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    Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

    I know many muslim sisters who would love to wear hijaab but their 'modern families' are stopping them. Their families fast, pray now and then or something, some actually pray salaah regularly, good honest people BUT things like keeping a beard and wearing hijaab are for uneducated and poor people. They relate it to their country of origin and because they have a family tree of city life and university academics, they see hijaab and beards as 'extreme' and not for professionals.

    In addition, there's the issue of newly converted sisters still living with their families. sometimes their families do not know of their newly found religion or they do know of their conversion/reversion but do not allow them to let the rest of the community know (wearing hijaab would be a big sign of this) so stop them from wearing hijaab.

    OR some families who aren't religious as it is, and mashallah their daughter has bee given hidayah but the family cannot understand this because of their lack of understanding of principle conditions and once again- prevent their daughter from wearing hijaab.

    discuss please- not argue or take sides. no 'you're wrong I am right. Give your opinion, examples and that's it. Please do not scrutinize or patronise other users comments or analyse their comments trying to 'catch them out' o_O

    #2
    Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

    I personally dont know of anyone who's had to deal with this kind of an issue - usually if they dont wear it its because they havent "got around to" and are working at it. Their family don't really discourage or encourage them but leave it up to them.

    But I can see how some families may think the kids are regressing into medieval times when they start "practising" and demonstrate that outwardly by their dress. Usually the kids own attitude of holier than thou when they "discover Islam" doesnt help in such circumstances. And as a result the parents actually prefer the kids to not be practising if it means they adopt such an attitude.
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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      #3
      Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

      I tutor this girl down the road, masha'Allaah really nice kid and she kept asking us about hijaab and wanted to wear the headscarf, so when she started high school she started to wear the headscarf masha'Allaah.

      Her older sister and mother did not wear it. Her mother encouraged her, her sister felt out of sorts and guilty (this girl mentioned this to me a couple of times) by saying to her it's not necessary to wear etc. but this young girl continued wearing it, she wore it during her first year (yr7) and then the July 7 attacks happened and her family discouraged and stopped her from wearing headscarf the following year at school, now she no longer wears it but her friends do and she talks about it now and again....

      :insha: I pray that she does start to wear it again and her family too.
      Last edited by insomniac; 28-11-07, 06:43 PM.
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        #4
        Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

        A sister used to teach Arabic to young girls at the local Masjid. After a while, she told the girls they must wear the hijaab when they come to the Masjid. When some of the parents got wind of this, they went to the Masjid and started attacking the sister saying things like,''Who are you to tell our daughters they must wear hijaab? Just teach them Qur'aan and don't bother with rest.''

        SubhanAllaah.

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          #5
          Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

          hmm Maybe think about it like this, a sister is from a family who understand islam understand hijaab pray etc, but not aalims or extremely learnt people.

          Their idea of hijaab is just the headscarf (here again big discussions can be found on forum but lets not go into that).

          The mother wears headscarf, so does daughter, many cousins and aunties wear it too, but no-one wears abaya. The daughter wears abaya and gets criticism from her mother. Can you understand this?

          or maybe more 'extreme' she wants to wear niqaab, no one in the family does and they dont think it is farz but the daughter does and she wears it but her family critisise her.

          Think about your own family maybe, I dont know what you term as hijaab, but if you started wearing abaya, how would your family react? would they tell you 'oh its not fardh' this is how some families tell girls not to wear headscarf either, people start defining their own versions of what is and what is not fardh.

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            #6
            Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

            i think this is a hard situation to solve, but i also think its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions
            Last edited by Hello:); 28-11-07, 07:10 PM.

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              #7
              Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

              Originally posted by Hello:) View Post
              i think this is a hard situation to solve, but i also think its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions
              be careful what you say, you mean 'its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions when doing something islamic'

              I'm sure if they said they wanted to be homosexual, you wouldnt expect parents to be supportive

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                #8
                Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                This is not as unusual as it sounds, it can be quite common.
                I think if the parents don't wear hijab themselves, or they dont wear abayah themselves then sometimes they feel that the daughter by wearing it is in a way telling them "what you are doing is not good enough" so they feel offended and take offense even tho she does not mean it that way she just personally wants to wear what she feels is correct. Or they think "it doesnt look as nice" and they want her to wear nice clothes so people can look at her and think good of the family, or she can get more proposals etc. Sometimes its about "what will people think?" "people will say you have become extreme" etc.
                This all can be even from with Muslim parents, unfortunately... its just a case of being too much culture, not bothered enough about the deen, and too bothered with what will others think in the community. But if daughter persists in wearing it, and explains them with good manners why she does, never being rude about it at all or critisising/insulting the parents, insha allah eventually they can come to accept it. If they give her difficulty she has to persist cos its fardh to wear, she will get reward for her sabr thru that difficulty.

                My own parents when i started to wear hijab they were a bit unsure, because worried i will get insulted in the street etc (town has alot of racist people not many muslims), but they saw i wanted to wear it and they cant really stop me. Then wen i started wearing abayah my mum thought it was ugly but now she is really used to it and finds some of them nice, it just takes time for them to adapt and get used to them seeing u dressed in that way. The same with niqaab if i start to wear @ first they will complain and tell me "oh no now this is too much" but eventually they would get used to it after some time
                .: Rufaida :.
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                  #9
                  Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                  My mum was very discouraging when I started covering my head, but I think there's a big difference between saying that family members discourage/ridicule it and saying that a person is FORCED to not wear it. Our Sahaba (ra) had to face discouragement and ridicule, especially in the early years but it never stopped them. Although it is fard to cover, I could understand a young sister not doing so if her family were hostile to Islam or threatened or intimidated her about covering. Other than that I think if a girl decides not to cover cos' she's too obsessed by ignorant things that some shallow people might say then that's no excuse.
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                    #10
                    Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                    My parents have always been the 'it's up to you type', there wasn't much encouragement nor discouragement from my parents. I think that had it not been for the fact that I attended an Islamic school that taught the virtue of hijaab (and that I lived in Saudi at the time) I wouldn't have ever considered it. My mother didn't (now does alhamdullilah) and she said that it was simply because it wasn't ever introduced to her as an Islamic 'obligation' as such. Modesty, yes...that was a definite, but the actual covering of the hair...not so much.
                    When I did, there was no immediate reaction from my parents...in fact, it wasn't noticeable because it was the norm of the place I lived. However, I think they noticed during the summer when we had gone to 'oh glorious Dubai' that I hadn't really taken it off...my dad bought me my first cell-phone that summer.:p My mother wasn't too keen and but never discouraged me. She did and still does have an issue with the jilbaab/abaaya and skirts. She's my mama, and I love her to bits...but I've learned that keeping my opinions to myself is the best way to have healthy relationship. It works too.
                    "The discovery of truth is prevented more effectively, not by the false appearance of things present and which mislead into error, not directly by weakness of the reasoning powers, but by preconceived notions, opinion, and by prejudice." - Arthur Schopenhauer

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                      #11
                      Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                      As salamu aleikum,

                      I know this Turkish-Australian sister who I used to go to Uni with... She used to tell me she once wore the Hijab and after September the 11th, she decided not to because of the hostility from the Kuffar (so far, I havent heard of violence against muslims in Australia except for a couple of incidents in Sydney and elsewhere)... I then asked her why she doesnt wear the hijab and she said that she wasnt ready for it... so I was wondering why she has to give excuses for something that she doesnt like...

                      Hmmm I wonder....

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                        #12
                        Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                        Originally posted by RoadWarrior View Post
                        The mother wears headscarf, so does daughter, many cousins and aunties wear it too, but no-one wears abaya. The daughter wears abaya and gets criticism from her mother. Can you understand this?

                        Think about your own family maybe, I dont know what you term as hijaab, but if you started wearing abaya, how would your family react? would they tell you 'oh its not fardh' this is how some families tell girls not to wear headscarf either, people start defining their own versions of what is and what is not fardh.
                        Mmm im in this situation. I tried to go out in an abaya once, my mum said i looked like a pakistani and to go get changed :(. But i am hoping when i go to uni enshallah i will wear it full time.
                        I find it so hard to find suitable clothes! it really annoys me, by wearing abayas i could just wear whatever underneath and be completely covered, because i sill think by wearing baggy jeans and a long top you can still see your size and your legs, does anyone understand what i mean? like your not properly veiled..

                        I don't know what it was that made me start wearing hijab, it was just this really weird feeling and compulsion to do it, subhanallah, i contemplated it for a month or so. then i brought it up with my mother and she was like wait (i first brought it up in egypt and there everyong wears it, its kind of like a fashion though :/, so i think she thought i was just caught up in a fad), but then i brought it up a few other times when we came back to england and she still said wait its a big decision. then one day i said to her, tomorrow im wearing hijab and alhamdullilah i havnt taken it off since. i think the thing with this is she wasn't trying to make me not wear hijab, but instead she was trying to make sure i was sure and not just rushing into it. but once i showed her i was serious she was supportive. i think it was more of a means of testing me, if you get what i mean?
                        Patience...

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                          #13
                          Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                          also people say abayas are really ugly and boring sacks or whatever, but i find them completely beatiful, even the plain black ones, like really mysterious and humble and feminine.... i'll stop now :P
                          Patience...

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                            #14
                            Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                            My grandma says i look to old with my beared so she's like shave it off because your still a kid or something.
                            Everyone thinks their a scholar because they know how to copy and paste, you get your ummah face on and the second you log out, you know your reality. Anyone can attain knowledge, how many can implement it?

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                              #15
                              Re: Being forced to NOT wear hijaab

                              Originally posted by fayrouz93 View Post
                              Mmm im in this situation. I tried to go out in an abaya once, my mum said i looked like a pakistani and to go get changed :(. But i am hoping when i go to uni enshallah i will wear it full time.
                              I find it so hard to find suitable clothes! it really annoys me, by wearing abayas i could just wear whatever underneath and be completely covered, because i sill think by wearing baggy jeans and a long top you can still see your size and your legs, does anyone understand what i mean? like your not properly veiled..

                              I don't know what it was that made me start wearing hijab, it was just this really weird feeling and compulsion to do it, subhanallah, i contemplated it for a month or so. then i brought it up with my mother and she was like wait (i first brought it up in egypt and there everyong wears it, its kind of like a fashion though :/, so i think she thought i was just caught up in a fad), but then i brought it up a few other times when we came back to england and she still said wait its a big decision. then one day i said to her, tomorrow im wearing hijab and alhamdullilah i havnt taken it off since. i think the thing with this is she wasn't trying to make me not wear hijab, but instead she was trying to make sure i was sure and not just rushing into it. but once i showed her i was serious she was supportive. i think it was more of a means of testing me, if you get what i mean?
                              I think you should just go for it!, inshallah

                              I find it funny how she mentioned pakistani because the asian comunity,are the least to wear abayas!!! it's more of an arab/middle eastern thing and in asian culture shalwaar kamees kinda fulfils their idea of modesty, which ofcourse we know it doesnt when you see girls wearing tight, low neck huge side slit ones

                              so about the pakistan thing, that was funny. If you dont mind me asking, which ethnicity are you?

                              Like you sai, abayas can be so beautiful. Maybe start by showing her pictures on internet of good looking abayas and not plain ones. also, maybe if you wore coloured ones it might not be such a shock, or ones that 'looked' like clothes, (ie coloured, small pattern etc)

                              Keep pushing for it because if you feel abaya is obligation upon you then you are not fulfilling a fardh act.

                              Inshallah I hope you are able to wear proper hijaab.

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