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Feeling a bit jealous and I'm guilty and hate myself for it

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  • Feeling a bit jealous and I'm guilty and hate myself for it

    My cousin moved to Canada from Pakistan for an education she lived with us for a while and everyone thought we were sisters because we looked alike apparently. 3 years later there were some family issues (her dad is nuts) and she had to move out of our house and moved into an apartment near uni. In that time, we helped her establish herself into our community and into my circle of friends and now I feel like she is taking over everything. She is taking up my friends and more annoyingly my personality, but shes amplifying it and making it seem it is her own because I dont post on social media. She takes what i like and advertises it as her own. I am more of a quiet girl, I dont like to talk to people much and i am not active on social media anymore (because i just dont agree with it). She is the opposite of what people think she is, but I also feel bad for her because she is my cousin, but I hate that everyone thinks shes perfect and religious just because she constantly posts quotes on her socials... do they not see her trying to sell herself? She is always getting marriage requests and she talks to guys all the time, I am more strict when it comes to guys because I dont want to talk to them for no reason. But she talks to them all the time and is loose with them, yet she still gets marriage requests.. even from social media. Girls would pm her and ask her if shes interested in marriage and she would say yes, even though her dad told her no marriage until school is over when she tried getting married to this guys she'd met on facebook (they only ever messaged each other).

    I cant help but feel jealous, she is giving herself a pretty image in social media and fakes it when interacting with friends. I know she may be trying to improve on herself and I am no one to judge, but especially the fact that she's taking my interests and hobbies as her own - letting everyone know things. Also from the fact that she freely talks to boys and yet she still gets proposals from (seemingly) good people/men. I thought you need to preserve yourself in order to get a good rishta.

    Help dealing with this, jak

  • #2
    from hearing your side of the story

    you have more hayaa than her
    so nothing to be jealous about
    say alhamdullilah
    your doing the right thing
    why be jealous Allah has given you things that no one else has and Allah knows what problems she is going through that no one else knows
    the grass isnt always greener on the other side
    be happy with what Allah has given you
    whatever you dont have in this dunya youl get in akhira and even more

    may Allah guide her and protect her
    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 20-03-19, 01:52 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Assalaamu 'alaykoum Sis,

      It's pretty difficult when you're a Muslimah and most girls (Muslim or not) are on social media displaying their beauty, doing all the wrong things, putting up a pious image and on top of that still getting all the marriage proposals and being happier than the more discreet, more practising Muslimah. It's frustrating and angering even. I understand why you would feel jealous and a sense of missing out when it appears that they're having all the fun.

      But look at it this way: in the 1st place all that they are doing is not right. It's haraam. Why should you feel jealous of ppl doing haraam?! In the end they will get nothing from all this. It's only an enjoyment for a short while. What ALLAH SubhaanaHou wa ta'Aala has reserved for you in your life is much better if you are a true believer. Don't look to all this fake glitter because in reality these ppl always end up being disappointed and deceived.

      It's true that it seems unfair at first, but in reality these girls only attract men who are like them. And there are most definitely men out there who don't need to see a woman putting herself up everywhere in order to fall in love. They know that all this social media world is fake. Trust me, there are good and wise men out there, young or older, who are seeking a *truly* practising, modest wife. These men and women are like rare pearls especially from our generation but they do exist, just like you exist.

      The right man will find you, even if you never step out of your house. And he will ask for you in the most noble and beautiful way, without chatting you up or gawking at your pics. Remember that a *good* man is not just one who appears good by his clothes, posts or wealth , but by his actions and how he truly is modest, chaste and conscious of ALLAH, whether he is dealing with the opp. gender or anyone else for that matter.

      :assalam:

      Comment


      • #4
        Just keep being yourself, keep being modest, keep being the type of person you want to attract and one day in shaa ALLAH you surely will attract them.

        No point in trying to be someone you're not and ending up with the wrong people, the exact opposite of what you actually wanted.
        Last edited by rosetears97; 20-03-19, 02:12 AM.
        :assalam:

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rosetears97 View Post
          Assalaamu 'alaykoum Sis,

          It's pretty difficult when you're a Muslimah and most girls (Muslim or not) are on social media displaying their beauty, doing all the wrong things, putting up a pious image and on top of that still getting all the marriage proposals and being happier than the more discreet, more practising Muslimah. It's frustrating and angering even. I understand why you would feel jealous and a sense of missing out when it appears that they're having all the fun.

          But look at it this way: in the 1st place all that they are doing is not right. It's haraam. Why should you feel jealous of ppl doing haraam?! In the end they will get nothing from all this. It's only an enjoyment for a short while. What ALLAH SubhaanaHou wa ta'Aala has reserved for you in your life is much better if you are a true believer. Don't look to all this fake glitter because in reality these ppl always end up being disappointed and deceived.

          It's true that it seems unfair at first, but in reality these girls only attract men who are like them. And there are most definitely men out there who don't need to see a woman putting herself up everywhere in order to fall in love. They know that all this social media world is fake. Trust me, there are good and wise men out there, young or older, who are seeking a *truly* practising, modest wife. These men and women are like rare pearls especially from our generation but they do exist, just like you exist.

          The right man will find you, even if you never step out of your house. And he will ask for you in the most noble and beautiful way, without chatting you up or gawking at your pics. Remember that a *good* man is not just one who appears good by his clothes, posts or wealth , but by his actions and how he truly is modest, chaste and conscious of ALLAH, whether he is dealing with the opp. gender or anyone else for that matter.
          Jak so much for this. Its so frustrating thinking about it make me cry.. she is taking on my persona and displaying as her own. I dont hate her, she is my cousin.. but shes attracting people by displaying herself as something she is not and takes hobbies and ideas only my family and close friedns know are true to me and they even ask me "since when did she start writing poetry like you" etc. Your words made me feel at ease. I am frustrated why and how all these people are believing what they're seeing on social media.. do they no think that its weird for someone to be posting as much "deen" quotes on social with selfies? I'm so confused. Do they not think about how fake it is and how eveyrhting put up is an image? Inshaa Allah the right man will come, inshaa Allah.

          jazak Allah Khair

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
            from hearing your side of the story

            you have more hayaa than her
            so nothing to be jealous about
            say alhamdullilah
            your doing the right thing
            why be jealous Allah has given you things that no one else has and Allah knows what problems she is going through that no one else knows
            the grass isnt always greener on the other side
            be happy with what Allah has given you
            whatever you dont have in this dunya youl get in akhira and even more

            may Allah guide her and protect her
            Alhamdulilah, may Allah guide us all. It's hard sometimes, you are right JAK

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
              My cousin moved to Canada from Pakistan for an education she lived with us for a while and everyone thought we were sisters because we looked alike apparently. 3 years later there were some family issues (her dad is nuts) and she had to move out of our house and moved into an apartment near uni. In that time, we helped her establish herself into our community and into my circle of friends and now I feel like she is taking over everything. She is taking up my friends and more annoyingly my personality, but shes amplifying it and making it seem it is her own because I dont post on social media. She takes what i like and advertises it as her own. I am more of a quiet girl, I dont like to talk to people much and i am not active on social media anymore (because i just dont agree with it). She is the opposite of what people think she is, but I also feel bad for her because she is my cousin, but I hate that everyone thinks shes perfect and religious just because she constantly posts quotes on her socials... do they not see her trying to sell herself? She is always getting marriage requests and she talks to guys all the time, I am more strict when it comes to guys because I dont want to talk to them for no reason. But she talks to them all the time and is loose with them, yet she still gets marriage requests.. even from social media. Girls would pm her and ask her if shes interested in marriage and she would say yes, even though her dad told her no marriage until school is over when she tried getting married to this guys she'd met on facebook (they only ever messaged each other).

              I cant help but feel jealous, she is giving herself a pretty image in social media and fakes it when interacting with friends. I know she may be trying to improve on herself and I am no one to judge, but especially the fact that she's taking my interests and hobbies as her own - letting everyone know things. Also from the fact that she freely talks to boys and yet she still gets proposals from (seemingly) good people/men. I thought you need to preserve yourself in order to get a good rishta.

              Help dealing with this, jak
              Unfortunately men can be clueless. Their attention is easily captured by girls who put themselves out there, and so they ignore the girls in the background. And they let themselves be fooled by a pretty face and Islamic quotes on social media etc. And yes even seemingly religious guys fall into this.

              It takes an intelligent and knowledgeable man to know that the real gems aren't the ones who display themselves and are loose.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                Unfortunately men can be clueless. Their attention is easily captured by girls who put themselves out there, and so they ignore the girls in the background. And they let themselves be fooled by a pretty face and Islamic quotes on social media etc. And yes even seemingly religious guys fall into this.

                It takes an intelligent and knowledgeable man to know that the real gems aren't the ones who display themselves and are loose.

                .
                Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 20-03-19, 02:49 AM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                  ...
                  Not appropriate

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post

                    Jak so much for this. Its so frustrating thinking about it make me cry.. she is taking on my persona and displaying as her own. I dont hate her, she is my cousin.. but shes attracting people by displaying herself as something she is not and takes hobbies and ideas only my family and close friedns know are true to me and they even ask me "since when did she start writing poetry like you" etc. Your words made me feel at ease. I am frustrated why and how all these people are believing what they're seeing on social media.. do they no think that its weird for someone to be posting as much "deen" quotes on social with selfies? I'm so confused. Do they not think about how fake it is and how eveyrhting put up is an image? Inshaa Allah the right man will come, inshaa Allah.

                    jazak Allah Khair
                    I understand, Sis, but tbh in the end the masquerade will have to fall, and ppl can believe whatever they want about her or you. ALLAH the Just knows you better than all of these people and He will make the truth evident for everyone sooner or later, believe in that because wa'LLAHi He will. And as I said, the type of man you are looking for isn't looking for girls that are all out on soc media or in public- rather he is looking for someone like you.

                    Al hamdu li'LLAH if anything I said comforted you, all good comes from ALLAH and all mistakes are from me. Wa anti fa jazaaki'LLAHu khayran

                    :assalam:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      to be honest guys do this as well

                      show they are on deen
                      seeking knowledge talab al ilm
                      white thobe couple pens
                      quotes and pics on social

                      then girls fall for them
                      next thing you know treated like trash
                      and divorced within couple months
                      marriage bandits ( especially madkhalis)

                      { always do backround checks, get references, have couples meetings and make sure your family are involved from the get go}

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I know how you feel as there have been times when I've felt that too, but a good friend once reminded me "why be jealous of people who are closer to hellfire than you?" and it helped to hear that and reminded me of what's more important in life. It wouldn't surprise me if your cousin is actually jealous of you that she feels the need to imitate you in order to get attention because she feels that just being herself is somehow inadequate so she has to put on a pretence. That must be exhausting- like wearing a mask all the time. That definitely suggests some insecurities and underlying issues. I think you should stop sharing your thoughts with her so that she can stop stealing your ideas.

                        Also when it comes to people like that; the mask will slip eventually. What happens if she gets engaged to a really nice guy and everything seems to be going well and then one day he finds out from a friend that she's been messaging all these other guys? Also how long can she string them along for if her dad says she can't get married till she finishes school? Seems like she's building a house of cards for herself and it'll come crashing down eventually.

                        Meanwhile, just do your own thing and live your own life. The best thing for you would be to just make a good life for yourself regardless of what she does.
                        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                        • #13
                          How is she copying your hobbies and your persona?

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