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  • New Muslim former homosexual/transgender?

    Hi, everyone! I am new to Islam but I fear I will not be accepted as Muslim because of my past.

    I am a 24 year old American born woman. I have struggled with my sexuality & gender identity since I was in high school. I "came out" as lesbian when. I was around 16 of 17. I "came out" as transgender at around age 20 or so.

    Anyways, I have always been interested in religion. My first look into religion was Christianity. I thought I believed Jesus was God, but when I prayed to him it felt wrong. I looked into Islam and found I connected to it more than I did with Christianity. I believe in Allah, the one true God and his last messenger, Muhammad (pbuh).

    I really want to start getting into Islam and be a true Muslim woman, but I have a dark past and fear other muslims and, especially, Allah, will not accept me. I have been struggling with self-harm (cutting), smoking and, just recently, drinking. I don't know what to do. I've been living this lifestyle for so long. I continue to dress in men's clothes, have short hair, and wear "gay pride" things. Everyone knows me as gay/transgender.

    What do I do? Please, follow brothers and sisters in Islam, I need your help. Please help a desperate Muslimah! Allhamdullilah❤

  • #2
    Sister dont despair, the moment you accept islam Allah wipes out your sins, so none of your past sins will remain a burden.

    just discard of the alcohol, cigarettes and male clothing, and be a free muslimah in sha Allah.

    may Allah bless you Allahumma ameen
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    • #3
      Salaam sister. Allah forgives all sins and his mercy prevails over his wrath. However, do not disclose your sins to others because making a sin public is a sin in itself. Whatever your past is, alhamdullilah that you have been guided to the right path. There is no need to dwell on your former mistakes and feel bad about it; we all have a past. Try to incorporate the 5 prayers into your everyday life and in shaa Allah some of the bad habits you mentioned will stop. Take things slow. Allah doesn't expect us to be perfect overnight. But the fact that you're trying is commendable. Make sure you stop alcohol completely because prayer is not valid when people consume alcohol. Here is a hadith to offer you some comfort in shaa Allah

      On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a cubit, and if he draws near to Me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
      Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty. It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).

      Feel free to pm me if you need further advice.

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      • #4
        Welcome to the deen sister. One of the amazing things about accepting Islam is that it erases your past sins, the point being that once you find guidance then previous sins shouldn't be held against you cos' you're learning to do better inshaAllah. One close companion of Prophet Muhammad (saw) was called Khalid bin Waleed (ra) and he'd killed many Muslims during a war but after he converted to Islam, he was reassured that his past sins wouldn't be held against him and he became a very pious and respected warrior who fought for Islam after that. A very important lesson to learn as a Muslim is learning to trust Allah (swt) more than yourself. It seems like a cliché cos' so many people say it but it's so important, because learning to trust Allah (swt) means you're better equipped to discard sinful ways of thinking, it means you're more likely to show sabr instead of losing hope during difficult times and it means you're less likely to incline towards people who try to call you back to sin.

        I mention that because it's so important to understand that Allah (Swt) doesn't make mistakes. If Allah (swt) made you so that you were born into this world a female, then that's what you are, regardless of whether you perceive yourself to be anything else or not. There's a phrase that I've heard some misguided American kufaar say which is "perception is more important than reality"- they are wrong. Truth comes first, embracing reality comes first, regardless of whether that truth is perceived to be a good thing or not. If you prioritise perception and what you want reality to be rather than acknowledging what it actually is, then that's what leads to people becoming delusional. Not accusing you of doing this btw, I'm just making a general point because I've heard that a few times over the years.
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        • #5
          All amazing responses, I can't think of what to add but, welcome to the deen.

          I ask Allah to keep you guided and bless you with all good in this life and the hereafter ameen.
          وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

          And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


          أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

          Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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          • #6
            I think it would be really helpful for you to migrate somewhere. Just like our Prophet did, make hijrah(migration) and move somewhere new. When you are in a new place it will be easier for you to start a new life. Leave everything and everyone behind and take only your God with you when you move. It will prove quite difficult to change and be a new person when you are surrounded by old friends and old habits. I can confirm this really helps through personal experience. Also there's a really great hadith on the reward of a person who migrates solely for the cause of Allah, unfortunately I cant remember the details of it, maybe someone else can help...

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