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How to deal with our youngsters on haram dating websites

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  • How to deal with our youngsters on haram dating websites

    Last week, my 18-year-old niece was found browsing the [LINK REMOVED - AA] dating website. This was a very shameful moment for the parents. When confronted with the severity of the matter, she actually defended the website's alignment with Islam which got her a deserving slap from her dad. She has been stripped of all her rights to social media but that won't stop her from doing something similar eventually. Her dad is really considering her nikkah now, but that does not solve the problem. There are so many other innocent girls out there who are being tempted by the easy life.

    How can we protect our children from the internet? This is just one of the websites, and there are even more out there, one more despicable than the other, example. tinder, badu, infidelidating... we should not stay quiet but do something about this, brothers & sisters
    Last edited by Abu 'Abdullaah; 06-03-19, 09:16 AM.

  • #2
    People need to teach their kids about Islam from a very young age. And parents need to be involved in their childrenís lives and know what they are doing and who they are talking to.

    I see it all the time where parents let their kids do whatever they want and then for some reason they are shocked when their kid gets caught doing something bad. And then they wonder how things turned out the way that they did. Well most of the time its because the parents were uninvolved and were too lazy to care. I know thatís not always the case. Some kids are just rebellious. But its very common.

    Kids are hard work. If you want them to end up being pious and bright, then you need to be with them and work on them all the time. Itís not something that will just happen.

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    • #3
      make them understand why relationshios are haram and the wisdoms behind it and the consequences if they do it

      there was a thread on uf where a brother found out his younger sister was talking to someone or doing something bad instead of going crazy at her yhe family talked to her and explained nicely and then she regretted it and changed her self

      instead of slapping and making her feel angry and resentful and more rebellious best is to explain to her the depth of the sin how it can lead to punishment in grave and going to jahannam
      how it leads to women being objectified, used and abused, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, stds, sometimes rape even pictures of her being spread
      reputation being ruined leading it to finding it harder to get married then even after marriage husband finds out can lead to argument or divorce etc

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      • #4
        jumping to marriage is not the cure
        its just a remedy she needs to understand why relationships are haram and the badness that comes with it she needs to improve her deen
        and remember her spouse will have rights over her so she needs to be able to handle marriage and know the responsibilites and rights of marriage
        otherwise the marriage will be arguments or divorce


        p.s u should check her phone
        if shes looking online then thats probably not the only place
        also see who her friends are
        are they good practising muslims
        or kuffar or jahil muslims
        move her to an islamic school if she goes to a secular school
        Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 04-03-19, 03:26 PM.

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        • #5
          someone remove the link so no1 gets tempted to click on it

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
            jumping to marriage is not the cure
            its just a remedy she needs to understand why relationships are haram and the badness that comes with it she needs to improve her deen
            and remember her spouse will have rights over her so she needs to be able to handle marriage and know the responsibilites and rights of marriage
            otherwise the marriage will be arguments or divorce


            p.s u should check her phone
            if shes looking online then thats probably not the only place
            also see who her friends are
            are they good practising muslims
            or kuffar or jahil muslims
            move her to an islamic school if she goes to a secular school
            She is not that young anymore. My brother planned to send her to university, but he is not so sure anymore. We checked her phone as well and found that some of her friends had joined the website too. She is not allowed to meet them anymore.

            Who in their right minds would want their daughter to be a sugarbaby?? How can we block websites like these? We should start a petition to block it, starting with the sugardaters one. If we have enough brothers & sisters supporting us, we can bring change.

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            • #7
              university is dangerous for her
              that will nevwr happen

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              • #8
                rud-mh can you please remove the link from your post.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                  rud-mh can you please remove the link from your post.
                  I am sorry I do not know how to edit my old post.

                  I have however found an online french petition for closing the website: https://www.change.org/p/l-assembl%C...ters-en-france
                  I am taking this personally and I will see to it that they close business! No brother should have to go through finding their child on such websites.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by rud-mh View Post
                    Last week, my 18-year-old niece was found browsing the [LINK REMOVED - AA] dating website. This was a very shameful moment for the parents. When confronted with the severity of the matter, she actually defended the website's alignment with Islam which got her a deserving slap from her dad. She has been stripped of all her rights to social media but that won't stop her from doing something similar eventually. Her dad is really considering her nikkah now, but that does not solve the problem. There are so many other innocent girls out there who are being tempted by the easy life.

                    How can we protect our children from the internet? This is just one of the websites, and there are even more out there, one more despicable than the other, example. tinder, badu, infidelidating... we should not stay quiet but do something about this, brothers & sisters
                    I don’t think the situation was handled In the best way. How is giving her a slap teaching her anything. All that’s doing is pushing her away and making future communication more difficult. The problem starts with the parents and daughter relationship. They should of be more open to communicating about things like marriage and how to go about it the right way. In today’s society not a lot of people feel comfortable in talking to their parents and expressing their interest in marriage. I think at 18 is reasonable age to think about marriage. The lack of communication and poor relationship with parents leads to them easily ifleuenced by society. I don’t want to assume, but the first thing I would ask is how is the relationship with her parents? Are they open and understanding? Do they talk to her about these kind of issues, dating and relationships?

                    I think this is just an example of someone giving in to peer pressure. Is she even ready for marriage? Does she understand the responsibilities? If her parents don’t talk to her about these things then how can they prepare her to be ready for marriage. They need to ensure she’s mature enough and understands what marriage entails.

                    I think we we need to monitor the internet usage. And more importantly be there for your children and talk to them. They won’t come to you for advice or help if they don’t have a good relationship with you. I think the parents need to put in effort as well in terms of the relationship, you should be there for your children. I understand parents do a lot, but sometimes they need to be a friend as well.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by rud-mh View Post
                      Last week, my 18-year-old niece was found browsing the [LINK REMOVED - AA] dating website. This was a very shameful moment for the parents. When confronted with the severity of the matter, she actually defended the website's alignment with Islam which got her a deserving slap from her dad. She has been stripped of all her rights to social media but that won't stop her from doing something similar eventually. Her dad is really considering her nikkah now, but that does not solve the problem. There are so many other innocent girls out there who are being tempted by the easy life.

                      How can we protect our children from the internet? This is just one of the websites, and there are even more out there, one more despicable than the other, example. tinder, badu, infidelidating... we should not stay quiet but do something about this, brothers & sisters
                      I donít think the situation was handled In the best way. How is giving her a slap teaching her anything. All thatís doing is pushing her away and making future communication more difficult. The problem starts with the parents and daughter relationship. They should of be more open to communicating about things like marriage and how to go about it the right way. In todayís society not a lot of people feel comfortable in talking to their parents and expressing their interest in marriage. I think at 18 is reasonable age to think about marriage. The lack of communication and poor relationship with parents leads to them easily ifleuenced by society. I donít want to assume, but the first thing I would ask is how is the relationship with her parents? Are they open and understanding? Do they talk to her about these kind of issues, dating and relationships?

                      I think this is just an example of someone giving in to peer pressure. Is she even ready for marriage? Does she understand the responsibilities? If her parents donít talk to her about these things then how can they prepare her to be ready for marriage. They need to ensure sheís mature enough and understands what marriage entails.

                      I think we we need to monitor the internet usage. And more importantly be there for your children and talk to them. They wonít come to you for advice or help if they donít have a good relationship with you. I think the parents need to put in effort as well in terms of the relationship, you should be there for your children. I understand parents do a lot, but sometimes they need to be a friend as well.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                        I donít think the situation was handled In the best way. How is giving her a slap teaching her anything. All thatís doing is pushing her away and making future communication more difficult. The problem starts with the parents and daughter relationship. They should of be more open to communicating about things like marriage and how to go about it the right way. In todayís society not a lot of people feel comfortable in talking to their parents and expressing their interest in marriage. I think at 18 is reasonable age to think about marriage. The lack of communication and poor relationship with parents leads to them easily ifleuenced by society. I donít want to assume, but the first thing I would ask is how is the relationship with her parents? Are they open and understanding? Do they talk to her about these kind of issues, dating and relationships?

                        I think this is just an example of someone giving in to peer pressure. Is she even ready for marriage? Does she understand the responsibilities? If her parents donít talk to her about these things then how can they prepare her to be ready for marriage. They need to ensure sheís mature enough and understands what marriage entails.

                        I think we we need to monitor the internet usage. And more importantly be there for your children and talk to them. They wonít come to you for advice or help if they donít have a good relationship with you. I think the parents need to put in effort as well in terms of the relationship, you should be there for your children. I understand parents do a lot, but sometimes they need to be a friend as well.
                        Talk about dating? She is 18. What dating talk did she need before that? Is she supposed to date a few guys before getting married? What face would her parents show to society after that? How are parents meant to show authority as a friend? I agree the slap might have been too much, but she did not deserve a reward either...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I agree with Janna90. Parents actually need to talk to their kids and explain why these types of things are wrong. There are so many people out there who are like “your not allowed to go out with boys because its haram” and that’s about it. They dont give any explaination as to why its haram and they dont bother to follow up with what’s happening to their kids. And meanwhile the kids see all there friends messing around, and they start doing that to because they want to be like everyone else and no one ever gave them reasons as to why they can’t do stuff like that. Talking to your kids about this type of stuff isn’t shameful. I am sure a lot of people find it very embarrassing but your just educating them on a very important topic that they are going to learn about anyway from the kids at school. Better that they learn about these things at home where you can explain why its haram then at school were the kids will be encouraging each other to do bad things.

                          I can only speak from my own experiences but having a good relationship with your parents is actually very important and definitely influences the way kids act. My dad always talked to me about why i could and couldn’t do things and was always very real with me about everything, even in difficult topics. And that real talk always made me see things straight which kept me out of so much trouble.

                          Parents need to create the type of relationship with their kids where their kids actually look up to them and care about the things that they are teaching them. There shouldn’t be this disconnectedness where the parent says something and the kid doesn’t care. But if you want your kids to look up to you then you need to show them that you care and that you are an active part of their lives.


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                          • #14
                            Fair enough. Then how would you have reacted if you found your daughter visiting a sugardating website because she is of "legal age" now, therefore can do "whatever she wants with her life"?

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                            • #15
                              Well I wouldn't let it get to that point but if it did the last thing I would do is slap her in the face and force her to get married. That will just create more rifts in our relationship.

                              I would be more disappointed in myself then my daughter, and I would try to get closer to her and be more involved in her life. And hopefully I will be able to get her back on the right track. And if i cant then i will never forgive myself for being so negligent while she was growing up.

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