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  • #16
    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    So to answer your question (sorry went on a tangent)
    ​​​​​
    you can tell by their body language and lack of interest
    .
    He doesnt have to lower his gaze in that situation
    in fact hes encouraged to look

    although staring at eyes is abit weird

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

      He doesnt have to lower his gaze in that situation
      in fact hes encouraged to look

      although staring at eyes is abit weird
      Yeh

      But it wasn't normal eye contact
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
        So to answer your question (sorry went on a tangent)
        ​​​​​
        you can tell by their body language and lack of interest

        If they don't answer your questions properly or seem reluctant to think about it or answer it in a way that shows they actually care

        Some of them were respectful and would lower their gaze after one glance

        The other one that I mentioned was good at that, they got me flowers afterwards. The sister made an effort to be friendly too. The other one that was fooling me had female relatives that didn't make any effort.

        It helps to have your wali to stay alert too. He might see something you don't.
        Great advise, thanks a lot. I guess I should trust my gut and watch out for signs.

        During your meetings, what stood out for you when it comes to the last part of what you said - your wali saw something that you didn't in the guy? Can you give an example?

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        • #19
          Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
          Great advise, thanks a lot. I guess I should trust my gut and watch out for signs.
          During your meetings, what stood out for you when it comes to the last part of what you said - your wali saw something that you didn't in the guy? Can you give an example?
          It didn't happen that often, I sort of felt that something wasn't right.
          I have to be honest, I don't remember any specific ones but it gave me reassurance that it wasn just my own perception or pessimism.

          It just helped to know others felt the same or saw the same things
          ​​​
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

            It didn't happen that often, I sort of felt that something wasn't right.
            I have to be honest, I don't remember any specific ones but it gave me reassurance that it wasn just my own perception or pessimism.

            It just helped to know others felt the same or saw the same things
            ​​​
            Oh, okay that's something to think about
            thanks again

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

              Uf has a thread of loads of questions
              and its fine to ask questions first meeting thats the whole point of it ask as much as u can
              if the person has an issue with questions then they obviously arent good
              at the same time conversate and dont make it like some interrogation
              number of meeting up to but do it to the point where u kind of know the persons charachter the good the bad etc its good if u can speak to the person on the phone abit after 1 or 2 meetings that way u can see how they are in a relaxed environment with less people watching (usually people change their behaviour abit and u see a different side)
              when u know the persons charachter u know its the right time
              but at the same you dont fully know someone until you live with them so dont expect to know their entire life

              for a guy make sure to ask
              does he pray (all 5 on time)
              does he go jumuah
              Does he try go masjid more often than jumuah every week
              does he keep a beard
              does he want to learn more about his deen if he hasnt already
              why does he want to get married
              How would he treat his spouse
              how should husband and wife be with eachother
              What are the roles of each spouse
              what are the marital rights of each spouse
              does he free mix
              if a dispute happened between spouse how would he deal with it
              if a dispute happened with inlaws how would he deal with it
              how does he behave when angry
              how does he want to raise his children and what does he want them to be when they are older
              where does he wants to live or settle
              how does he expect his wife to dress
              Who can she and cannot interact with

              these are some important questions that you must ask and these will tell you what kind of mentality and way of life he has

              try to do backround research and get 2 references from people who know him aswell

              1 advice
              marry someone who fears Allah because if they fear Allah they will treat you justly whether they like you or not
              (cant remember who said this^ not me though i just quoted it)
              Can you link me the threads on qns to ask, it seems UF threw away old threads 

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