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Choosing your Partner

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  • #61
    Sallaam

    I agree with LAHTEFA here. Marriage is an important part of life, well to some anyway. Thus, we should do our best to make sure we marry the right person. For some its means an arranged marriage, for others it means looking. Each to thier own...

    Allah Hafiz

    INam ("To be single is fantastic, to be single and married is a blessing" Nam 15/09/03)
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    • #62
      I haven't read all of the posts as I have to minismise my screen at work *cough*. In my opinion we fail to realise that we should choose a partner who has the qualities we want our children to have, this is because such qualities do rub off on youngens and we make more of an impact by leading by example.

      *distraught sigh*

      Sorry if it has been mentioned.

      And this whole "romance" idea enforced by Hollywood MUST go, please people, marriages are not supposed to be like that.

      Infact I think the whole reason most marriages do break down IS because people expect some kind of gosh darn epic. People are not prepared for the inevitable difficulties of life.

      I've gone off topic AGAIN...
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      • #63
        why ru coughing latifa? lol Are you alright sis?
        I hope that your healthy and well InshaAllah :)
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        • #64
          Originally posted by baba
          Somebody once asked me, "when you getting married man?!" :D
          That's the downside to any wedding..
          That question crops up way too often..
          I'd keep away from weddings to avoid that question, if it wasn't for the food element...
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          • #65
            Re: Choosing your Partner

            Originally posted by sajid
            i came across a discussion in chat the other day..about Marriage..

            Right you see usually when one goes and searches for a marriage partner..its usually consists of having a wali..

            But come to think about it..marriage is a serious issue and u kinda need to get to know the in and outs of that person before going ahead..

            This has been done and happened.whereby a marraige decision is based on a couple of hrs talk...

            But is this sufficient?

            thing is i know in islam u are not allowed to interact with somoene..on your own..u must have a wali present....!

            I wud like to know people methods of choosing partners..it ber interested to hear froma ll backgrounds and cultures especially those that are already married too....and those thinking of.........
            Don't know if anyone's really addressed Sajid's main question..
            But this topic often reoccurs at chat..
            Like it did the other day..

            'We're going steady, but we know the limits, we wouldn't do anything Haraam'
            'How are you meant to make a life long decison, if you can't find out if you have commonalities between one another? You have to go out, spend time with one another'

            Any answers to those kind of comments..
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            • #66
              Originally posted by Ankaboot
              That's the downside to any wedding..
              That question crops up way too often..
              I'd keep away from weddings to avoid that question, if it wasn't for the food element...
              Tell me about it.

              That's another point about marriages (esp. in the Asian culture), that even once the couple has been found suitable, then the wedding preperations loom ahead.

              Nowadays weddings are more about putting on a show for the guests, than happiness for the newly weds.

              And unfortunately most of the pressure to conform to this is from parents themselves. :freedom:
              What does 'freedom' mean?

              Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
              Restricted by the sky?

              Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
              Not enough river to explore?

              Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
              but death for the fish,

              The sea is wide for the fish
              but will engulf the bird.

              We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
              We can only express our nature as it was created.

              The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
              freedom from slavery to other than the One,
              Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
              and a horizon that extends to the next life,
              Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

              http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

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              • #67
                Sallaam

                ok, yes there is a big emphasis on the wedding and what is for food etc etc, but just think of the large dowry you can get

                Allah Hafuz

                ENam ("Hmm, an interesting process indeed" Nam 21/09/03)
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                • #68
                  Originally posted by nam
                  but just think of the large dowry you can get
                  That doesn't sound tempting at all. :D
                  What does 'freedom' mean?

                  Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                  Restricted by the sky?

                  Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                  Not enough river to explore?

                  Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                  but death for the fish,

                  The sea is wide for the fish
                  but will engulf the bird.

                  We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                  We can only express our nature as it was created.

                  The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                  freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                  Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                  and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                  Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                  http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

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                  • #69
                    Asalaam Alaykum

                    I think these days youngsters in the west are not taking choosing their life partners very seriously. This is the person you will raise your children with...you better be sure they are the type of role model you want your future children to have. In the west its hard to KNOW a person through others or even themself in a short period of time.
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                    • #70
                      HI- I AM ALSO PAKISTANI. I HAD BEEN SENT TO PAKISTAN TO GET MARRIED IN THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND WAS NEARLY FORCED BY MY GRANDMA EVEN THOUGH EVERY1 THERE KNEW I WANTED TO MARRY SOME1 I HAD IN MIND FROM ENGLAND. THIS IS WHAT I REALISED--
                      PEOPLE FROM PAKISTAN REALY ONLY WANT TO MARRY SOME1 FROM ENGLAND TO GET IN2 D UK 2 GET A JOB AND SEND MONEY BAK 2 DER PARENTS...
                      I KNOW THAT AND IT IS A FACT.. BUT THERE WAS 1S A GIRL WHO REALLY REALLY WANTED TO MARRY A MAN FROM PAKISTAN AND HER PARENTS WOULDN'T LET IT HAPPEN... I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY??? THEY WERE RELATED, ETC.....

                      WELL N E WAY--
                      WHEN I CAME BAK FROM PAKISTAN, THE BOY I WANTE TO MARRY WENT 2 PAKISTAN... NOW HIS PAREBTS ARE FORCING HIM 2 MARRY SOME2 ELS...
                      I DON'T UNDERSTAND Y?? WE'R RELATED AND EVERYTHING...

                      NOW I AM WAITING CURIOUSLY BASICALLY GOING THROUGH HELL 2 FIND OUT IF HE IS MARRIED OR NOT. I MEAN..
                      HE WOULD NEVER DO N E THING 2 HURT ME.... SO I DON'T THINK HE WILL LET IT HAPPEN...

                      I AM WAITING FOR HIM2 GET BAK AND ASK FOR MY RISHTAA..


                      FROM THE DAY I TURNED 16.. MY PARENTS TOLD ME 2 CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS RELATED TO ME... I DID AND THEY STILL SAY THAT I DON'T LISTEN TO THEM..

                      MY GRANDMA ALSO SAYS THE SAME. N E WAY.....

                      FOR MUSLIM.. YOU SHOULD CHOOSE A PARTNER FROM YOUR RELATIVES. UR PARENTS SHOULD GET 2 KNOW THE PERSON THAT U CHOOSE AND THEN THE PARENTS SHOULD AGREE.

                      THERE IS NO RIGHT FOT THE PARENTS OR RELATIVES OR FRIENDS OF THE MAN OR WOMAN TO DISAGREE WITH A PROPOSAL, WHEN THE MUSLIM MAN HAS PROPOSED TO A MUSLIM WOMAN AND SHE HAS AGREED.
                      THE MARRIAGE HAS TO GO AHEAD..

                      THAT IS ALL I KNOW.
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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Rosie

                        NOW I AM WAITING CURIOUSLY BASICALLY GOING THROUGH HELL 2 FIND OUT IF HE IS MARRIED OR NOT. I MEAN..
                        HE WOULD NEVER DO N E THING 2 HURT ME.... SO I DON'T THINK HE WILL LET IT HAPPEN...
                        Think positive,in love always are involved two people.:) If its true love, anyone never can force him to accept a woman for which has no feeling. I always believed that, cannot accept to ruin your life only to be married, even the parents cannot force him to do that. May be they will try to convince him, talk with him but cannot force him. He is not married;)

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                        • #72
                          thanks for the advice AMAL-
                          i am going to start thinking positive from now on because when i think negative-- it starts to control me-- the satan......

                          he's always making me think negative--
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