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  • Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

    :salams

    I apologize if this is long, it may not be, but I need to write out my thoughts. I am not complaining, but to ease my stress I need to share what has been going on lately. Some will be a history to bring you up to date, but most of this I do not talk about. I realize an open forum is not the best, but I don't think I yet qualify for the Muslim group. Since most of the posters in this forum are my brothers and sisters, I will give it a go anyways.

    As I mentioned in my intro to the forums, I recited the Shahada in November of 2007, not too long ago. For the most part, I have kept my conversion to myself. My mom has dementia and I do not think I could explain "why" over and over and over again, nor do I think she would really be able to understand. I have told my brother. The first time I told him he really wasn't listening. We were out to dinner and he was more intent on other things. He says he doesn't care, but we don't talk about it, either. My "in-law" side of the family I really do not see that often. Two of my in-laws don't really practice any religion, but I don't know what their thoughts would be. I don't think they would care, but it is hard to know what anyone really is thinking when one tells them they are a Muslim. The other two in-laws, which includes my mother-in-law, are very religious: one a catholic, one an evangelical. I don't think my brother-in-law and his wife would really understand, and I know my mom-in-law won't. She forwards all right wing political emails she receives from her friends...which includes anti-Muslim emails. But the one I am having the problem with right now is my wife.

    This is where the history comes in: When we first met 14 years ago, we were both non-practicing catholics. Both raised in the faith, going to their schools, etc., this included being married in a catholic church (to make the mom's happy). After moving to Michigan a few years ago I joined the mormon church. My wife didn't care, but it made her start looking at her faith more. She has since become very active with her church and in catholicism in general. We moved back to Illinois last summer, and in late fall is when I learned the Truth about Islam and became a Muslim. To avoid conflict, when I started taking my 'new Muslim' classes on Sundays, I told her I was taking religion classes, which is the truth. She didn't care because since she did not have to wake up early to watch our son when I went to church, so she was happy. A few months went by and I had accumulated quite a small library of Islamic books and pamphlets. One Sunday when I returned from my class she asked me flat out if I was going to become a Muslim. I told her "yes, actually I am a Muslim." She told me how she had seen the pamphlets and some of the books. The books and stuff are not hidden, they are on a bookshelf in my son's room.

    I need to take a quick break in the story to let you know about my son, who recently turned 8 y.o.. Some of you might have read in another thread where I am a stay-at-home dad to my son. He has a severe seizure disorder known as Dravet Syndrome [ http://www.idea-league.org/dravet.html ]. It is classified as a "catastophic epilepsy" and is considered a 'life threatening' medical condition. It has a an 18% to 20% mortality rate. Because of the potential severity of my son's seizures, I sleep in his room. Basically, we share a room which is why my Qur'an and books on ahadith are in his room to begin with. He is cognitively delayed and has trouble grasping some basic concepts, while he excels at others. He gets OT & PT at school, yet he cannot use a spoon to feed himself, nor can he pull a blanket up to cover himself if he is cold at night. He is a wonderful child, who inspires me to keep pushing myself.

    Back to the story: After finding out I am a Muslim, my wife explodes, telling me she "could care less what I do with my life, but if I try and raise our son as a Muslim she will take him from me." [As another point of history-even though we have been married for over 13 years, we are only together today because of our son and his condition. There has been no physical contact, not even holding hands, for a number of years. We are friends, but there is no love in a marital sense.] She knows my son is my life and here she is threatening to take him from me because of my belief. I didn't know what to say, what could I say? If she wanted to take him she could. She is the mother, and saying at the divorce that I was a Muslim and she feared for my son, I wouldn't have a chance. Since she knows we are only together for him, there hasn't been any mention of it...but there is concern on her part.

    My trials of late come at night, before putting my son to bed. Even though a couple of nights a week I am out at the masjid studying, every night she waits until we are putting my son to bed to work with him on doing christian prayers. It never fails that she "forgets" to do them earlier in the evening, and has him try and repeat after her a basic christian prayer. Last night really took the cake. She once again said she didn't know why she forgot to do them earlier, but she wants him to do them before bed "since she isn't the one who stays with him, and she has to be sure they are done." She says this while looking right at me with anger in her eyes. She not only despises that I am a Muslim, but now she has to take her time to teach our son about her religion. When I was a mormon, I used to read with my son from the church children's magazine. It actually is pretty good because it rarely mentions Jesus (AS) in 'savior' terms. It is almost exclusively about God, or Allah (SWT). But my son watches me pray even though he doesn't understand what I am saying. He even thinks it's fun to jump on my back while I am in sujood. After which he holds on tight until I go back down for sujood again.

    Anyways, I have rambled on enough about my kaffir wife. It is one thing to see all the anti-Islam stuff on a daily basis, but it is another when I am threatened with losing my only child if I try to share with him the Truth, the wonderful Deen of Islam. Allah knows best what will come with this test, and where it will lead. All I can do is do what is expected of me as a Muslim and He will watch over me.

    Jazak'Allah Khayr for reading.
    “Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.”
    ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

  • #2
    Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

    Originally posted by Astraeus View Post
    :salams

    I apologize if this is long, it may not be, but I need to write out my thoughts. I am not complaining, but to ease my stress I need to share what has been going on lately. Some will be a history to bring you up to date, but most of this I do not talk about. I realize an open forum is not the best, but I don't think I yet qualify for the Muslim group. Since most of the posters in this forum are my brothers and sisters, I will give it a go anyways.

    As I mentioned in my intro to the forums, I recited the Shahada in November of 2007, not too long ago. For the most part, I have kept my conversion to myself. My mom has dementia and I do not think I could explain "why" over and over and over again, nor do I think she would really be able to understand. I have told my brother. The first time I told him he really wasn't listening. We were out to dinner and he was more intent on other things. He says he doesn't care, but we don't talk about it, either. My "in-law" side of the family I really do not see that often. Two of my in-laws don't really practice any religion, but I don't know what their thoughts would be. I don't think they would care, but it is hard to know what anyone really is thinking when one tells them they are a Muslim. The other two in-laws, which includes my mother-in-law, are very religious: one a catholic, one an evangelical. I don't think my brother-in-law and his wife would really understand, and I know my mom-in-law won't. She forwards all right wing political emails she receives from her friends...which includes anti-Muslim emails. But the one I am having the problem with right now is my wife.

    This is where the history comes in: When we first met 14 years ago, we were both non-practicing catholics. Both raised in the faith, going to their schools, etc., this included being married in a catholic church (to make the mom's happy). After moving to Michigan a few years ago I joined the mormon church. My wife didn't care, but it made her start looking at her faith more. She has since become very active with her church and in catholicism in general. We moved back to Illinois last summer, and in late fall is when I learned the Truth about Islam and became a Muslim. To avoid conflict, when I started taking my 'new Muslim' classes on Sundays, I told her I was taking religion classes, which is the truth. She didn't care because since she did not have to wake up early to watch our son when I went to church, so she was happy. A few months went by and I had accumulated quite a small library of Islamic books and pamphlets. One Sunday when I returned from my class she asked me flat out if I was going to become a Muslim. I told her "yes, actually I am a Muslim." She told me how she had seen the pamphlets and some of the books. The books and stuff are not hidden, they are on a bookshelf in my son's room.

    I need to take a quick break in the story to let you know about my son, who recently turned 8 y.o.. Some of you might have read in another thread where I am a stay-at-home dad to my son. He has a severe seizure disorder known as Dravet Syndrome [ http://www.idea-league.org/dravet.html ]. It is classified as a "catastophic epilepsy" and is considered a 'life threatening' medical condition. It has a an 18% to 20% mortality rate. Because of the potential severity of my son's seizures, I sleep in his room. Basically, we share a room which is why my Qur'an and books on ahadith are in his room to begin with. He is cognitively delayed and has trouble grasping some basic concepts, while he excels at others. He gets OT & PT at school, yet he cannot use a spoon to feed himself, nor can he pull a blanket up to cover himself if he is cold at night. He is a wonderful child, who inspires me to keep pushing myself.

    Back to the story: After finding out I am a Muslim, my wife explodes, telling me she "could care less what I do with my life, but if I try and raise our son as a Muslim she will take him from me." [As another point of history-even though we have been married for over 13 years, we are only together today because of our son and his condition. There has been no physical contact, not even holding hands, for a number of years. We are friends, but there is no love in a marital sense.] She knows my son is my life and here she is threatening to take him from me because of my belief. I didn't know what to say, what could I say? If she wanted to take him she could. She is the mother, and saying at the divorce that I was a Muslim and she feared for my son, I wouldn't have a chance. Since she knows we are only together for him, there hasn't been any mention of it...but there is concern on her part.

    My trials of late come at night, before putting my son to bed. Even though a couple of nights a week I am out at the masjid studying, every night she waits until we are putting my son to bed to work with him on doing christian prayers. It never fails that she "forgets" to do them earlier in the evening, and has him try and repeat after her a basic christian prayer. Last night really took the cake. She once again said she didn't know why she forgot to do them earlier, but she wants him to do them before bed "since she isn't the one who stays with him, and she has to be sure they are done." She says this while looking right at me with anger in her eyes. She not only despises that I am a Muslim, but now she has to take her time to teach our son about her religion. When I was a mormon, I used to read with my son from the church children's magazine. It actually is pretty good because it rarely mentions Jesus (AS) in 'savior' terms. It is almost exclusively about God, or Allah (SWT). But my son watches me pray even though he doesn't understand what I am saying. He even thinks it's fun to jump on my back while I am in sujood. After which he holds on tight until I go back down for sujood again.

    Anyways, I have rambled on enough about my kaffir wife. It is one thing to see all the anti-Islam stuff on a daily basis, but it is another when I am threatened with losing my only child if I try to share with him the Truth, the wonderful Deen of Islam. Allah knows best what will come with this test, and where it will lead. All I can do is do what is expected of me as a Muslim and He will watch over me.

    Jazak'Allah Khayr for reading.
    :salams: :start:

    Oh bro, I'm very sad to hear about not only your sons condition but also yours in general. It is perfectly fine that you posted here and vented. Were one big Ummah and if you can't vent here then where else? Obviously not to your "wife". I really don't know what I can tell you besides make dua for you. HOwever, now that I Think of it, is there no way you can try to get your wife to see Islam from a different perspective? Maybe through your actions...keep doing and praying to Allah (swt) that she be guided. Insha'Allah, she will change and maybe she will see too will notice truth, since Truth always stands out.
    " The issue in palestine will not be solved by the United States or any western country. It's not going to be solved by Dan Six Pack or Sally Soccer mom! " Anwar Al-Awlaki

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

      ow bro ...

      first and foremost i must mention the fact that by becoming a muslim you have made one of the most proudest but also hardest choices. hardest because it was bound to cause some rifes amongst you and your wife and involves your only child.

      you and your wife have stayed together because of your son who you love dearly...would she ever divorve you..or is she just saying it ...?
      j u s t B ...y o u r s e l f.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

        Asslam alikum Brother,
        I know how hard it to to be a revert living with your family who are still in a state of disbelieve. It is a very hard test. It must be especially hard for you. I have bookmarked the ayat in Surah Qasas. Where Allah (SWT) says that we cannot guides those whom we love, he guides whom he pleases and whom receives his guidance the best. You are blessed that Allah (SWT) has chosen you to receive his guidance. Inshallah one day he guides your wife and are able to raise your child as a muslim. It takes patience. This test you are going through is extremely hard, just stay firm. I will make Du'a for you.
        Please Re-update your Signature

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

          " If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it"

          "Verily, in remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" [from the Qur'aan]


          my two cents

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

            I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in a situation with two religions in one home like that. Especially since your faith seems quite strong.

            And no doubt both of you love your child very much and want the best for him and want the Truth for him. I don't know that there is an easy resolution to that.

            And I would think you would feel pretty isolated with your mother's health, and your child's health and the state of your marriage.

            So I think the best anyone can offer is to pray for you and your family that you will find a good resolution to this. And of course I'm sure you will continue to pray for His help and guidance.

            God's blessings on you. And especially on your son.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

              I mean no disrespect, but your wife is an idiot.

              Why don't you prove to her that Muhammad(saw) is mentioned in the bible? I'm sure that will knock some sense into her.

              Feel free to contact me for debate materials.
              The definition of courage is to fight to the death in defense of religion, in defense of womanhood, of ill treated neighbours, of the oppressed who seek protection, or in defense of a lost fortune, honour which has been attacked, and other rights, against all adversaries, whether they be few or many.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                Wa alaikum salaam

                Im really sorry to hear this bro.

                And reading about your son , just made my heart go out to u :(
                The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                  Originally posted by LastFriday View Post
                  :salams: :start:

                  Oh bro, I'm very sad to hear about not only your sons condition but also yours in general. It is perfectly fine that you posted here and vented. Were one big Ummah and if you can't vent here then where else? Obviously not to your "wife". I really don't know what I can tell you besides make dua for you. HOwever, now that I Think of it, is there no way you can try to get your wife to see Islam from a different perspective? Maybe through your actions...keep doing and praying to Allah (swt) that she be guided. Insha'Allah, she will change and maybe she will see too will notice truth, since Truth always stands out.
                  :jkk: for your reply. I sincerely doubt she will ever see Islam in a diferent perspective. She gets on me about how Jesus (AS) is the "savior of humanity," and "how could I turn my back on Jesus (AS) when he died for my sins," etc... She is getting more into her faith. When I am not around she has on the catholic TV channel. I had a laugh though yesterday. I was out on the balcony reading, loudly streaming the Qur'an in Ramadhan, when she came home during lunh after doing some grocery shopping. She never said a word.

                  Originally posted by muslimma View Post
                  ow bro ...

                  first and foremost i must mention the fact that by becoming a muslim you have made one of the most proudest but also hardest choices. hardest because it was bound to cause some rifes amongst you and your wife and involves your only child.

                  you and your wife have stayed together because of your son who you love dearly...would she ever divorve you..or is she just saying it ...?
                  :jkk: for your reply. Personally, I do not think she would do so at this moment. Mostly because it is a convenience issue. If something changed, I believe it is something which would happen.

                  Originally posted by GothiKa View Post
                  I mean no disrespect, but your wife is an idiot.

                  Why don't you prove to her that Muhammad(saw) is mentioned in the bible? I'm sure that will knock some sense into her.

                  Feel free to contact me for debate materials.
                  :jkk: for your reply. No offense taken. I doubt she would really listen or read about it. I am not sure if she read any of the brochures which she saw. They are from ICNA and are good dawah materials.


                  :jkk: for the other replies, too. I appreciate your duas. I needed to get this out of my head. Thanks for reading.
                  “Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.”
                  ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                    Originally posted by MG View Post
                    Wa alaikum salaam

                    Im really sorry to hear this bro.

                    And reading about your son , just made my heart go out to u :(

                    If your if wife wants to recite the Christian prayers everyday, cant you ask her do it herself? That if she is not there, he will just have to miss it that day? Because if you do it bro, you could possibly incur sin for exposing your son to this.

                    May Allah swt make things easy for you and grant your beautiful boy good health and guidance to the true path ameen
                    Sister MG, it isn't that she is asking me to teach him christian prayers, but another part of her anger is that now she has to do it. Before, I took care of taking him to church, etc... It takes away from her time to relax. [I am trying to pick my words carefully. I do not want to come across as spiteful or angry myself. I am long past any of it. If for some reason it were over tomorrow, it would be fine with me.]

                    :jkk: for the book suggestions. I do not know why I never thought of it before. I will check out the Islamic bookstore on Sunday.
                    “Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.”
                    ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                      Originally posted by Astraeus View Post
                      Sister MG, it isn't that she is asking me to teach him christian prayers, but another part of her anger is that now she has to do it. Before, I took care of taking him to church, etc... It takes away from her time to relax. [I am trying to pick my words carefully. I do not want to come across as spiteful or angry myself. I am long past any of it. If for some reason it were over tomorrow, it would be fine with me.]

                      :jkk: for the book suggestions. I do not know why I never thought of it before. I will check out the Islamic bookstore on Sunday.
                      yes but still, you have other priorities now,tell her to do it herself, and she has more to lose than you if she leaves you and takes your son, because she will have no "relax" time then! ;) and in courts it is very hard to stop any father seeing their child totally, unless they have done something totally heinous but i dont like to advise people to divorce so please dont see my post as that!. :)

                      Here is a sample of the books i was talking about, they are great:inlove: you can read some pages from them and see what you think, i got the whole collection :D

                      http://islamicbookstore.com/b7484.html

                      http://islamicbookstore.com/b7512.html


                      or you can get a box of them!:

                      http://islamicbookstore.com/b7833.html
                      The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                        Originally posted by MG View Post
                        yes but still, you have other priorities now,tell her to do it herself, and she has more to lose than you if she leaves you and takes your son, because she will have no "relax" time then! ;) and in courts it is very hard to stop any father seeing their child totally, unless they have done something totally heinous but i dont like to advise people to divorce so please dont see my post as that!. :)

                        Here is a sample of the books i was talking about, they are great:inlove: you can read some pages from them and see what you think, i got the whole collection :D

                        http://islamicbookstore.com/b7484.html

                        http://islamicbookstore.com/b7512.html


                        or you can get a box of them!:

                        http://islamicbookstore.com/b7833.html
                        Oh, she understands she has to teach him. If she doesn't, she knows he will pick up on my examples as he has in the past. My son is daddy's boy, and she knows it.

                        :jkk: for the book samples. I will see what the bookstore at the masjid has to offer before ordering. There is something from the online IslamicBookstore I have been wanting to get, but they are continually out-of-stock of the item.
                        “Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.”
                        ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                          Originally posted by Astraeus View Post
                          Oh, she understands she has to teach him. If she doesn't, she knows he will pick up on my examples as he has in the past. My son is daddy's boy, and she knows it.

                          :jkk: for the book samples. I will see what the bookstore at the masjid has to offer before ordering. There is something from the online IslamicBookstore I have been wanting to get, but they are continually out-of-stock of the item.
                          hmm have you clicked their remind me when its in stock button? ive used that on a book i wnated and about one month later they emailed me saying they have it in?

                          but most islamic bookstores/ islamic conferences/bazaars, do these books as well, or you could just try a different site?


                          Mashallah at daddy' boy, normally its the other way round!
                          The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Life Has Been One Hard Test Lately...

                            Originally posted by MG View Post
                            hmm have you clicked their remind me when its in stock button? ive used that on a book i wnated and about one month later they emailed me saying they have it in?

                            but most islamic bookstores/ islamic conferences/bazaars, do these books as well, or you could just try a different site?


                            Mashallah at daddy' boy, normally its the other way round!
                            Yes, I have used their "email when in stock." The item is so popular it is out of stock by the time I get back to the site. The item in question is the 3 part Arabic course. It must be good. I haven't looked anywhere else since their pricing is pretty good, including shipping.
                            “Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy. We Muslims are only victorious over our enemy because their sins outnumber ours, not for any other reason. If our sins were equal to those of our enemy, then they would defeat us due to their superior numbers and resources.”
                            ~ Umar bin Al-Khattab (RA)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              http://www.iiu.edu.my/deed/quran/nob...n/nobe003.htmlhttp://www.iiu.edu.my/deed/quran/nob...n/nobe029.html

                              but the good news is that will increase your faith in almighty Allah and it will make u stand firm on the truth insha Allah, and Allah ta ala promised us in the Quran that He does not burden a soul with more than they can bear so u have to trust Allah on that one, and ur stronger than u may know and insha Allah it will all become clear soon enough.
                              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                              The Prophet :saw: said:

                              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                              muslim

                              Narrated 'Abdullah:

                              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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