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  • Paanga is not Changa

    :start::salams

    Can't believe it, it's the second time i'm writing this whole thing out from scratch, i'm loving this test of patience muhahahahahahaha (It's okay to be freaked out by now)

    Righteo here we go AGAIN....


    ...okay then so yeah i'll let you in with the scenerio, i come from a typical, fairly educated yet heavily influenced cultural kashmiri/pakistani family as most of them are. All of the members in my family are ignorant of their deen yet over the recent years i just got more attracted towards it and Alhumdullilah started seeking more knowledge so i can get closer to Allah swt. This inevitably lead me to implement my knowledge within my lifestyle. I want to get closer to Allah swt by obeying the prophet sallahualayhiwasalam by following his Sunnah. This lead me to being product of an anti-paki-culture but more religiously devoted guy

    It got to the point where my family started to disagree with what i was doing on various issues. I'm just going to use the classical example of the Beard for now and an addition to that is me growing my hair long. It has got my mum and uncle vexed thinking ive just gone over the board. Okay on a daily basis i'm bombarded with it on a daily basis, i haven't got any problems, they could do it for the next 200 years and Allah knows best but i still won't shift my position.

    Thing is with typical asian people, they get over emotional too easily. I just got a lecture from my uncle thinking that now i've done this, i will be wasting my mums effort who Mash'Allah has provided for the family by working over 72 hours a week for the last 15 odd years. That includes supporting my brothers and my father, as well as coming home and still cooking for us, talk about being a superwoman or what

    I obey my parents and i try as hard as i can in my studies, at times it becomes my life because i just want to please her, and since i've grown as well, i have a part-time job to help her on the side. But they still think, i'll end up wasting my life away because of these drastic changes, they think i'll be an outkast within the family and socially. My uncle has a vision that my house will be raided and i will be continuously harrassed by the popo :|

    So yes one problem is the beard and my hair. My beard is quite full(shape wise) and large, but not big enough as in fist size so can't trim it in that sense, so i leave it. Since its quite curly and messy, i do oil at times to straighten it out but it's quite stubborn and remains the same. My hair itself is in that stage where its JUST going over the ears and hasn't reached the lobes, i do comb it and stuff, try and be as presentable as i can or wear a topi but sometimes i can look messy and i can't do anything about it because it's just that stage.

    So rather than arguing with them, i decided to have dinner with these guys and you know have some daal and roti, everybody all cheerio and discuss some issues. So in this case the beard and hair. Pulled the Sahih Bukhair as well as that book "The beard between the Salaf and Khalaf" by Muhammad al Jibaly which takes all the opinions into account.

    I showed my uncle the hadith regarding "leaving the beard and trim the moustache", my uncle think's that hadith doesn't give the specific length of the beard sooo i could technically trim it as much as i want:scratch:. Then i showed him the fist length hadith, he just rejected it saying, that's the Sahaba's, its not the prophet sallahualayhiwasalam himself so isn't part of his Sunnah and said that he's seen various pious scholars who have trimmed beards.

    Thereupon i felt that i was talking to a 100m thick wall, my word's or proof's weren't reaching him, he just turned a blind eye towards it. He seems to agree with the hair, but not the beard:scratch:.

    So we decided to go and discuss the issue with the imaam tomorrow after jummah, and see what he says regarding it. I'm okay with it.

    Thing is i love my uncle and mum family soo much especially my mum for what she's done for me, and will always obey them until they tell me to start compromising my religion which is a big NO NO for me. I love Allah swt and the prophet sallahualayhiwasalam even more, even after witnessing the hardships my mum has gone through and i can't chase this dunya forever and neglect the Akhira which is where i will be abiding eternally. So no matter what they say i will remain Insh'Allah steadfast and continue following the Sunnah if Allah wills it.

    But the thing remains is that they are just generally too over emotional, they hold on to their beliefs tightly and just don't think openly and eventually turn a blind eye to proof. No matter how many times you show the evidence, they'd typically say waahabi and end of discussion

    I make du'a that Allah swt open their hearts and guide me as well as them on to the true path, i try being patient and using Hikmah among them, but has anybody just has that practical advice which might work. The beard is just a classical example, theres other countless examples but this is just more simpler one. Just my tricks are running out:S

    Jazakullah Khair for reading my novel: Daal:"Past, Present and Future", i'd be greatly appreciated for feedback.

    hopefully didn't waste anybodys time:S

    :wswrwb:

  • #2
    Re: Paanga is not Changa

    Just be patient lentils.

    These things take time to get used to.

    There is no obeying your mother if you are disobeying ALLAH.

    But you need to be careful. Keeping the beard is a must, growing zulfein is not. If your mother tells you to trim yr beard and its not a fist in length then you cant obey her. If your mother tells you to cut your hair, then you have to - obeying her is fard, growing zulfein is a sunnah.
    Rajab is a month of cultivation

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Paanga is not Changa

      Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
      Just be patient lentils.

      These things take time to get used to.

      There is no obeying your mother if you are disobeying ALLAH.

      But you need to be careful. Keeping the beard is a must, growing zulfein is not. If your mother tells you to trim yr beard and its not a fist in length then you cant obey her. If your mother tells you to cut your hair, then you have to - obeying her is fard, growing zulfein is a sunnah.
      Kool about that, but i don't like the way they just turn a blind eye towards the proof, wouldn't that put them in trouble at the end of the day?:(

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Paanga is not Changa

        Patience bro, we all need tons of it :up:

        May Allah make them see the truth and may he make your life easier for you :insha: Ameen

        @ location
        It is narrated on the authority of Jabir that he heard the (Holy Prophet)[:saw:] say: A Muslim is he from whose hand and tongue the Muslims are safe.
        -Muslim



        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Paanga is not Changa

          Ameen, it's true and i love the challenge of being patient tbh, SubhanAllah, if i ever needed to work on it, i'll visit the high commission of Pakistan.:D

          The Pind:up:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Paanga is not Changa

            :salams

            u shud try and think to the days before u started becoming more practicin... and when people don't have that understanding u get when u start divin into the deen, they're probably more likely to find reasons to oppose what u tell them rather than let the advice absorb...

            and u know now especially cos ur recognised as the practicin 1 in ur fam, ur carryin the flag of the deen in ur household... so when u do sumt they aint pleased with... they're likely to judge what practicin people are like as well as bein annoyed with u or whatever...

            when ur tryna make sum1 understand, instead of using the proofs to show that ur right n start sayn yeh but look at this and look at this and look at this, u should try and make them understand why u wna do it...

            like all they see is u changin... but u gta show that ur changin inside too, like explain to em softly that it's cos u love Allah swt and the prophet :saw: and u want the best in this life and the next inshaAllah and u want that for ur fam aswell... n when u wna keep a beard its not just cos u wna be known as the muslim... but its cos u wna try and do everything the prophet :saw: told us to do cos u love him so much... and u dont wna make em upset at all (n maybe mention the hair compromise thing here) but u love Allah and his messenger too much to not keep a beard.. or do whatever else.. and tell ur mum that she means so much to u and how much u appreciate all that shes done for u, and that's why u wna help increase her status in front of Allah swt by inshaAllah being a righteous son so that inshaAllah she can reach the highest heavens...

            i think u need to slowly try n help and instil the love of Allah swt and the prophet :saw: into their hearts too, and show them how :inlove: a muslim is that follows all the rules.. because so often people get into the deen and then its like doof doof doof all these changes and they aint takn no crap and its their way n they aint budgin (and in their minds thts probably so right cos they're tryna keep themselves strong so they don't stray) but at the same time to everyone else it's like hmmm ok... is this what religion does to u?
            ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
            "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
            :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Paanga is not Changa

              Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
              :salams

              u shud try and think to the days before u started becoming more practicin... and when people don't have that understanding u get when u start divin into the deen, they're probably more likely to find reasons to oppose what u tell them rather than let the advice absorb...

              and u know now especially cos ur recognised as the practicin 1 in ur fam, ur carryin the flag of the deen in ur household... so when u do sumt they aint pleased with... they're likely to judge what practicin people are like as well as bein annoyed with u or whatever...

              when ur tryna make sum1 understand, instead of using the proofs to show that ur right n start sayn yeh but look at this and look at this and look at this, u should try and make them understand why u wna do it...

              like all they see is u changin... but u gta show that ur changin inside too, like explain to em softly that it's cos u love Allah swt and the prophet :saw: and u want the best in this life and the next inshaAllah and u want that for ur fam aswell... n when u wna keep a beard its not just cos u wna be known as the muslim... but its cos u wna try and do everything the prophet :saw: told us to do cos u love him so much... and u dont wna make em upset at all (n maybe mention the hair compromise thing here) but u love Allah and his messenger too much to not keep a beard.. or do whatever else.. and tell ur mum that she means so much to u and how much u appreciate all that shes done for u, and that's why u wna help increase her status in front of Allah swt by inshaAllah being a righteous son so that inshaAllah she can reach the highest heavens...

              i think u need to slowly try n help and instil the love of Allah swt and the prophet :saw: into their hearts too, and show them how :inlove: a muslim is that follows all the rules.. because so often people get into the deen and then its like doof doof doof all these changes and they aint takn no crap and its their way n they aint budgin (and in their minds thts probably so right cos they're tryna keep themselves strong so they don't stray) but at the same time to everyone else it's like hmmm ok... is this what religion does to u?
              Most of the time they ask for it, so i show it too them.

              I do look at the past, the reason i became more practising because i just kept on feeling guilty that i wasn't giving my love to Allah swt, obviously the guilt just kept on growing and growing till it became too much of a burden and i had to submit. I mean Alhumdullilah my mum and uncle do pray on a regular basis, they watch islamic programmes on a regular basis and gain knowledge on a regular basis too, they know about it, but when we have a discussion, it's like they start making things up :S

              I know for a fact that they don't mind at all what i'm doing, its just the current climate the world is in, there a bit edgy and feel im taking too much of a risk.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Paanga is not Changa

                Originally posted by Medievalist
                Dal
                From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
                (Redirected from Daal)
                Jump to: navigation, search
                For other uses, see Dal (disambiguation).

                Masoor dal
                Masoor dal prepared using traditional yellow dal recipeDal (also spelled dahl) (Devanagari दाल, Banglaদ্দাল) is a preparation of pulses (dried beans) which have been stripped of their outer hulls and split. It also refers to the thick, spicy stew prepared therefrom, a mainstay of Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi cuisine. In South India dal is used to make the dish called sambar. The word Dal derives from the Sanskrit term to split.[1]

                Contents [hide]
                1 Common varieties of dal
                2 Split and whole pulses
                3 Preparing dal
                3.1 Tadka
                4 Pejorative Use
                5 See also
                6 External links
                7 References



                [edit] Common varieties of dal
                Toor dal (called tuvar dal (Gujarati), arhar dal (in Uttar Pradesh, Orissa & Bengal) or togari bele (Kannada), kandi pappu (Telugu), tuvara parippu (Malayalam) or tuvaram paruppu in (Tamil)) - yellow pigeon peas; available either plain or oily
                Chana dal - (chholar dal in Bengali, (Buta daali in Orissa) sanaga pappu (Telugu) or kadale bele (Kannada), or kadalai paruppu (Tamil)) - split chickpeas without seedcoat. Chana dal is produced by removing the skin of Kala chana and then splitting it. Although machines can do this, it can be done at home by soaking the whole chickpeas, and removing the loose skins by placing the chickpeas between two towels and rubbing with a rolling pin.
                Kala chana - small chickpeas with brown skins - Kondai kadalai in Tamil. In the US and Canada it is known as desi chickpea and the variety most used is called Myles. It is very disease resistant.
                Kabuli dal - known for its black coat, it is an average size chickpea. It grows naturally with the black coat (not roasted as some believe) and it is said to be nuttier in flavor.
                Mung dal (pesara or uddhi pappu (Telugu) or paasi paruppu (Tamil)) - mung beans or hesara bele (Kannada),
                Urad dal (kolai dal (Bengali) ( Biri daali Orissa) or minapa pappu Telugu or ulutham paruppu (Tamil)) - urad, sometimes referred to as black gram or uddina bele (Kannada),
                Masoor dal - red lentils
                Rajma dal - kidney beans

                [edit] Split and whole pulses
                Although dal generally refers to split pulses, whole pulses are known as saboot dals and split pulses as dhuli dals. [2]. The hulling of a pulse is intended to improve digestibility and palatability, but affects nutrition provided by the dish, reducing dietary fiber content -- as with milling of whole grains into refined grains.[citation needed] Pulses with their outer hull intact are also quite popular in India and Pakistan as the main cuisine. Over 50 different varieties of pulses are known in India and Pakistan.


                [edit] Preparing dal

                Mussor Dal being preparedMost dal recipes are prepared quite simply. The standard preparation of dal begins with boiling a variety of dal (or a mix) in water with some turmeric, salting to taste, and then adding a tadka (also known as tarka, chaunk or baghaar) at the end of the cooking process.


                [edit] Tadka
                Main article: tadka
                Tadka or tarka (also known as chaunk or baghar) consists of various spices or other flavorings fried in a small amount of oil. The ingredients in the tadka for each variety of dal vary by region and individual tastes, but common tadka combinations include cumin, chilli powder [cayenne powder], and onion or mustard seeds and garlic. In some recipes, ginger, tamarind, unripe mango, or other ingredients are added while cooking the dal, often to impart a sour flavor. Some preparations also call for mashing the cooked dal a bit with a hand masher or suitable rolling pin.

                Other common tadka ingredients include asafoetida, fresh or dried chili pods, cilantro, garam masala and cumin seeds. The raw spices are fried for a few seconds in the hot oil first, and then the remaining ingredients are added. The garlic is typically only fried for a minute or two, but the onion is fried for 10 minutes or until browned. The tadka, or spice-infused oil, is poured over the cooked dal and served with bread or over Basmati rice.

                All of the beans & pulses listed above can be used with this method to make the variety of different dals eaten across the region. [3]


                [edit] Pejorative Use
                Main article: Dal Khor
                The usage of the word dal can at times be used in a disparaging fashion as some use the label "Dal Khor" (literally dal eater in Persian) in a belittling manner toward Pakistanis or those from the Indian Subcontinent.[4] Some Pakistanis living in rural areas have been nicknamed dal khor[5] seemingly more often than those living in the urban cities given the popularity of vegetarianism in the countryside.


                [edit] See also
                Wikibooks Cookbook has an article on
                DalChaunk
                Dal bati churma
                Dal biji
                Dal makhani

                [edit] External links
                Detailed information on Indian dal
                Traditional yellow dal recipe
                Chana Dal
                Dal Makhani
                Dal Tadka Video Recipe
                Ambarish dal mill,Akola
                Cook's Thesaurus: Lentils

                [edit] References
                ^ Monier-Williams Sanskrit-English Dictionary accessed online 2007-09-02
                ^ Mehta N. (2006), p12
                ^ Mehta N. (2006)
                ^ Dangerous Harvest: Drug Plants and the Transformation of Indigenous Landscapes By Michael K. Steinberg, Joseph, pg.135, Note: A Pashtun will refer to a Punjabi in a derogatory manner by calling him a dal eater..."
                ^ Across the Wagah: An Indian's Sojourn in Pakistan By Maneesha Tikekar, pg. 95
                Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dal"
                Yes so when do you plan to cook some for me?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Paanga is not Changa

                  :salams

                  so basically they think ur gna start gettin on to trains with big rucksacks if u catch ma drift?

                  do they know other kids like u... like any of ur friends or sumt...

                  but thts confusin if they ask u to show it then like start makin thngs up... like u shud remind em how a loose tongue can destroy us and whenever they mention anythin abt the deen its a proper serious matter...
                  ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                  "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                  :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Paanga is not Changa

                    Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                    :salams

                    so basically they think ur gna start gettin on to trains with big rucksacks if u catch ma drift?

                    do they know other kids like u... like any of ur friends or sumt...

                    but thts confusin if they ask u to show it then like start makin thngs up... like u shud remind em how a loose tongue can destroy us and whenever they mention anythin abt the deen its a proper serious matter...
                    :wswrwb:

                    Not that, more like an incident with the forest gate brothers, they think ill just get randomly arrested or something:|

                    They know my best mates, whenever they come round they want me to be like them, they are "clean shaven and safe":S

                    I know thats why, i don't harshly say it to them, but when they say to me Allah swt tells you to look after yourself and you don't need to do this..thats where i get worried.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Paanga is not Changa

                      Originally posted by Daaal View Post
                      :wswrwb:

                      Not that, more like an incident with the forest gate brothers, they think ill just get randomly arrested or something:|

                      They know my best mates, whenever they come round they want me to be like them, they are "clean shaven and safe":S

                      I know thats why, i don't harshly say it to them, but when they say to me Allah swt tells you to look after yourself and you don't need to do this..thats where i get worried.
                      :salams

                      oh... in that case can't u remind her that everything happens by Allah swt will and that's what we havta keep remindin ourselves cos u could arrested even if u were clean shaven blah blah if Allah swt willed, and by obeying His commands, wouldn't our Lord, more Merciful than our own mothers take care of us and prevent any harm from reaching us..?

                      try makin friends with beardies aswell lol and then that way when u bring em home it'll all be normal..

                      have u asked em why they think u dont need to do it? and if they say times have changed then won't there be a day that slowly if we start changing everything our religion would become so diluted... plus like if Allah swt wanted to change the way He would have sent down a message but the message was perfected around 1400 yrs ago so tryna attain perfection in that sense is commendable :D
                      ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                      "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                      :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Paanga is not Changa

                        Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                        :salams

                        oh... in that case can't u remind her that everything happens by Allah swt will and that's what we havta keep remindin ourselves cos u could arrested even if u were clean shaven blah blah if Allah swt willed, and by obeying His commands, wouldn't our Lord, more Merciful than our own mothers take care of us and prevent any harm from reaching us..?

                        try makin friends with beardies aswell lol and then that way when u bring em home it'll all be normal..

                        have u asked em why they think u dont need to do it? and if they say times have changed then won't there be a day that slowly if we start changing everything our religion would become so diluted... plus like if Allah swt wanted to change the way He would have sent down a message but the message was perfected around 1400 yrs ago so tryna attain perfection in that sense is commendable :D
                        You know what, i think it's only after ive Insh'Allah secured myself with four walls and a roof as well as a job that they will start to acknowledge and wouldn't mind otherwise student/ current climax just makes them worried.

                        I have quite a few bearded mates, but its a shame they either live too far away or don't have much time. My best mates are local and they come mostly to my house.

                        Exactly, that is what they say, "if the times have changed"...

                        Yup ive explained it to her, like i said i feel like as if im talking to a brick wall, i think it just needs time and patience, they are a stubborn bunch

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Smiling is Sadaqah! So SMILE :D

                          A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength through distress and grows brave by prayer...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Paanga is not Changa



                            Excatly, i know what you mean, i'm the only one in my whole family in britain that has a beard I was surprised at the amount of ignorance within my family, like one of my uncle would question on who Imaam Bakhari is and think he's some random bloke who wrote the hadith, i understand the way my family works and like RANDOM pointed out, i carry the flag of my deen and it's important for me to make them understand rather than show them evidence expecting them to acknowledge it straight. There has to be a balance of both.


                            Alhumdullilah i can see some slow improvements, i think they are alright with me attending my ISOC's lectures and stuff. But like you said very well, it is a test from Allah swt, there are other people worse off than me, so this should be minor as compared to the rest.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Paanga is not Changa

                              Wa'alaikum asalaam warahmatullahi wabarakatahu,

                              After reading ur post i realised i wasnt the only person feeling the same way and going through the same obstacles in life.

                              I come from the same typical pakistani cultural family who are fairly educated aswel. Most of the members in my family are ignorant of their deen expect but a few. Being ignorant myself for sometime, i recently over the last 2years started learning about my deen at uni and practising it. I realised wot the meaning behind "islam" was and what it was to call myself a "muslim" Alhudmulilah i met alot of practising people at uni who helped me gain an understading of the basic principles of islam starting from tawheed and progressing from there onwards. After gaining the knowlege i couldn't turn my back on the deen, i then started changing my lifestyle. I stated praying, alhumdulilah started to wear hijab, although i still wore western clothes which were "modest"

                              In the intial stages when i started to wear hijab, things were fine with my family, they were happy that i dressed modestly. However as the year went by i moved into university accomadation, this meant more independence but self discipline. I think moving to live alone for a year was a blessing in disguise, although i missed my family, alhumdulilah it changed me alot, i met some really nice practising sisters who helped me, i started reading more islamic books, attending more islamic lectures, wearin the CORRECT modest clothing - the abaya. Everything was going fine and alhumdulilah i started feelin contempt within myself and much closer to Allah (SWT) I could feel my purpose in life which was ot please the Almightly who created me.

                              I then moved back home, i knew this would be the hard bit. Moving back home my family saw a completely different person to the perosn that had moved out. In the intial stages they thought it was a "phase" and i would grow out of it but as time goes on they seeing im standing firm by what i believe in and the disagreements continue. I tried talking to my family to explain things from verses from the Qu'ran and showing them Hadeeth but the only thing im hearing is that im becoming "wahabi" On a daily basis i get things like "y are you wearing that black cloak?" and "ther's nothing wrong this...that..." etc.. I get put into guilt trips such as "does islam tell you not to listen to ur mother??" and so on but i try to explain to my mum that i love you so much and after Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW) YOU are the next person who is important to me, i try to tell her that i cant obey something you say if its against the word of Allah(SWT) but i just feel like im talking to someone who has a thick barrier in front of them. I know Allah (SWT) is testing me and i try to be strong but its sooo hard wen u feel so alone and isolated by the closest people around you.

                              The way i get put down by my family, i feel as though ive done something terrible like become a druggie or something, thats how im made to feel, my mum says to me "I didnt expect my child to end up like this.." Its like ive disgraced the family or something. One of the biggest things we have disagreements about is my cousin's wedding which is this summer, now my mum wants me to flaunt myself at the weddin in flashy asian clothes in order to get rishtey (proposals) but I told my mum that i dont want to marry someone who wants to marry me for my beauty, i want someone who will marry me for my deen but i cant get that across to my mum. Then i get the whole "what are people going to say...??" I hate that phrase, the problem with pakistani families is that they worry about what other poeple say more than what is actually the right thing to do.

                              Although im given this "mental abuse" everyday i still obey my parents (as long as im not disobeying Allah (SWT) ) I tried to be a good daughter and please my parents however i can but it just seems like its not enough until i give up my "wahabi" ways. I tried to give da'wah to my family but then started realising it created an uproar and alot of problems, so i just started giving da'wah through my actions but its like i cant even think the things i do, believe the things i believe and wear the things i wear, EVEN though im NOT affecting anyone else, they want me to conform into to they believe in, but once coming OUT of ignorance i dont want to go bak into it. My parents are also scared that we might get the "5 0" knockin on my door aswel and get scared by everthing thats in the media and the word "JIHAD" is just a taboo in the house.

                              When i started to wear the hijab they thought it was ok but wen i started to wear the abaya thats wen they thort im becumin an "extremist" They say that praying 5times a day and being a good person is enough. They say Allah (SWT) is All-Merciful, i said ofcourse HE (SWT) is Merciful but we have to work hard, its doesnt jus mean we can go round doing anything. Its not just my immediate family but my extended family also have certains views, they all feel i should take it off and ther is no need to be so "extreme" Plus they feel no-one will marry me if i dress the way i do covered up.

                              Also wen i speak to my dad bout things from certain scholars he always says that these scholars r wrong but i say u cant say that they r wrong and not give me any evidences, then my mum says that "these scholars are given money in their back pockets to brain wash young minds like yours" Sometimes when my mum says certain things to my i dont argue back i just stay quiet and listen because arguing is not the right adhab in which we should talk to our parents. One day i didnt stay quiet, but i didnt argue either, i explained to my mum and dad by telling them about hadeeths about modesty and how the Prophet(SAW) wives dressed but all i got back was im being "wahabi" and was put into emotinal blackmail that "doesnt islam tell u to listen to ur mother?" After uni, livin back at home is very hard as my mum wants me to detatch myself from the friends i made at uni which is one of the hardest things for me as these are the practising sisters who helped me get closer to my deen, also going to lectures has become hard for me as my mum says i cant go because "We dont know what they "teach" u at these lectures.." She thinks im becoming the media representation of an "extremist" She was ok with me taking part in isoc at uni but now she says there's no need to get involved in any such activities. I feel the struggle is getting harder and harder day by day but alhumdulilah i KNOW i have Allah (SWT) there so thats what keeps me going every morning when i wake up.

                              Its the same thing for me i love my mum,dad and family to bits, they've done soooooo much for me, if it wasnt for them i wouldn't be here today. But just like u sed i cannot compromise the deen, as MUCH as i love my parents, i love Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW) much more. My mum always says we need to have deen AND dunya but its seems like they want me to have MORE of the dunya which i do not want. Although im penalised for eveything i do, believe in, think and practise i know Allah (SWT) will keep me strong in standing by it. I love my family sooo much and want them to be in the highest of jannahs so I pray that Allah (SWT) opens their hearts to understanding this beautiful deen.

                              I TOTALLY agree with the over emotional bit, nearly ALL pakistani families r like that. I think the have developed a certain way of thinking which is veryy hard to change as they stand firm by wot they believe in and are not open towards any other input. Just like you sed wenever they are shown evidences, they turn a blind eye and their only escape is to say "wahabi"

                              IM sooooooooooooooooooooo sowwwieeee if i went on a bit but i know its a weird thing to say but its nice to hear im not alone and their is someone else in the same boat as me, i dont mean it in a rude way but i mean like i thought i was the only one in the world going through these hardships but now i understand that their are other people out their who i can relate to.

                              May Allah (SWT) guide us ALL to the sirat-ul-mustaqeem. Ameen.

                              JazakAllah Khairun.

                              Wasalaam.

                              Any feedback aswel please go ahead...?
                              Last edited by umm turaab; 20-06-08, 03:44 AM.
                              "What can my enemies do to me? I have in my breast both my heaven and my garden. If I travel they are with me, never leaving me. Imprisonment for me is a chance to be alone with my Lord. To be killed is martyrdom and to be exiled from my land is a spiritual journey." - Shaykh ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimuhullah)

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