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Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

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  • #61
    Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

    My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

    Henny Youngman

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    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

    Rodney Dangerfield

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    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

    Milton Berle

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    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    George Burns

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    I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
    I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."

    Henny Youngman

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    After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

    The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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    A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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    Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
    The next day he received a hundred letters.
    They all said the same : "You can have mine."
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
    "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
    "A billionaire." she replied,

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    A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
    His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

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    Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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    If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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    It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

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    Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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    I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father,
    I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
    "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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    Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
    They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

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    How do most men define marriage?
    An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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    Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

    ---------------------------------l-------------------------
    First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
    Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

    :D:D:D

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

      Several men were in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone that was laying on one of the benches began to ring. A man picked it up.

      "Hello?" he said.

      "Honey, It's me."

      "Sugar!"

      "Are you at the club?"

      "Yes."

      "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from there. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

      "What's the price?"

      "Only $1,500"

      "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much."

      "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price, and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

      "What price did he quote you?"

      "Only $80,000..."

      "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

      "Great! Before you hang up, one more thing..."

      "What?"

      "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I think we can afford it. I drove by the house we had looked at last year and it's on sale!! Remember? The one with the indoor pool, rose garden, tennis court, and beachfront property. I stopped by the real estate agent this morning to find out... "

      "How much are they asking?"

      "Only $4,500,000! Can you believe it? That's a great price and we have enough in the bank to cover the down payment."

      "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just offer 4.2 million. OK?"

      "OK, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

      "Bye, I do too."

      The man proceeded to close the flap on the phone and raised it for everyone to see. Looking around, he asked, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

        :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

          Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
          their new wives duties.

          The first man had married a woman from New Delhi
          and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
          and house cleaning.He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

          The second man had married a woman from Bombay .
          He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the
          cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any
          results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was
          clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

          The third man had married a Punjabi girl. He boasted that he told her
          that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
          laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
          first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but
          by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
          little out of his left eye.

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

            If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
            word you say; talk in your sleep.
            ***
            When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
            thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
            ***
            Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you
            say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
            ***
            Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a
            good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
            ***
            Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when
            they try to decide which one.

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: Wife Vs Husband [LOLLLLL]

              :rotfl: :rotfl:
              The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said, 'Whoever fasts Ramadhan with Iman and Ihtisab [seeking reward], will have his previous sins forgiven.' {Al-Bukhari & Muslim} :love: :inlove:

              Comment

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