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  • worried...

    assalamualaykum
    theres something that has been playing on my mind for a very long time now..and that is the death of a close relative.

    see, thing is, im scared. almost everyone i know has lost a close relative, someone in their immediate or extended family...its just me. i think in school, im probably the only one out of our friendship group that still has both sets of grandparents. everyone witnessed or felt death...except for me. so now im worried, andim waiting, because i feel like its going to happen in my Family very soon...because it seems as though its too good that alhamdullillah everyone i know still is alive.

    im not saying i want to witness a death. astaghfirullah im not saying that at all. im saying that because i have every family member still intact, i feel like its going to happen soon, and when it does it will be someone ver very special.

    i havnt experienced a death in the family as yet.. but one person who i sometimes stood with at the bus stop.i only ever exchanged two words or so with him, and they were just a no thanks when he offered me gum....oh and once when we exchanged names.he was stabbed and died. and when that happened i like froze sort of thing...i couldnt talk for days...and it stops me from sleeping even now.what am i going to do when its a family member?...im scared that i wont be able to take the pain:(...

    im sorry if this probably sounds a bit daft and confusing but this is roughly what is going on in my head at the moment...

    wassalam.
    Last edited by bitter_sweet; 30-04-08, 08:16 PM.
    "Do not lose hope in adversity and complain that God singled you out for punishment, remitting others guilty of worse sins.Your present state could very well be His intent to elevate your spiritual station; or He could just be testing your faith. Everyday that you persevere, you grow closer to perfection.Thus your present despair may be beginning of an infinite blessing.":love:

  • #2
    Re: worried...

    Assalamualaykum,

    Alhamdulillah i too have grandparents that are yet to die (mothers and fathers side). You say that your "the only one", not to have experienced the lament/grief caused by the death of a close relative/friend. I too am in a similar position. However, instead of thinking negatively, please try to think positively. Take advantage of the time you have left with your grandparents, trust me they will really appreciate it. Alhamdulillah, i reside at my grandparents house every summer for a week (at least). Initially, my intention is always to help and support them during my stay, but as grandparents are, they have so much love for their young one's they never let you. Bitter, i suggest you also realise that each and every human is assured death soon, no one human has ever lived on this planet - since it's creation. Death's are sometimes appreciated as a test from Allah, it's upto an individual how they respond to it. Remember each and every muslim will be questioned for what they've been upto during their lifetime. If you've spent a life living in sorrow just because the one you so dearly loved has disappeared then you are neglecting your akhirah. You also need to remember that Allah is all we need in this world. He should be the one we love the most, nothing else, nobody else.

    I really do sympathise with what your having to cope with mentally. Just bear with it when the time does come. Death is inevitable! It cannot be prevented. :(

    Allah hu akbar! (jazakullah for sharing your feelings/views with us bitter).
    Last edited by MrOnline; 30-04-08, 08:33 PM.

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    • #3
      Re: worried...

      Originally posted by MrOnline View Post
      Assalamualaykum,

      Alhamdulillah i too have grandparents that are yet to die (mothers and fathers side). You say that your "the only one", not to have experienced the lament/grief caused by the death of a close relative/friend. I too am in a similar position. However, instead of thinking negatively, please try to think positively. Take advantage of the time you have left with your grandparents, trust me they will really appreciate it. Alhamdulillah, i reside at my grandparents house every summer for a week (at least). Initially, my intention is always to help and support them during my stay, but as grandparents are, they have so much love for their young one's they never let you. Bitter, i suggest you also realise that each and every human is assured death soon, no one human has ever lived on this planet - since it's creation. Death's are sometimes appreciated as a test from Allah, it's upto an individual how they respond to it. Remember each and every muslim will be questioned for what they've been upto during their lifetime. If you've spent a life living in sorrow just because the one you so dearly loved has disappeared then you are neglecting your akhirah. You also need to remember that Allah is all we need in this world. He should be the one we love the most, nothing else, nobody else.

      I really do sympathise with what your having to cope with mentally. Just bear with it when the time does come. Death is inevitable! It cannot be prevented. :(

      Allah hu akbar! (jazakullah for sharing your feelings/views with us bitter).

      jazakallah, but what am i going to do when it does happen?!...if i practically froze when someone i merely knew by name died..what am i going to do when its family?...:(
      "Do not lose hope in adversity and complain that God singled you out for punishment, remitting others guilty of worse sins.Your present state could very well be His intent to elevate your spiritual station; or He could just be testing your faith. Everyday that you persevere, you grow closer to perfection.Thus your present despair may be beginning of an infinite blessing.":love:

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      • #4
        Re: worried...

        Originally posted by bitter_sweet View Post
        jazakallah, but what am i going to do when it does happen?!...if i practically froze when someone i merely knew by name died..what am i going to do when its family?...:(
        I'm not the best at giving out advice, and i swear to god i have the same fears as you, in fact i was thinking about it the other day, but sister you just have to tolerate it all, and make do. It's no good being emotionally weak, you have to be, and remain strong.

        When the inevitable does occur - death of a close relative. Then as long as your relationship with your parents and brothers/sisters is tight inshallah you will be fine; you will have a shoulder to cry on. Forgive me if i'm wrong, but the death of that brother you say was stabbed was probably only really felt by you in the household. Ok, it will have shook everyone in your household, but because the brother was not related to you in any way, all the emotional distress piled up and this is what "froze" you. Subsequently, if that brother was a member of your immediate family then your whole family would have had to deal with the situation and inshallah the grief would be shared by everyone in your family. You'd all be at the same level, and in grief mode. Soon one of the elders (who will have already experienced mourning prior to this latest death) will take initiative by restoring the families status as a "strong family" and will help to try and restore the happier times - so people can get back to normal. Mashallah, we should learn from these elders, because one day, inshallah, we may have the responsibility to act this "elder". Who knows? Allah hu akbar!

        One last thing from me. I know this isn't a great example but just hear me out. Frank Lampard's mother, Pat, died last week, and this same Frank Lampard is out there tonight, playing for Chelsea! Alhamdulillah, what a strong character he is!

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        • #5
          Re: worried...

          Originally posted by bitter_sweet View Post
          jazakallah, but what am i going to do when it does happen?!...if i practically froze when someone i merely knew by name died..what am i going to do when its family?...:(
          Make dua to Allah to help make it easy for you.

          Ukhtee...as you know, death is a fact of life. Handling death doesn't get any easier after one has had a few deaths of close friends and family. I have learned to accept it, try and be of support to other's around me, have my own private mouring time, and then move on with my life. Time doesn't stand still when someone dies. We must keep diligence on our own life, to be ready for when our time comes...since only Allah knows when that time will be.
          Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.
          ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

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          • #6
            Re: worried...

            Originally posted by Astraeus View Post
            Make dua to Allah to help make it easy for you.
            Alhamdulillah Astraerus has offered the best advice. How can we forget Allah? We have to depend on him - and this is often materialized through dua!

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            • #7
              Re: worried...

              You'll know what to do when it happens :)

              and it will be a life experience...a chapter in your life...and you might think it is IMPOSSIBLE to get over it but..the reality of life is that it DOES go on

              just imagine parents whose children pass away BEFORE they do!? imagine how they must feel...

              so atleast you are kind of 'expcting' it...it's worse when it's unexpected

              also...don't think about it too much otherwise you might end up in depression when there hasnt even been a depressing incident yet! so...just continue your normal daily routines...make the most of your time with EVERYONE///because any of us can go at any time

              be they grandparents or parents or siblings and friends...especially your siblings..be close with them...

              but when it happens...your natural emotions will pour out and you will just know what to do...and you will deal with it in a mature way inshallah. Most of all, as well being a support for yourself, try and be a support for other family members around you who are in mourning too.

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              • #8
                Re: worried...

                Inshallah just remember it is out of your control. Losing a relative is painful and sad, but no soul can escape it so try to use your time as effectively as possible (ie. ibadah) and encourage those close to you to do the same.

                Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon.
                Al-Hasan Al-Basree said: people are the same in health but when hardship befalls they show distinction. Ibn al Qayyim :love:

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                • #9
                  Re: worried...

                  :there: :love:
                  j u s t B ...y o u r s e l f.

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                  • #10
                    Re: worried...

                    jazakallah for the advice everyone...

                    inshallah may allah make it easy for us all and let him give us the strength to tolerate the pain and the anguish we may feel...

                    ameen.
                    "Do not lose hope in adversity and complain that God singled you out for punishment, remitting others guilty of worse sins.Your present state could very well be His intent to elevate your spiritual station; or He could just be testing your faith. Everyday that you persevere, you grow closer to perfection.Thus your present despair may be beginning of an infinite blessing.":love:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      "Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them...he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?"...God said, "I did do something. I made you."" -- Sufi Teaching

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                      • #12
                        Re: worried...

                        Originally posted by bitter_sweet View Post
                        jazakallah, but what am i going to do when it does happen?!...if i practically froze when someone i merely knew by name died..what am i going to do when its family?...:(
                        I used to always think if and when my parents pass away i woulnt be able to live ... i always imagined myself in some mental institute! Trust me worrying about the inevitable doesnt really good to ones health ...

                        Both my parents passed away within a three month period .. we hadnt stop grieving over the first loss, the second one came banging on the door ...

                        Just have faith in Allah swt and make dua and Insha'Allah any difficulties Allah swt bestows on you will also aid u in dealing with the situation aswell ...
                        When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying...

                        Man's way leads to a hopeless end...Allah's way leads to an endless hope

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