thing is, there are computers everywhere. :S We do have MSA, but then I don't want to get involved into the differences between Sunnis and Shias in there.

                    Thanks, I guess I will work at the campus where there are no computers.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Brothers and sisters

                      Originally posted by Ali.0009 View Post
                      Bahhhhh, i dono why people write like 100lines advising something. Look, theres nothing wrong with you, e-life is nothing wrong, its probably more fun.


                      As far as you'r uni study stuff is concerned, you'll have to take it easy too, it'll work out, dont take stress about anything. Do what you feel like, whats on the internet which keeps you addicted? You can keep using internet every 1 hour or so.

                      Jus chill, relax. Enjoy the life, the way you want.
                      But I heard that it's haraam to use forums, not this one of course. But there are other forums that I am on.

                      The desi forums that keep me addicted man. Lol it's way more than an hour.

                      Thanks bro.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Brothers and sisters

                        i find the library the best solution to keep me away from distractions. And i do give myself what i like to call 'grace time' every so often (about every hour, but who's checking?!). This is the time i check the news/forums/etc on the library computers. Then i get back to work...!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Brothers and sisters

                          oh good. MashAllah :).

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Brothers and sisters

                            Peace be upon you and welcome.

                            I will give you some suggestions and opinions and speculations, you can take as you like. I've actually studied formally and informally a bit of psychology, though even so, my advice needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. God willing.

                            1) Make internet surfing conditional

                            Make it such that it is a reward for having accomplished certain things.

                            2) Cold turkey and use other habits

                            Make other habits to replace this one. I personally go on very long jogs. People generally do something because there is an actual incentive in doing it or the brain has done it so often that the neural pathways are too used to running in that direction.

                            Do other habits. Solo jogging is something I recommend, preferably in a nice countryside or with some nice scenery or park. Make it enjoyable and start small and increase it over time so that you can use it as a way to destress or at least not reinforce the old neural pathways.

                            3) Permanently disable/ unsubscribe the home internet.

                            Even in university (or at least my experience of it), you can get by without this. Judge for yourself how important it is and how much it is affecting you. Or alternatively, you can make it such that only someone in your family that you trust have the keys to a password for accessing internet.

                            4) Delete all accounts and bookmarks and MSNs/Facebooks/etc including this forum. You may want to print this thread though...

                            5) Local mosques

                            6) Activities / Organizations outside curriculum.

                            7) Extrovert / Introvert?

                            Conventionally, there is a categorization of people to these two types. The extrovert gains more energy from interacting while the introvert gains more energy from being alone. Maybe you really are an extrovert. Then if so, make more friends. Just chat up the sisters around you. Ask a question during class. Ask around. Give opinions. Attempt questions and just generally interact in classes.

                            8) Purpose in life.

                            Are we here to please others? Ourselves? Or to win in the Hereafter? Who is our God?

                            9) Drink a lot.

                            Get a few glasses of water beside you whenever you really must surf. Drink them generously. Then when you need to visit the washroom, on your return, just close all the windows.

                            The bathroom trip will break the cycle in the brain and give you a chance to overcome the tendency to continue. I'd say take a shower while you're at it.

                            10) Study your notes for five minutes.

                            It's a principle I've read. Just plunge into the notes and read the stuff that you find. Really give your concentration on it for five solid minutes. Many times, we can actually find the material interesting, it's just that the procrastination puts us off. By promising a solid five minutes, it often turns out to be interesting and lead to five hours of studying because you get engrossed in the material.

                            ***

                            I understand to some extent what you're going through sister, and I really empathize. It's up to you to stop the habit.

                            :lailah:
                            :lailah:
                            :lailah:
                            ~ Verily, with every difficulty comes relief ~

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Brothers and sisters

                              Originally posted by warmheartedgirl View Post
                              Thanks but I don't want to marry right now and I want to complete my studies. I don't really have a willpower either.
                              Willpower (to me) is like the red muscles. Good for a quick short boost. More importantly, you need that short boost of willpower to form healthier habits to replace old ones. I've read that it generally takes about 3 weeks or 21 days to solidify a habit.

                              So make a routine, stick with it. God willing.
                              ~ Verily, with every difficulty comes relief ~

                              Comment

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