Query...

[Ebony]

wanted 2 ask something tht i had heard of..thought i dont know if its true.

if the wife refuses 2 have sex with her husband when he asks her, for the reasons tht she doesnt want 2 or doesnt feel like it, shes not ill or tired or anything, just not in the 'mood', then she is cursed by the Angels til the morning. If this is true, does this also apply 2 the husband if he refuses when his wife asks? for the same reasons mentioned above.

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

Sahih Muslim
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 122:
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If a woman spends the night deserting her husband's bed (does not sleep with him), then the angels send their curses on her till she comes back (to her husband)."

As far as I know the only evidence there is, is regarding women.

I hazard a guess to why this is: no man is ever gonna say no!

[Ebony]

any1 want 2 explain y tht is?
so basically u have2 give it 2 him when he asks...even if u dnt want 2?
i thought it was on agreement of both parties when it came 2 sex...but hard if 1 wants it and the other refuses..doesnt tht come under rape if tht type of situation occurs?

[jamila]

Assalamu Alaykum, sisters.
So many times they tell me you can't make fatawa on evidence of one hadith. You must know the context and other ahadith relating to the subject. So many ahadith instruct men to prepare their wives and make them responsive and ready before sexual intercourse that genuine disinclination is bound to be respected. As for a women who is genuinely ill, a man is responsible for his flock. Is he going to put his own sexual desires brfore the concern for his wife's well being? And forcing a woman is contemptible. I once read a hadith concerning a man who leant a woman money in a business deal. The woman was successful for a while, but ran into a oeriod of difficulty. seeing his opportunity, the wealthy lender approached her and demanded that she pay her debt. She was unable to do so. The rich man then suggested a compromise. If the woman would lie with him, he would cancel the debt. She reluctantly agreed, but just before he took possession of her, she said "I take refuge in Allah. If you fear Allah, you will not force this on me!" This gave him pause, since she had invoked Allah's protection. He immediately desisted in his attempt to rape her, and camcelled the debt to expiate the sin of intention.

All right. Enough of my opinion, which means nothing.

This is the fatwa of Sheikh Bin Uthaymeen on the subject:

It is obligatory on the wife to respond to her husband if he calls her to his bed. However, if she is psychologically ill and is unable to actively respond, or if she has a physical illness, then in such cases it is not allowed for the husband to call on her . This is because the Prophet (sawa) said "There is to be no harm or reciprocation of harm". He should either refrain, or enjoy her company in such a way that it does no harm (physically or psychologically) to her.

From Islamic Fatawa regarding women, compiled by Sheikh Muhammed bin Abdul aziz Al Musnad.
Jamila ;)

[julaybib]

I think the philosophy of that hadith is that marriage is the only channel for a muslim, man or woman, to fulfill their sexual need. It is the most effective way to close the door to zina. Everyone knows that men have higher sexual drive than women, and if he can't find that fulfilment in marriage, then what's the point of getting married anyway?

In any relationship, there are sacrifices and compromises that need to be made. And I think that hadith should not be taken as a privilege by men, but to contemplate that they may need to fulfill their duty as well when their spouse need it. The problem is, women can always do it anytime (though they may not want it), while men aren't always capable to do it (though they'd like to do it all the time). It's one of those biological thingy that we must understand. :D

Just my 2 cents worth.

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

In essence I only quoted the hadith to provide evidence to Ebony's question.

As with everything in Islam you have to see it in the context of everything that it relates to, you cannot take a Judgement in only one aspect.

The hadith although says you should never refuse your husband, there are hadiths that say you should act kindly to your wives.

I have also read that when you have had an argument with your wife and then you should not expect her to come to you so you should take these things in considoration.

Also a loving husband would take into account the wifes choice.

So although this is a ruling there are also other rules that pertain to it, you cannot take the hadith as implicit as it is written.

[Ebony]

hmm..def one of those biological things, julaybib

another thing..ive heard time and time again. A husband asking whether he can divorce his wife on the ground tht SHE doesnt bore him any sons...
jeeeeeeez..some ppl. it is not the woman tht determines the sex of the child, the egg only carries an X chormosome..whereas the sperm can carry either an X or a Y. and as we know, some ofus, XX--> girl and XY--> boy


So next time the guy asks y his wife doesnt bear him any sons... :p

Plus..i really dnt c y ppl think having daughters is a hassle. they come out with stuff like 'u hve 2 get them married....etc etc' erm..doesnt tht apply 2 the son as well?

any thoughts on this?


ws

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

As far as I know you cannot divorce on the basis: wifes not bearing sons.

Although I think I read somewhere once that you can divorce on the grounds: the wife cannot have children.

It is wrong that people are dissappointed when a daughter is born but this is not what Islam teaches but what culture is bred into people.

[jamila]

Originally posted by Bash ah Rat
Assalamu alaikum

As far as I know you cannot divorce on the basis: wifes not bearing sons.

Although I think I read somewhere once that you can divorce on the grounds: the wife cannot have children.

It is wrong that people are dissappointed when a daughter is born but this is not what Islam teaches but what culture is bred into people.

Wa alaykum assalam,
In fact, The prophet, sawa, specifically praised the couple that brings up 3 daughters well in the religion without favoring their sons over them. He promised that such could enter Paradise by any of the 8 gates. When pressed concerning two daughters, or even one, he said "even one". Having daughters is a blessing and opportunity for gaining the best reward.
Jamila
:)