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I feel very ugly without hijab and more with hijab.

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  • Help! I feel very ugly without hijab and more with hijab.

    Assalamualaikum.

    I'm 18, from Malaysia. As an asian (southeast asian not south asian) with some mongoloid features, I have always think that I look ugly compared to other women who are caucasian. Caucasian features in western, arab women, indian, etc. are the ideal and pretty. As a south east asian, I feel down. My nose is flattish and not pointy nor straight like most caucasians, my head and face are very small, my skin is tanned, my eyes aren't as huge and gorgeous, it's quite small. I feel very insecure of my look even without hijab. I feel like only caucasian/indian/arab/pakistani/european eand alike .. women can wear hijab and look pretty because of their attractive features which you may be used to.

    Wearing hijab makes me look more ugly. Since my nose is wide and flattish thanks to my southeast asian gene, it makes my nose looks bigger. I never have confidence in hijab. It lower down my self esteem. No guys have ever approached me even in a muslim majority country or even talk to me. I think i look very ugly and like a physical monster in hijab. Yes hijab is to hide your beauty but I don't even have beauty in the first place. I think I look less uglier without hijab.

    It's still a problem. I have extreme inferiority complex in the first place. I feel inferior because of my physical look that is asian and not caucasian, and my origin. Everyday I wake up wishing that I look caucasian. With straight tall and pointy nose and huge eyes. I feel like being asian can never be pretty and significant enough. And also my origin. Western and arab people kind of look down on southeast asians like vietnam, thais, malaysians, and so on. I've heard stories of arab people looking down on us like we're second rate muslims or something. Being from less developed countries and all. People see us as underprivileged or something. But I know it's wrong to feel this way, just feel very very insignificant in the ummah.
    Last edited by itsemilyyyyy; 2 weeks ago.

  • #2
    Assulamu aalaikam

    All creations of Allah swt are unique and beautiful and there is no exception.

    Hope you're not comparing yourself to what you see on TV, billboards or magazines - those images are usually edited using software to change people's appearance ...sometimes beyond recognition of what the individual genuinely looks like.

    The purpose of Hijab is to conceal the beauty of the one who is blessed to be wearing it. Whether one likes to or not, you would be following the command of Allah swt and that is far greater than in the sight of Allah swt than anything else.

    I can not give advice of how you can make your appearance even better than what it is, perhaps a kind sister would be able to give some tips to help ?

    But you are beautiful more than you realise and these temporary feelings will disappear Insha'Allah and be replaced with appreciation of all the beautiful things that make you who you are.

    You are unique, beautiful and Muslim Alhumdulillah.

    May Allah swt make it easy for you, ameen.

    Comment


    • #3
      I think you understand that this idea is more so due to westernization and modern colonialism, thats brainwashed non western societies into idolizing white people. On top of that we've been misguided into what to prioritize, such as to judge a woman by her looks more than her character. You see white and light skinned people getting praised for their beauty in the media, and start to believe you're not beautiful yourself because you don't look like them, and its also become a circular punishment upon ourselves in our cultures as non western/arabs, we see light skin as beautiful so thats what sells, so thats what they put on TV, even importing white people to be on Asian TV, and thus continues to strengthen these harmful ideals.

      I'll tell you though on the opposite end, theres a lot of people that worship Asians and darker skin in the west, and in fact according to the stats, in the west Asian women specifically are the most sought after when it comes to interracial relationships. So it very much is a cultural thing, fetishization, colonialism, its all in our heads.

      Its easier said than done, but we need to stop prioritizing beauty when it comes to our attractiveness, good character will always trump physical beauty, even most men will attest to that.

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      • #4
        Thats a vig problem you have with yourself sis, you need to learn to accept and love yourself, you need to go on a dezp journey of femininity, self acceptance, self love and healing your inner child

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        • #5
          I feel ugly without my hijab. I never want to
          show myself without it to ppl as I look way better with it on. I actually end up better looking by wearing it.

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          • #6
            You need to post a pic of yourself so we can all rate you...



            joking!!!!!!!


            But yes you need to take an objective view on not be too harsh on yourelf. Dont compare yourself with different races and other people because they too have things they dont also like about themselves.

            You can enhance your looks sis. all the people you see on media, youtube, Instagram muslims and non Muslims have done a lot of work on themselves to look the way they do and that gives them the confidence to be on these platforms. Barely anyone is natural nowadays.

            I would suggest that you should make some efforts but dont go too extreme like cover yourself with too much layers of foundation and dont decorate your hijab and wear jewellery all over it and dont wear tight figring clothing. You can wear modest clothes buy nice hijabs and wear some pretty makeup and youre sorted. No one will judge you then because you are making efforts and you will feel a lot better sis.

            As for caucasian women. Then they also have their insecurities. They dont like that they have less hair and they feel they need to tan. As for the models on tv they shouldn't be your standard at all.

            Times have changed everyone should accept the way they are and you can enhance your looks nothing wrong with that at all just dont over do it lol.

            so yeh asian girls shouldn't feel like they have inferiority complex get with the trend..lol
            Last edited by Flawed; 2 weeks ago.

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            • #7
              Yep.

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              • #8
                Sister I strongly suggest you deactivate social media, especially the more visual ones such as snapchat and instagram. When I was growing up, it was magazines aimed at women and young girls which tried to push us into having an inferiority complex about our appearance. They would advertise and promote all sorts of nonsense ideas about weight loss because in this society women aren't viewed as pretty unless they are underweight supermodels. A few decades before this they would promote nonsense ideas about how to gain weight because society in those days thought being skinny was ugly. Now social media has taken over from the magazines in pushing the view that a woman's natural appearance is ugly.

                On top of that, now "filters" have been added so it's not just magazines, but also every individual can now touch up and alter their own photos in the never ending competition to try and change their appearance to live up to these unnatural beauty standards.

                Ever wonder why you never see a woman on tv with hairy legs even though this is what normal women naturally look like? Rather than fret over these images and allow them to convince you that your appearance is horrible, it should prompt you to question why beauty standards are so unnatural in the first place?

                This isn't just happening to you, this is happening to almost every culture around the world. Do you know it's commonplace for white people in Britain to not like their white skin? They go to tanning salons in the hope of having a tanned complexion like yours, but because their skin doesn't naturally tan so many of them look an unnatural orange colour instead of the natural bronze tan that is more common in Asia and South America. Meanwhile all over Asia and Africa, billions of dollars are made in the skin lightening creams industry selling creams to try and whiten complexions all over the continent because people have been sold this lie that their natural appearance is ugly. Meanwhile in China the most common plastic surgery taking place among their growing middle class is of women having their eyes widened so that they look less Chinese.

                Why is this happening? Because Capitalism dominates the world and Capitalism is based on money, that means selling things to make money, including selling destructive things. These multinational corporations can't make money by telling women to appreciate their natural appearance. They make money by telling women in the west that they are too light skinned and should get a tan and telling women in the east that they are too dark skinned and need to whiten themselves and tell women in China that their eyes don't look wide enough, telling skinny women that their breasts are too small and telling average weight women that their waistlines are too big and telling overweight women that they are worthless. The first step to deprogramming yourself from that is to disconnect from the platforms of social media that promote all this fakeness and image tampering. Everyone competes in your country to "enhance" their images to make their skin look whiter and their eyes look wider which makes everyone who has a natural appearance feel inadequate and ugly and compelled to try and change themselves and it's far worse for your generation because you grew up with this from day one so you were raised with this horrific nonsense.

                You need to find your self worth in more important things and nothing in this life is more important than the deen. Do you know why so many Muslimah women are proud to wear niqab? The first thing they say is that they can be themselves and wont be judged on what their hair or skin or other superficial features look like. I'm not saying you should wear niqab if you don't want to, but I'm saying one thing many women notice after they start wearing the headscarf (and in my case the jilbab as well) is that it's a significant step in rejecting those superficial judgements.

                One other thing, you're only 18, you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE look for more important life goals than wanting the attention of men- wanting their attention can take you down a very dark slippery slope, can attract the attention of the wrong sort of men who'd want to use you. Part of building confidence is in finding stuff to do with your life that makes you feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied regardless of whether there's a man in your life or not. It could be career ambitions, it could be hobbies, it could be serving the community and finding joy in making others happy, it could be spending time with nature or animals because they'd never judge you. Once you build that confidence and find happiness in those areas, it will help you in other areas such as when you start looking for a life partner as well, you can find someone who'd like you for having the same interests and life goals as him inshaAllah- but looking for a man right now should be the last thing on your mind when this is how you look at yourself.
                The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                Comment


                • #9
                  Salam sister, Wow some great points here. It's interesting. Are you Malay by any chance sister?

                  You don't have to tell me specficially but being asian, there is some standards that we all are expected to live by in terms of looking presentable and beautiful outside and inside the home, even when we don't feel like it. As much as you may think people in the west are praised for their "conventional" beauty features, do you know how other people on the other side wish to have skin complexions just like ours? Being tan means you are well-travelled, in some western cultures. In asian cultures, being tan means you need to get off the sun for a bit and wear some sunscreen.

                  ​​​If it is the things or pictures you're seeing on social media, maybe then it is a good time to stop consuming these pictures online because they are taking a toll on your self-worth or how you see yourself.

                  Maybe you can pursue some thing worthwhile that can distract you from all this matter, and work on building your self up, your self esteem can be lifted if you are working towards a goal that's achievable by your own standards and something that means a lot to you. If you are aiming to look prettier than before, you can always try grooming yourself. There's lots of tips sisters share among each other.
                  ​​​​

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                  • #10
                    salam alaykum wa rahmat allah
                    women continue to tortute themselves and get tortured by the society from little girst getting forced to wear tight shoes so their feet remain small because in that part of the world small feet is the measure of beauty to others getting stuffed to be fat because in that part of the world that is the measure of beauty to others being forced to wear a set of metal rings around their necks because in that part of the world that is the measure of beauty now all this arbitrary measures of beauty are complete nonesense . beauty is subjective and it change based on individuals you might not like yourself but the way you measure you beauty is invalid because you are not going to marry yourself a man is going to marry you and men minds rate beauty and think diffrently than women do and no matter how you look there is allways more than enouhg men who will like you and come to propose to your familly so i advice you to stop wasting your time thinking about such things wear your hijab and focus on worshiping allah poroperly because if you keep thinking in this silly way you will give the shaytan an opportunity to toy with you

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by nudgetheputri1 View Post
                      Salam sister, Wow some great points here. It's interesting. Are you Malay by any chance sister?

                      You don't have to tell me specficially but being asian, there is some standards that we all are expected to live by in terms of looking presentable and beautiful outside and inside the home, even when we don't feel like it. As much as you may think people in the west are praised for their "conventional" beauty features, do you know how other people on the other side wish to have skin complexions just like ours? Being tan means you are well-travelled, in some western cultures. In asian cultures, being tan means you need to get off the sun for a bit and wear some sunscreen.

                      ​​​If it is the things or pictures you're seeing on social media, maybe then it is a good time to stop consuming these pictures online because they are taking a toll on your self-worth or how you see yourself.

                      Maybe you can pursue some thing worthwhile that can distract you from all this matter, and work on building your self up, your self esteem can be lifted if you are working towards a goal that's achievable by your own standards and something that means a lot to you. If you are aiming to look prettier than before, you can always try grooming yourself. There's lots of tips sisters share among each other.
                      ​​​​
                      Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

                        Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
                        You are already worthy. No need to compare accept Allah made you with wisdom and appreciate your time on earth.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

                          Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
                          If you want to consider plastic surgery, that's going painful costly and so not worth it in the long run. Maybe it is true there are beauty standards in Malaysia, I've seen those billboards at the expressways before when I travelled there, a lot of ads on skin whitening creams/pills.

                          Have you tried working out? Like go on a hike or something with your friends. Malaysia has a lot of forested areas for hiking don't they?

                          Because if you're active and workint out you can be in shape and maybe raise your esteem a little bit.
                          Last edited by nudgetheputri1; 1 week ago.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by itsemilyyyyy View Post

                            Yes I'm malay. But western facial features are more desirable in this aspect such as pointier, taller nose and bigger eyes. As a southeast asian I feel physically inferior. My nose is a bit wide and flattish because of asian gene. My eyes are half moon shaped. No matter how I groom myself with makeup or what not, I always feel that my facial features aren't that pretty. Like yeah, westerners want tan skin but who wants asian half moon shaped eyes and soft flattish nose?
                            Those features are beautifull. And although i do accept myself as i am, i dont love that my nose is pointy, so everyone has something they dont think is great, but that shouldn't overshadow the positives. You need to learn to accept the things you cant change. Because you will never be happy until you can

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Salaam sister.

                              You are 18 and at your age boys and girls feel as though others are better looking than themselves. It's very common.
                              As you get older you'll thank Allah swt for health and strength and this low self esteem problem will just dissolve by it self.

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