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Sisters who work - Why do you do it instead of staying at home?

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  • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

    I believe I said that I considered myself more compatible with someone with a degree. But that was a long time ago. My views have changed since then.

    Anyone can change after marriage. That's why we can only judge by what is apparent. And what is apparent is that conservative religious men generally don't want their wife to work, or at the very least they won't force it on them.
    There's a possibility in the future you will think a working woman is more energetic and hard working

    The families will ask, what is an unemployed girl doing with her time

    You're young and your view will constantly change- get back to me after a year if I'm still here.

    I don't want to get personal, I have come across many religious men, they are known by their local communicate, they sell cakes for charity, climb mountains

    They're doing their bit for the ummah

    People change or they're only out there to please people

    Relationships are complicated, couples can have bad days and there is such a thing called resentment that can build up

    I'm not saying they will all force them but there is pressure on women, and a man will comment on it.
    ​​​​​

    I completely agree with you, we judge by the apparent.
    Some of us are blessed with the judgement we make before marriage.


    Others are not blessed with the judgement because things change after marriage and that's the whole point of being tested in life, our spouses can become that.

    I can be religious today, how can I be so confident I'll be the same person with the same opinions in a few years time.

    Bottom line is, religious individuals can change.


    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

      There's a possibility in the future you will think a working woman is more energetic and hard working

      The families will ask, what is an unemployed girl doing with her time

      You're young and your view will constantly change- get back to me after a year if I'm still here.

      I don't want to get personal, I have come across many religious men, they are known by their local communicate, they sell cakes for charity, climb mountains

      They're doing their bit for the ummah

      People change or they're only out there to please people

      Relationships are complicated, couples can have bad days and there is such a thing called resentment that can build up

      I'm not saying they will all force them but there is pressure on women, and a man will comment on it.
      ​​​​​

      I completely agree with you, we judge by the apparent.
      Some of us are blessed with the judgement we make before marriage.


      Others are not blessed with the judgement because things change after marriage and that's the whole point of being tested in life, our spouses can become that.

      I can be religious today, how can I be so confident I'll be the same person with the same opinions in a few years time.

      Bottom line is, religious individuals can change.

      Okay. Religious men can change. I accept that. But going back to your original point:

      i'm sorry but this is the truth. why is it that some men are failing? where is their drive to feed their families? They would rather the wife go out and put food on the table. There is no determination from their part.
      I am really curious to know how many religious men changed and became like this.

      And just so we're on the same page, I define religious as someone who fulfills the 5 pillars, lowers his gaze, doesn't shave his beard, avoids major sins, seeks Islamic knowledge, and prays in the masjid if possible.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by abufulaans View Post

        If you really want to do something you will find 100 reasons to do so.

        'Some don't have the luxury to stay home' is a common argument

        The problem is it is not just them 'some' working, it is the vast majority.
        Whatís the problem with them working?

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

          I've never met a religious man who preferred or demanded his wife to work. Some were okay with it, sure, but demanded it? Wouldn't let them stay home?

          If you mean cultural or non religious men, none of the sisters here would marry them anyway. So where's the issue?
          They do exist, I have met those type of men and it surprised me because I thought they would be happier if the wife didnít work.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

            They do exist, I have met those type of men and it surprised me because I thought they would be happier if the wife didnít work.
            Ajeeb.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

              Okay. Religious men can change. I accept that. But going back to your original point:



              I am really curious to know how many religious men changed and became like this.

              And just so we're on the same page, I define religious as someone who fulfills the 5 pillars, lowers his gaze, doesn't shave his beard, avoids major sins, seeks Islamic knowledge, and prays in the masjid if possible.
              A hypocrite can play the role of being a religious man, isn't it a scholar that will enter hell fire for showing off to people?

              regarding the major sins, they're usually hidden and it's only the people that live with the 'religious' sinner that see their dark colours

              we can't be sure if they are avoiding major sins but I agree with the definition of religious

              it's very complicated, but we do our best, tie our camel and wait for a nice surprise or a nasty one, either way we will have to accept it as a test

              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                The fact that someone is asking 20+ pages in should tell you something.
                There are only 10 pages for me.

                I already answered why I made the thread and my views on the topic. Whether you work or you don't work, as long as you're doing you and nothing haram is going on then why should I care? "Leave that which doesn't concern you." Is my motto here.
                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                Surah al-Baqarah
                [2:245]

                .:.
                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                .:.
                ...said the spider to the fly...

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                  Genuine question.

                  Also, if you're not married and you work why are you being a career woman?
                  Salaams.

                  My first job was at the age of 18 and I have been working ever since. My choice to work was due to financial constraints faced at home. Having lost both my parents at a young age and having sisters who were leaving home to go and do their own thing, I basically had to grow up very fast. My husband and the time didn't mind me working, but once I became a mother, it got extremely difficult juggling a career and running a household. I do feel pangs of guilt when I cant attend a parent meeting or have to get shop-bought cupcakes for a bake sale at school. But I always put my kids first, always. My belief is that you should not love your job so much because if you were to "kick the bucket" today, they will mourn you for all of a minute and then replace you. But who will replace you as a mother to your kids. If I could do it over, I would be a stay at home mom with my kids.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                    Wow, 21 pages!?!

                    Older thread but just coming across it now.

                    Iíve replied on similar before. Iím a career person, work full time, and Iím always looking to move up.

                    Why? Because I can, mainly. The intellect is there, and if itís not being used, the lady will lose it (or her sanity, anyway).

                    Been working since I was a teen and have no plans on ever fully retiring if health remains good.

                    Iím happy. Iím at home. I make time for my family and work and full-time studies.

                    I want to leave a legacy for my son and other family of someone who accomplished certain goals financially and academically. I want to leave my son with at least one house thatís paid for and a memory of a strong person who worked hard for him.

                    Thatís basically it.
                    In response to my above post, there were 2 questions, I believe.

                    1. What is the fatherĒs role in all of this?

                    2. What if you didnít work at home, which is majority?

                    Letís address fatherĒs role. His role is whatever he wants it to be. I donít believe it needs to be contradictory. This really comes down to who you marry and what his views/desires are.

                    Myself and my husband have similar goals (hence, why weíre married). Iím big into leaving real estate because I was gifted a home by my own father. It makes a huge difference in oneís quality of life when you have no rent or house payment (allows me to travel and continue life-long studies, which isnít cheap). My husband was gifted an education by his parents, and thatís important to him. So, we agree on trying to provide both.

                    Now, regarding working from home, itís a choice. I sought out a niche in my field back when I was 19 years old that would allow me to work from home. Iíve passed up better opportunities financially that would have put me back working in a hospital. So, while Iím always trying to progress, I have my limits as to where I will work.

                    In summary, fatherís role and if/where a person works is a choice, a choice at time of choosing a spouse and continual choices throughout life. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and I think itís worth hearing out a personís full life scenario before making judgments about their choices.

                    Comment


                    • Lol @ selling cakes and climbing mountains.

                      Comment


                      • Because I need to pay my rent/bills/childcare/food and as a single mother with no help whatsoever from anyone I don't think it's feesible staying at home and doing nothing.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                          There are only 10 pages for me.

                          I already answered why I made the thread and my views on the topic. Whether you work or you don't work, as long as you're doing you and nothing haram is going on then why should I care? "Leave that which doesn't concern you." Is my motto here.
                          What do you mean by no haram. Would you consider it wrong if the sister needed to conform to a work dress code which resulted in her shape being on display? Or having to travel a considerable distance alone to get to work? Or working closely with men? Is none of this an issue to you?

                          What about the temptation of the greater number of sisters in the workplace when the necessity for them being there does not exist. Is that not a concern? Many relationships are formed and broken in the workplace. I think you have not really given this issue due care and attention.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            What do you mean by no haram.
                            ha∑ram
                            /ˈherəm/

                            Dictionary result for haram

                            adjective
                            forbidden or proscribed by Islamic law.

                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            Would you consider it wrong if the sister needed to conform to a work dress code which resulted in her shape being on display? Or having to travel a considerable distance alone to get to work? Or working closely with men? Is none of this an issue to you?

                            What about the temptation of the greater number of sisters in the workplace when the necessity for them being there does not exist. Is that not a concern? Many relationships are formed and broken in the workplace. I think you have not really given this issue due care and attention.
                            I guess not, but I'm sure you'll explain to me the right way to go about this.

                            Click image for larger version  Name:	cool.gif Views:	8 Size:	15.2 KB ID:	12603944
                            مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                            "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                            It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                            Surah al-Baqarah
                            [2:245]

                            .:.
                            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                            .:.
                            ...said the spider to the fly...

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                              ha∑ram
                              /ˈherəm/

                              Dictionary result for haram

                              adjective
                              forbidden or proscribed by Islamic law.



                              I guess not, but I'm sure you'll explain to me the right way to go about this.

                              Click image for larger version Name:	cool.gif Views:	8 Size:	15.2 KB ID:	12603944
                              Again, ignoring the questions...at least you are consistent in burying your head in the sand.

                              Go on you are a millennial, you guys are full of solutions or hot air...can't remember which one it is.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                                Again, ignoring the questions...at least you are consistent in burying your head in the sand.

                                Go on you are a millennial, you guys are full of solutions or hot air...can't remember which one it is.
                                Akhi, aren't you describing yourself? I clearly said, "As long as there's no haram there." And then you bring up other things to say that I'm wrong....

                                I really don't get you sometimes. If you don't want your wife, daughters, sisters, etc... to work then that's fine too. I have absolutely no problem with sisters who stay at home for whatever reason, but if a sister wants to work and her family has no objections and it's not haram, then no one should care. Right? I feel like I've been consistently saying this in the beginning, but because you want me to be wrong you keep saying I'm avoiding the question.

                                To quote an ummah legend, "I don't get it."
                                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                                Surah al-Baqarah
                                [2:245]

                                .:.
                                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                                .:.
                                ...said the spider to the fly...

                                Comment

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