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  • Being hurt by someone

    Asalam Alaikum,

    I'm new to this forum and website, so I really don't know my way around this. I thought my issue would fit best here.

    A while ago, around 2 months now, this person I've known hurt me severely. They've caused me a lot of emotional pain and as insane it sounds, they've made my depression and anxiety more severe from what they did. I don't want to go into details about what happened, since that's between me and them.

    But they hurt me so badly to the point where I've cried everyday for 2 months now and it doesn't seem to get any better. I know I'm suppose to forgive people in islam, its what a good muslim does, but I cant seem to forgive them. I feel guilty for not being able to forgive them (although they never apologized to me or owned up to their mistake and simply dissappeared) and I hate that I'm saying this but, I pray they suffered just as much as I suffered.

    It makes me feel like a horrible person for not being able to forgive them and hoping they feel what I feel. I just want to get rid of this dullness I feel every time they're brought up or I see them. What do I do?

  • #2
    Walaykum salaam.

    I know exactly what you mean. Iv been through something similar where someone special to me just decided to vanish. Time will heal all wounds. It did for me.

    InshaAllah it will be for you too. Tc

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    • #3
      Walaykum salam,

      Whilst it is commendable and rewardable in Islam to forgive someone who wronged you, it is not an obligation to forgive. Islam also gives you the right to NOT forgive. If you don't feel like forgiving this person, then don't feel guilty about it- it is your right to not forgive. Maybe at a future date when these problems are all water under the bridge and you feel that you've moved on and no longer hold any ill feelings, then maybe at that point you can consider forgiving, but until YOU feel prepared to forgive- you really don't have to, especially considering that the person has no remorse.

      It is unIslamic to curse a fellow Muslim though or to harbour envy or jealousy, but if you want the person to get some sort of comeuppance or punishment, then it's fine to make dua that may Allah (swt) expose that person's deception, so that others also realise the person is not trustworthy and don't go through the same hurt so in that sense it's fine to make dua for a person to face the consequences of bad actions.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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      • #4
        Degrees of wounds to be nursed and matched with forgiveness in appropriate time.

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        • #5
          Wa Alykumus Salam Wa Rahmatu Allahi Wa Barakatuhu
          oh, my dear sister/brother! Make Allah make it easy for you. I can understand what you’re going through, although I cannot feel it. It is not always easy to forgive someone who has wronged you..

          Do not feel horrible for not forgiving them. There is nothing wrong with that, you are still hurt and it will take time.
          Avoid praying against a fellow muslim. Know that Allah is Just, he never does injustice to anyone even the size of an atom. What you have suffered and what the other person has wronged, Allah knows about, there is no doubt that Allah will compensate for each and every thing with His Justice.

          And know that Allah is with the patient muslims, so be patient and Allah will reward you.

          Here are some duas to help you with depression : https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5112...ove-depression

          As for your question about speaking against the person-
          What is said about reviling someone in secret? : https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1364...eone-in-secret

          Personal tips to help you:
          1. Don’t try to evade the memories of hurt. For once , deal with it and talk to a person about what they did, without revealing their identity. This is not considered backbiting, as long as you don’t reveal their name.
          When you talk to a person it will lighten your chest of the burden. You will be stronger, InshaAllah

          https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1053...g-is-permitted

          2. Engage yourself in something new that interests you, for example I immersed myself in reading bookd about Dawah and learning Arabic to forget my world of worries.
          3. Do not resort to unislamic means, many people listen to music, etc to ‘cure’ their depression..but it has an opposite effect.

          I pray that your burden is eased. May Allah make it easy for all of us. Ameen 💕

          “ O Controller of hearts! Make my heart firm on Your religion 💞”

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