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Choosing your Partner

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  • #31
    In Islam, incest is a no-no. The nearest relative you can marry is a blood cousin. Any ascendent, descendent or sibling is forbidden. Even the siblings of these ascendents and descendents. Also your milk emediate relatives (if you happened to have been nursed by a foster mother rather, as well as, or instead of, your egg mother).
    jamila
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    • #32
      Originally posted by F R E S H
      I don't know what type of people muslim youth or muslim sister have met but stating that a man they want to marry is clean lol too funny that would be one i thought they would take for granted, i guess we can rule all the BIG ISSUE sellers out of the picture then lol hahahhaaaa i am sure they must be so disappointed !
      I'm afraid your certainly not the type as you MEN never clean your rooms, you leave it for your mum or sister's, or your wife (if you get that far which I doubt)
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      • #33
        Actually muslims sister as we live away from home we have to fend for ourselves, that means do everything cook, clean, iron (getting quite good at it now ) as everything else you associate with running a busy household !
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        • #34
          Salaam Alaykum, Muslim Youth!

          Akhti! ;) You have a househusband already trained and housebroken! Don't let the chance slip by! :D Ha - ha ;)
          jamila :)
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          • #35
            Originally posted by F R E S H
            Actually muslims sister as we live away from home we have to fend for ourselves, that means do everything cook, clean, iron (getting quite good at it now ) as everything else you associate with running a busy household !
            Why don't you try teaching that to my Bro who thinks he's up on the seventh stage of heaven, when i'm home he expects me to do everything he asks for as soon as he clicks his fingers. Huh can you believe it!
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            • #36
              Sallaam

              This has turned into an interesting discussion. AnnaMarie, about your quesiton about marrying in the family and incest, as Jamila has pointed out it is Haram and forbidden. There are some people who you cannot marry like your uncles, Aunts, Bro's and Sisters and close relatives like that.

              When Muslim sister and Ebony talk about marring in the family, as far as i understand, that it is usually distant relatives (hopefully). My understanding and what i have been told about the whole process is that when the parents consider the child/adult/person is of the right marrying age (whatever that age is) then the family sends out messages and startes to keep an eye out. My mum said that surprise surprise that most families keep there eye out especially on weddings.

              When they see someone they ask people about the family and habbits of that person. Then it all starts from there. If its a guy who is getting married then the parents usually tell the boy/adult/male that there is such and such girl, and what they think. If the boy/adult/male says yeah then the parents move fowards and approach the family of the girl.

              I know all this becuase i am a Pakistani male (20) and am well aware of what happens. As for the males prospective on marraige, especially Pakistani marraiges, males go through the same motions as females. However, i am assuming that Muslim sister and Ebony may think that Males have more choice than females. Maybee so, but not always.

              Sajid, as for your question on chosing a partner there are many 'ways' to do so. As a psychology student i recommend using aspects of the five factor model of personality, The WAIS-3 intelligence test (To make sure they are up to your intellect), a standard neurocognitive test battery (to make sure they have no cognitive deficits) and finally a depression scale as well as a neuroticismm scale (to make sure that they are not suicidal - give the neuroticism test to the possible in laws) :D

              Seriously, comming from a happily single male, just make sure you know what you want in a person, list them and ask yourself why you want such qualities. Then, the most important thing is to ask Allah and keep faith in him as he knows us better than we know ourselfs.

              Finally, Muslim youth and Muslim Sister, where are you planning to find guys like that if you know what the usual thinh with Pakistan males happens?

              Allah Hafiz

              Usmanb
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              • #37
                hehe..we hve something in common Bro Usman B..i'm a psychology student 2..so ppl uve got 2 shrinks on the forum! :D

                Overall..when it comes 2 marriage..on average females hve much less choice and freedom...if they refuse the offer that theyre parents give..then they're seen as 'rebelling' and 'going off the rails'. And for some reason, the age for marriage for a girl, in some families, seems 2 be less than tht for a guy. But most commonly the age range is in the mid-late 20s.
                yeh by marrying within the family i meant cousins..such as 1st or 2nd..or cousins uve never ever heard of! :p

                and as far as men/boys not cleaning after themselves...theyre obviously not house-trained..and like living like slobs.
                BUT b4 u start..there r some guys tht r very well house-trained..cook and clean..so there is hope!:p
                You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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                • #38
                  Choosing a partner continued

                  Sallaam

                  Ebony, Psych Hey? I don't know what the cirriculum is in the UK but over here i am in my third year.
                  Anyway to the issue of marriage and boys not cleaning up after themselfs, i suppose i am one of those people, but not hard core by any standards. Umigee does heaps of things for me clean my clothes etc etc however, if i ever leave anything untidy well then thats the end of my hearing abilities for a while, as she gets really mad.
                  As for women being labelled as rebels or only thinking about themselfs when it comes to marraihe (But duh, isn't that what your suppose to do?) i agree with you that there is much more social pressure on women to conform and be good girls and play house wife for the rest of there lifes. Keepig that in mind i think it is a cultural thing , any other members of the forum had any other experience of being pressured into marriage?

                  Persoanally, i think it is wrong and it is also wrong in Islam, so thats enough reason for me.

                  Allah Hafiz

                  Usmanb
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                  • #39
                    going in2 my 3rd yr soon, Bro Usman

                    most often all the boys get is an earful 'ur such a slob..blah blah'..whereas if say a girl's room is a mess its deemed as 'unfeminine' as shes supposed2 be neat and tidy.
                    lets face it Ammi jee (mother) is much more tolerant of her sons that her daughters when it comes 2 being a slob. and of course, the sons dnt need2know how2cook coz their mum does it for them..whereas even if the mum does cook for the whole house, the daughter HAS 2 know how 2 cook..'it'l be if use2u later on in life' erm..yeh but dnt the men eat as well? wont it b of use2them later on? :confused: So there r alot of cultural aspects 2 these matters...most of the time culture over-rides religion.

                    erm Bro, y did u start a new thread? u cudve just continued on the previous one

                    Ws
                    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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                    • #40
                      Sallaam

                      I went to hit the reply button but i think i hit the new thread, thats why i started a new one, well accidently anyway.

                      Allah Hafiz

                      Usmanb
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                      • #41
                        Sallaam

                        "hehe so much for wised up brothers...

                        admit it ur a pandoo."

                        What are you trying to say exactly?

                        Usmanb
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                        • #42
                          just a big of light humour, i;m sure :p

                          Ws
                          You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                          ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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                          • #43
                            Q for Hen

                            Until now Hen you got a lot of answers at your question. But how look your woman which can become your wife??
                            For me the most important thing when i will choose a husband it will be the understanding.

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                            • #44
                              salam to everyone
                              i think luv marriages r ok as long as ur parents r happy wiv it but u should remember 1 thing dat if u do arranged marriage an it dont work out blame ur parents but if it's luv marriage an it dont work out blame ur self.
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                              • #45
                                re:naina
                                'luv marriages r ok as long as ur parents r happy wiv it ' 'do arranged marriage an it dont work out blame ur parents but if it's luv marriage an it dont work out blame ur self'

                                if ur parents are happy with the luv marriage then tht surely means they checked out the person who their kid wants2marry, in terms of attitude, personality etc etc..otherwise...they'd b against it. Thats y arranged marriages r carried out..not coz as parents they want their way, and want 2 ignore wat their kid wants, but to ensure tht the match is compatible..and even then if the kid has a problem with it, they can refuse the offer
                                As far as blaming if it doesnt work out..tht might have nothing 2 do with the fact tht its an arranged marriage or luv marriage..if things dnt work out..then its a problem the spouses have with each other or some other issue they have within the marriage, and not simply coz 'well...this was arranged/love thts y it aint working!' or vice versa.


                                Ws
                                You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                                ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

                                Comment

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