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I'm really getting bored..I think i'm going crazy

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  • I'm really getting bored..I think i'm going crazy

    Asalamualaikum,

    What I wanted to share is that recently I've been getting very bored. I'm a 22 year old male who has stuck the majority of to his Muslims ideals, I never drank, did drugs, smoked, went to parties, no zina, none of that, it's gotten to the point where I barely even communicate with women. The only party I did go to was one I went to by accident in college because I worked in a building doing workstudy and there happened to be a Halloween party there that night, I was a freshman and I didn't know anything yet. I went to an Islamic school growing up, being in a closed environment of guys and girls separated, dressed appropriately..etc, when I went to college It was a whole new world to me. I see girls wearing short skirts and basically half naked, people making out in the cafeteria, smoking weed, some people coming to class drunk, and the rest of the things they do. I really held on to myself as much as I can in college, despite the many opportunities with women (many, it is college) , offers to smoke and drink, and I did none of it. The temptations were many and my hormones were wild, but with Allahs help I somehow made it through and committed no major sins. I think part of it was that sometimes, not always I will be honest, I would see a good-looking girl dressed to impress the opposite sex, while wearing a short skirt and revealing herself, I would just remember how there is another Muslim girl on campus having to wear her hijab and cover her entire body, and it'd help me out.

    It was not easy, I've went through very bad depression, eating lunch alone everyday, no one around, nights crying and despising myself, and spent a lot of time alone in general, because I just couldn't find the right people, it's really not easy having any friends and no one to speak to. A lot of the non-Muslim friends I had before, I cut off, they were just people I didn't want to be around and bad influences. I finally found a group of people in my senior year. spent my whole year with them, now I graduated and despite my efforts to try and reconnect with them... I'm alone yet again. Now back to my point, I've been getting really bored, part of me is proud that I fought hard through all those temptations in college, but then theres that part of "what if...only if.." , then the "I missed out big time..". It's college, and it's very hyped, and I feel like I wasn't a part of that hype. A really big part of me just wants to jump out and release myself into the wild and do all the things I didn't do, and "Live a little". I know its a feeling I should ignore, but until when, I'm human. I have urges and desires as well and they want to be met. I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy, I noticed recently I started talking to myself, at first it was once or twice a day, but gradually it become almost the whole day. "How much longer?", that question really drives me crazy. I always try to say to myself, in Janna ill have more than ever, whatever I want..but then another thought comes to mind, "What if I held back and did all this, and I still don't go to Jannah, that this wasn't worth it at all, I put myself through so much mental torture and now what..?" It's very very tough, it's like you're biting a rope as hard as you can and someone is pulling it as hard as possible, if you let go, all your teeth come flying out. The bite is me, the rope is the temptations,the pulling is the people around, and the teeth symbolize the dignity and struggle.

  • #2
    Wa ‘alaikum as-salam

    You have done well by not taking part in all those things you have mentioned

    We shouldn’t envy those who lead this kind of lifestyle, we should pity them. Alhamdulillah you have imaan. You’ll find a lot of people who lead this kind of lifestyle are hollow, unhappy and empty, they deal will their emptiness by going from party to party, fulfilling every desire they have and distracting themselves from what is really important and valuable

    I would say to develop your love for Allah swt. Know Him buy studying His names and attributes. When you do so, you will naturally be put off by anything that is forbidden. Anything that displeases Allah swt will displease you

    Islam is what gives you life. Busy yourself with beneficial and productive things, seek knowledge and try and make some friends from work or elsewhere, take up a sport if you wish. Stay true to your faith, have good thoughts of Allah swt, and you will find yourself in a good place

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    • #3
      Deleted.
      Last edited by oshirowanen; 15-11-19, 02:37 PM.

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      • #4
        What is stopping you from getting married? Marriage will give you something to focus on.

        If you have a lot of spare time why don't you help out at a local masjid with Quran classes that they normally have in the evenings or weekends?

        Shaitan is putting them thoughts into your head. Don't let him win.

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        • #5
          ^ getting married would probably be a good idea.

          But until then you can always stick around and talk to people on the forum. Or you can join other forums and see what’s happening in peoples lives. Or you can get a job that can keep you occupied. Try to put yourself out there and you never know, you might find a group of people that you like being a part of.

          You did the right thing, don’t feel like you’ve wasted your life.

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          • #6
            Fast every other day and memorize the Quran until you get married.

            Fasting will help you with your boredom, inshaAllah.

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            • #7
              Asc

              I am in the exact same predicament, except I'm 30 years old in few months time. Did everything, tried to be a decent human being and a practising Muslim. Raised by parents that are the world's most unreasonable and strict upbringing which meant just breathing and laughing at a harmless Homer Simpsons was seen as having too much fun and spoilt. Friends? Lol.. Required to ask for permission to do basic everyday human activity. Going to the gym was not a discussion, let alone. I fervently believe that they sacrificed so much that all their difficult and stressful experience have turned them absolutely bitter to a point that they're resenting their own children for having a life they never had. Regrettably, I did not learn how to form relationship with other people and matured social skills. "... Your parents want the best for you.... You'll understand once you've children of your own..." Yaaaawn.. Brothers and sisters, to a degree this is indeed correct, however, their approach and way of doing things are outdated and not applicable in today's society. So spare me the obvious. Note, we're first generation immigrant and my parents are basically academically uneducated. Only finish High School back home.

              I am very ambitious individual with high expectations and extremely hard on myself (InshAllah I'd like the commencing decade to be a decade whereby I confront my emotional wounds, forgive myself more and not be too hard on myself.)
              ​​​.

              You do everything and adhere to the Islamic to the best of your abilities, in return life spits at your face. To add insult to injure, you're telling the person who lived the sinful lifestyle can just walk into the masjid or make a prayer to repent and have his/her sins forgiven? You cannot help but ask yourself why did I put myself through all the hell and suppress my basic emotional needs? SubxannAllah. I believe there is one god, Allah (SWT) and prophet Muhammed (Peace Be Upon Him) Alxamdulilah my iman is too strong to even entertain committing shirk.

              I cannot but feel my knowledge of the den has been badly influenced and shaped by people who've very little common sense and logical thinking. Above all, the deen itself!

              To cut long story short, I had a massive break down and crisis when I turned 25 (some call it Quarter life crisis lol...)I was so overwhelmed and dissatisfied with everything. In the prior year, I dropped out of uni after my 2nd year as I reached the realisation that my degree is too theoretical.

              Eventually, one night I packed some of belongs and walked out on my parents and have not been contacted, in any form or shape, with them since. Almost five years on, I am only now seeing gradual progress as I've been fighting very acute depression in the last 3 years. Didn't help having the little voice in the back of my head suggesting, perhaps, my parents have cursed me. This is a very defeating view, so I haven't internalised as a probable outcome.

              ​​​​​​
              ​I am rambling a lot, forgive me. I have nothing to offer you but commiseration and make you aware there are a lot of us and our experience and feeling are not some rare unicorn.


              I wish the Ummah on this forum approached issues with bit of empathy and compassion, instead of the Maybot like citing of hadeith. I understand some don't want to in fear of leading the believer in the wrong path. Having said that, it doesn't kill to give nuanced suggestions/recommendations. This is very, very, very, very, difficult, as a young believer, to follow your deen in a non Islamic society.

              I do apologise as I scribbled thru as this is right up my street. My intention wasn't to divert attention to my struggle, but to inform that you are neither ALONE nor CRAZY. If you're into biz and startup check out Indiehackers for like minded people and Meetup to find a social group that's aligned with your hobbies/interest.
              Last edited by IsItTooMuch; 23-11-19, 09:56 AM.

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              • #8
                Why don't you spend some time with your Lord instead? I see you haven't mentioned Him once in your post. What you have described is dunya and dunya which is just a playground. I think you need to reflect and meditate on the fact that this world is temporary and you are going to die and then meet your Lord in the here after.

                Also think about all the bad things. Drinking alcohol has no advantages whatsoever. Smoking weed might make you miss your prayer if you prayed at all this is. Being with women. Astaghfirullah.

                Remember Allah. Read Quran and pray and ask for sukoon and peace in your heart. Insha Allah you'll get it.
                الصلوۃ والسلام علیک یا سیدی یارسول اللہ

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