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Sisters who work - Why do you do it instead of staying at home?

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  • #46
    That's not what I said at all but your post does corroborate the second point I made in that comment so thanks for going the extra mile to prove me right.

    Originally posted by Musbah View Post

    So...

    1. Men's fault
    2. Men's fault
    3. Men's fault

    Go it.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by neelu View Post

      I can think of a few reasons:

      - Some of the brothers here are bullies and are deliberately maintaining an atmosphere of intimidation here that has made many of the old timer sisters feel unwelcome, to the point that over the years, several have since either left the forum or avoid several forum sections altogether. If you'd like an example of some of the snarky, nasty mean spirited stench of toxicity then zizou's posts would provide plenty of samples of what I'm referring to (he's not the only culprit, though he's one of the worst)

      - Sisters' views to a significant extent get dismissed and disregarded anyway a lot of the time and there isn't much mutual respect- so many sisters would consider it pointless to respond especially when the moment a woman raises her head above the parapet to respond, she gets shot down in flames as if she'd spat at everyone's mum. Just look at the hostile response Ruby got on a thread about women working just because she's a non Muslim. Did anyone respond to the brothers so rudely for jumping into a thread that wasn't about them either?

      - The few times when a sister does try to speak up about a women's issue on the forum, she'll often be the lone voice while a whole bunch of brothers will gang up on her and harass her for not succumbing to whatever they're trying to push until she either shuts up and gives up on arguing or else answers back harshly and becomes more confrontational to stand up for herself at which point she'll get labelled "hysterical", "feminazi" or dismissed in some other way.

      These are the main reasons though there are others. I hope other sisters will respond with answers to your question as well inshaAllah.
      This is true sister, I think that people think they're so hard behind a computer. It does really ruin the forum that people are harassed for having an opinion. Why can't moderators deal with this also, it should be against the rules.
      وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

      And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


      أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

      Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by neelu View Post
        That's not what I said at all but your post does corroborate the second point I made in that comment so thanks for going the extra mile to prove me right.


        Your post implied it was men's fault.
        "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

        Comment


        • #49
          That's not what I said though. What I actually said was that "some brothers" maintain an atmosphere of intimidation- you may want to look up the word "some" if you'd like to know what the word implies. I was not tarnishing all men with the same brush and I neither said nor implied that to be the case.

          Once again a question on the thread was asked specifically about sisters and why they weren't responding and yet the moment a sister does respond and answer the question, I get a reaction that looks like "how very dare she have an opinion that doesn't conform with ours".

          Originally posted by Musbah View Post

          Your post implied it was men's fault.
          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

          Comment


          • #50
            Originally posted by neelu View Post

            I can think of a few reasons:

            - Some of the brothers here are bullies and are deliberately maintaining an atmosphere of intimidation here that has made many of the old timer sisters feel unwelcome, to the point that over the years, several have since either left the forum or avoid several forum sections altogether. If you'd like an example of some of the snarky, nasty mean spirited stench of toxicity then zizou's posts would provide plenty of samples of what I'm referring to (he's not the only culprit, though he's one of the worst)

            - Sisters' views to a significant extent get dismissed and disregarded anyway a lot of the time and there isn't much mutual respect- so many sisters would consider it pointless to respond especially when the moment a woman raises her head above the parapet to respond, she gets shot down in flames as if she'd spat at everyone's mum. Just look at the hostile response Ruby got on a thread about women working just because she's a non Muslim. Did anyone respond to the brothers so rudely for jumping into a thread that wasn't about them either?

            - The few times when a sister does try to speak up about a women's issue on the forum, she'll often be the lone voice while a whole bunch of brothers will gang up on her and harass her for not succumbing to whatever they're trying to push until she either shuts up and gives up on arguing or else answers back harshly and becomes more confrontational to stand up for herself at which point she'll get labelled "hysterical", "feminazi" or dismissed in some other way.

            These are the main reasons though there are others. I hope other sisters will respond with answers to your question as well inshaAllah.
            Respect to you sister for saying how you feel.

            Comment


            • #51
              Through working, I was able to help out my family and gain an income for myself.

              Why do I work? The real question is why not? Living here is expensive and even if I wanted to do more schooling or whatever, I wouldn't want to rely on my parents who have their own things to worry about. It's easier to work to take the burden off of them.

              مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

              "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
              It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
              Surah al-Baqarah
              [2:245]

              .:.
              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

              .:.
              ...said the spider to the fly...

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                Through working, I was able to help out my family and gain an income for myself.

                Why do I work? The real question is why not? Living here is expensive and even if I wanted to do more schooling or whatever, I wouldn't want to rely on my parents who have their own things to worry about. It's easier to work to take the burden off of them.
                Would you work if living were not expensive?

                Comment


                • #53
                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                  Would you work if living were not expensive?
                  Yea, because I want to help out my family and community.

                  مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                  "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                  It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                  Surah al-Baqarah
                  [2:245]

                  .:.
                  .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                  Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                  .:.
                  ...said the spider to the fly...

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                    Yea, because I want to help out my family and community.
                    So it being expensive is not a reason.

                    What happens if your husband tells you not to work?

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by neelu View Post

                      I can think of a few reasons:

                      - Some of the brothers here are bullies and are deliberately maintaining an atmosphere of intimidation here that has made many of the old timer sisters feel unwelcome, to the point that over the years, several have since either left the forum or avoid several forum sections altogether. If you'd like an example of some of the snarky, nasty mean spirited stench of toxicity then zizou's posts would provide plenty of samples of what I'm referring to (he's not the only culprit, though he's one of the worst)

                      - Sisters' views to a significant extent get dismissed and disregarded anyway a lot of the time and there isn't much mutual respect- so many sisters would consider it pointless to respond especially when the moment a woman raises her head above the parapet to respond, she gets shot down in flames as if she'd spat at everyone's mum. Just look at the hostile response Ruby got on a thread about women working just because she's a non Muslim. Did anyone respond to the brothers so rudely for jumping into a thread that wasn't about them either?

                      - The few times when a sister does try to speak up about a women's issue on the forum, she'll often be the lone voice while a whole bunch of brothers will gang up on her and harass her for not succumbing to whatever they're trying to push until she either shuts up and gives up on arguing or else answers back harshly and becomes more confrontational to stand up for herself at which point she'll get labelled "hysterical", "feminazi" or dismissed in some other way.

                      These are the main reasons though there are others. I hope other sisters will respond with answers to your question as well inshaAllah.
                      On this particular thread, yes I kind of see a sister would be intimidated to respond probably because she would be in favour of working and wanted to build a career but I can imagine her being ripped to shreds..
                      8 powerful habits to succeed


                      1. Wake up early!
                      2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                      3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                      4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                      5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                      6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                      7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                      8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This id also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                      NEW UPDATE

                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                      Watch this when you're distressed!

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Magic. View Post

                        On this particular thread, yes I kind of see a sister would be intimidated to respond probably because she would be in favour of working and wanted to build a career but I can imagine her being ripped to shreds..
                        So woman building her career = disobedient wife? That's what you're getting at?
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                          so woman building her career = disobedient wife? That's what you're getting at?
                          lol where did you get that from?
                          8 powerful habits to succeed


                          1. Wake up early!
                          2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                          3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                          4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                          5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                          6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                          7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                          8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This id also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                          NEW UPDATE

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                          Watch this when you're distressed!

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                            So it being expensive is not a reason.

                            What happens if your husband tells you not to work?
                            How is it not a reason?

                            Me: I want to help my family out.

                            You: That's not a reason.

                            It may not be a reason for you, but it is for me. I'm not married, so I want to make sure that I'm making it easier for my parents and my family. Whether it's due to expenses or not, my reason is to help my family and have an income to buy whatever I'd like.

                            As for my future husband, that depends. I can't give an answer without knowing all of the variables.

                            It's okay if you don't want your wife to work, but what works for you doesn't mean it works for everyone. There's no hadith banning women from working and we have clear examples of sisters working in the marketplace and on the fields. If a brother doesn't want someone who works, then he needs to talk to her about that before marriage instead of thinking that he'd change her. As for the 'epidemic' of sisters delaying marriage, like I said before this is something that affects brothers and sisters and it's due to the capitalistic society that we live in.

                            Brothers are waiting and sisters are waiting and they're getting married at an older age. If we just go after sisters and blame working as the cause, then we're only looking at a symptom and not the actual problem. Which again, is due to the society that we live in.
                            مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                            "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                            It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                            Surah al-Baqarah
                            [2:245]

                            .:.
                            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                            .:.
                            ...said the spider to the fly...

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                              How is it not a reason?

                              Me: I want to help my family out.

                              You: That's not a reason.

                              It may not be a reason for you, but it is for me. I'm not married, so I want to make sure that I'm making it easier for my parents and my family. Whether it's due to expenses or not, my reason is to help my family and have an income to buy whatever I'd like.

                              As for my future husband, that depends. I can't give an answer without knowing all of the variables.

                              It's okay if you don't want your wife to work, but what works for you doesn't mean it works for everyone. There's no hadith banning women from working and we have clear examples of sisters working in the marketplace and on the fields. If a brother doesn't want someone who works, then he needs to talk to her about that before marriage instead of thinking that he'd change her. As for the 'epidemic' of sisters delaying marriage, like I said before this is something that affects brothers and sisters and it's due to the capitalistic society that we live in.

                              Brothers are waiting and sisters are waiting and they're getting married at an older age. If we just go after sisters and blame working as the cause, then we're only looking at a symptom and not the actual problem. Which again, is due to the society that we live in.
                              It's not a reason because you said you would still work even if living was not expensive. I was not referring to you helping your family.

                              If your future husband said "I don't want you working, I want you at home looking after the household." What other variable are you after?

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                In the generations before us, different things were expected of women, they built their whole lives on that. For this generation it consists of school, qualifications, jobs, not many people are going to choose not to work when it is not haram (depending on job and other factors). How many people will go against the grain, in any generation? Financially people see a huge advantage to working. Most women of a similar age will be working, not going to each others houses throughout the day or whatever else to pass time. It is strongly to do with the fact that many women work so why not, but there are also reasons for that.

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