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I feel very ugly without hijab and more with hijab.

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  • arifahze
    replied
    dude I got a new job this year and literally every female being at my work place, young and adults are like obsessed with beautifying themselves. And I got superinsecure almost everyday lol 'cause like everyone be like wearing nice clothes and they compliment each other's body shape. Like daily conversations would almost always involving all things beauty, ranging from skin colour, body shape, pretty face, make up, like DUDE. I mean I don't consider myself ugly, I have things to work on yes, but I mean basically they just value a woman like almost solely by their appearance and how many guys are attracted to them. I mean DUDEEEEE. Like I am so so so annoyed and mad and just ugh I hate it so bad. Like, DUDE. I mean I know taking care of oneself is a good thing. Especially you're a female being and one day you'll get married to your spouse and part of the ways you do to make your marriage work is to keep yourself "attractive". But basing one's value and self worth on looks and how attractive you are to a GUY? Like I cannot. I just CAN'T

    Like dude, fr tho. And also like, woman are supposed to dress modestly and try to not show our curves and stuff and even if I am not that curvy but I also have body parts that will show if I wear tight clothing DUH. And we gotta cover them dude. Like, Not showing them off when we can. Ughhhh like I get mad writing this down lmao. My Lord please protect me and have mercy on me and give me patience and remind me of your ways again and again. Amen.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Women weren't created to please men (excluding the husband)
    I grow upper lip hair because I can and I couldn't give a monkeys!! No pun intended



    My face, my rights,

    MERI Marzi MERI moose everything MINE

    What's it to people what I look like, they don't own me

    I hope this gives you some courage, not to grow a moustache but to embrace what Allah has given you

    Anyway hope you get over the insecurities, it's distracting you from important things

    I haven't read all the replies but please read about the sahabiyas, if you want to be beautiful then they are the top role models to learn from, women of paradise, real women.

    Best part is we don't even know what they look like but they are beautiful

    We need more sisters to be confident and not become sheeps
    of the plastic/fake industry most are getting sucked into

    I think Lebanon is a plastic surgery hub out of the Muslim countries- it's a tragedy

    Be a classic and be natural, stop thinking about men and what they want.

    Recite the dua when you see your reflection

    Make dua to Allah to beautify you and your actions.

    You're very young so avoid social media, seek knowledge that will help you positively

    ​​​​​​seriously, be grateful and confident, that really does shine and can make someone look attractive

    ​​​​​​​

    Leave a comment:


  • Predatorian
    replied
    With straight tall and pointy nose and huge eyes
    -you sure caucasian women look like that? Sure many of them look like that,but many also look so ugly you cant even look at them.I have vietnamese and thai girls at work and i think they look gorgeous.Then some dont like them,and there are others who like them.And there are some who like black women and some dont even like women at all.Thats all down to personal preference and is not related to your looks at all.Allah created you this way,he will bring you someone who will love the way you look in shaa Allah.Focus on beautifying your personality and the rest will follow.

    westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
    -asian guys and other westerners.Its all about personal preference.

    I've heard stories of arab people looking down on us like we're second rate muslims or something. Being from less developed countries and all. People see us as underprivileged or something.
    -Not you,every non arab.They are delusional enough to think they are favoured just because islam came to them,quran is in arabic and the prophet saws was arab.But dont worry,thats not true at all,there is a hadith that says that there is no difference between an arab and a non arab except in piety and rightenousness.

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    Please take a look at this. It just goes to show a lot of images you see in the adverts, magazines and social media are fake and altered like this. These all contribute to denting women's self esteem and view of their own appearance.
    Ogilvy - Posts | Facebook

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    You're right. I mentioned skin colour because my background is Pakistani and that's the beauty standard and obsession in the wider community, media and to some extent the extended family as well, but it's true there are also other beauty standard obsessions as well depending on where you are in the world.

    The problem isn't really with how you look, the problem is with the society who have wrong and unrealistic beauty standards and constantly make billions of dollars from women's insecurities by selling products aimed at changing their appearance whether it's make up, "slimming" corsets, high heels, plastic surgery or whitening creams, it's wrong, but these societies are built on money. Imagine how many businesses would shut down if people stopped obsessing over these superficial things and people stopped making money out of the misery of women.

    Leave a comment:


  • itsemilyyyyy
    replied
    Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post

    It is a form of ingratitude to Allah swt. All skin is beautiful, that needs to be told from day 1.
    Wow that is so harsh coming from the family... I think what you meant by asian was South asian people but I'm a south east asian girl, totally different from south asian people (I'm Malay) - using american definition of "asian" instead of UK here. South east asian people have mongoloid features rather than caucasian features like indian, pakistanis, europeans etc..

    So South East asian girls are not only judged by their skin complexion (which by the way isn't as extreme as indian) but also on facial features (because for most South East asians here, caucasian = beautiful.)

    White creams are promoted like crazy here. Also, plastic surgery isn't common in india because indians and South asians are gifted with caucasian features. So many do consider skin whitening procedure. However for southeast asians and east asian girls, plastic surgery are highly promoted because for them, mongoloid features aren't as beautiful.

    This causes inferiority complex, along with invasion from western powers in the past. Many southeast asian girls wish to have caucasian facial features like indian and European.

    This issue has been undermined. People always only focus on skin color positivity but few on "ethnic facial features" positivity.

    We need to tell North east and south east asian girls that flat unpointy wide nose, small eyes, dark to tan skin, big lips, small face, smaller body built, short, can be beautiful too!!
    ​​​​​
    Last edited by itsemilyyyyy; 27-04-21, 06:28 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri1
    replied
    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Maybe you need to come and live in England or something lol. Back in my student days, there was an Indian girl I knew. By Indian standards, she looked ordinary, she had dark skin and black curly hair and in India these features have always been perceived as ugly but here, all the white guys I knew thought she looked amazing and beautiful. It was a bit of a culture shock to me because in the Asian community a dark complexion is never talked about as a good thing or beautiful so I was surprised.

    I'm wondering how much of this is about you, how much of this is about the media images you've grown up watching and how much is about your home environment or things you were told when you were young? I think I'm not vain about my appearance because my mum wasn't a vain person, she rarely wore make up and just wore clothes that were comfortable and presentable but didn't obsess over whether she looked slim or fat or too short etc. I think I'm less self conscious about my appearance because I grew up with that. Other people I knew in school were totally obsessed about their weight or how to attract attention from boys.

    Was your mother self conscious about how she looked when you were little? Did elder members of the family comment about how other siblings, cousins or neighbours children looked prettier than you? I think that's how it all starts.

    I heard the day my nieces were born, their maternal grandmother went to the hospital to see them and the first thing she said was "White" joyfully because her daughter is quite dark and she was relieved that the kids weren't.... but just imagine, these newborn babies are being judged on their appearance the day they are born. Their mother is being indirectly humiliated for her complexion by her own mother on the day she gave birth. The judgement, the complexes, the insecurities start right there at home, regardless of what the rest of society is doing, then on top of that, the advertisements and media reinforce a lot of those standards as well. Some might tell me I'm overthinking things because the grandma only gave a compliment to the kids but I don't see it as a compliment- I see it as judging them by their appearance on day one. Girls and women get enough of that rubbish as adults and these kids were less than 48 hours old! It's reducing the child's self worth to the colour they were born with. Also as a Muslim it's an ingratitude to Allah (swt) for how he made us as well. I'm very aware of those microaggressions and always been against it.

    My pet hate is when certain people in Pakistan say "saaf rang" instead of "goray.safed". Goray or safed means white, but a lot of light skinned people are referred to as "saaf rang" and saaf means "clean". My mum says saaf rang and I always correct her. I said it implies that dark people are dirty and she said I don't think they are dirty and I said well stop saying saaf rang then.. Certain words become so commonly used that most people don't even think about them but they are still wrong and we should still correct it.
    It is a form of ingratitude to Allah swt. All skin is beautiful, that needs to be told from day 1.

    Leave a comment:


  • neelu
    replied
    Maybe you need to come and live in England or something lol. Back in my student days, there was an Indian girl I knew. By Indian standards, she looked ordinary, she had dark skin and black curly hair and in India these features have always been perceived as ugly but here, all the white guys I knew thought she looked amazing and beautiful. It was a bit of a culture shock to me because in the Asian community a dark complexion is never talked about as a good thing or beautiful so I was surprised.

    I'm wondering how much of this is about you, how much of this is about the media images you've grown up watching and how much is about your home environment or things you were told when you were young? I think I'm not vain about my appearance because my mum wasn't a vain person, she rarely wore make up and just wore clothes that were comfortable and presentable but didn't obsess over whether she looked slim or fat or too short etc. I think I'm less self conscious about my appearance because I grew up with that. Other people I knew in school were totally obsessed about their weight or how to attract attention from boys.

    Was your mother self conscious about how she looked when you were little? Did elder members of the family comment about how other siblings, cousins or neighbours children looked prettier than you? I think that's how it all starts.

    I heard the day my nieces were born, their maternal grandmother went to the hospital to see them and the first thing she said was "White" joyfully because her daughter is quite dark and she was relieved that the kids weren't.... but just imagine, these newborn babies are being judged on their appearance the day they are born. Their mother is being indirectly humiliated for her complexion by her own mother on the day she gave birth. The judgement, the complexes, the insecurities start right there at home, regardless of what the rest of society is doing, then on top of that, the advertisements and media reinforce a lot of those standards as well. Some might tell me I'm overthinking things because the grandma only gave a compliment to the kids but I don't see it as a compliment- I see it as judging them by their appearance on day one. Girls and women get enough of that rubbish as adults and these kids were less than 48 hours old! It's reducing the child's self worth to the colour they were born with. Also as a Muslim it's an ingratitude to Allah (swt) for how he made us as well. I'm very aware of those microaggressions and always been against it.

    My pet hate is when certain people in Pakistan say "saaf rang" instead of "goray.safed". Goray or safed means white, but a lot of light skinned people are referred to as "saaf rang" and saaf means "clean". My mum says saaf rang and I always correct her. I said it implies that dark people are dirty and she said I don't think they are dirty and I said well stop saying saaf rang then.. Certain words become so commonly used that most people don't even think about them but they are still wrong and we should still correct it.

    Leave a comment:


  • The Prince
    replied
    Salaam sister.

    You are 18 and at your age boys and girls feel as though others are better looking than themselves. It's very common.
    As you get older you'll thank Allah swt for health and strength and this low self esteem problem will just dissolve by it self.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kaas
    replied
    Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

    Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
    Those features are beautifull. And although i do accept myself as i am, i dont love that my nose is pointy, so everyone has something they dont think is great, but that shouldn't overshadow the positives. You need to learn to accept the things you cant change. Because you will never be happy until you can

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri1
    replied
    Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

    Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
    If you want to consider plastic surgery, that's going painful costly and so not worth it in the long run. Maybe it is true there are beauty standards in Malaysia, I've seen those billboards at the expressways before when I travelled there, a lot of ads on skin whitening creams/pills.

    Have you tried working out? Like go on a hike or something with your friends. Malaysia has a lot of forested areas for hiking don't they?

    Because if you're active and workint out you can be in shape and maybe raise your esteem a little bit.
    Last edited by nudgetheputri1; 26-04-21, 02:22 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Flawed
    replied
    Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

    Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
    You are already worthy. No need to compare accept Allah made you with wisdom and appreciate your time on earth.

    Leave a comment:


  • itsemilyyyyy
    replied
    Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
    Salam sister, Wow some great points here. It's interesting. Are you Malay by any chance sister?

    You don't have to tell me specficially but being asian, there is some standards that we all are expected to live by in terms of looking presentable and beautiful outside and inside the home, even when we don't feel like it. As much as you may think people in the west are praised for their "conventional" beauty features, do you know how other people on the other side wish to have skin complexions just like ours? Being tan means you are well-travelled, in some western cultures. In asian cultures, being tan means you need to get off the sun for a bit and wear some sunscreen.

    ​​​If it is the things or pictures you're seeing on social media, maybe then it is a good time to stop consuming these pictures online because they are taking a toll on your self-worth or how you see yourself.

    Maybe you can pursue some thing worthwhile that can distract you from all this matter, and work on building your self up, your self esteem can be lifted if you are working towards a goal that's achievable by your own standards and something that means a lot to you. If you are aiming to look prettier than before, you can always try grooming yourself. There's lots of tips sisters share among each other.
    ​​​​
    Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?

    Leave a comment:


  • Hamza1416
    replied
    salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
    women continue to tortute themselves and get tortured by the society from little girst getting forced to wear tight shoes so their feet remain small because in that part of the world small feet is the measure of beauty to others getting stuffed to be fat because in that part of the world that is the measure of beauty to others being forced to wear a set of metal rings around their necks because in that part of the world that is the measure of beauty now all this arbitrary measures of beauty are complete nonesense . beauty is subjective and it change based on individuals you might not like yourself but the way you measure you beauty is invalid because you are not going to marry yourself a man is going to marry you and men minds rate beauty and think diffrently than women do and no matter how you look there is allways more than enouhg men who will like you and come to propose to your familly so i advice you to stop wasting your time thinking about such things wear your hijab and focus on worshiping allah poroperly because if you keep thinking in this silly way you will give the shaytan an opportunity to toy with you

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri1
    replied
    Salam sister, Wow some great points here. It's interesting. Are you Malay by any chance sister?

    You don't have to tell me specficially but being asian, there is some standards that we all are expected to live by in terms of looking presentable and beautiful outside and inside the home, even when we don't feel like it. As much as you may think people in the west are praised for their "conventional" beauty features, do you know how other people on the other side wish to have skin complexions just like ours? Being tan means you are well-travelled, in some western cultures. In asian cultures, being tan means you need to get off the sun for a bit and wear some sunscreen.

    ​​​If it is the things or pictures you're seeing on social media, maybe then it is a good time to stop consuming these pictures online because they are taking a toll on your self-worth or how you see yourself.

    Maybe you can pursue some thing worthwhile that can distract you from all this matter, and work on building your self up, your self esteem can be lifted if you are working towards a goal that's achievable by your own standards and something that means a lot to you. If you are aiming to look prettier than before, you can always try grooming yourself. There's lots of tips sisters share among each other.
    ​​​​

    Leave a comment:

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