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You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

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  • You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

    Even at my age when you expect friends to die, it's very difficult to surrender them.

    Two weeks ago, one of my closest friends, someone I've known for more than thirty years, had a severe stroke. She's a very well-respected attorney who did some very ground-breaking work. She's seventy-years-old and until her stroke, was still working full-time, some weeks working as much as 10 or twelve hours per day.

    I'm closely involved with my friend's care and treatment. I'm also very much aware of how hard my friend's daughter, her only child, is trying to repair and re-establish a relationship with her.

    There was never any question about their loving each other. They both love each other very much.

    But they never really got along. Probably because they were so much alike. I don't know. Most of their time together was filled with bickering and (to me) silly arguments. Sometimes they'd go for as long as six months without speaking to each other.

    And now the daughter is scrambling to make up for all that lost time.

    But, this is the deal. Her mom now doesn't feel very well. She's often confused and distressed. She has memory problems. Her long-term prognosis isn't good. In fact, it's bad.

    My heart goes out to her daughter who so badly wants to make amends and make everything right.

    I so often hear young people in this forum complain of difficulties with their parents. I know those things can seem huge, even impossible. But you really don't have all the time in the world to resolve them or find a solution to them.

    For as unpleasant and difficult as your differences with your parents may seem, please remember that nothing is forever. Your time to work things out with your parents may very well be much shorter than you think.

  • #2
    Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

    Well yes, but the parent-child dynamics are very different in Asian, or maybe Muslim cultures. A sad state of things, there's very little real love in many Muslim households, the bonds are more about duty and social standing. I've seen Muslims who only found happiness after their parents died :(

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    • #3
      Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

      Originally posted by Raashid View Post
      Well yes, but the parent-child dynamics are very different in Asian, or maybe Muslim cultures. A sad state of things, there's very little real love in many Muslim households, the bonds are more about duty and social standing. I've seen Muslims who only found happiness after their parents died :(
      i think thats a bit harsh...i reckon asian parents have the same amount of love as any other parent inshaAllah maybe they just cannot express their love or feelings...yes there are social restrictions and bounds and limits which everyone is aware of and once crossed there are consequences etc but are they not present in every culture, whether wetsern or not? i think so

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      • #4
        Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

        Originally posted by puella View Post
        i think thats a bit harsh...i reckon asian parents have the same amount of love as any other parent inshaAllah maybe they just cannot express their love or feelings...yes there are social restrictions and bounds and limits which everyone is aware of and once crossed there are consequences etc but are they not present in every culture, whether wetsern or not? i think so
        It is harsh, but unfortunately that's the reality I see. Maybe others have different perception. Whatever the Western way of parenting is, it's pretty clear that Asian parenting can be excessively suffocating - literally at times. I mean Western parents don't carry out honour killings for example.

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        • #5
          Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

          Good reminder Cashew, insha allah we all can benefit from being reminded of this
          .: Rufaida :.
          .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
          http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
          “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
          but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
          ~ Ibn Atallah

          Ramadan Activities for Children
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          • #6
            Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

            yeah... sometimes we forget so caught up with wats going on in daily lives... i fight with my parents a lot sometimes :( no more fighting!!!! :love:
            Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

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            • #7
              Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

              I think we should strive to build a bond with our parents if it has been broken. In Cashew's post I see where he says she had been working 10-12 a day sometimes at the age of 70. Can you imagine how many in her younger years? Which means she probably did not dedicate much time to her children while they were growing up and they may resent her for this.

              As an adult we must realize that our existance , good or bad , is due solely to our parents ( of course also Allah). We must take care of them in their time of need no matter what was the quality of care being given to us as children.
              We only have one life in this world, we should not hold grudges. No matter how bad a parent is once they are gone they are gone forever , and that definatly leaves a major hole in your life.

              Alhamdulillah I grew up with a very loving mother and when she passed it hurt me tremendously. At the same time I grew up with a very distant and cold father who hardly ever spoke and was resentful of my birth for he felt it destroyed his marriage. BUT..when he passed I also grieved because, just like this woman, maybe his work and his time and his ideals took him away from me as a child but in the end he was my father.
              [B]:inlove:[COLOR=darkorchid] [/COLOR][COLOR=magenta]Aya [/COLOR][/B]
              [SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][I][B]If any do deeds of righteousness, be they male or female,
              and have faith, they will enter Paradise
              and not the least injustice will be done to them. [Quran 4:124[/B][/I][/COLOR][/SIZE]

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              • #8
                Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

                At one point of my life, I found myself treating my parents bad out of anger, I did this du'a http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/s24.htm and things changed after that.

                Anyone having trouble with treating parents well, i suggest reading that supplication.

                Part of the supplication:

                God,
                fill me with awe of my parents,
                the awe one has toward a tyrannical sovereign,
                and let me be devoted to them,
                with the devotion of a compassionate mother!
                Make my obedience and devotion to them
                more gladdening to my eyes
                than sleep to the drowsy
                and more refreshing to my breast
                than drink to the thirsty,

                so that I may prefer their inclination
                to my inclination,
                set their satisfaction
                before my satisfaction,
                make much of their devotion to me
                though it be little,
                and make little of my devotion to them
                though it be great.

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                • #9
                  Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

                  Part of it also, (perhaps best part)

                  O God,
                  lower before them my voice,
                  make agreeable to them my words,
                  make mild before them my temper,
                  make tender toward them my heart,
                  and turn me into their kind companion,
                  their loving friend!

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                  • #10
                    Re: You Don't Have Endless Time With Your Parents

                    I already told my mom i love her, i need to find a way to tell my dad that also. The more i grow up the more i appreciate my parents, i wish i could have realized this much earlier. I can't image what i would be like without my parents. It is sometimes hard to think about a life without them or even worse them leaving this world when they are not happy with me. Insha Allah may Allah make us all good children to our parents. Ameen.

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