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  • Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

    Assalamu alaikum
    Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim

    Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends


    We should avoid judging others. But then we need to choose our friends wisely so that we keep the companionship of those who will have a good effect and avoid the companionship of those who will have an ill-effect on us.

    Some of my friends I find it hard to tell whether they are good or bad for me to be with. On one hand they are doing disliked and bad things - wasting time, vulgar language, talking a lot, talking about TV programmes - and then on the other hand they are far better than I am in forbidding the evil (valid things that they also hold to - like music) and speaking very passionately about the rules of Islam and its effect on society, and also speaking to others with kind words. I naturally get the feeling of dislike on the action of a Muslim which is haraam (like has music in nasheed) well as other people would say something like, "He sings well, mashaAllah." If one is positive like this, and sometimes swears, but then also speaks good, they get on the good side of the average person who can relate to them because of it and at least theoretically those people will be more receptive to them.

    A little confused here brothers and sisters, please help me out.
    For me, this is becoming quite tricky to balance out, and to work out if company is good or bad.

    Can anyone explain the correct/ a good way to deal with this one?
    Is good company the same for everyone and bad company the same for everyone?

    May Allah swt guide us to the truth and give us all good companionship. Ameen.
    JazakAllah khair.
    Last edited by Tosh; 06-09-08, 06:02 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

    Thats kinda deep
    "Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to think, it is to serve, it is to be humble."
    Originally posted by AbuMubarak
    -first and foremost, america has turned its back on God
    -it has turned its back on the statements of its origin, regarding equality, justice and liberty
    -it has become a prostitute of money and will sell its very soul for a profit
    -it has taken the word, decadence, to new levels never previously known in human history
    -it has began a war against islam
    -can obama fix this? only if he is helped by God, Himself

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

      salaam

      i hav frends who use bad language etc. I always try to help them change their ways. If one does not read namaz i alwayz try to persuade/encourage them. Its gud to have frends hu meet ur requirements but its better to hav frends hu are a bit lost, and who u can then guide.....if ur willing to tht is...dont giv up on any1 without a fight

      ramadhan mubarak

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

        choosing a good group of friends is vital,

        because if they stink, wen u come away from them u will stink too

        wheres if they smell like the best attar on the planet, wen u come away from then u will smell gud too

        but also remember that no one is perfect...we all have mistakes...as long as a person tries their best, inshallah Allah will accept us.

        but also a gud thing is to see which out of your freinds u feel tht ure imaan increases and which out of them u feel it decreases with

        maybe the mistakes they make u cn help them with inshallah...but i wud say that try to stick with the gud bunch of bro/sis who practice their deen inshallah
        check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

          Originally posted by *hijab* View Post
          wheres if they smell like the best attar on the planet, wen u come away from then u will smell gud too
          Hmm. Hopefully my friends like my choice of cologne.
          "Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to think, it is to serve, it is to be humble."
          Originally posted by AbuMubarak
          -first and foremost, america has turned its back on God
          -it has turned its back on the statements of its origin, regarding equality, justice and liberty
          -it has become a prostitute of money and will sell its very soul for a profit
          -it has taken the word, decadence, to new levels never previously known in human history
          -it has began a war against islam
          -can obama fix this? only if he is helped by God, Himself

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

            Originally posted by LukinForAnswers View Post
            Hmm. Hopefully my friends like my choice of cologne.
            hmmm, maybe
            check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

              lol...

              i think what Hijab was trying to say that the kind of friends you have have an effect on you, and reflect your personality. Be friends with people who are bad for you, you come away from them worse, just as though you were hanging around a fish market and came away stinking of fish. On the other hand, hang around with people who benefit your faith, and help you be good, you come away from them better, as though you were in a perfume shop and came out with the scent clinging to you.

              Its important what friends you choose. Interact with everyone so you can do Dawah etc, but only make friends and sit in the company of those who will benefit you in this life, and through that you will be successful in the hereafter too.
              The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
              (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
              In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                Originally posted by KeeKee View Post
                lol...

                i think what Hijab was trying to say that the kind of friends you have have an effect on you, and reflect your personality. Be friends with people who are bad for you, you come away from them worse, just as though you were hanging around a fish market and came away stinking of fish. On the other hand, hang around with people who benefit your faith, and help you be good, you come away from them better, as though you were in a perfume shop and came out with the scent clinging to you.

                Its important what friends you choose. Interact with everyone so you can do Dawah etc, but only make friends and sit in the company of those who will benefit you in this life, and through that you will be successful in the hereafter too.

                Yeah. But you also have to agree with where she said that at times, its good to have friends that 'stink', for then you can help them. Dont be around those that have no chance of turning for the better. But for those that have a chance of changing, What can possibly be better then seeing someone improve their life, and knowing that it was because of you? And if you do help someone out in this way, It creates a unique bond IMO. A very strong and lasting bond of friendship.

                We should be careful though. For there are those friends out there that seem to 'smell great', when it could merely be the cologne/perfume covering up their real scent. They could be faking it. But when it actually comes down to it, and we catch them unprepaired, we see who and what they really are.
                "Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to think, it is to serve, it is to be humble."
                Originally posted by AbuMubarak
                -first and foremost, america has turned its back on God
                -it has turned its back on the statements of its origin, regarding equality, justice and liberty
                -it has become a prostitute of money and will sell its very soul for a profit
                -it has taken the word, decadence, to new levels never previously known in human history
                -it has began a war against islam
                -can obama fix this? only if he is helped by God, Himself

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                  it depends how bad the frends are

                  if they r off th rails, drugs, and really bad things then its best to stay away, because u need to protect ureself, it doesnt mean u cnt advice them, but dnt get to attached...u dnt wnt them realing u in aswell

                  but if they have minor faults like we all do, thn u cn help them improve themslevs as well as they helping u inshallah

                  and also dont be a fool and follow everything ure frnd does...u have to have ure own brain and do wot is right...meaning if u frend has a boyfrend, doesnt mean u shud have one just because evryone around u has one (thts just an example frm school) lol
                  check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                    Originally posted by LukinForAnswers View Post
                    Yeah. But you also have to agree with where she said that at times, its good to have friends that 'stink', for then you can help them. Dont be around those that have no chance of turning for the better. But for those that have a chance of changing, What can possibly be better then seeing someone improve their life, and knowing that it was because of you? And if you do help someone out in this way, It creates a unique bond IMO. A very strong and lasting bond of friendship.

                    We should be careful though. For there are those friends out there that seem to 'smell great', when it could merely be the cologne/perfume covering up their real scent. They could be faking it. But when it actually comes down to it, and we catch them unprepaired, we see who and what they really are.
                    well said.
                    as i said in my post, if theres people you know who are not so 'good', being there 'friend' in the sense that help them with good dawah etc. when someone we know goes astray, we shouldn't abandon them, instead we should persevere in trying to change them. But the real FRIENDS whose company we keep on a longer time basis, and ask advice for etc, should be deeni people who will have a positive effect on us.
                    Oh and if you sense something hypocritical about someone, try stay away. some people disguise there true selves behind deeni fluff.
                    The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
                    (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
                    In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                      If we improve our selves. Then we will automatically seek company that we could associate with. If you're in constant remembrance of Allah (swt). Then it will be more likely that you will find end up others in the same state, with the same mind set.
                      " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                        Originally posted by LastFriday View Post
                        If we improve our selves. Then we will automatically seek company that we could associate with. If you're in constant remembrance of Allah (swt). Then it will be more likely that you will find end up others in the same state, with the same mind set.
                        :salams,

                        From personal experience, I agree completely. But that is in making new relationships. Original ones can stick for certain reasonable reasons.
                        Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                        O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                        We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                          Originally posted by Safiya View Post
                          :salams,

                          From personal experience, I agree completely. But that is in making new relationships. Original ones can stick for certain reasonable reasons.
                          I've gone through this stage. I was there with them.

                          If and when we change our selves. Those around you will notice. If its genuine. They will notice and do one of two things. 1) Stick around and eventually you will rub onto them and thus changing them. These types of people actually DO care about you and see the haqq 2) Those who couldn't care if they lose a friend and won't associate with you as regularly as before.
                          " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                            I choose to with people of knowledge regardless of their background.

                            I will make friends with people who share common interests, muslim & non-muslim.

                            I have friends from the scientific community, muslim & non-muslim. Thus I can learn from them.

                            I make friends with educated muslims so we can learn more of our deen.

                            I stay well clear from druggies, nightclubbers, boozers, scroungers, adulterers, etc, regardless of whether they claim to be muslim or not!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Being Non-Judgemental but Choosing friends

                              [QUOTE=Sultan;2778917]I choose to with people of knowledge regardless of their background.

                              I will make friends with people who share common interests, muslim & non-muslim.

                              I have friends from the scientific community, muslim & non-muslim. Thus I can learn from them.

                              I make friends with educated muslims so we can learn more of our deen.

                              I stay well clear from druggies, nightclubbers, boozers, scroungers, adulterers, etc, regardless of whether they claim to be muslim or not![/QUOTE]

                              these are the ones to beware of lol
                              check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

                              Comment

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