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  • Im am too materialistic

    Salam together,


    i have an issue I want to talk about. I am 25 years old and living & studying in Europe. (was born there)
    Since 2-3 years I started being materialistic. By that I mean that I want to buy luxury things which I don't really need.
    Since I am a little child I wanted my own car. My father didn't buy me one which is kinda normal here. My sister got one from him (yeah equality & so on.)
    Last year I founded a company which is kinda profitable and rented me a luxury coupe from Mercedes. I really enjoyed it for a few months but now it is just a car for me. And I really dreamt about one since I was a child. Now my eyes want a car which is more than 100k.
    Same about for example iPhone and Macbook. I wanted the best one and the most good looking one. Together I spent over 3000. Now after I got them they are not enjoyable anymore for me.
    Now I think about buying a Swiss watch for 5k which kinda looks good. But my watch right now is two years old and is still working. I was really excited when buying it.

    I dont buy a lot of things (1-2 times in a year). But when I buy then it is really expensive. I wouldn't describe myself as shopaholic who normally has a lot credit cards and buys every week something.
    I only buy when I can afford.

    I know the first thing you might think is. HOW can he buy luxury things while the umma is starving.
    But it is not so easy to solve this problem by giving everything away.
    Sure I could just spend all the money for poor people but the problem would still be there.
    I guess that psychologically I buy these things to make me happy and to distract me from the other people in my age. (When I was younger my parents didn't allow me to go outside and play with others till I was 18; they didn't want me to be like them)
    I live in atheistic Europe and you can only have fun here when you go out with these atheistic people.

    You won't believe it but in my place there are no (maybe 1 or 2) muslims in my age. And they do the same like the ones above.
    I know you will say brother read Quran and so but don't take this personally but that doesn't make so much fun and you can't do this all day because it can be exhausting.
    I kinda feel locked up.
    I watch a lot of youtube videos from brother Nouman Ali Khan. Here he tells somethings about materialism but why can't I live that? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3gVeEPJWe4)

    Sorry for my bad English.

    PS: you might also say that I should marry (and then I will change) but I can't find a women (no muslim community here) and my parents (mother) will not help me till I am 28-30 years old (mother married when she was 13). I have no other family&friends here or somewhere else.

    If you want to help me then thank you. But if you want to insult me then just have sabr and don't answer.

  • #2
    Purify your wealth through zakat and sadaqah and what you do with it after that is your business as long as it's a halal income though hopefully you will mature enough in the future to see those material things as frivolous. What can be blameworthy though is if those material things interfere with your Deen.
    "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

    Comment


    • #3
      Akhi they did a study where 2 groups of people had to watch an image/videos of items. One set watched random items, such as a pic of an animal whereas the other set watched this infamous show that comes on TV which exhorts materialism. The first set were found to be more charitable than the second.

      You have to be really careful who you hang around with and what you watch.

      I have a group of acquaintances whose life revolves, jobs, cars, and clothes, although I still keep in contact because I don't really want to alienate them but its not the same sort of close friendship I had before.
      Last edited by Magic.; 20-01-19, 08:37 PM.
      8 powerful habits to succeed


      1. Wake up early!
      2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
      3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
      4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
      5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
      6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
      7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
      8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

      NEW UPDATE

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


      Watch this when you're distressed!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by casio123 View Post
        Salam together,


        i have an issue I want to talk about. I am 25 years old and living & studying in Europe. (was born there)
        Since 2-3 years I started being materialistic. By that I mean that I want to buy luxury things which I don't really need.
        Since I am a little child I wanted my own car. My father didn't buy me one which is kinda normal here. My sister got one from him (yeah equality & so on.)
        Last year I founded a company which is kinda profitable and rented me a luxury coupe from Mercedes. I really enjoyed it for a few months but now it is just a car for me. And I really dreamt about one since I was a child. Now my eyes want a car which is more than 100k.
        Same about for example iPhone and Macbook. I wanted the best one and the most good looking one. Together I spent over 3000. Now after I got them they are not enjoyable anymore for me.
        Now I think about buying a Swiss watch for 5k which kinda looks good. But my watch right now is two years old and is still working. I was really excited when buying it.

        I dont buy a lot of things (1-2 times in a year). But when I buy then it is really expensive. I wouldn't describe myself as shopaholic who normally has a lot credit cards and buys every week something.
        I only buy when I can afford.

        I know the first thing you might think is. HOW can he buy luxury things while the umma is starving.
        But it is not so easy to solve this problem by giving everything away.
        Sure I could just spend all the money for poor people but the problem would still be there.
        I guess that psychologically I buy these things to make me happy and to distract me from the other people in my age. (When I was younger my parents didn't allow me to go outside and play with others till I was 18; they didn't want me to be like them)
        I live in atheistic Europe and you can only have fun here when you go out with these atheistic people.

        You won't believe it but in my place there are no (maybe 1 or 2) muslims in my age. And they do the same like the ones above.
        I know you will say brother read Quran and so but don't take this personally but that doesn't make so much fun and you can't do this all day because it can be exhausting.
        I kinda feel locked up.
        I watch a lot of youtube videos from brother Nouman Ali Khan. Here he tells somethings about materialism but why can't I live that? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3gVeEPJWe4)

        Sorry for my bad English.

        PS: you might also say that I should marry (and then I will change) but I can't find a women (no muslim community here) and my parents (mother) will not help me till I am 28-30 years old (mother married when she was 13). I have no other family&friends here or somewhere else.

        If you want to help me then thank you. But if you want to insult me then just have sabr and don't answer.
        generously give away OR via ebay sell most of your unessesary luxuries then become very minimalist? About marriage what about spend 6 months in a villa in a place with a more larger muslim population, get to know the muslim community there, frequently go to mosque, offer an old man a car ride and one day tell the imam you wish to married and possibly boom, sorted?

        Comment


        • #5
          First oft all thank you for your answers.


          @musbah

          „What can be blameworthy though is if those material things interfere with your Deen.“

          What do you mean exactly with that? In which way then can interfere?

          And yes when getting older and having kids I surely will change but this will take time.


          Magic.

          Yes it is true that a lot of rich people don like giving money. (I even now some who are much richer then me and count the Pennys)

          I also had some friends years ago which I do not see anymore because there are no topics to talk about. I talk mostly about economics or career and those friends who for example did not study just chill and dont talk about such „complex“ things.

          @Plinchun

          As I said giving away doesn’t help because I will buy new ones.

          Becoming a minimalist is a lifestyle in which you have to turn your life in 180 degrees and which you cannot do with just one click.

          The Idea of minimalism sound good but doesn’t work because of my problem that I am kinda bit materalistic.

          It is like saying to a poor man stop being poor.



          About moving out. That is not possible. My company is here and also my parents would NEVER allow. They would think like did he found a girl or why is he going away.

          But sometimes I go to bigger mosques but there is no such thing as „community“.

          By normal prayer there are 10 people in a big city. Therese are almost elderly (60-70 years but never under 50)

          And on Friday prayer there are 100. They come and go quick. There is no way to get to know each other. It is even weird because they would say „what does he want from me? I want to pray and go back to work. Dont stop me. I have no time for you“



          And I forgot to mention that imams here dont care. They say such thing like dont you have parents?

          Go to them. Our Imams were sent from Turkey. They dont understand our western problems. They are here for 2 year and go back and another one comes. Like machines. There are not here to help. Just leading prayer.



          And eeeeeveeen if an imam wants to help. There is not even a boys islam community how do you think there could be a girls community.



          Europe is really hard for muslims.



          Comment


          • #6
            Interfering with your Deen can include desiring the dunya to the point where you end up in haram business, lie, cheat, steal, deceive, or abandoning obligatory acts of worship in your vain pursuits of this transitory life.
            "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

            Comment


            • #7
              Have you experienced the joy of giving and helping others? It seems like buying expensive stuff isn't giving you true contentment and that's why you get bored of it soon. You automatically think that the solution is to buy something more expensive and better than what you have, but I'm sure you'll never find peace and happiness in this buying materialist lifestyle.

              Brother, the fact that you realise that you have materialism issues is itself a big step forward. Many thousands of people dont even realise this issue about themselves. You have understood your problem and should thank Allah for giving you the understanding. I mentioned in the beginning if you have ever experience the joy of giving and helping. No I don't mean wiring some money to some unknown or donating online. That is just some numbers on a screen, it isn't the real deal. I'm talking about the feeling that you get when you help someone in person. Why don't you take a vacation or go to an orphanage nearby. Why don't you sit down and talk to people who are needy. Why don't you give them charity hand to hand face to face and see the effect of the deed you are doing. It really gives you a sense of purpose and contentment.

              It also sounds to me like you really need to connect more to your deen bro. Try to go somewhere where you can have good muslims around you, not too sure of your condition so this may be hard. I don't know much about your personal situation so it's hard to give you specific advice in this manner, but basically you really really really need to reestablish your connection with Allah and with your deen. You will then gain clarity and be able to see better what is the best path for you.

              Comment


              • #8
                @Musbah

                no I dont do any haram business.

                @IsaahM
                The only way I spend money is when they ask for money in the mosque and when I see some beggar/homeless people on the street. But when giving them money they go and get beer.
                About Charity & co I noticed that a lot of people are unthankful and aggressive. That makes it hard to help them.
                In my eyes there are no real needy people like we now them from books.
                You want to give them 5 dollar and they pickpocket all your money. You offer them a job and they just dont go etc.
                In the most cases these people dont want help. They can solve their problems just with discipline.

                Also in Germany there are no poor people because we are a socialist state.

                If you cannot afford food or a home the state pays it for you.
                If you have no job the state give you money.
                If you dont have money for kids the state pays it for you.

                And all this from a christian country.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by casio123 View Post
                  Salam together,


                  i have an issue I want to talk about. I am 25 years old and living & studying in Europe. (was born there)
                  Since 2-3 years I started being materialistic. By that I mean that I want to buy luxury things which I don't really need.
                  Since I am a little child I wanted my own car. My father didn't buy me one which is kinda normal here. My sister got one from him (yeah equality & so on.)
                  Last year I founded a company which is kinda profitable and rented me a luxury coupe from Mercedes. I really enjoyed it for a few months but now it is just a car for me. And I really dreamt about one since I was a child. Now my eyes want a car which is more than 100k.
                  Same about for example iPhone and Macbook. I wanted the best one and the most good looking one. Together I spent over 3000. Now after I got them they are not enjoyable anymore for me.
                  Now I think about buying a Swiss watch for 5k which kinda looks good. But my watch right now is two years old and is still working. I was really excited when buying it.

                  I dont buy a lot of things (1-2 times in a year). But when I buy then it is really expensive. I wouldn't describe myself as shopaholic who normally has a lot credit cards and buys every week something.
                  I only buy when I can afford.

                  I know the first thing you might think is. HOW can he buy luxury things while the umma is starving.
                  But it is not so easy to solve this problem by giving everything away.
                  Sure I could just spend all the money for poor people but the problem would still be there.
                  I guess that psychologically I buy these things to make me happy and to distract me from the other people in my age. (When I was younger my parents didn't allow me to go outside and play with others till I was 18; they didn't want me to be like them)
                  I live in atheistic Europe and you can only have fun here when you go out with these atheistic people.

                  You won't believe it but in my place there are no (maybe 1 or 2) muslims in my age. And they do the same like the ones above.
                  I know you will say brother read Quran and so but don't take this personally but that doesn't make so much fun and you can't do this all day because it can be exhausting.
                  I kinda feel locked up.
                  I watch a lot of youtube videos from brother Nouman Ali Khan. Here he tells somethings about materialism but why can't I live that? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3gVeEPJWe4)

                  Sorry for my bad English.

                  PS: you might also say that I should marry (and then I will change) but I can't find a women (no muslim community here) and my parents (mother) will not help me till I am 28-30 years old (mother married when she was 13). I have no other family&friends here or somewhere else.

                  If you want to help me then thank you. But if you want to insult me then just have sabr and don't answer.
                  Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

                  search for Mohammed hoblos lectures on YouTube inshaAllah you'll wake up. Alhamdulilah the worth of this dunya is really put into perspective
                  The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                  ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by casio123 View Post
                    @Musbah

                    no I dont do any haram business.

                    @IsaahM
                    The only way I spend money is when they ask for money in the mosque and when I see some beggar/homeless people on the street. But when giving them money they go and get beer.
                    About Charity & co I noticed that a lot of people are unthankful and aggressive. That makes it hard to help them.
                    In my eyes there are no real needy people like we now them from books.
                    You want to give them 5 dollar and they pickpocket all your money. You offer them a job and they just dont go etc.
                    In the most cases these people dont want help. They can solve their problems just with discipline.

                    Also in Germany there are no poor people because we are a socialist state.

                    If you cannot afford food or a home the state pays it for you.
                    If you have no job the state give you money.
                    If you dont have money for kids the state pays it for you.

                    And all this from a christian country.
                    Hmm, you can travel abroad to countries where muslims are in need and donate to them brother.. Just go for a week vacation or something. Go out and see state of the world maybe you will grow in understanding and experience. Those are the people you need to give some charity with your own hands, I'm not asking you to give money to the beggars in your city who will buy alcohol, instead buy them food always and never give money. I agree, charities can be aggressive and not what you are expecting. Instead travel and experience the world bro. See what the world is and you will understand your purpose in life. Germany will not give you much experience.

                    You seem like a smart and successful guy who has his own business which is running well. That shows that you are not lazy and stupid. With so much talent you can put it to good use. Go out to other countries and see the muslim brothers and sisters and help them with your hands. That is the joyous feeling I'm talking about. Not the feeling you get by putting some money in a box in a mosque.

                    Have you seen the life story of Ali Banat? It seems like your case is VERY similar to him. YouTube Ali Banat videos and see his life. It's quite recent news and it could motivate you. You have the means to do great things, so don't take it passively. I make dua that Allah guides you to the best of paths and the best of deeds that make you deserve Jannat al Firdous. One of your major problems is having a good companion. A good muslim friend. What ethnicity are you btw?

                    P.S do make sure to watch all the videos about Ali Banat's lifestyle. I will share the link for one video, so that it is easier for you to get started.
                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWsrncUkOzo
                     

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      There is a new trend among millennias where they travel instead of buying material goods. Its called "collect experience instead of possessions". Your mindset seems to be that of the older generation where they focused on building wealth instead of experience. Gen Y don't care about that. You are behind time bro.

                      That 5K watch can get you a good trip across the world. If you are in Europe there are so many amazing countries close to you, go explore. Go to Mecca and Medina to revive your soul. Go to Turkey to see Ottoman Empires fingerprint, go to Rome to see the roman ruins, go skydive in Dubai. All of these experiences are very expensive too so don't get carried away in all of them. But if you truly enjoy buying expensive things and your income is halal & you give to poor then there is no harm. Everyone does something they like whether its expensive trips or expensive possession or large family (which is just as expensive) or fancy house... we all have our things, don't feel guilty for who you are but if your things aren't giving you happiness maybe you are spending your money in wrong area. Maybe you are just copying your friends who do the same thing but deep down this is not you

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you again for your answers.

                        eesa the kiwi thank you I will watch them


                        @IsaahM

                        @Kya


                        I new him already. But I am not as rich as that guy haha. But I got the message.

                        About traveling. My Mother will never allow me to travel alone. I am the only kid in the family she really loves. The other kids always make something wrong or make my parents sad. My parents never cried because of me. And they keep saying that I am the only hope for them. The other children didn’t do something which is really bad but they aren’t like me.


                        My sister went to USA for 1 month and my parents didn’t said something but they dont allow me.

                        They dont want that something will happen to me. They really love me. I also guess that this is reason why she doesn’t want me to marry so fast. (If they would ask me I would be married by 20)


                        I read something about few programs in which students go to Africa and help the people building homes. But I think that is only something to trick myself that I did somethings good. I dont think that I can do there something useful.

                        And again the problem with me going alone somewhere. She wouldnt allow me to go to „uncivilized“ states where everything like kidnapping can happen. In her eyes I am a bit naive and everyone could trick me or something like that.


                        I have two friends but they have no money for traveling and would not accept the money from me.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Try to adopt a mindset that looks for solutions to problems and not problems to solutions. I hope it makes sense haha

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Remember Death Frequently.

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