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I feel very ugly without hijab and more with hijab.

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  • #16
    Maybe you need to come and live in England or something lol. Back in my student days, there was an Indian girl I knew. By Indian standards, she looked ordinary, she had dark skin and black curly hair and in India these features have always been perceived as ugly but here, all the white guys I knew thought she looked amazing and beautiful. It was a bit of a culture shock to me because in the Asian community a dark complexion is never talked about as a good thing or beautiful so I was surprised.

    I'm wondering how much of this is about you, how much of this is about the media images you've grown up watching and how much is about your home environment or things you were told when you were young? I think I'm not vain about my appearance because my mum wasn't a vain person, she rarely wore make up and just wore clothes that were comfortable and presentable but didn't obsess over whether she looked slim or fat or too short etc. I think I'm less self conscious about my appearance because I grew up with that. Other people I knew in school were totally obsessed about their weight or how to attract attention from boys.

    Was your mother self conscious about how she looked when you were little? Did elder members of the family comment about how other siblings, cousins or neighbours children looked prettier than you? I think that's how it all starts.

    I heard the day my nieces were born, their maternal grandmother went to the hospital to see them and the first thing she said was "White" joyfully because her daughter is quite dark and she was relieved that the kids weren't.... but just imagine, these newborn babies are being judged on their appearance the day they are born. Their mother is being indirectly humiliated for her complexion by her own mother on the day she gave birth. The judgement, the complexes, the insecurities start right there at home, regardless of what the rest of society is doing, then on top of that, the advertisements and media reinforce a lot of those standards as well. Some might tell me I'm overthinking things because the grandma only gave a compliment to the kids but I don't see it as a compliment- I see it as judging them by their appearance on day one. Girls and women get enough of that rubbish as adults and these kids were less than 48 hours old! It's reducing the child's self worth to the colour they were born with. Also as a Muslim it's an ingratitude to Allah (swt) for how he made us as well. I'm very aware of those microaggressions and always been against it.

    My pet hate is when certain people in Pakistan say "saaf rang" instead of "goray.safed". Goray or safed means white, but a lot of light skinned people are referred to as "saaf rang" and saaf means "clean". My mum says saaf rang and I always correct her. I said it implies that dark people are dirty and she said I don't think they are dirty and I said well stop saying saaf rang then.. Certain words become so commonly used that most people don't even think about them but they are still wrong and we should still correct it.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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    • #17
      Originally posted by neelu View Post
      Maybe you need to come and live in England or something lol. Back in my student days, there was an Indian girl I knew. By Indian standards, she looked ordinary, she had dark skin and black curly hair and in India these features have always been perceived as ugly but here, all the white guys I knew thought she looked amazing and beautiful. It was a bit of a culture shock to me because in the Asian community a dark complexion is never talked about as a good thing or beautiful so I was surprised.

      I'm wondering how much of this is about you, how much of this is about the media images you've grown up watching and how much is about your home environment or things you were told when you were young? I think I'm not vain about my appearance because my mum wasn't a vain person, she rarely wore make up and just wore clothes that were comfortable and presentable but didn't obsess over whether she looked slim or fat or too short etc. I think I'm less self conscious about my appearance because I grew up with that. Other people I knew in school were totally obsessed about their weight or how to attract attention from boys.

      Was your mother self conscious about how she looked when you were little? Did elder members of the family comment about how other siblings, cousins or neighbours children looked prettier than you? I think that's how it all starts.

      I heard the day my nieces were born, their maternal grandmother went to the hospital to see them and the first thing she said was "White" joyfully because her daughter is quite dark and she was relieved that the kids weren't.... but just imagine, these newborn babies are being judged on their appearance the day they are born. Their mother is being indirectly humiliated for her complexion by her own mother on the day she gave birth. The judgement, the complexes, the insecurities start right there at home, regardless of what the rest of society is doing, then on top of that, the advertisements and media reinforce a lot of those standards as well. Some might tell me I'm overthinking things because the grandma only gave a compliment to the kids but I don't see it as a compliment- I see it as judging them by their appearance on day one. Girls and women get enough of that rubbish as adults and these kids were less than 48 hours old! It's reducing the child's self worth to the colour they were born with. Also as a Muslim it's an ingratitude to Allah (swt) for how he made us as well. I'm very aware of those microaggressions and always been against it.

      My pet hate is when certain people in Pakistan say "saaf rang" instead of "goray.safed". Goray or safed means white, but a lot of light skinned people are referred to as "saaf rang" and saaf means "clean". My mum says saaf rang and I always correct her. I said it implies that dark people are dirty and she said I don't think they are dirty and I said well stop saying saaf rang then.. Certain words become so commonly used that most people don't even think about them but they are still wrong and we should still correct it.
      It is a form of ingratitude to Allah swt. All skin is beautiful, that needs to be told from day 1.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post

        It is a form of ingratitude to Allah swt. All skin is beautiful, that needs to be told from day 1.
        Wow that is so harsh coming from the family... I think what you meant by asian was South asian people but I'm a south east asian girl, totally different from south asian people (I'm Malay) - using american definition of "asian" instead of UK here. South east asian people have mongoloid features rather than caucasian features like indian, pakistanis, europeans etc..

        So South East asian girls are not only judged by their skin complexion (which by the way isn't as extreme as indian) but also on facial features (because for most South East asians here, caucasian = beautiful.)

        White creams are promoted like crazy here. Also, plastic surgery isn't common in india because indians and South asians are gifted with caucasian features. So many do consider skin whitening procedure. However for southeast asians and east asian girls, plastic surgery are highly promoted because for them, mongoloid features aren't as beautiful.

        This causes inferiority complex, along with invasion from western powers in the past. Many southeast asian girls wish to have caucasian facial features like indian and European.

        This issue has been undermined. People always only focus on skin color positivity but few on "ethnic facial features" positivity.

        We need to tell North east and south east asian girls that flat unpointy wide nose, small eyes, dark to tan skin, big lips, small face, smaller body built, short, can be beautiful too!!
        ​​​​​
        Last edited by itsemilyyyyy; 27-04-21, 06:28 PM.

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        • #19
          You're right. I mentioned skin colour because my background is Pakistani and that's the beauty standard and obsession in the wider community, media and to some extent the extended family as well, but it's true there are also other beauty standard obsessions as well depending on where you are in the world.

          The problem isn't really with how you look, the problem is with the society who have wrong and unrealistic beauty standards and constantly make billions of dollars from women's insecurities by selling products aimed at changing their appearance whether it's make up, "slimming" corsets, high heels, plastic surgery or whitening creams, it's wrong, but these societies are built on money. Imagine how many businesses would shut down if people stopped obsessing over these superficial things and people stopped making money out of the misery of women.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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          • #20
            Please take a look at this. It just goes to show a lot of images you see in the adverts, magazines and social media are fake and altered like this. These all contribute to denting women's self esteem and view of their own appearance.
            Ogilvy - Posts | Facebook
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


            • #21
              With straight tall and pointy nose and huge eyes
              -you sure caucasian women look like that? Sure many of them look like that,but many also look so ugly you cant even look at them.I have vietnamese and thai girls at work and i think they look gorgeous.Then some dont like them,and there are others who like them.And there are some who like black women and some dont even like women at all.Thats all down to personal preference and is not related to your looks at all.Allah created you this way,he will bring you someone who will love the way you look in shaa Allah.Focus on beautifying your personality and the rest will follow.

              westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
              -asian guys and other westerners.Its all about personal preference.

              I've heard stories of arab people looking down on us like we're second rate muslims or something. Being from less developed countries and all. People see us as underprivileged or something.
              -Not you,every non arab.They are delusional enough to think they are favoured just because islam came to them,quran is in arabic and the prophet saws was arab.But dont worry,thats not true at all,there is a hadith that says that there is no difference between an arab and a non arab except in piety and rightenousness.

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              • #22
                Women weren't created to please men (excluding the husband)
                I grow upper lip hair because I can and I couldn't give a monkeys!! No pun intended



                My face, my rights,

                MERI Marzi MERI moose everything MINE

                What's it to people what I look like, they don't own me

                I hope this gives you some courage, not to grow a moustache but to embrace what Allah has given you

                Anyway hope you get over the insecurities, it's distracting you from important things

                I haven't read all the replies but please read about the sahabiyas, if you want to be beautiful then they are the top role models to learn from, women of paradise, real women.

                Best part is we don't even know what they look like but they are beautiful

                We need more sisters to be confident and not become sheeps
                of the plastic/fake industry most are getting sucked into

                I think Lebanon is a plastic surgery hub out of the Muslim countries- it's a tragedy

                Be a classic and be natural, stop thinking about men and what they want.

                Recite the dua when you see your reflection

                Make dua to Allah to beautify you and your actions.

                You're very young so avoid social media, seek knowledge that will help you positively

                ​​​​​​seriously, be grateful and confident, that really does shine and can make someone look attractive

                ​​​​​​​
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                • #23
                  dude I got a new job this year and literally every female being at my work place, young and adults are like obsessed with beautifying themselves. And I got superinsecure almost everyday lol 'cause like everyone be like wearing nice clothes and they compliment each other's body shape. Like daily conversations would almost always involving all things beauty, ranging from skin colour, body shape, pretty face, make up, like DUDE. I mean I don't consider myself ugly, I have things to work on yes, but I mean basically they just value a woman like almost solely by their appearance and how many guys are attracted to them. I mean DUDEEEEE. Like I am so so so annoyed and mad and just ugh I hate it so bad. Like, DUDE. I mean I know taking care of oneself is a good thing. Especially you're a female being and one day you'll get married to your spouse and part of the ways you do to make your marriage work is to keep yourself "attractive". But basing one's value and self worth on looks and how attractive you are to a GUY? Like I cannot. I just CAN'T

                  Like dude, fr tho. And also like, woman are supposed to dress modestly and try to not show our curves and stuff and even if I am not that curvy but I also have body parts that will show if I wear tight clothing DUH. And we gotta cover them dude. Like, Not showing them off when we can. Ughhhh like I get mad writing this down lmao. My Lord please protect me and have mercy on me and give me patience and remind me of your ways again and again. Amen.

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