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Sisters who work - Why do you do it instead of staying at home?

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  • Here's a question, say a sister has a great job when you meet her for marriage and you're okay with it. She gets pregnant and you have to decide what to do as a couple. Let's say there's mat leave for at least a year, so she'll be there during that time and the dad has six months (even though he should get the same amount of time). But after, that's when you'll really need to figure things out. The wife is paid more and has more benefits with her job compared to yours. Her job also offers more vacation time, medical emergencies and with the way child rearing is these days, her pay check will allow you guys to have some extra cushion room. Your job doesn't offer the same deal and you'll have to struggle for a bit while she's off work. Would brothers be willing to leave their job to be a stay at home dad so the family can live comfortably? Or would you still rather your life leave her job?

    Also, what are your views on stay at home dads?
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
      Would brothers be willing to leave their job to be a stay at home dad so the family can live comfortably? Or would you still rather your life leave her job?
      I would never be a stay at home dad.

      If life really does become that tough then she'd have to work.


      Also, what are your views on stay at home dads?
      Sad.

      What kind of man stays home while his wife brings home the bread?



      Comment


      • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

        I would never be a stay at home dad.

        If life really does become that tough then she'd have to work.




        Sad.

        What kind of man stays home while his wife brings home the bread?


        Really? With women working now, it's not that unusual to see stay at home dads. Why do you feel like you'd never be one and why do you find it sad?
        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
        Surah al-Baqarah
        [2:245]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        .:.
        ...said the spider to the fly...

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

          Really? With women working now, it's not that unusual to see stay at home dads. Why do you feel like you'd never be one and why do you find it sad?
          My pride would just never allow it.

          Though Islamically it isn't necessarily wrong. Depends on the situation.

          But as a general principle, it's shameful if a man doesn't provide for his family and has his wife do it instead.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

            My pride would just never allow it.

            Though Islamically it isn't necessarily wrong. Depends on the situation.

            But as a general principle, it's shameful if a man doesn't provide for his family and has his wife do it instead.
            Makes sense. Men, especially Muslim men, are taught that they have to provide to be of use to their families and when they get laid off or find out that their wife makes more than them, it does create some level of depression. So I get the pride thing. It's probably why some men don't want their wives working, because they feel like they're lacking something when they're not the main provider.

            I don't feel the same way, but I do get it from a male perspective. That being said, I think we'll probably see more stay at home dads soon, just because the job market is changing and more women are working.

            مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

            "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
            It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
            Surah al-Baqarah
            [2:245]

            .:.
            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

            .:.
            ...said the spider to the fly...

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

              Makes sense. Men, especially Muslim men, are taught that they have to provide to be of use to their families and when they get laid off or find out that their wife makes more than them, it does create some level of depression. So I get the pride thing. It's probably why some men don't want their wives working, because they feel like they're lacking something when they're not the main provider.

              I don't feel the same way, but I do get it from a male perspective. That being said, I think we'll probably see more stay at home dads soon, just because the job market is changing and more women are working.
              Why would more women working create an increase in stay at home dads?

              Also, do you not find it problematic if a Muslim man is neglecting his Islamic duty to provide for his wife and children?
              Last edited by Stoic Believer; 25-01-19, 11:39 PM.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                Why would more women working create an increase in stay at home dads?
                Not more women working, but the job market changing is what is going to change the household dynamic. Men use to do more manual labour jobs and their families were comfortable living that way, but with the rise of women entering the workforce and robots and technology changing the landscape, they have to find different fields to get into. So now men have to compete with women and technology to find jobs to provide for their family. More competition means that the women they are up against may get higher paying or more secure jobs instead of them. If that happens, then it's only natural to assume that it won't be all that rare to find a stay at home dad. It won't be the norm, but it won't be rare.

                How that will change in 10 to 20 years, Allahu 'Alam.

                Also, do you not find it problematic if a Muslim man is neglecting his Islamic duty to provide for his wife and children?
                If it's neglecting it due to his own selfishness and ego (as in he's spending only on himself and not on his family) then it's problematic. If he's neglecting it due to him believing that providing financial aid is enough to make him a father, then that is problematic.

                But if he's struggling, then I don't see it as him neglecting his duties but struggling to make ends meet. With the first two you won't have a happy family, while the latter you can it just means that you won't go on vacation...ever. Maybe to the park, but no where crazy. lol

                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                Surah al-Baqarah
                [2:245]

                .:.
                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                .:.
                ...said the spider to the fly...

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                  Not more women working, but the job market changing is what is going to change the household dynamic. Men use to do more manual labour jobs and their families were comfortable living that way, but with the rise of women entering the workforce and robots and technology changing the landscape, they have to find different fields to get into. So now men have to compete with women and technology to find jobs to provide for their family. More competition means that the women they are up against may get higher paying or more secure jobs instead of them. If that happens, then it's only natural to assume that it won't be all that rare to find a stay at home dad. It won't be the norm, but it won't be rare.

                  How that will change in 10 to 20 years, Allahu 'Alam.


                  If it's neglecting it due to his own selfishness and ego (as in he's spending only on himself and not on his family) then it's problematic. If he's neglecting it due to him believing that providing financial aid is enough to make him a father, then that is problematic.

                  But if he's struggling, then I don't see it as him neglecting his duties but struggling to make ends meet. With the first two you won't have a happy family, while the latter you can it just means that you won't go on vacation...ever. Maybe to the park, but no where crazy. lol
                  Well men usually marry down, and tend not to marry women who could outdo them in career or salary. And the women are the same, they usually prefer to marry up.

                  But as a stay at home dad, he won't be providing at all. Unless he's got lots of savings in the bank. The wife would be paying most of the bills. Doesn't that bother you? I think all women want to feel taken care of by their husbands.

                  Comment


                  • idm stay at home dad
                    as long as its government providing and not my wife(she shouldnt have to work plus if she did she might end up resenting me or looking down at me thinking im some bum and may lose respect for me)
                    il go masjid all the time
                    and chill read books listen to lectures
                    take care of kids
                    get benefits nice life
                    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 26-01-19, 12:05 AM.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                      Well men usually marry down, and tend not to marry women who could outdo them in career or salary. And the women are the same, they usually prefer to marry up.

                      But as a stay at home dad, he won't be providing at all. Unless he's got lots of savings in the bank. The wife would be paying most of the bills. Doesn't that bother you? I think all women want to feel taken care of by their husbands.
                      Ah, so you mean in that sense as oppose to neglecting in other ways. So, if the family is okay with it and it works for them, then I don't see it as neglecting nor would it bother me. Like you mentioned before, Islamically it's not haram, so if everyone is cool with it then I don't see the problem. Just because the brother isn't financially providing for his family doesn't mean that he isn't providing in other ways. I don't think he'd be viewed as sinful, because the wife agreed to this circumstance.

                      Plus I think there's a hadith of a Sahabia providing charity for her husband who was poor while she had money. The Prophet (SAW) said she gets double the reward, because technically she doesn't have to do this but she does it out of the goodness of her heart.

                      I do think that women want to be taken care of by their husbands, but I'm going to assume that if the sister is working and providing financial assistance to her family then she's being taken care of by her husband in other ways. Like watching the kids, making sure she's okay when she comes home and keeping her company. It's a different family unit, but a family unit nonetheless.

                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                      idm stay at home dad
                      as long as its government providing and not my wife(she shouldnt have to work plus if she did she might end up resenting me or looking down at me thinking im some bum and may lose respect for me)
                      il go masjid all the time
                      and chill read books listen to lectures
                      take care of kids
                      get benefits nice life
                      Akhi, don't be lazy. You sound like you want to marry into a rich family and be set for life. lol
                      مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                      "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                      It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                      Surah al-Baqarah
                      [2:245]

                      .:.
                      .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                      Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                      .:.
                      ...said the spider to the fly...

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                        Ah, so you mean in that sense as oppose to neglecting in other ways. So, if the family is okay with it and it works for them, then I don't see it as neglecting nor would it bother me. Like you mentioned before, Islamically it's not haram, so if everyone is cool with it then I don't see the problem. Just because the brother isn't financially providing for his family doesn't mean that he isn't providing in other ways. I don't think he'd be viewed as sinful, because the wife agreed to this circumstance.

                        Plus I think there's a hadith of a Sahabia providing charity for her husband who was poor while she had money. The Prophet (SAW) said she gets double the reward, because technically she doesn't have to do this but she does it out of the goodness of her heart.

                        I do think that women want to be taken care of by their husbands, but I'm going to assume that if the sister is working and providing financial assistance to her family then she's being taken care of by her husband in other ways. Like watching the kids, making sure she's okay when she comes home and keeping her company. It's a different family unit, but a family unit nonetheless.



                        Akhi, don't be lazy. You sound like you want to marry into a rich family and be set for life. lol
                        no i sound like id rather the government spend benefits on me

                        rather then it going towards military warfare

                        (my wife doesnt have to work either she can claim as well) lol

                        if life wad that simple
                        i would love that
                        but most likely i have to work :(

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post


                          ​​​​​​Some men have wives that don't work and stay home all day, everyday and still they go off 'walking'

                          I don't see any correlation between a working woman resulting in a deprived husband

                          Unless the wife doesn't know her duties and the husband doesn't know how to talk
                          What makes him deprived?

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                            So wives that work are the reason why men cheat?
                            Who's talking about cheating? -_-

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                              Makes sense. Men, especially Muslim men, are taught that they have to provide to be of use to their families and when they get laid off or find out that their wife makes more than them, it does create some level of depression. So I get the pride thing. It's probably why some men don't want their wives working, because they feel like they're lacking something when they're not the main provider.

                              I don't feel the same way, but I do get it from a male perspective. That being said, I think we'll probably see more stay at home dads soon, just because the job market is changing and more women are working.
                              Were you not taught that men are the providers?

                              How is the job market changing? More women working does not mean men are not working or can't work.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

                                So you agree that relationships can be fine if the wife is working? It just doesn’t seem you think like that from your posts.
                                Well sometimes people see what they want to see.

                                There are instances where I would agree with a woman working.

                                Comment

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