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OCD and Waswaas

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  • OCD and Waswaas

    Asslamualaikum,

    I have some issues. I have OCD which means that when I pray salah, I have to pretend that I am worshipping Allah in a straight line. It's been killing me slowly and now it has affected my psyche. I want to invoke Allah alone but images come up in my head and I feel like I'm committing shirk every time I mention Allah. It's obviously wrong to commit shirk but I keep saying the shahadah until the anxiety in my chest goes away. Every time I think about Allah, the cycle starts. I get images in my head, the straight line becomes 3 lines or sometimes forks into 2 lines and I can't stop it. It makes me feel like I non-Muslim. My mum is concerned as she thinks that I have mental issues as I have reportedly been talking to myself. I am not a crazy person I'm just refuting the things I say in my head. I can't stop them from coming into my head. I convince myself that I am committing shirk and when I read verses from the Qu'ran like 'in their hearts is disease so Allah has increased the disease' makes me anxious and it leaves me in an ever-lasting loop of thought. I give up. I look at things around me and think I'm going to die as non-Muslim. It hurts my head. My head spins after prayer and I have to strain my brain to make sure I'm only worshipping Allah with nobody else. In my head I have to 'catch' Allah i.e the straight line above everyone else. It's like a roulette and I have to wait until my chest feels okay.

    What's wrong with me? My mum is concerned but I haven't told her. There's a hadith which says Allah will forgive all that crosses your mind if you don't speak or act on it but I have to tell people my case because nobody seems to understand me at all. Not everyone has this issue and for me once again I feel like I have that issue nobody knows about.

    I pray 5x a day, my head hurts and when I stop thinking about it then my head spins. My brain tells me that I ended with shirk but I want to end with tawheed. It's like flicking a lightswitch and it's driving me insane.
    Last edited by Servants; 18-02-19, 02:53 PM.

  • #2
    Its waswasa, none of anything that passes your head is counted for:

    Al-Bukhaari (5269) and Muslim (127) also narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will forgive my ummah for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it."

    Also, after each salat read surah falaq and nas , and after reading them immediately blow on to your hands and wip over your head, chest and body.

    Read surah nas before salat to clear your head.

    I ask Allah to help u ameen
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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    • #3
      Don't worry what other people think or they say (for now). Allah can see your intentions and he can see your heart. Read and understand the last 3 ayats of Surah Baqarah. Allah knows what the hearts conceal ok? He knows what you think and He knows what you feel. Don't worry He KNOWS that you are fighting this fight. If you were really into shirk then WHY would you be feeling bad? Why would you be making an effort to fight these thoughts?

      Every soul has evil inside of it. Don't feed your evil by doing sins. Say Bismillah before eating, etc. Don't listen to your brain. There are times where I have to tell my brain to shut up because it keeps talking nonsense to make me feel bad about myself haha. The more importance and attention you give someone the more they will annoy you. If they see that they are having an effect on you then they will only increase their efforts to annoy you more right? Take the same approach for yourself. The more you fret and feel bad, the more this side of you will keep annoying you. Ignore it and try to pay it no attention. Don't give it importance. Keep talking to the good side of yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that talking to yourself is a sign or craziness or anything. I've read that Umar (RA) used to talk to himself when he was alone too. There's nothing wrong with talking to yourself especially if it's helping you to reflect. Everyone talks to themselves inside their mind, some people just do it out loud. It's not a problem until it becomes a problem (example you talk to yourself out loud when you're in a group of people or at the dining table)

      Also, engage yourself in activities to stop yourself being subject to self-torture. When your mind is free then you're more likely to fall into these situations (right?). I think the best thing that has helped me in my life is engaging in dhikr. Read up about the different types of dhikr that you can constantly repeat. And keep your mind occupied by repeating dhikr and keeping your tongue and mind busy with the praise and remembrance Allah. Please don't overlook this advice, it's really really really helped me in tough times. Your mind doesn't have time to engage in self-hate because you're busy loving Allah. You concentrate on the words and it makes you feel relaxed. "Verily in the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find ease". (it really works, keep at it!)

      Regarding you feeling awful about reading some ayats in the Quran. That is a biggg mistake and you should stop interpreting the Quran as you like. There is a context and interpretation of the Quran. It was revealed at a certain time for a certain reason. Definitely the Quran is meant for all people and all ages. But you really got to understand what you're reading and the context of what is being said. Even I've had this problem where I read something and think that Oh no I am doomed, but when I go deeper into the context and the preceding/subsequent ayats then I understand a little more clearly. Basically what I'm saying is that don't take it literally at all instances. There are some parts of the quran that can be for anyone to read and understand, but there are parts that need to be understood with the help of scholars.

      May Allah grant you a strong recovery and healing from your anxieties. Remember the patience you bear will give you immense reward so don't give up or lose hope.

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      • #4
        Salaam guys,

        I have another question/issue here. I was wondering if could tell me whats going on. Every time I pray salah, I get images in my head and I keep thinking that I am worshipping those images. I have to strain my brain to ignore them and I can't do that anymore guys. My head literally hurts when I try to do it. I either twitch/jerk suddenly when I'm praying to get rid of it otherwise if I just ignore it my brain asks me "Okay so you're okay with committing shirk? Fine" then I have to tell myself "no" and strain by default. What's going on and why can't I pray salah without thinking about it? Why do I have to remind myself why Islam is the truth? I feel anxiety in my chest if I don't keep telling myself. I keep having to renew my faith every time and I feel like I'm losing it. I'm always in a loop all day it's like I've gone insane. I can't even drive etc without thinking about it.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Servants View Post
          Salaam guys,

          I have another question/issue here. I was wondering if could tell me whats going on. Every time I pray salah, I get images in my head and I keep thinking that I am worshipping those images. I have to strain my brain to ignore them and I can't do that anymore guys. My head literally hurts when I try to do it. I either twitch/jerk suddenly when I'm praying to get rid of it otherwise if I just ignore it my brain asks me "Okay so you're okay with committing shirk? Fine" then I have to tell myself "no" and strain by default. What's going on and why can't I pray salah without thinking about it? Why do I have to remind myself why Islam is the truth? I feel anxiety in my chest if I don't keep telling myself. I keep having to renew my faith every time and I feel like I'm losing it. I'm always in a loop all day it's like I've gone insane. I can't even drive etc without thinking about it.
          Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatallahi wa barakatu,

          if you don't mind me asking what are those images? This could be a number of problems. I would first suggest you to cut out all social media, tv, music, movies, pornography, etc. Uninstall the apps and delete your accounts so your not tempted to use them. Even with youtube, you should use it cautiously. Try this for two weeks and see if the problem drastically improves or not. When a person fills their mind with too much filth they lose khushoo in their prayer and can start envisioning many many different things that didn't even seem to arise in their mind before prayer. This is the work of shaitan so seek refuge from the devil and spit dryly on your left three times, and follow the above. In shaa Allah, this will help.(I believe it will get rid of the problem completely) If not get back to me in two weeks and we will find another solution.

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          • #6
            Use the above info it's quite good. Also you can try to concentrate on the meaning of what you are saying during your namaz so that you can focus and it's not just mindless sentences which allows your mind to wander.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by IsaahM View Post
              Use the above info it's quite good. Also you can try to concentrate on the meaning of what you are saying during your namaz so that you can focus and it's not just mindless sentences which allows your mind to wander.
              yes, it's very important to know the meaning of what you're saying during prayer, it makes it much more enjoyable, and you feel closer to Allah. try and learn the meaning of al fatihah and all the basics one day, and each day after that try and learn the translation of a short sunnah. This will benefit you during your prayer and after. If you get those images again just seek refuge from shaitan. Allah does not hold us accountable for our thoughts as long as we don't act on them.

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